Chapter 15 #2
Panting heavily, we stared at each other, our gazes locked in a fire that was consuming us both.
My cum was all over his lips, cheeks and nose, but he didn’t wipe it away.
He crawled to his knees on the sofa and leaned up as I stood behind it, my dick still hard.
His blue eyes held so much defiance and damning desire.
The way he looked at me. Fuck. It was everything.
Everything I’d never dreamed of having. A love so intense I’d die for it.
He grabbed my neck and slammed his lips against mine, kissing me hard, smothering my face with my own release, but I didn’t even care.
It was weirdly erotic and twisted, and that was us.
We broke apart, and the tension evaporated as we both burst out laughing at the sight of us, fully dressed with our dicks out and cum on our faces.
I pulled up my joggers and hoisted him by the ass.
He wrapped his thighs around my hips, and I walked us into the bedroom.
We undressed and showered together, which led to round two.
This time I fucked him slowly against the shower door, his legs hooked over my arms. We crawled onto the bed, sated and naked, and I reached for my cigarettes, lighting one for each of us.
Enzo was leaning against the headboard, legs spread, while I sprawled horizontally, using his thigh as a pillow.
He ran his fingers through my hair as I blew smoke rings towards the ceiling.
Bliss. Utter contentment. Being with him was all I needed to set me right again.
It was moments like this that made it all worth it.
The sneaking around and the waiting for him to accept who he was and who he loved.
For him to choose us. He would eventually.
I just had to be patient. It wasn’t easy for him, given his position and upbringing.
I understood that. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have agreed to a relationship behind closed doors or put up with the secrets for a whole year.
But it was him. And he was worth the wait.
He sighed, a sound full of happiness. It made my stomach swoop. “This,” he breathed. “This is it, isn’t it?”
“What?” I smirked, even though I knew what he was implying.
“This is what true love feels like. Fucking delicious.”
I chuckled and took another drag of my cigarette.
“You know, I had a dream last night,” he said, brushing my hair back from my face as I turned to look at him.
He gave that smile reserved only for me; wide, relaxed, and full of admiration.
“We lived in a beach house with a view of the ocean stretching for miles. We were cooking breakfast together. You burned the toast, and I made the coffee while the children coloured at the table, eating pastries. I tried to reach around you for a mug, and you grabbed me and kissed me, and the children heckled us. It was so… ordinary and humble yet filled with everything I’ve ever wanted. A life of different circumstances.”
“Children? Our children?” I raised an eyebrow with a smile. We’d never spoken about this before. Whenever I tried to bring up future plans, Enzo would go quiet or brush it off.
“I guess,” he shrugged. “I don’t think they were anyone else’s.”
“Do you want children?” I asked, twisting onto my side and propping myself up on my elbow.
“Of course,” he answered. “I need an heir.”
I frowned at that comment. “Yeah, but do you actually want them?”
His eyes snapped to mine in confusion. “Not yet. I’m only twenty-one and not ready to be a father, but I will need them. It’s the only way to secure my position.”
“That’s not a reason to have a child, Enzo.”
He scoffed. “It’s the only reason I’d have one.
Do you think my mamma actually wanted to have me with that bastard?
She was given to him in an arranged marriage when she was sixteen.
She had Cami when she was eighteen, and she cried so much because she had a girl.
She knew that meant she’d have to have another with him because my father needed an heir. ”
I stared at him, seeing a deeper wound come to light as he sat there, smoking and talking about how he had never been truly wanted by his mother. I may have had a shit childhood after my parents died, but at least they had actually wanted me. Loved me.
“You don’t talk much about your mamma.”
He ran his tongue across his teeth. “There isn’t much to say.
As soon as my father died, she hopped on the first plane out of Italy, and I don’t blame her.
I let her go because, after over twenty years of abuse at that man’s hands, she deserved to start a new life free of guilt.
She’s in Spain. We talk on the phone a few times a year.
Birthdays, you know, but that’s it. We were never close. Francesco made that impossible.”
I reached for the ashtray and stubbed out my cigarette, thinking about what he had just said.
“That’s why, when I marry, I’ll make sure my wife is looked after. Children need a healthy, happy mother.”
I froze, staring at the ashtray as a sick feeling rose from nowhere. I felt as if I had just been punched in the gut. My eyes flicked up to his face, but he was staring straight ahead at the wall, taking a long drag on his cigarette and avoiding my gaze. Had I just heard that right?
