Chapter 21 Freedom
THREE MONTHS LATER
The two of us hung our arms over the wooden fence, watching the four horses run around the corral. The handler I’d hired prepared saddles for us to ride. Jamie pointed to a brown mare. “Think I want that one to be mine.”
“I like her for you.” I pressed his cowboy hat down lower playfully. “Which one should be mine?”
“The black beauty.” We both focused on the largest horse there. “He looks like you.”
“Oh, I look like a horse now? Millions of women wouldn’t agree.” I chuckled.
“I meant like, he’s leading the rest of the horses,” Jamie explained.
“I knew what you meant.” I toyed with the toothpick in my mouth.
The homestead was almost finished. The main house and one cottage had been finished last week, and one more cottage had to be completed.
Four horses were delivered this morning.
One for each of the boys, one for me, and one for Jamaica.
She and KJ were on their way to ride horses and to claim theirs.
Time flew over the past three months between working on a new album, preparing for a world tour with Alonzo, assisting in the construction of my home, and being a father.
Jamaica and I had been cordial with one another as we gave each other space.
Space to know if she truly wanted to be with me.
Space for me to know if I could trust her with my heart again.
Space to adjust to being a father and balancing my career.
Jamie finished the school year more confidently than he began.
The two boys who attempted to beat Jamie ended up being expelled after the fight had been investigated further by the principal.
He still walked around with his Beats on his ears or around his neck to his own tune, but now he had Peace and me.
He’d been living with me, helping me furnish the homestead, since Jamaica and Kody officially separated over two months ago.
She and KJ lived in the house, and Kody found a nearby apartment so he could still be there for KJ.
“I think I like somebody at the Robotics Camp,” Jamie said hesitantly.
“Like a friend or more?” I shifted to face him and adjusted my hat as shade for my head from the heat of the blazing sun.
He stomped his boot on the fence. “More.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I’m not you or Dad.” He continued to call Kody “Dad” and asked me if it was okay. I told him I understood, and whenever he was ready, he would find the right name to call me. “Or even Uncle Peace. What do I say or do if I want to get to know them better?”
“You’re not supposed to be me or anyone else.”
With exasperation coating his tongue, he explained, “I don’t have friends like y’all did when you were my age, and I don’t know how to date. So how am I supposed to have a girlfriend?”
“She’s a girl?” I tried not to sound surprised.
Jamie ducked his head slightly. “I like boys, too. She’s the first girl that I really like.”
“So, you’ve figured it all out?”
He glanced at me. “I’ve known that I’m attracted to both for a long time.”
“You just didn’t know how to say it aloud?”
“Yeah.”
I grabbed him into a hug, accidentally knocking off his hat. “Proud moment.”
He grinned, though he pushed out of my hug and picked his hat up from the ground. “Pops, we can’t celebrate everything I do that most kids do.”
“Says who? We do whatever we want to do and be whoever we want to be.” I frowned. “Pops? Really? You do know I’m just thirty-three.”
“You seem wiser, and you’ve seen and been so many places. I don’t know, you seem like a ‘Pops’.”
“If you like it, I love it.” We returned to looking at the horses. “I used to go to your mother’s locker every day to speak to her. She was shy, and I couldn’t tell if she really liked me. So, I kept showing up until she wanted to date me.”
“So just say something to her every chance I get?”
“Yeah…do whatever feels natural. If she likes you, you’ll know. You’ll also know if she doesn’t. And if she doesn’t, feel the rejection, let it go, and keep it going. There will be someone eventually.”
He whispered, “I just hope she does.”
“Me too.” And my heart ached for him. My son was the perfect combo of me and Jamaica.
He would only grow more handsome with age.
The type of shy kid that girls his age may overlook, especially if they find out he’s queer.
This was the hard part of parenting. Knowing you couldn’t always protect them from being hurt.
“Why did you and my dad stop being friends? I kinda wish you still were. Then I wouldn’t feel guilty when I’m here with you.”
The story of Kody and me. I closed my eyes briefly to quell the bite of hurt that lingered.
In his own way, he was making amends with me.
He allowed his people and Jamaica to handle the construction of my house, and everything had been timely and done well.
I hadn’t seen him since that night at the hospital.
He’d told Jamaica the truth about my arrest and her father’s involvement and accepted the divorce without rancor.
Jamaica had been distant from her father, unable to handle his deception and manipulation that could’ve destroyed me.
“We were angry kids who bonded over the hurt that we really felt. I lost my mother, and he resented living without his father. He was better at hiding it. We both fell for your mother in high school, and that ended our friendship. It’s hard to be happy for your friend when he has what you want.
And he wanted your mother. Doubt we will ever be friends again.
” Any other truth would have to come from Kody.
“You still want to be with her.” His expression became unreadable.
I couldn’t tell if he approved or not. Jamaica and I hadn’t discussed a future, and I remained true to my word.
I wouldn’t chase her or ask her again to be with me.
We hadn’t had sex again, though the gravitational pull to connect intimately challenged my convictions whenever we inhabited the same space.
“She will always have a hold on my heart.” I acknowledged.
“Only be with her if you can make her happy, okay?” He looked up at me from under his hat, a stern resoluteness in his face.
“I see how women react to you, and you have a lot of fans. If you can’t be with just one woman, leave her alone.
I don’t want to see her hurt anymore. Dad did enough of that. ”
“Trust me, Jamie. She’s the only woman I see.” I squeezed his shoulder. “Message received.” Jamaica had wondered if Jamie knew about Kody cheating. Question asked and answered.
