Chapter 29 Deena
TWENTY-NINE
DEENA
The dress was a little tight around my midsection, and I let my fingers trail down the luxuriously thick fabric. Then I doubled-checked my hair and makeup and turned around to face Cal. He sat reclined on my couch, watching me through half-lidded eyes.
“Gorgeous,” he said, and my heart took off. “Any chance I can change your mind and convince you to take that dress off again?”
I swatted at him as he approached me. I smiled and tilted my lips up for a kiss, but the truth was, I didn’t want to sleep with him right now.
I needed to tell him the truth first.
Having sex with Cal without telling him about the pregnancy felt dishonest somehow. I still wasn’t fully sure how he would react, and I didn’t want to delay any longer. A nice dinner would be the perfect opportunity.
The restaurant was dimly lit and romantic. The service was impeccable. Cal arched his brows when I refused a glass of wine, and my heart galloped.
He told me about his trip, the ins and outs of the negotiation. I heard none of it. When he asked me about my week and whether I’d taken any time off, I answered vaguely, forgetting the words as soon as they came out of my mouth.
My entire brain was consumed with the secret I was keeping. It needed to come out.
I realized, after the waiter took our menus once we’d placed our order, that there would be no perfect time. I had to just come out and say it.
“Cal,” I started—and stopped.
He set down his glass of wine, those all-seeing eyes steady as they met mine. “Yes.”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
He nodded, unsurprised. “I’ve been waiting for you to work up the courage to tell me what’s on your mind.
” His gaze was fond as his lips curled. “Must be something big. I’ve never seen you hold back with me like this.
You’re not quitting, are you? HR cleared our relationship weeks ago. Everyone’s forgotten about The Email.”
I heard the capital letters in his voice, saw them in the sparkle of his eyes. I huffed, then took a gulp of my sparkling water. “It’s not that,” I said. When my glass was back on the thick white tablecloth, I let out a long breath.
He cared about me—but a baby was a big deal. There was a person growing inside me. It wasn’t just moving in together or telling each other we loved each other for the first time. This was life-changing in a way that turned everything upside down.
Would he want the baby? Would he want me?
I studied his expression, looking for some kind of clue. Part of me was ready for rejection. Wasn’t that what I’d always experienced, starting with my youth? I’d never fit in with my family. I’d never had a relationship that lasted. I always did better on my own.
I could raise a baby on my own. If he didn’t want it—didn’t want me—then I could do it.
But the part of me that had opened up to Cal wept with grief at the thought of it. It felt so good to have someone to lean on. To have someone who supported me, who cared about me.
I wanted him to want this baby. I wanted him to be happy.
But Cal didn’t like the unknown. He struggled when he felt out of control. This would be difficult for him.
Cal reached across the table and took my hand. “Deena,” he murmured. “Whatever you need to say, just say it. There’s nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel about you.”
My chest filled with warmth, and my bottom lip began to tremble. All the carefully prepared words that I’d marshaled in my mind vanished. What came out was the blunt, unvarnished truth: “I’m pregnant.”
Cal went utterly still, apart from a slight widening of his eyes. The blood drained from his face, and a horrible feeling began to well up in my gut. He looked at me like he’d seen a ghost, and my worst fears came true.
He didn’t want me. Didn’t want the baby. Everything that had happened since March—since December—had been a lie.
Then he sucked in a hard breath, and his eyes lit with…with hope. “Really?” he whispered. “You’re sure?”
I gulped and nodded. “Blood tests confirmed it two days ago. I was waiting for you to get back to tell you in person.”
Suddenly, he was standing. Then he’d circled the table and dropped to his knees beside me while he dragged my chair from the table.
Big, warm hands landed on my thighs, and he looked up at me with the kind of worshipful, joyful look that I never thought I’d see from him—from anyone.
His hand slid up to rest on my stomach. I put my hand over his.
“Deena,” he said in a choked voice.
“I know,” I replied.
He moved his hand from my stomach, taking mine with it. He pressed a long kiss to my fingers then squeezed my hand, swallowing convulsively. “I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered.
