Chapter 17 Emily
EMILY
Isat next to Donovan in his truck, fuming as I stared out the window.
I didn’t want to speak to him, but he’d given me no choice when he volunteered to take me home.
He already knew where I lived since he and Vance had helped me move a couple years ago, and to my brother-in-law, it just looked like someone helping out a friend.
I couldn’t decline his offer without raising suspicions, and he used that fact to his advantage.
We drove in silence for several long minutes, and I started to think he wasn’t going to bring it up. Then he cleared his throat, and the peace was broken when he spoke.
“Are you warm enough?” he asked, his voice gentle and comforting. I wouldn’t fall for it.
“Yep.” My answer was short and clipped.
“Want to listen to some music?” he asked, reaching for his radio.
“Nope,” I replied, just to be obstinate. He dropped his hand and rubbed it over his jeans clad thigh. A thigh I knew was corded with thick muscles and dusted with dark hair. Ugh, I couldn’t think about that right now.
“Okay,” he said calmly, and anger lit beneath my skin.
Here I was seething, and he was completely unbothered.
Maybe he was used to sleeping with women then acting like they didn’t exist. Maybe that was his M.O.
But I wasn’t just any woman. I’d known him for over a decade, yet he’d discarded me like I meant nothing to him.
“Look, now that we’re alone and I have your full attention, we need to talk,” Donovan began, and I gritted my teeth together.
The time for talking had passed. I didn’t want to have this conversation right now.
It was Christmas. I wanted to eat my weight in sugar cookies and drink hot cocoa while watching Kevin McCallister fuck up some would-be criminals. “I owe you an apology.”
“Damn straight you do,” I snapped, my gaze shooting to him.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you with my silence.” I swallowed down the emotions rising in my throat at the sincerity in his voice. “I couldn’t give you more than just that one night, and I didn’t want to lead you on.”
The truck slowed as he turned down my road, and I ground my teeth in irritation.
“Did I, at any point, give you the impression that I expected more from you?” Sure, I had been open to more, but I knew what the score was. He’d made me no promises, and I hadn’t asked for any either. He glanced over at me, a hint of surprise at my response written across his expression.
“No,” he drew out slowly like he was replaying the entire interaction in his head.
“I had no illusions about what this was. Like you, I was simply looking for a good time. After finding out my ex was cheating on me, I wanted to feel desired, and you gave me that,” I explained honestly.
Donovan parked in front of my apartment and raked a hand through his hair before rubbing it down his face.
He stared out the window and heaved a deep breath before blowing it out slowly.
I continued, needing to get this out before my emotions got the best of me because remembering the way I felt when I woke up alone that morning without a word from him made my chest ache.
“I would’ve been open to exploring this further, but I didn’t go into that night thinking that’s what would happen.
I was content with it being a one-time thing.
What I’m not okay with is you not having enough respect for me, a woman you’ve known for years, to have a conversation about where we go from here. ”
He turned to me then, his face twisted with anguish and his eyes full of regret. “Emily,” he croaked, his voice pleading. I continued, needing to get this off my chest.
“Instead, you snuck out like a thief in the night, like it had been a mistake and you couldn’t run far and fast enough to get away from it.” My voice began to shake as emotions rose to the surface, and I felt myself on the verge of breaking.
“That’s not—”
“If you regretted it that much, you could've just been honest and said you didn’t want it to happen again instead of being a coward and pretending like I was some random hookup you never planned on seeing again. Like I didn’t matter to you at all.
I thought at the very least, we were friends, but friends don’t treat each other like that!
” My voice cracked on that last word, and I shoved open my door as tears welled in my eyes.
I wouldn’t let him see me cry or witness how much his cold dismissal had bothered me.
Ignoring Donovan calling my name, I marched up to my apartment building, digging my keys out of my purse. My hands shook as I hurried to find the right key. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so sensitive about the situation.
My ex’s—not Josh, but the man who messed up my life so badly I had to move back home with my parents—voice played in my head.
You’re too sensitive.
It’s not that big of a deal.
Why do you have to be so dramatic about everything?
My nose stung, and my vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes. Before I could put my key in the lock, I was spun around, and Donovan’s woodsy scent invaded my nose, his warmth enveloping me as he stepped into my space.
“Don’t think for one second that I regret what happened between us.
It was the most incredible night of my life.
The only part I regret is the way I left things,” he said, his gaze searing into me.
He cupped my face, curling his fingers around the back of my neck.
“And you're right,” he continued, “I was a coward. I was afraid of what I was feeling,” he said, his thumb grazing over my bottom lip.
My eyes fluttered closed, and my traitorous body leaned into him. I shouldn’t have let him touch me like that, not when I was that angry, but I was quickly forgetting what I’d been so mad about. He went on, his hot breath warming my lips.
“I was afraid that if I stayed, if I saw those mesmerizing eyes open to a new day or watch you try to tame that sleep mussed hair, I wouldn’t be able to walk away.
And I had to walk away … because I’m leaving.
” My brow knitted in confusion, and I blinked up at him.
A guilty look flashed in his eyes before he confessed, “I’m moving back to Boston. ”