A nervous laugh escaped me, drawing his attention back to me. “You’re joking, right?”
He frowned and shook his head. “I have to marry eventually, Finn. And have an heir.” I sat up, my face turning cold and pale as I moved off the bed.
He kept talking, panic creeping into his tone at my reaction.
“Finn. Come on. You know this life. You’ve seen what I’m up against. Without a marriage alliance and an heir, I’m a sitting duck.
They keep trying to kill me, and one day they’ll succeed.
It’s not that I want to get married or have a child, but it’s what’s expected of me and—”
I started nodding, pacing back and forth in front of the window. Was I mad? Had I dreamed this entire fucking year? Was I delusional? The words coming out of his mouth couldn’t be real.
“Finn, calm down. You have to understand—”
“I don’t have to do shit, Enzo,” I snapped, glaring at him. He flinched against the headboard but didn’t look away. “So what is this? What am I to you? What the fuck have we been doing for the past year?”
He scrambled towards me in a rush, his eyes wide with worry, and reached for me. I pulled away, pacing to keep some distance. To keep my head straight so I didn’t fall into his seduction trap again, and this just became another unresolved argument.
“I love you,” he pleaded. “Nothing has to change between us. We can still be together, just like this. This is great, isn’t it? I’ll just have a wife to keep up appearances.”
I scoffed in disbelief. “Right. So you’ll spend weekends fucking me, and then Monday to Friday you’ll be a devoted husband to your wife? Is that it?”
“No, it doesn’t have to be like that. I won’t even sleep with her if you’re not okay with it. There are other ways for her to have my baby.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “If I’m not okay with it?
” I half-shouted, half-laughed, feeling like I was going insane.
He was making me feel insane. “Of course I wouldn’t be okay with you fucking a woman or another man, Enzo.
Because I fucking love you. I want to be with you.
And I shouldn’t have to share you with anyone else! ”
“Then you won’t!” he rushed, grabbing my face and forcing me to stand still and look at him. “My heart and body will only be yours. I won’t be with her in any way other than being legally married. It will all be for show.”
“Yeah, as long as no one else knows, right?”
He swallowed, his eyes glistening with pure panic as he watched me slip away from him right before his eyes. “Please, Finn. I can’t lose you. But I have to marry a woman.”
I stepped back from him. “And how will you explain to your wife why you won’t have sex with her?
How will you explain where you disappear every night to end up in my fucking bed, Enzo?
You’ll marry a woman for an alliance and then keep her trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage.
She’ll be miserable! You’re okay with that? ”
He dived back at me. “I don’t know! I haven’t thought all of that through, but I don’t care. As long as I have you, I don’t care. You can’t leave me, Finn. Please. I love you so much. Just give me some time to sort this out.”
He started kissing me, his hands threading through my hair. I tried to push him off, but he held on tighter, biting my lips and thrusting his tongue into my mouth until I submitted. We kissed with feverish need, hating the world for what it was while loving each other despite it.
“I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m sorry,” he husked between our frantic kisses until we fell back onto the bed.
We rolled and rutted and panted until we could erase the pain, then clung to each other through the night.
I stared at the ceiling with Enzo’s head on my chest, never feeling more terrified of losing what we had at that moment.
“I hate that I can’t give you that dream. The beach house. The children. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a future and be happy. It might just look a little different. I’ll figure it out, Finn. I promise. I’ll never let you go,” he whispered.
I continued to stare at the ceiling in emotional turmoil.
I felt as if I’d just been thrown into a hurricane, and the only way to survive was to hold on to him with everything I had.
I was madly in love with a man who wasn’t ready to love me openly.
A man who had been so poisoned and manipulated into believing he’d never be accepted for who he was.
A man trapped in a life he didn’t want to live.
I pressed my lips together as I fought back the unsettling emotions, trying to imagine my life without Enzo Aiani if I were to walk away and move on.
The pain was excruciating, and I didn’t want it.
I only wanted him. Could I stay in this, hoping that one day he would find the courage to accept who he was and share it with the world?
And until that day, could I stay his lover in the dark, even if that meant watching him marry someone else and have their children?
Did I love him enough to trap myself in his life of secrets and lies just so I didn’t have to live without him?
I think I did.