Chapter 4 #3
That pissed me off. He pissed me off.
I grabbed his hair, shoving him down harder and thrusting my hips, fucking his hot mouth with aggression.
He let me. He fucking liked it, moaning and slurping around my dick.
He was perfect. Losing control, I grunted loudly as I exploded down his tight throat, then collapsed back into my seat, panting hard.
He swallowed every drop, lapping at my length with care that made it feel too intimate.
I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I threw my hand over my eyes, my chest heaving, then shoved him away. As the orgasm subsided, it was replaced by a flood of shame. Gut-wrenching shame that made me want to turn that gun on myself for being so fucking weak.
I shoved my dick back into my trousers and started doing up my belt clumsily, ignoring how much my hands were shaking, especially the one still holding my gun. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him for forcing me to confront a dark part of myself that could never be seen.
“You’re thinking about killing me now,” he said, huffing back into his seat and resting a hand on the steering wheel.
He looked so calm, even though he knew the threat was real. I should kill him so he could never tell a soul what we’d just done. He knew that. He turned to look at me, and I clenched my jaw because those eyes were too damn soft.
“Go on then. Shoot me. But it won’t change a damn thing, and you know it. So what? You liked having your cock sucked by a man? Who fucking cares?”
“Me!” I shouted, my rage igniting as if he’d just switched on the detonation button in my soul. “I fucking care! And you’re a deluded fool if you think the world we live in will accept being led by a bisexual mafia boss! I’ll have a bullet in my head before the end of the night.”
He exhaled and looked out of the window, rubbing his jaw. He knew I was right. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one between his lips. I snatched one from the pack in his hand, and he raised his eyebrows with a slight smirk.
“Last time I gave you one of them, you threw your guts up. Don’t fucking puke in my car.”
“Well, you’re the reason I’ll probably die of lung cancer. I haven’t stopped since.”
We were silent for a few minutes as we smoked.
I kept stealing quick glances at him, memorising the contours of his face and the black ink down his arm.
The smoke calmed me, and I wasn’t in such a deadly mood anymore.
I knew I couldn’t kill him. But that bothered me.
I’d killed three men that year. My papi made me kill a man when I was fourteen.
I’d been killing assholes who had threatened me ever since.
Yet there I was, sitting in a car with a man who was more of a threat to me than anyone else, and I couldn’t do it. Why?
I didn’t know anything about him apart from his name and that he was a Buccini soldier sworn to protect Elenora. Suddenly, I was struck by how much I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything.
“How long have you been working for the Buccinis?”
“Eight years.”
“Do you have a family?”
“No.”
“How old are you?”
“Just turned twenty-six.”
“What were you doing before you joined the mafia?”
He rolled his tongue over his teeth and then glanced at me. “What am I interviewing for?”
“Just want to know who I let suck my dick.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “The less you know about me, the better.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “When did you know you were into men?”
“I’ve always known.”
“Always?” I was surprised. I knew I found men attractive when I watched football with my padre at age ten and realised I preferred staring at the players rather than the ball, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I found women attractive too, so I’d focused on that.
“Pretty much. When you’ve been sucking dicks for seventeen years, you kind of know.”
Wait. What? Seventeen years? But that would mean he was only nine when he…
He glanced at me when he realised what he’d just said, a darkness I hadn’t seen before settling over his face.
“I’ve got a fucked-up past, Aiani. As I said, the less you know about me, the better.
” He threw his cigarette out of the window.
“Look… what happened tonight… I won’t say a word to anyone.
I know you think you can’t trust me, or that I might blackmail you or some shit, but I won’t.
I kissed you and sucked your dick because it’s all I’ve thought about doing since the moment I saw you again.
No, fuck that. It’s all I’ve thought about since the moment you touched my arm and thanked me a year ago. ”
My lips parted as I stared at him. My heart was pounding again. My dick was coming back to life.
“But if you want to shoot me, then to be honest, it was still fucking worth it—”
My lips were on his before he’d even finished his sentence.
Why? Fuck knows. But I couldn’t not kiss him when he said shit like that.
He grabbed my face, deepening the kiss, and I was ready to rip his clothes off, shove his upper body out the window, and fuck him bare.
Cristo, what was wrong with me? He’d unleashed a monster.
We kissed for what felt like hours, groping and exploring each other’s bodies through our clothes until he whispered against my lips, “I’m not taking your virgin ass in this car. Let’s go back to my place.”
The thought of being fucked by him sent exhilaration through my body, but also blind panic. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t be fucked by a man. There was no coming back from that. A blowjob was one thing, but having him inside me… no.
I shoved his chest, pushing him off me, and we both panted heavily, staring. He must have seen something in my eyes that triggered him because he swore, ran his hand down his face, and then moved back to his seat.
“Sorry. Too much.”
I swallowed, my cheeks burning. “Take me back to the Buccinis.”
He did. We drove in silence. I hid as we drove through the gates and climbed out the moment he parked at the back entrance. He didn’t get out. We didn’t say goodbye. He drove away, and I let him, because that was for the best, no matter how wrong it felt.