Chapter 7 Freedom #2
“Thank you. I needed that shower.” Jamaica timidly walked out of the bathroom, wearing a large white terry cloth robe, holding her clothes in her arms. Hints of her cleavage peeked from the folds she pulled closer together with the belt.
I grew harder at the vision of her hair curled from the rain and then the shower, knowing that only soft material kept me from seeing her beautiful body again.
She looked away from my lustful attention. “Um…we can talk after you shower.”
“I think I should stay dressed. I already changed clothes while you were in the shower.” My hungry gaze fastened on her face.
A face that invaded my fantasies and haunted my dreams for so long.
I don’t know why this woman had such a hold on me after so many other women, so much time, and knowing she’d married my best friend and hid a child from me.
Maybe she was only a fantasy, and the reality of Jamaica would finally release the grip she’s had on my heart.
“I know we should go back out there and sit instead of in here.” She pointed to the living area of the penthouse suite.
I eased out of the bed and took the soiled clothes out of her arms. Her gaze zeroed in on my erection that tented my sweats. “Give me a moment to shift my thoughts.” I shrugged with a smile. “Literally hard for me to ignore that all I have to do is pull on that belt to touch and taste your body.”
She dragged her gaze away, held tight to the lapels, and walked through my bedroom doors.
“I’ll get someone to clean your wet clothes tonight. An hour or so, you can get dressed again if you’re uncomfortable.”
We had been oblivious to the rain that soaked us while we were out at the clearing and shivered in the car on the way to the hotel.
I had to arrange for the hotel manager to allow us to access the property through a private entrance.
We didn’t need any further scandal attached to me when I was on shaky ground with my record label due to my aggressive behavior under the influence and the performance of my last album, which almost flopped if it weren’t for the first single that hit number one.
My last-minute decision to tour and my expected collaboration with Alonzo Taylor salvaged my relationship with the executives.
“They’ll clean it tonight?” She tossed over her shoulder.
“Yeah. I can probably find you a t-shirt and shorts, or I can also buy clothes for you to wear tomorrow so you don’t have to do the walk of shame if they can’t,” I teased.
She wagged her finger. “We’re not doing anything for me to be ashamed.”
I held my hands up. “I know. I know. It was a joke.”
Jamaica skeptically stared at me longer.
“I’m not going to touch you. Let’s sit on the sofa and talk. When we get sleepy, you’ll come back in here, and I’ll stay out here.”
Once we settled on the sofa with a cushion in between us, I gestured to a covered silver tray on the table. “You hungry?”
She shook her head.
I lifted the lid with a flourish to reveal the greasy aroma of chili cheese fries, a burger, two Sprites, and a strawberry shake with two straws—all of her old favorites. A soft smile caressed her face, and she grabbed an orange throw pillow to hug instead of me.
“I need someone to clean some clothes for me within the next hour,” I said into the hotel phone while she stared at the food.
The male voice on the other end replied, “Of course, Sir.”
“You could’ve ordered what you like. I’m not hungry, and you can’t really eat like this and look like that?” Jamaica pointed to my chest.
“Touring and performing keep me active. A trainer when I’m in between tours. Got enough to share because I know you’re hungry. I bet you haven’t eaten.”
Jamaica shook her head. “That food is too heavy this time of night. I eat one fry and gain ten pounds just like that.”
I pushed the plate toward her as I grabbed some fries. “You don’t need to be brand new around me. I’m still that Freedom where you could be yourself around.”
“I’m not being brand new.” She dropped her gaze to the platter and picked up the shake to take a long sip. “At least not the way you probably think.”
“I love the weight on you. You’re even prettier.” I smiled before I gulped down my fries and leaned to sip off the same shake using her straw, drawing our faces close. She pursed her lips, but not before I caught the hitch in her breath.