A trembling smile took hold of my mouth. “The best dad,” I whispered back.
He straightened. “Have you been to the doctor? We need to get scans. Are you supposed to be eating steak that isn’t fully cooked?” His eyes went panicked. “You’ve been drinking alcohol every time we’ve gone out.”
“Cal.” I put my hands on his shoulders, then slid them up to his cheeks. “The doctor said the risk is low as long as I don’t drink from now on.”
“I’ll get you in with my doctor. They can do a full bloodwork panel, make sure you’re not deficient in anything. You’ll move in with me. We can set up a nursery across the hall and hire a night nurse—”
“Cal,” I repeated. Tears shimmered in my eyes, and I smiled through the emotion. He was spiraling, and it was adorable. “I like my doctor,” I said. “I’m going to stay with her.”
“But—”
“No buts,” I said. “This might be your baby as much as mine, but for the next several months, it’s still inside my body.”
“I’m coming to your appointments,” he said, brows slamming down.
“Fine,” I said, and smiled. “So…does this mean you’re happy? You…you want this?” My voice cracked on the last sentence, and the final few words came out hoarse.
Cal’s gaze refocused on me, and his expression softened. “I want you any way I can have you, Deena. And yes, I want this child.”
“It’s fast…”
“Any way I can have you,” he repeated.
I exhaled, the fears that had plagued me for days melting away. Cal must have sensed it, because he straightened enough that he could pull me forward for a kiss. He held me gently, like he was afraid of breaking me, and it made me feel cherished and loved in a way I’d never experienced before.
The future was terrifying. I knew I would need help; my usual independence would probably need to take a hit. Even Cal’s insistence that I move in with him sent alarm bells ringing in my head; it was my wiring. I was always going to resist giving up my freedom. But a baby changed things.
A baby would change me.
Cal was happy, and as we sat back down to continue our meal, I began to imagine the months and years to come.
Cal and me, together. A tiny human to keep us company.
The joy of watching him or her grow. The joy of watching Cal come into his own as a father.
The joy of transforming into a mother—a better mother than the one I had. A little life to cherish and nurture.
It was an immense responsibility. But as we ate our meal and stared at each other with glittering eyes, I felt ready to take it on with Cal by my side.
Cal held me close as we made our way back to his penthouse.
He stroked my shoulder, my side. He kissed my temple.
He ran his fingers over my stomach and stroked me through my dress.
When we got to his place, he brought me to his room and laid me down on his bed.
I smiled as he took the heels off my feet and gave them a long, slow rub.
Tension unwound within me. The lights were dim, and it felt like we were in a little cocoon of bliss. It was so much better than even the best-case scenario I’d imagined would happen when I told him.
He stripped my dress off as I wiggled to help. His hands were warm as they skimmed my body, and I turned toward him to demand a kiss. We moved slowly, arms around each other, hands stroking.
“Cal,” I whispered against his lips. “Touch me.”
He was still fully clothed, and I was down to my underwear. My breasts were exposed to the warm air in his room, nipples peaked with arousal. His hand skimmed over my belly and down between my legs as he propped himself up on his elbow beside me.
He rubbed my clit, the fabric of my underwear deliciously rough against my skin. “Move in with me tomorrow,” he demanded.
I couldn’t help my smile. “Maybe we should have this conversation when your hand isn’t between my legs.”
The pressure of his touch increased, and I gasped. My back arched, pleasure sparking through me. His voice was low and commanding. “Move in with me, Deena,” he said. His lips brushed my earlobe, my neck. “Let me keep you close and take care of you the way you deserve.”
How could I resist him? “Okay,” I gasped.
His hand dipped beneath my underwear, and I moaned.
With a few impatient tugs, he pulled them off my legs, and I found myself naked before him.
He spread my knees with his shoulders and used his mouth to make me come.
I clung to the fabric of his shirt, ripping at it until he straightened and tugged it off over his head.
My fingers trailed over the hard pack of his chest and abs, hooking into the waistband of his pants.
“Off,” I demanded.