He started jogging toward the long driveway as Jamaica and KJ rode up.
I’d met KJ once when he’d ridden with his mother to drop off Jamie.
He reminded me of the Kody I met in elementary school, except he was polite and mannerly, whereas Kody had been a badass.
KJ had clung to his mother, peeking at me, as she helped bring Jamie’s suitcases and belongings inside my home.
All of this had to be hard on a seven-year-old.
One minute, his parents were together, and he and his brother had the same father.
The next minute, his father lived down the street, and his brother lived with another father.
Jamaica worried about him, understandably.
He’d started sleeping in the bed with her, and she allowed it while everyone grew accustomed to the changes.
KJ had opened up enough that day to play video games and drink milkshakes with Jamie and me, and his mouth poked out when it was time to leave.
More because Jamie was staying. He and his brother had always slept under the same roof, and Jamie looked after him like I did Peace.
Now, Jamie was here with me at Jamie’s request. I would be going on tour, and we wanted to spend as much time together.
Jamaica had yet to give me an answer on whether Jamie could go to Paris with me for opening night.
Something else I wouldn’t pressure her on.
KJ jumped out of the car before Jamaica fully stopped.
She yelled at him, but he was too excited about seeing his brother and the horses.
Jamie hugged him tightly, lifting KJ off his feet, and they laughingly raced back to the corral.
KJ half-waved at me on his way to the horses. “Hey, Mr. Freedom.”
“Give him time.” Jamaica hopped out of the car. “He’s still trying to process so much. Every day, he’s getting a little better. The hardest part for him is missing Jamie.”
“Nothing but time to give him. I’m not in any rush for KJ to accept me.” I tilted my hat. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself.” Jamaica had her hair in thin braids underneath her cowboy hat, reminding me of the day I had to have her back in the day. She looked too damn fine in her jeans, fitted tee, and boots. “You didn’t call me last night.”
“Was I supposed to?” I tossed my toothpick in the grass.
“Bad habit,” she admonished after her gaze followed the discarded toothpick.
“You can’t help correcting me, can you?” I ruefully shook my head.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Free.” Guilt drifted over her face before she softly accused, “I hadn’t heard from you in a few days.”
“Because I didn’t have anything new to say to you. We’re not a couple,” I replied.
Her forehead wrinkled. “When are you going to forgive me?”
“I’m not mad.”
“Then why are you being this way?” She moved closer to me.
“The way I said I would be?” I quirked a brow. “I meant what I said, Jamie is my priority.”
Her frown deepened. “Like, we have no future?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“I’m not going back to Kody.” Her doe eyes pleaded with me.
“Good for you. Hope you can be happy.” I glanced back at the corral. The boys were talking to the handler who would help us saddle and ride. “We need to go. They’re anxious to ride the horses.”
“Free,” She called my name in exasperation.
“Jamaica.” I matched her tone and turned to go.
She quickly grabbed my hand, stopping me. “Teeyana posted a pic of you and her at a party last night.” She fumed as she held her cell for me to see a photo of Teeyana, a possessive hand on my chest, her cheek pressed to mine. “Is that why we’re not really talking?”
Dragging my hand down my face, I replied, “I don’t have time for this. Women lusting after me are a part of the package. You trust me, or you don’t. Your husband lives down the street, and you’re alone most nights, but I’m not questioning what you and he are doing when I’m not around.”
“It’s different, and you know it. He’s around for KJ. What is Teeyana around for?”
“Whatever I need.” I retorted to get under her skin and headed toward the corral.
Maurice and my band were in town to record a few songs for my upcoming album, Freedom Reign.
We decided to blow off some steam and stimulate our creativity at the same time.
We ended up at a club downtown, and the moment I walked in, I was escorted to a corded-off section.
My fans were waving, taking pics, and trying to get my attention.
Teeyana arrived with a couple of her friends, and I allowed them into our section to entertain my homies.
Teeyana slid next to me on the sofa and took a selfie before I could protest. We’d reminisced about high school, she’d flirted heavily and tried to touch my dick, and I grabbed her hand politely.
Shortly after, I headed home alone, escorted to my car by security while Maurice and the band stayed.
I didn’t owe Jamaica an explanation since we did not commit to each other. If we were going to be together, she had to learn how to ignore social media and the thirsty women. We wouldn’t make it otherwise.
A petulant Jamaica stomped past me, and I admired her round ass as she passed me up. Babies had done her body good, which reminded me of our last very hot encounter. Before she reached the boys, I spoke lowly, “You got my daughter inside you?”
She hissed, “I got my period. I don’t know why I want another baby with you, anyway.”
“Because you love me,” I said in her ear as I quickened my steps to get to the boys.
I looked back over my shoulder at her reluctant smile. “Quickie later on top of the pool table while the boys swim. One-time offer. That ass in those jeans is calling me.”
“No,” Jamaica retorted. “I’m not having sex with you after your dick has been in her.”
“If you think I’m fucking her, why do you want to be with me anyway?”
Jamaica looked toward the boys who were saddling their respective horses a few feet away from us, and then back at me. “I know you don’t want her anymore. Just insanely jealous of any woman who ever touched you.”
“Mama?” KJ called her. “Look at me.”
He was sitting on top of a sandy brown-colored horse with his arms raised.
“I see you. That’s Mama’s grown man. Now hold on, please.” Jamaica shouted before she whispered, “And I’m still not fucking you just because you decided you want to.”
I chuckled, knowing later tonight she would be bent over, taking it long and hard if I wanted it to happen.