Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
Present Day
Iwoke with a start, grabbing my gun as I sat bolt upright in the armchair I’d dragged into the corner of the Barbieri twins’ room.
The three little bodies were where I’d left them, deep in sleep under their covers, but something felt wrong.
I narrowed my gaze against the darkness of the room, searching until I saw the shadowy figure standing at the foot of Nerina’s bed.
I was on my feet in a flash, grabbing the man by the chest and slamming him against the wall, gun pressed to his temple.
“Finn?” I breathed in confusion, pressing my forearm against his chest to hold him in place as he looked right through me. He didn’t even flinch, completely unaware I could have nearly shot him. I released him, stepped back and holstered the gun. “What are you doing here? What time is it?”
It was still dark outside, and I wasn’t expecting them back until morning at the earliest. He didn’t speak, his jaw clenched, and his dark eyes were fixed on Nerina over my shoulder.
An uneasy feeling prickled across my skin.
His eyes were almost pitch black, vacant and hollow.
His face looked all wrong—too tight, too tense, too cold.
Shit. I’d only ever seen this side of Finn once before, many years ago, when his darkness consumed him and took him far out of reach, to a place where he felt nothing yet everything.
I took another cautious step closer. Softening my voice, I tried to reach him. “Finn. It’s me, Enzo. Let’s go outside.”
He didn’t move. I wasn’t sure he was even breathing. I ran my hand down my face, wondering what the hell to do. This was my fault. Ettore Grimaldi. Seeing him again had triggered this episode, locking him in a cage of darkness.
“Neri’s sleeping. She’s okay. She’s safe. See?” I pointed at her sleeping form. “Let’s not wake her up. Come on,” I mumbled, edging towards the door and opening it.
The landing light streamed in, and my eyes widened. Finn was covered in dried blood. It was splattered across his face, down his neck, and all over his hands. He was wearing a black shirt and trousers, but I’d bet they were ruined. My heart thundered.
“Finn. Don’t let Neri see you like this. You’ll scare her.”
That must have registered in some deep part of his mind because he blinked.
He turned his head and looked at me for the first time.
He nodded once, then strode past me out of the room.
I closed the door softly behind us and watched him vanish into a bedroom at the end of the landing.
I knocked on Fabi’s door so he could take the next watch of the children. He opened it, rubbing his eyes.
“Already?”
“Finn is back,” I lowered my voice so he wouldn’t hear. “But he’s… not in a good place. I think I fucked up.”
Fabi groaned, shoving past me. “What have you done now, Aiani? Where is he?”
He stormed into what I presumed was Finn’s bedroom when he stayed over at the Barbieris’ villa, then paused in the doorway. “Cazzo, Finn. What happened to you?”
I pushed past Fabi and found Finn perched on the edge of his double bed, staring at his bloodstained hands. He didn’t even look up as Fabi stepped into the room behind me. A surge of protectiveness roared through my veins, and I grabbed Fabi’s bicep, pulling him out onto the landing.
“What happened to him?” Fabi snarled at me.
“I found and captured Ettore Grimaldi.”
“Who?”
“Grim. The underground’s Grim Reaper.”
Fabi’s eyes widened. “I thought he was dead.”
“He faked his own death when Alessio and Finn took over the South. I offered him to Finn tonight.”
Fabi threw his hands up into his hair. “Cristo, Aiani. That’s fucked. You just surprised him with it, with no warning?”
Yeah, that was a bad call. Hindsight’s a bitch. I ran my hand down my face. “I know, but I’ll look after him. I know what he needs.”
“He doesn’t need you,” Fabi growled, shoving me in the chest. Rage ignited beneath my skin, but I kept it in check. “He needs Alessio. Where is he? Why didn’t he come back with Finn?” He pulled out his phone and opened his tracking app. “He’s still in Verona.”
“Finn must have returned on his own. I think he wanted to see Neri. Look, I’ve seen Finn like this before. I know what he needs. Just let me help him.”