“I used to imagine us together when we were old, and I always pictured you with a round face and curves that warmed me up at night while we told each other about our day, our children, and our grandchildren. I never pictured this.” I gestured to the opulent, spacious penthouse that hosted a baby grand in the corner.
“All I ever wanted was to use my music to provide for you and our family. It was never either my music or you. It was always going to be both.”
She placed the milkshake down on the table and closed her hands into fists.
“Please don’t say that. Please don’t make me regret more than I already do.
I struggled with telling you about Jamie because I wanted you to know, but I didn’t want to hold you back.
You wouldn’t have all of this if you stayed with me. ”
“Maybe I wouldn’t have this level of success. So what?”
“So, what? With a baby on the way, you would’ve relied on the streets to take care of us just like you did for Peace. What kind of life would that have been for our baby and for me?”
“I told you I was done with the streets. Why couldn’t you have faith in me? Huh?”
“I did have faith. You didn’t have it in yourself. Do you know how long I stood by that window that night, still believing you would show?”
“One stupid dance, when we could’ve had a lifetime of them. You’re never going to let that go.” I rubbed my thighs impatiently.
“Oh, I did. Forgave you a long time ago. Just reminding you of the facts. You can tell whatever story you want to tell yourself, but we both know that you’re a survivor by any means necessary.
Having a family at eighteen with no money would’ve made a liar out of the promise you made me back then.
” She sighed loudly. “Can we just focus on the now? I don’t want to go back to that place of thinking ‘what if’ anymore? ”
I scoffed just as loud as her sigh, “How long did you do that? Because from what I hear, you’ve been with Kody not long after we broke up?”
“No, Freedom. I loved you too much, and I was carrying your baby. I was stuck on you, even knowing you weren’t coming back.” Jamaica hugged the pillow tighter. “The first and last time that I saw Kody was after graduation when he told me that you were sentenced and not coming back.”
“That’s all he told you?” Kody’s duplicity knew no bounds.
“Yes, I asked where you were sentenced and how long since you didn’t want me in court with you. He told me he didn’t know.”
“He knew where I was,” I barked.
She dropped her gaze to the tray of food.
“I had a lenient judge who ordered me to the Job Corps down in Laredo. Told me I wasn’t allowed back in Dallas until I completed the program.
I was there for almost a year learning how to be a mechanic and honing my guitar skills, and Kody knew that.
As soon as I was allowed to make phone calls, I called you, and you refused my calls. ”
She looked back up. “I didn’t refuse your calls.
I found out I was pregnant a week after I left you in the clearing.
My father started tripping once he found out I was pregnant.
He disowned me and took everything away from me, including my cell.
He made it so unbearable that I moved to Houston for college when I was four months pregnant, determined to raise my baby alone.
I arranged for family housing so I wouldn’t have to subject my roommate to a screaming baby.
My mother finally talked some sense into my father, saying I was too young to be on my own in another city, raising a baby, and they were with me when Jamie was born here in Dallas.
Kody came back into my life when Jamie was almost two.
I ran into him at the grocery store one day.
I secretly hoped he was still connected to you, which is why I initially started talking to him again.
He kept coming around and helping me with Jamie.
We eventually started dating and moved in together.
We opened up the construction company together since I studied business, and he majored in architecture.
Decided to get married when I found out I was pregnant with KJ.
He didn’t want his son born out of wedlock. ”
“I never wanted my children born out of wedlock either,” I said quietly, though I knew it fell on deaf ears. She believed I abandoned her. I closed my eyes to ease the sharp pain of regret. I would’ve married Jamaica right after high school, especially if I had known she was pregnant with my baby.
“Well, I never wanted to be a teenage mother, yet here we are,” She said wryly.
“What’s his whole name?”
“Jamie David Bennett. We didn’t change his name to Griffin. I wanted him to decide what last name he wanted one day.” She pulled out her phone and swiped through some pics. “He doesn’t like to take pictures. I had to beg for this one that I took at his eighth-grade graduation last year.”