He grinned, wicked and tender. In a few seconds, he stood naked beside the bed, his clothes in a messy pile at his feet. Then he climbed back onto the mattress and ran his hands over my legs.
There were no games this time. No push and pull of power.
There was just him and me, and the life-changing news I’d delivered to him earlier.
His touch was tenderer than it had ever been.
He brushed my stomach with the backs of his fingers as he kneeled between my legs, then ran both palms up to stroke my breasts.
He was reverent, and it made me feel like a goddess.
With a few plaintive noises, I demanded more.
We’d had sex without a condom before, but not like this. Those times had been hurried and intense and irresponsible. We’d been caught up in the moment. This was deliberate. It was a joining that felt intense in an entirely different way.
Cal leaned his big body over mine, elbows leaning on either side of my head, careful not to put any weight on me.
His tip prodded at my opening, every muscle stark and hard in the low light.
I ran my fingers over his shoulders and pecs, then down his sides and along the cock he held so close to where I wanted it.
“What are you waiting for?” I whispered, my hips rocking as my craving for him grew.
“You are so beautiful, Deena,” he whispered back. “Sometimes I worry that you aren’t real.”
I stroked his cock and relished the way he shuddered. “Does that feel real to you?”
His grin was the same wicked Cal I’d come to love. Because that was what this was—the kind of world-shattering love that only came along once in a lifetime. What else could it be but love?
“Cal,” I said, breath catching. “I—”
He entered me, and it stole the words right from my mouth.
“Perfect,” he rasped, and thrust into me again, slow and deep. “So fucking perfect, love.”
“Oh, my God.”
“My name is Cal,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Cal,” I said, and moaned when he entered me again, and again, and again. I bit his shoulder and pulled him tight to me, whining when he still wouldn’t put his weight on me. I needed more. I needed to feel him everywhere. “Please,” I begged.
“Don’t want to hurt you,” he rasped.
Frustration spiraled through me, deadening the orgasm that had started to build. “Cal,” I complained.
Instead of giving me what I wanted, he pulled out completely and flipped me onto my stomach.
I arched my back, and then he was there.
He filled me up until I had to turn my face to the mattress to cry out.
His arms circled my waist and pulled me up so my back was to his chest, his arms banded around my midsection.
With his hands, Cal brought my arms up to grip his shoulders behind mine. “Don’t let go,” he growled.
I smiled, remembering that time in my office. This time, I would be good and do as I was told. Especially when his hands returned to my body, one of them palming my breast while the other dove between my legs. He touched where we were joined, groaning in satisfaction.
The next thrust made me see stars. I gasped, and Cal did it again.
He pinched my nipple while his fingers found my clit, and the sensations became almost too much to bear.
But he didn’t speed up. He fucked me slow and merciless.
I came with a cry, my nails digging into his shoulders, his arms holding me exactly where he wanted me.
“That’s it,” he crooned. “So beautiful when you scream my name, love. So perfect when you come on my cock.”
I whimpered, my orgasm fading, but Cal didn’t stop. Pleasure grew inside me again, my body weak and boneless.
“If you didn’t already have my baby inside you, I’d put one in you right now,” he said, thrusting deeper.
His name was the only thing I could say, and his answering grunt told me he loved hearing it.
And when his movements became more frenzied, my own pleasure built.
He came with a groan, his hold on me tightening.
I felt his orgasm. Felt him throb inside me.
Felt the liquid seep out of me onto my thighs.
Cal must have felt the way I trembled against him. He must have known that his pleasure turned me on. Because his fingers returned to my clit, and he gave me another orgasm, this one so sharp and bright that it stole my breath.
We collapsed on the bed, and Cal pulled me tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and said, “You’re moving in with me tomorrow.”
The command in his voice should have made me pause. It should have made me think twice about what I was getting myself into—and what kind of man I was bound to.
But I was pleasure-drunk and happy, and the part of me that craved independence had gone eerily silent. All the fear that had choked me in the past week was gone, and it had left a big, gaping hole inside me that Cal came and filled with hope and love and bliss.
So all I did was smile against his skin and let out a happy sigh. “I’ll move in with you tomorrow,” I agreed.