Fabi bared his teeth at me, clearly resenting that I was the one who had caused this, but I was also the only one who could help him out of it.
When we were together, Finn had come across a man who had been one of Grim’s clients in a club.
He’d beaten the shit out of him and then come banging on my door, covered in blood, with that same darkness in his eyes. He’d needed me to make him feel again.
“Fabi, just watch the kids. Let me deal with this.”
“Fine,” he snapped. “But if you don’t fix this, you’d better run. Alessio will tear you limb from limb when he finds out.”
Yeah, I was well aware.
I closed the bedroom door behind me as softly as I could to avoid spooking him into a violent rage.
When he still hadn’t moved from his spot, I approached him, pulled off my shirt, and knelt on the carpet before him.
His eyes remained fixed on his hands, staring.
Perhaps seeing nothing, or perhaps seeing everything those hands had just done.
“Finn,” I whispered. “I’m going to get you undressed, okay? Wash it all away.”
He didn’t react as I reached up and began undoing his shirt buttons. The silver chain came into view, and my fingers fumbled once I had my confirmation. It was my chain. The one I’d given him the night we told each other we loved one another. He was still wearing it.
Had he ever taken it off? Or had he recently put it back on? What did it mean, if anything at all? Was he still mine?
I pushed my own emotional turmoil aside and concentrated on undressing him.
I slid the shirt over his shoulders and down his arms while he sat perfectly still.
Standing up, I went into the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and wet it under warm water before returning to him.
I took one of his hands in mine and gently rubbed his palms until the blood was just a faint stain on his skin.
I moved to his neck, carefully gliding the towel down and across his tattooed chest. I cleaned as much blood from his face as I could, and his eyes shifted. At last, they met mine. I paused.
Like lightning, he grabbed me by the throat.
The move was so fast it knocked me down, and my back hit the floor.
He was on me before I could get my bearings, straddling my waist and squeezing my neck.
I raised my hands on either side of my head in surrender, showing him I wasn’t a threat.
I wasn’t attacking him. His onyx eyes were full of only pain and harrowing memories. He couldn’t see me at all.
“F-Finn,” I gasped. “It’s me. E-Enzo.”
Something clicked. He let me go, jumping up as if I had electrocuted him.
He started pacing, running his hands through his hair, back and forth, losing control.
He always had to be in control. That was how he functioned.
How he survived what he had endured. But his mind had taken him back to a time when he had none.
I scrambled to my feet as he began making angry, choked noises of desperation, tugging painfully at the hair at the base of his neck.
This was progress. It wouldn’t look like it to others, but this was him fighting, trying to recover from the numb void.
He had to work through his emotions, regain control, and then breathe.
“Finn. Look at me.” I stepped towards him with my hand extended. His eyes flicked in my direction, but he couldn’t concentrate on me. When I reached him, I turned him towards me by his shoulders, then released him just as quickly. “Look at me. Focus on me.”
His eyes met mine as his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.
His fists clenched at his sides, every muscle in his body taut with tension.
He looked deadly, and I realised I was transported back in time, witnessing what any fighter who faced him in those underground rings would have seen.
The war raging behind those black pits of despair made me want to take all his pain and hold it within me so it could never touch him again.
I did this. Once again, I had caused him pain without meaning to.
When this had happened before, he needed me to pull him back from his darkness because he was in love with me. I was his safe place. That might no longer be the case. This might not work. But I had to try. I didn’t break his gaze as I stepped forward slowly and did the only thing I could think of.
I lowered my face to his chest, staring into his eyes, and picked up the chain between my teeth.
He didn’t move; in fact, he became deathly still, as if he had stopped breathing.
His eyes widened as I stood back up to my full height, taking the chain with me in my mouth.
I hoped the memory would be enough—that it would trigger a happier time, one he could cling to and claw his way back.
We stared. The only sound was the rapid beating of our hearts in the silence. Slowly, ever so slowly, I saw the flicker of light return to his eyes and the lines of his face softened.
“Enzo?” he choked.
I let the chain drop from my mouth. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
A beat passed. Then his lips were on mine, frantic, aggressive, and all-consuming.
