Chapter 46
JULES
So much for a walk.
Five minutes after Delaney had texted and asked if I wanted to take a walk through the state park, it had started to rain.
I texted her back, and we canceled for today. I hadn’t planned on going to the gym, but now that our walk was canceled, guilt settled in. Reluctantly, I laced up my sneakers and pulled the keys off the key ring next to the door. Opening it, I jumped back a step.
Cole had just been opening my screen door.
I couldn’t breathe properly. So instead, I just stood there and stared.
He was dressed casually for him, jeans and a collared golf shirt.
“What are you doing here?”
If my tone was harsh, that was only because I’d been determined to protect my peace.
“Can we talk?”
No, we can’t. I’m trying really hard to move on from you, and this isn’t helping.
“Okay.” I stepped aside to let him in.
I was such a dummy.
“You’re wet,” I said as we made our way to the kitchen. “Ever heard of an umbrella?”
“To walk from the car to your porch?”
“For me, yes. I hate getting wet.”
He sat on one of the island stools, raising his brows.
I grabbed two waters from the refrigerator and put them in front of us. “Go ahead, say it.”
“In my experience, that’s not true.”
I smiled, despite myself.
“You know me well, which is surprising, given how short of a time we’ve been together.”
I was all about being cordial, but I couldn’t fully hold back. “Is that what we were? Together?”
He got more serious. And the glasses were back.
“I don’t know. Being completely honest, I don’t know what we were. I don’t know what we could be. I only know that I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I opened my water bottle and sat down across from him, taking a sip to ground myself.
“Same here. Which is why you coming to my house is problematic. I can handle a bit of uncertainty, but hot and cold? It’s too much for me, given how much I like you.”
“I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can be a good boyfriend or a good fiancé or a good husband. I honestly don’t. I can only try.”
I couldn’t be more surprised. “You’re saying you want to?”
Don’t fall for it, Jules.
“Yes, I do.”
“I have to think about this. There’s just so much working against us. Obviously, you got spooked the second we had some measure of intimacy. And then there’s the distance… I just don’t know if I could do casual with you, Cole.”
Actually, I did know. And I couldn’t do casual. Because I’d fallen in love with him, and those two things just weren’t in sync.
“I don’t want to be casual.” He reached for my hands, both of them, before I could even react. Squeezing them tight, he looked at me as intently as ever.
“I don’t want casual,” he repeated. “I’ve left Columbia. Turned down tenure.”
My jaw dropped. “You what?”
Surely I heard that wrong.
“It just didn’t feel right. I was living my father’s dream, not my own.
I really enjoy teaching and I really enjoy history, and even the research.
But I don’t care about titles and prestige…
I care about the people in my life. The guys.
You. So why would I live in Manhattan when everything I love is here? ”
He just said the L word.
Cole just said love.
“Love?”
He let go of my hands, made his way around to my barstool, turned me, and simultaneously separated my legs. Stepping between them, he cupped my cheeks so tenderly I could’ve stayed in that position all day.
“I love you, Juliette. I know I do because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I think about you constantly. I want to see your face, hear your laugh, talk about your book.”
“It’s done. I so wanted to share that with you, but I just couldn’t—”
He leaned down and put his lips on mine. It was the slowest kiss in history. He didn’t even use his tongue at first, but then, later, when he did, we opened to each other like two perfect puzzle pieces. The kiss was tender and sensual. Full of promise.
He stood back up.
“I’ve already put inquiries into a bunch of places around here.
There’s a ton of them. And if I don’t get something for the fall, I’ll figure something else out.
I’ve saved my money since my very first job and feel comfortable pulling the trigger now, even without a job. I just want to be here, with you.”
His hands dropped back down onto my legs.
“Don’t come to Cedar Falls for me. Come for yourself, because it’s the place where you belong. I agree, you probably didn’t belong in Manhattan, but we were just making it work. I want you to be happy regardless of what happens between us.”
He had that look, the one that I used to think was smug. And maybe it was a little smug.
“I’m moving here because it’s where I belong.”
Good call.
“And also, because you were here.”
I pulled my hand out from his and slapped him on the arm, laughing the whole time.
“So what’s the deal in New York? When are you moving out?”
“You should know me better than that. If I’m doing something, I’m doing it right. I’ve already given up my lease, got a truck, and pulled it up to Heritage Hill this morning. Mason is thrilled to store anything we can’t use in the basement.”
“Holy shit, you’re not kidding. You’re literally now a Cedar Falls resident?”
He lifted me up under my arms from the stool and wrapped around me. I did the same.
“Technically speaking, I’m a Heritage Hill resident, and Mason will probably have a hard time getting rid of me.”
“From what P says, I think he’s probably pretty happy about that. When Parker and Beck moved out, he was actually a bit bummed.”
“I’m lucky to have him. It’s going to be a big transition, but I know it’s the right move.”
“I think so too.” I lifted my chin up. “We can talk details later. Kiss me again.”
He obliged, and we came together in an easy, comfortable way. As for what was next? We’d decide that… together.