Chapter 6 Jamaica
PRESENT DAY
From the hood of my car, I stared out at the Dallas skyline before looking up at the stars, wondering how I ended up here on this bluff at night.
I should be scared or, at the very least, cautious.
Instead, the night bugs and creatures communicating in the background, along with the cool air of early spring, comforted me.
This was our place, though he’d found it one day when he’d run from home after another fight with his father.
We would come here and talk about our families, our hopes, our dreams, and our future.
Freedom always included me in whatever vision he had, even before he told me he loved me.
After the football game, the night his father hit him, he brought me here for the first time.
We were hugged up all night looking at the stars, talking, and kissing.
He didn’t press for more. Months later, when we became lovers, I would escape out my window at night while he hid nearby to walk with me to our place.
A car's headlights approaching startled me, and I cursed for putting myself in danger when I knew better. I slid off the car and hurried to open my door.
“Guess we both still come here when we’re troubled.
” His familiar voice instantly slowed down my adrenaline.
I looked back, and Freedom stood outside of a black Range Rover.
The sight of him standing there after all these years in a space that had been uniquely ours finally pierced through the hard shell I’d erected once I accepted that he was never coming back.
“I was able to escape the fans and the media to get here.” Freedom jammed his hands in his pockets.
Out here alone, he lacked the bravado and arrogance of the superstar he’d become.
In the darkness, he was the vulnerable young man who willingly opened his heart to me.
I couldn’t see his eyes or read his expression, yet I knew he needed me.
And in the past, when he needed me, I was there.
He gasped aloud when I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, and quickly recovered to hold me tight as I sobbed into his chest.
Time seemed to stand still again as if we were the only souls in the world. Freedom rubbed my back and allowed my tears to flow without any attempt to stop me from crying.
Finally finding my words, I asked, “Why now?”
My head rose and fell with his chest as he solemnly replied, “Can I just hold you a little longer? I’m afraid that whatever I say will be the wrong thing. I used to hate when you were mad with me, and I still hate it.”
I looked at my Apple watch and started the timer. “Five minutes.”
Freedom’s head went back with laughter while his grip on me tightened. “I can’t believe you still do that?”
“Don’t laugh. I had to do it back then to avoid getting into trouble, and I have to do it now for the same reason.”
Expecting a smart-ass, flirtatious response, he surprised me with his simple reply, “I know.”
“We were only together eight months, yet it felt like a lifetime,” I said into his chest before trying to wipe off my makeup and lipstick from his shirt.
“Don’t worry about my shirt. Might not get to hold you again for another fifteen years.”
“Back at the venue, you seemed so sure that you had me.”
“My arrogance gets the best of me.” He tilted his head to look at me. “The girl I knew would never cheat. Even if it’s with me.”
“I’m that girl at heart.”
“And I am the boy who hopes for a chance with you.” He pressed his lips against my forehead. “Let’s pretend that it’s no one but us until your phone buzzes.”
“Mm…hmm.” I snuggled against him. Down for pretending just to be able to touch him like this. “I’m your woman welcoming you home after a long, grueling tour where you missed me the whole time.”
“No, you would be with me, beating down my groupies and massaging my back and my aching temples every night.” My ear loved the rumble of his voice.
“So, my job is to cater to you?” I asked, though I would spoil him terribly.
“That and organizing my life and career. You would be the best manager, making sure shit got done. Ain’t nobody messing with Jamaica Bennett Cade about me.”
Sadness assailed again at the mention of the name I doodled on my notebook the day he was the only one who noticed that I no longer wore braces and had my hair in the braids I’d wanted for years.
Every day after that, he pursued me, making it plain that he liked me and respected that I couldn’t date.
“Nope. No one would be messing with my man. We would be at every award show, killing the red carpet,” I said, trying not to choke up. It took a lot for me to cry, and I was mentally exhausted from all the warring emotions since he walked through the doors of the banquet hall.
He started swaying with me. “We are the luckiest people in the world because we have each other and we get to do and be whatever our hearts’ desire.” My phone beeped, and we both stiffened.
I tapped his chest, and he reluctantly dropped his arms. Suddenly, the night air chilled instead of soothing me, and I hugged myself to avoid moving back into his warm embrace. I willed myself to meet his sexy gaze. “Why now?”
His jaw tightened. “You owe me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t owe you anything.”
His brow furrowed deeply. “I have a child in this world, whom I knew nothing about. A son that’s damn near a man.”
“You may have been a ‘bad’ boy back then, but you never were a liar. Don’t start now.”
Freedom stepped closer. “What am I lying about?”
I accused, “You knew I was pregnant and you still left.”
He frowned. “Who told you that? Kody?”
“Kody told me what my father told him, that you came back to see me and left once you heard I had a baby.”
“Your father told Kody what happened when I came to see you instead of telling you?” Freedom’s frown deepened, and he warily shook his head.
“Your father is a real piece of work who would’ve hated me even if he wasn’t a cop.
Then you’re right, I’m a liar because whatever he says is fucking gold.
Always trying to keep you under his thumb. ”
“Don’t ever speak about my father. Ever,” I threatened. “Even if my father lied to Kody, which is a big ‘if’, at any time you could’ve checked on me or made sure you spoke to me. At the very least, I thought we were friends.”
Freedom scoffed, “It doesn’t matter if I contacted you. You’re still Daddy’s girl. Naw, we wouldn’t have worked. I need my wife to understand there can’t be two kings in my household.”
“Yeah, you’re right, we wouldn’t have worked. I need my husband to understand that it would be ‘our’ household and that he’s man enough to stick it out through thick and thin. And that, as his wife, he’s my head, and I’m his backbone. Period.” I blew out of breath. “So, what now?”