Our tongues clashed with explosive force, his hands fisting my hair, yanking and pulling as my arms wrapped around his back, desperate to hold him close.
To protect him from his demons. With every swipe of my tongue and every moan into his mouth, I tried to rebuild him, to remind him of who he was and how loved he was.
My back slammed against the wall as he caged me in. I hadn’t even realised we were moving. His hands reached for my buckle, ripping it open with frantic need, and my brain short-circuited. We shouldn’t be doing this.
I had a plan. I needed to prove to him I wanted more than sex; I wanted us. Together. A public relationship. A family. Me, him, and Neri.
His hand wrapped around my cock, and he bit my bottom lip hard, drawing blood. I groaned as my body fought against my mind.
“Wait,” I moaned as he started fisting me, his thumb rolling over my slit. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him. “Finn. I don’t want you to regret this. You’re not thinking straight.”
He growled in frustration. “Don’t deny me.”
Cazzo. I didn’t want to deny him. I really didn’t. He needed control. He needed to own my body. But I needed him to want this. To truly want this. And I couldn’t be sure that he did.
I dropped to my knees, unbuttoning his trousers and shoving them down to his thighs.
He braced his hands against the wall, staring down at me as I took him into my mouth.
Fuck, I’d missed this. The weight, the fullness, the taste.
It was like coming home. I licked along the underside of his cock and flicked my tongue over his slit, moaning as his pre-cum coated my tongue. He hissed.
“Ten years, Finn, and I still taste you in my sleep. Every fucking night. This is all I dream of.”
I took him to the back of my throat in one go, sinking as deep as I could.
His hand plunged into my hair, pinning me in place as he swore and fucked my face.
Every brutal thrust pressed my head against the wall.
There was nowhere to go. And I loved it.
He was taking control, finding himself again with every thrust, every stroke down my throat.
He was panting hard but fucking me harder.
I couldn’t breathe, but I submitted to him, letting him take what he needed.
When my name slipped from his lips and he jerked against the tightness of my throat, spilling himself into me, I swallowed every drop. He stumbled back, released me, and collapsed to the floor, throwing his arm over his eyes. Drained. Barely conscious.
I crawled over to him, pulled off his trousers and boxers, and supported him as we headed to the shower.
I propped him against the wall while I reached behind him to turn on the water, stripping out of my remaining clothes.
He had his eyes closed, his forehead pressed against the cold tiles as water streamed down his back.
I grabbed the body wash, gently caressing his skin and removing any traces of Grimaldi’s blood.
I washed his hair, massaging his scalp as he focused on breathing.
The tightness in my chest still hadn’t faded, and it wouldn’t, not until I saw him smiling again.
Emotion lodged in my throat and stung behind my eyes as I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around him.
Finn was always so strong. He hated being vulnerable.
He always said he didn’t need anyone, but that was a lie.
He needed me and I’d let him down by letting him go.
I had to be the strong one now. He deserved me to be.
I led him to the bed, pulled back the cover, and guided him onto it. He could hardly keep his eyes open as his eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks. I pulled the cover over him and tried to move to the other side of the bed. His hand suddenly shot out and grasped my wrist.
“Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not,” I said, deciding to clamber over him so he wouldn’t have to let go of me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He shifted onto his side so he faced me, even though his eyes were already closed. I intertwined our hands over the cover and watched him breathe steadily.
“Grazie,” he mumbled. “For this and for him.”
“Don’t thank me,” I whispered, stroking my knuckles down his cheek. “This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”
“Exactly,” he whispered, forcing his eyes open.
“I killed the Grim Reaper. I watched the life drain from his eyes, knowing the last thing he ever saw was my face.” He sighed, almost in relief, and his whole body relaxed.
“He’ll never hurt another boy again. You gave me that.
I’ll never be able to thank you enough. You do love me in all the wrong ways, Aiani. But it’s the kind of love I need.”
I pressed my lips together and watched him sink into a deep, exhausted sleep.