Chapter Eighteen
Patch
I shift back only once I’m sure Em is far, far away. I make sure I’m not in the middle of the street when I do it, too, because the last thing I want to do is get hauled in for public indecency.
That pull I felt when I first saw Em is even stronger now. Even the fact that he was scared does nothing to dampen my mood. He saw my wolf. For a moment, he recognised me, and he’s human, which I’d have said before tonight would make that an impossible feat.
I breathe in deeply. His scent is gone now, carried away by the wind, but I fancy I can still catch a hint of it. I drag my T-shirt over my head and realise I’m grinning.
My mate saw my wolf.
Flynn is still awake when I burst back into the flat. He’s sprawled out over the sofa and he lifts his head, blinking at me blearily. “Thought you were never coming back.”
“You don’t have to wait up. It was just a run.”
“What if something happened?” Flynn yawns and mutes the TV. “Good for someone to keep an eye out, right?”
I nod. I don’t know what about the movement gives me away, but Flynn sits up a little straighter.
“What happened?” he asks.
“What makes you think something happened?”
“Because you look like the fucking cat that got the cream. Spill. I wanna go to bed.”
“Go to bed, then.”
“Patch.”
“I saw Em.”
“What, tonight? Now?” Flynn nearly falls off the sofa as he attempts to get up, flailing around a little until he’s standing. “When you were shifted, or—”
“Yes.”
“Fuck.” Only when I see the horror on his face does the reality of the situation dawn on me. “Have they told him, then? Does he know?”
“Uh, no.”
“Patch—” Flynn lowers his voice to an irritated hiss. “This is bad.”
“He’s my mate.”
“Yeah, but he… What did he even do when he saw a fucking wolf in the middle of London?”
I flinch. Flynn narrows his eyes. “Ran off.”
“Fuck.”
“It’s not… It’s not that bad. He won’t tell anyone.” And if he does, it’ll likely be Jamie, who knows anyway. I think.
“What if he does? What if he’s ringing someone about it right now?”
Cate. His friend. Em could tell her, I suppose. But then he’ll probably have to do that anyway, should everything work out between us.
Another thought occurs to me, one much more horrifying. What if Em takes the whole thing as well as Nick did? Even now, Nick doesn’t spend much time with anyone who isn’t human, Dax being perhaps the only exception. What if I tell Em and he’s still scared?
“You have to talk to him tomorrow,” Flynn says. “I mean it. Dress it up however you want, but you need to find out who he’s spoken to.”
“Flynn, he won’t—”
“I won’t cover for you on this. It’s the most important rule. I mean it.”
My temper flares, which is unfair—Flynn’s right, after all, but I can’t help but think that Dax would have stood by me regardless—and Flynn crosses his arms over his chest, silver shining around his irises.
My wolf growls, but I push him back down. Enough nonsense out of him tonight. Enough nonsense out of me.
“No, you’re right.” I say it through clenched teeth, but I say it all the same. “I’ll call Em in the morning.”
“Good.” Flynn sighs, dropping his arms. “I’m glad you’re all right, Patch.”
He heads off to bed, leaving me standing in the living room. I tip my head back to stare up at the ceiling.
Yeah, I might have really fucked up tonight.
I don’t know what hours Em works, so I don’t risk calling him until the next afternoon.
Flynn leaves for work in a frosty silence.
I know he won’t tell Alpha Axel straight off the bat, but I get the feeling I’m on a tight deadline—either I find out how Em reacted, how much he’s worked out, or Flynn will escalate things.
It’s easier to understand in the light of day.
We’ve got a strict code of silence for a reason.
Wolves might be strong. Vampires might be fast. Witches might have magic.
That hardly matters with the way humans outnumber us.
It would be nothing at all for them to wipe us out. Better not to give them an excuse to.
My thumb hovers over the button to call Em, but I hesitate. What am I supposed to say? I shouldn’t know about the wolf. I shouldn’t know he was out at all.
I’m so caught up in my own thoughts, spinning in mental circles, that I almost drop my phone when it rings. When Em’s name appears on the screen, my heart leaps into my throat.
Has he spoken to Jamie? Does he know?
Surely not. Jamie would tell me. Right?
“Hey.” I hope my voice is steady when I answer the call.
“Hey! Are you at work?”
“No, not right now.” I shuffle back on my bed until I can rest against the headboard. “What’s up? I didn’t expect to hear from you. I mean, not like this.”