He raised a brow. “I told you I want to be a father to my son, and I want you back.”
“What?” I stepped back and yelled, “Didn’t we both just say we wouldn’t have worked out anyway?”
He grinned sheepishly. “I didn’t mean it.”
His smile deflated the growing anger, and I lowered my voice, “You don’t know me anymore. Kody and I have been at it for thirteen years. You and I were together for a few months when we were kids.”
“Yet you still love me.”
Rubbing my womb, I nodded. “You were my first. Your baby grew inside me for nine months, and he’s a constant reminder of what we once had. Of course, I’ll always love you.
He grabbed my chin and tilted my head up. “No, you’re still in love with me.”
I knocked his hand off my chin and moved away from his allure. “There can’t be an ‘us,’ and I don’t know how Jamie will handle knowing that Kody isn’t his father. My son is fragile.”
“You mean, ‘our’ son, and what do you mean by ‘fragile’?” The teasing light in his eyes grew serious. “Is there something wrong with him?”
“Emotionally. He cried a lot as a baby and a toddler, though he was always quick and smart. Never really fit in with other children. He’s quiet, keeps to himself.
He’s more like I was than you. But Jamie loves music like you and is already a fan of yours.
” I folded my arms. “I’m supposed to blow up his world for a man who may not be here tomorrow?
I can’t do that to my son. You, of all people, know how having a bad father messes with you.
He moved so close to me that I had to tilt way back to see his glowering face. “How could you possibly think I would ever treat any blood of mine like my father treated me? The muthafucka left scars on my body. Do you think I would ever lay a hand on my baby?”
I touched his biceps lightly. “That’s my point. The boy I used to know would never touch me or his baby in anger. I don’t know the man standing in front of me. I don’t know the life you have now. The person you are. Money and fame change people. Often in the worst ways.”
Freedom implored, “Then spend tonight with me. Get to know me again. Kody isn’t coming back until tomorrow, and the children are away for the weekend.”
“How do you…Lori told you.” Of course, my best friend, who thinks I need to have revenge sex for Kody’s infidelity, would give Freedom anything to put him in my path.
“She still rocks with me.” He gloated.
“Remind me to find a new best friend,” I muttered and then shook my head. “Being out here alone with you is bad enough.
Freedom picked up my hands and swung them lightly. “Be with me for a little while. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. You can take the bed, and I’ll sleep on the sofa. Talk all night. Tell me about you…about …” His words faltered.
“Our son, Jamie,” I finished, feeling a relief I didn’t expect at saying it aloud to the very person I wanted to tell since the day I threw up and knew. “We can talk about what happens next with my husband around.”
“Fuck Kody.” He scowled as his hands tightened around mine.
“I don’t want him around when I meet my son.
He has my blood, but calls Kody ‘Daddy’.
Naw, I deserve to know him on my own terms. I already missed out on the years he needed me the most. Maybe he wouldn’t be so shy or be ‘fragile’ if I were in his life.
I’m not going to miss out on anything else.
” He glanced toward my car. “I’ll get someone to pick up your car and bring it to the hotel. You’ll ride with me.”
I slipped my hands from his grip. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Freedom calmly replied, “You really don’t have a choice but to come back to the hotel with me since you’ve kept my child away all this time. How do I know you won’t run away with him?”
“You never wanted him. You’re doing this to get back at me and Kody,” I accused. The rumble of thunder mirrored my anger and frustration at the demand he had made of me.
He opened his mouth and then shut it, before hissing, “Believe what you want to believe about whether I wanted him back then. All that matters now is that I want him, especially since your husband agreed to build my home without telling me that he was married to you or raising my child. The only reason I’m not pulling out of the contract is that it would be taking money from my son, too. ”
“Kody told me you just signed it. Is that true?”
“No. I signed three months ago.”
I cursed internally as I continued to listen to Freedom. Of course, Kody lied again.
“I thought I was helping an old friend out. He asked me to bail him out of trouble for old times’ sake.
I told him that I’d been considering a homestead for any members of my family to have a place to go or live.
He might have abandoned me years ago, but I don’t operate like that.
He said he needed, and I gave. If you want to stay with a man like that, then you married the right one. ”
“Then why do you want me to go to your hotel if you’re no longer interested?” I dropped my head at the intensity in his gaze, the fire between us that continued to blaze despite his words.
“Why are you scared to go if you’re not interested in me?”
“I don’t know if you want revenge for feeling betrayed. I’m woman enough to admit, I’m tempted. And maybe all you want is for me to give in to you so you can hurt Kody and take away my baby.” I choked out the last words.
The scowl on his face relaxed. “I’m not trying to take him away from you.
I lost my mother, Jamaica, and would never want my son to feel that type of loss.
Come on. I’m not diabolical. I want my son.
I want a chance with you. That’s why I want tonight.
Maybe we both realize that we can’t go backwards, and I can finally release you from my heart and put all my energy into him. ”
“Put all your energy into him now. There will never be a you and me anymore. We made choices that can’t be undone.” My voice cracked. How could he still love me after all this time…like I loved him?
Gazes locked while tiny drops of rain kissed our skin.
His smooth palms cupped my face, and his thumb traced my quivering lips. “Give me tonight.”
I pleaded for him to understand, “I can’t.”
“You can.” The softness in his eyes quelled my shaking nerves. “I’m not asking you to start an affair or get back at you or Kody. I want a night with an old friend that I may never get again.” He then brushed his lips against mine. “Please.”
Unable to deny him any longer, I conceded to the strong, urgent pull between us and removed his hands from my face to lead him back to his car.