The perfect stranger who shared my sad eyes, thick hair, and Jamaica’s shy smile stared back at me. He even wore his hair as I once did. This was my son. My chest swelled in pride, though I wondered what caused his sadness. “He looks like me.”
“As a teenager, he does. It’s uncanny how he reminds me of you.” She nodded slowly. “When he was a baby, he was all me.”
“And my mother.” I quietly added.
Her head shot up. “You saw him as a baby? Did you have private investigators or something?”
“I managed to find a picture.” I was purposely vague.
Peace didn’t want Jamaica or Kody to know how he found out about Jamie, and I decided that she wouldn’t hear from me that Kody had been cheating.
Still might be cheating. Kody was miles away in another state, and I planned to make the most of his absence.
“My tour ends soon, and I want to meet him.”
“I still need to talk to Kody about you meeting Jamie. He’s the only father he knows, and you have to respect that if we’re going to be co-parenting.”
I nodded. “Fine. Tell Kody I’ll be back in a month to check on the construction of my home. Or Jamie can fly to Nashville to see me if he wants to meet me sooner.”
She frowned. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Maybe not the first time, or maybe you’ll fly with him, but he will eventually travel to see me. I plan to keep my home in Nashville and will travel back and forth here. He’s my son, and you can’t limit how and when I see him.” I held my hand up. “I’m not going to interfere with his school.”
“Look at it from his perspective, he doesn’t know that Kody isn’t his father. He has to adjust. Maybe he won’t ever adjust.” My stomach clenched. What if the sins of my past actions cause irreparable damage to my already sensitive son? “We have to take this slow and allow him space to process.”
“How long am I supposed to wait? Yes, he won’t understand at first. But he’s old enough to know what happens between men and women. The sooner he meets me, the sooner he gets used to me. I’m not going away, whether you decide to be with me or not.”
She leaned toward me and lightly tapped my chest. “Why do you expect me to leave everything I know and fuck up my children, who are used to being with me and Kody under one roof? How selfish could I be to make that sort of decision in one night?”
“No one’s asking you to decide to be with me after one night.” I moved closer to her, our lips within kissable distance, and she drew in a deep breath.
“Then what? We have this long affair? Like what do you honestly think will happen between us?”
My gaze dropped to her lips, and the urge to kiss her overwhelmed me.
“I was ready to confront you and Kody. Ready to go the fuck off if I needed to until I saw you from across the room, and all I wanted was you in my arms again. To answer your question, the endgame will be you and me. The journey is the unknown.” I picked up her hand and entwined it when she tried to pull away.
“Yes, the children will temporarily feel discomfort until they get used to me being the man with their mama and Jamie gets used to me being his father. I’ll even be there for KJ if he allows me, too.
Blended families are the norm these days. ”
Shaking her head vehemently, she lamented, “Be reasonable, Free. Just because we want our children to adjust doesn’t mean that they do.”
“Like I said, I can be a little unhinged when it comes to the people I love.” I kissed the back of her hand before placing it on my heart. “I also know in the long run that you and Kody are doing more damage staying in an unhappy marriage.”
“How do you know it’s unhappy?” Jamaica arched her brow, and this time, when she tugged against my hand, I released it.
“Because you’re not married to me,” I replied plainly and truthfully.
Her face crumpled, and she covered her face with her hands, rocking in place. “Why now? Freedom. You don’t just pop back in my life and expect me to fold, even if I do still love you.”
“Fifteen years and the chemistry between us is just as strong as back then. That means something.”
She continued to rock. “It’s curiosity because we haven’t been around each other. I can’t be na?ve and think that just because you want to be with me, our story will end happily ever after.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my lap. “That’s exactly what that means. Forgive me for being an idiot for ever letting you go. Forgive me for not fighting for you or doing whatever it took to make you believe we had a future. Forgive me for everything.”
And like the night of that homecoming game, in my embrace, we both found comfort.