Maybe he wants to ask me about the wolf he saw. Maybe he really did recognise me just the way I want him to. Unlikely, but still…
“Nothing! Nothing, I—” Em lets out a heavy sigh and I sit up straighter. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“In person?” Our next date isn’t until Monday, but I think I’ve made it obvious that I’m happy to meet him whenever. I’d have seen him every day if I didn’t think I’d be rushing him.
“I mean, yeah, probably, but I think I’m too much of a coward for that,” he says, and my heart sinks.
“Em? What’s going on?”
He sighs again. “Look, I… I did something stupid, okay? And before I tell you, it’s all my fault, I promise. I really didn’t think it was a big deal yesterday, but I had a strange night, and I’ve just woken up and—”
“Please, just tell me.” If he never wants to see me again, I need to know. I need to know now.
“Jamie and I kissed.”
Some part of my mind recognises that I should be angry. I should be jealous. At the same time, I know I have no claim on Em; at least, not in any way he can understand.
All I feel is relief. And not just that he’s not leaving, or that he doesn’t want to see me, or anything like that. Just… relief.
“Okay.”
“Are you…” Em hesitates. “I get it if you’re angry. I know we’ve only been on one date and we’ve not talked about what that means, but still, I shouldn’t have done it.”
“You kissed him?”
He’s silent for a few seconds. “No.”
Jamie kissed Em? Not to get to me. I know that without being told. Because he wanted to. Wants to, just like I do.
I rub my hand over my forehead. If I thought the three of us would work… I shake my head. Jamie and I aren’t mates. I don’t feel the same for him as I do for Em, don’t get the same tunnel vision when I look at him.
And I don’t know how I’d handle that, anyway. Sure, I’m surprised that I don’t feel jealous now, that the idea of Jamie and Em kissing makes my skin all hot and my breath come short, but what about when that wears off? It has to, right? Drew, Sam, and Adam make it work, but they’re not us. Not me.
“Patch, say something.”
“You were right. It’s not a big deal.”
“Please—”
“I mean it,” I interrupt because I want Em to know that it’s the truth. “I mean, you’re right about everything you said, too, and if I were angry, it wouldn’t be your fault, but I’m… not.”
Em makes a sound that might almost be a laugh. “You’re sure about that? Because that sounded like a question.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure. I just thought I’d feel differently too.”
“Is it because you want to be with Jamie?”
“We talked about this.”
“Only a little,” Em says but doesn’t seem keen to press the matter. “Anyway. I thought you should know. Sorry I didn’t do it in person.”
“I’d rather get a phone call than you waiting until Monday. You’d be all stressed out.”
Em chuckles. “Yeah, I guess.”
“What about last night?”
“What about it?”
“You said it was strange. Everything okay over there?”
“Yeah.” Something rustles, as though Em is getting himself into a more comfortable position now that the hard part of the conversation is done.
I smile into my empty room. “I made Jamie and Nick dinner last night. Made soup. Talked to Cate, too. She says I only make soup when I’m trying to figure things out. ”
“What were you trying to figure out?”
“The kiss. All of it. Anyway, I made dinner. That was nice; they really liked it.”
“Doesn’t sound strange so far.” My stomach rumbles. “You’re making me hungry, though.”
Em laughs. “Sorry. Yeah, I went for a walk late. Couldn’t sleep. I saw—Thought I saw—”
My heart thuds against my ribs. “What did you see?”
The moment stretches taut. If he says a wolf, I’ll have to go over there. He’s my mate, anyway. So long as I tell him properly, no one will get into trouble. He’s tied to me, to the whole supernatural community through me.
“A big fucking dog,” Em says finally. “Huge. I should have stayed, tried to find its owner, but I panicked. Ran.”
Disappointment floods me, the emotion a stark contrast to the relief I felt a moment ago at hearing about Em and Jamie’s kiss. My wolf chuffs, annoyed, and I swallow down the bitter taste in my mouth. “Fuck. It didn’t chase you?”
“No. I know running wasn’t a good idea, but I wasn’t sure what to do,” Em says. “But I’m okay. Went back that way this morning. The dog’s gone.”
Is he telling me he saw a dog, or convincing himself? I hope it’s the former. It makes sense he wouldn’t fully trust me yet, but I don’t want him to blind himself to what’s truly out there.
“You need to be careful walking around late,” I say instead of any of that, and Em’s laugh this time sounds a little pleased.
“Don’t worry about me. As you can tell, I am very skilled at making a quick escape.”
My chest warms. He might not know me quite yet, but at least my mate is safe.