Chapter 19 #2
The pain in his voice jolted me back into my body as I glanced at him.
His blue eyes glistened in the warm light, searching mine.
He looked just as scared as I felt, and it suddenly felt so ridiculous.
We were deadly, lethal criminals who had no issues taking a man’s life.
Yet here we were, sitting on a bench in a romantic setting, terrified of the power we held over each other.
“I want this more than anything,” I admitted for the first time in my life.
“But? Talk to me. Tell me your concerns so I can put your mind at rest, Finn.”
I smiled because that was the new, mature Enzo speaking. The one who was thinking about me and my feelings before his own. It was… nice.
“Have you honestly never been with another man since me? Am I the only man you’ve ever been with…romantically or sexually?”
He frowned deeply at the question, as if I were trying to catch him out. I raised my hand. “I’m not going to lose my shit and act irrationally jealous. I just need to know.”
“You’re not going to be jealous?” He cocked an eyebrow, and I scoffed.
“No. I’ve been with other men since you. We weren’t together, Enzo.”
A darkness fell over his expression, his jaw tightened, and his hand stopped caressing my arm. He glanced away, and I tried to suppress my grin at how hard he was trying to control his jealousy.
“How many?”
“No.” I shook my head. “This isn’t about me. I’m asking you.”
“How many men, Finn? How many am I going to add to my death count for touching you?” he growled, his gaze locked on the distance with lethal determination.
I ran my hand down my face and groaned. “Don’t be dramatic, Aiani. Answer the question.”
“Why? If you’re not jealous, why do you care?”
“Just—” I inhaled sharply.
Why did it bother me so much that he hadn’t been with other men?
It raised the question of why. Was I the only man he’d ever been with because I was the only one accessible to him in the dark?
He couldn’t exactly hit up the gay clubs or join dating apps, given who he was.
He couldn’t trust anyone to have random hook-ups without kissing and telling.
So was that all I was? Convenience? Selfishly, I didn’t want to know.
But I had to. What if we did this again, and in a few months or years, he started getting attention from men he’d never had?
What if the temptation was there? What if he broke my heart?
“I haven’t had sex with another man, Finn. I—” he paused, his hand clenching his thigh.
“But that’s what bothers me,” I argued. “You haven’t had the chance or the temptation to be with other men. Now you do.”
He glared at me, fire in his eyes. “But I don’t want them.”
“How do you know when you’ve never been tested like that? Do you realise what you fucking look like, Enzo? You could walk into a gay club tonight and have any man there.”
He growled in frustration, running his hand through his hair beneath his black hood, and I tried to ignore how my body was responding to his anger. My dick was hardening against my jeans because I knew I was pushing him, testing him, but most of all, I loved it when he got heated and passionate.
“You want me to fuck other men, Rossetti? Or let them fuck me? Just so I can say I’ve done it and hated every minute of it because it wasn’t you? Is that what you want?”
I stared at him, my breathing growing rapid to match his as I considered how far to push him. “Maybe.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t need to do that. Of course, I find other men attractive. You think I haven’t been tempted over the past ten years? Of course I have. But none of them would make me feel even half of what I feel when I’m with you. So what was the fucking point?”
“How do you know unless you try?”
“I did try! Once.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I went to France for a meeting about two years after we broke up, I went to a gay bar alone one night. I met a stranger. He was hot. We kissed, danced and flirted. We went to a dark corner, and he dropped to his knees, ready to suck me off. As soon as he did, I closed my eyes and could think of only you. I even called him Finn at one point, which he was pretty pissed about. When I realised it wasn’t you on your knees for me, I lost my erection. It was a disaster.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing, but my shoulders shook with the effort. Enzo shoved my arm, pushing me away.
“Fuck off, Rossetti,” he said, but within seconds he was laughing too, shaking his head. “That’s how fucked up I am over you, Finn. I don’t know how to want anyone else but you.”
I plunged my hand into his hood, gliding my fingers through his hair, then kissed him. He sighed, all his anger leaving his body.
“Don’t ever fucking ask me to fuck anyone else again. I can’t even stand the thought of you with other men.”
“They meant nothing. They were meaningless hook-ups to try to numb the pain.”
“You didn’t let them fuck you?” he asked quietly.
My stomach flipped at the look in his eyes.
He knew, better than anyone, that I liked being fucked.
Being dominated because I chose to be. But I couldn’t do it with just anyone.
There had to be a huge level of trust for me to allow myself to be that vulnerable with someone.
I shook my head. “No. No one has fucked me since you. None of them could come close. It only made me more pissed off at you, Enzo. You ruined me.”
“Good,” he breathed against my lips, sliding his hand up my thigh. My cock ached. “Let me ruin you some more.”
I groaned as his hand wrapped around my thigh, dangerously close to my dick, and squeezed.
“As much as I love being with you in public, I really fucking wish we weren’t surrounded by so many people right now.”
He smirked, his eyes lighting with a devious plan. “Then let’s go.”
“Back to the hotel?”
“Si. We’ll take the scenic route. I saw a park in that direction,” he said, nodding over his shoulder towards the tall trees and greenery behind us. My gaze swept back to his, finding that same heated desire and excitement. He couldn’t be serious.
“You want me to fuck you in public?” I whispered, and his smile widened, revealing that damn dimple in one cheek.
“No,” he husked, leaning closer. “I want to fuck you.”
Holy shit. Yes.