Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Taamhia kizathi
Garrison
SOMETHING WAS up with Shohari, something she wasn’t telling me. She’d called me mitsha again, and last night we’d felt like a couple again, but the not knowing gnawed at me. The liminal space we’d been in was clearing, but not fast enough.
It was a relief to strip off my armour, and I headed to the mess hall, needing a brew.
The single mug on the counter looked wrong. How long had it been since I made a drink for just me? Weeks?
Even though I wanted to make one for Shohari, I didn’t want to intrude. She and her brother had a lot to talk about, though Airida had already gone to bed; his withdrawal would be rough.
The only other person in the mess hall was Coerril. Not the female I wanted to be spending time with, but it was probably better than being stuck with my own thoughts.
“Are we going straight to Anandri now?” The big ydouir’s tail swished from side to side as she paced the length of the galley. “That pod was so small. No room to stretch my wings.”
“That’s the plan.” I sank into the red sofa. There was a reason it was Shohari’s favourite, and my aching muscles appreciated it.
“Good.” She stopped, looking out of the small window, not that there was anything to see but the grey swirls of voidspace. “I am pleased you were successful.”
“Me too.” I’d be more pleased once I’d seen Shohari properly. The last few weeks had been hard enough, sleeping in bed together, for the most part only holding each other as if that was the boundary of our relationship. At least then, I’d had something to occupy my time.
I drained my mug and set it down. “I’m sorry, don’t mean to be a bad host, but it’s been a day, and I’m going to bed.” If she wanted company, she could always go down to engineering.
“Host? Are you crew, then?”
I flashed her a faint smile. “I bloody hope so.”
I fired off a quick comm to Imani and Fenn, letting them know we were on our way back to Vadias. It probably wouldn’t reach them until we were nearly there, but it felt right anyway.
After everything that had happened, today called for a proper shower, so I went straight to Shohari’s quarters, letting the hot water soothe my aches and pains, and steam away what worries it could.
Sleep had almost claimed me when I heard the water in the convi, the drop of her boots onto the floor, and the swish of her clothing. The mattress dipped as she got in behind me, and my stomach jittered with anticipation.
Instead of the usual arm over me and the unspoken agreement we were just holding each other, Shohari grabbed me as if she had to cling to me to live. Her hot breath gusted over the back of my neck. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant, mitsha.”
Whispers of possibility, of promise, ran through me. I didn’t dare breathe. “You’ve had a lot on your mind.” I tried to keep my voice neutral but all my hope and fear bled out anyway.
“Too much and not enough, all at once.”
“And how is your brother?”
“I do not know.” Her sadness carried a bitter undertone.
“He spoke with Tokki and Daiytak a little, and slept. Which… I understand. He feels unwell. He has much to learn.” She snorted.
“I sat with him.” When she spoke again, her voice was all anger and pain.
“I sat with him while he slept when I could have been with you. How can you bear it?”
The soft exhales of her breath curled over my skin, scorching a path, leaving chilled absence in their wake.
“He’s your brother, Shohari. You’ve been working towards this for years.”
“Yes, but I… I realised something. On Orith. I’ve been a fool, Garrison.” She bit my shoulder, tugged me, and I rolled over.
The expression on her face cut through me; I longed to wipe her sadness away and replace it with everything I felt for her.
“Did you mean it? What you said?” she asked, nibbling her lower lip.
I kept my voice even. “Of course.”
Something had changed. I could see it in her eyes, her face, something unnamable.
“Mitsha, I’m scared. I’ve never been able to see a future before.”
I held her wrists in gentle hands. “Of course it’s scary, Sho. I know how scary it is. I’m one of only thirteen humans in the whole allied galaxy, remember?”
Her crystalline eyes held mine, their amethyst depths anything but alien.
“I didn’t choose to be here, but I am,” I said. “And I’m going to make the best of it. We don’t have to do it on our own.”
“I don’t know how to be free.” If her eyes were able to cry, they’d be filling with tears.
I traced the angles of her jaw. “We don’t have to have it all figured out before we choose something good for ourselves, sweetheart. The way I see it, we just have to get ourselves in the best place we can.”
Her headspines rippled as I stroked them, and she sank deeper into my caress.
“The best place I’ve found in the whole galaxy isn’t a place, Shohari, it’s you.
I don’t care if we’re on a ship, on a space station, a planet, a moon, or in the centre of a star.
I want to find my best life with you. And I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me because a life with you in it, for even a bit longer, is better than never seeing you again.
You just have to ask. If you want me.” My heart tried to beat out of my chest, but the truth of those words settled into my soul, making their home in me—as I’d found my home with her.
Her eyes glittered, soulful with thought and care. “Garrison, I…” She peeled one hand off my chest to cup my face. “I kept you at arm’s length, but I fell in love with you anyway.”
I sucked in a breath and held it. My heart beat too loud in my chest, blood rushed in my ears, and the only things in existence were me and her. “Tell me again,” I whispered, not daring to believe what I’d heard.
Shohari swallowed, that little noise in her throat the sweetest sound. “I love you. And I want to be with you wherever we end up.” Her headspines writhed, as if there were words under her skin desperate to emerge. “You’re my home, Garrison, and my heart. My taamhia kizathi, my soulbound one.”
My heart picked up. “Do you mean…” I didn’t dare voice it.
She pressed her forehead to mine. “Yes,” she breathed. “You have me forever.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, enfolding her in a tight embrace, and let her words wash over me. She’s in my arms, and she’s mine. I’m hers.
She moaned as I dug my fingers into her skin, answering with frantic claws across my back, their sharp bite anchoring me to this moment, to her.
“I love you,” I breathed. “I’m never going to let anyone hurt you ever again.”
When we eventually pulled away, she lifted her arms, showing me the streaks of rich purple decorating her skin.
“These are part of it?” I traced them with reverent fingers. “When?”
She let out a wild giggle. “Right in the middle of speaking with Mother.”
“I wish I’d been there. Wish I’d seen you.”
“I wish that too.” She gulped, weaving our fingers together. “Maybe if I’d not been so scared, I’d have gotten it right, and it could have happened when we were together.”
My stomach dipped with regret, but I nudged it away. “It doesn’t matter, sweetheart. We’re together now.” I pressed my lips to hers, and when we broke apart, my cheeks were wet with tears.
“What are these for?” she said.
“Because you make me happy.”
She cupped my cheek. “You make me happy too, taamthi. Happier than I ever could have dreamed.”
We undressed each other with dazed reverence, hands and mouths lingering everywhere we touched as if affirming it was all real, as if we had all the time in the galaxy.
We rocked our bodies together, delighting in the closeness. We kissed and stroked, gasped and murmured, savouring everything.
She shifted her hips, my dick slid through her folds, and I found my home inside her.
God, the slick tightness of her pussy stole my breath every time.
Resting my forehead against hers, I drove into her with slow, steady strokes, our tongues tangling, hands caressing, every part of our bodies as connected as possible.
Her curl gripped my sac, and I sucked in a ragged breath.
I’d never grow tired of the thrill.
“Well,” she purred. “This is a treat.”
I stilled my hips. “It’s a good job I’m staying,” I said, a smile playing about my lips. “We might be here a while.”
I wasn’t worried. I knew her body too well for this to be a repeat of the first time, and I couldn’t think of anything better than being completely submerged in her body.
Shohari’s chest rumbled against mine. “I’m going to play a game. It’s called ‘how many times can I make my mate come before I let him go?’”
Her mate.
I liked the sound of that.
A heartbeat later, her pussy rippled up my cock, and I lost the ability to think.