Chapter 8
Jackson
I’ve always said Sebastian never gives anything away but when I told him about my living situation, his reaction was intense.
He was upset and I understood. I work for him, and I was sure he felt bad about it.
I had never wanted my situation to spill over to work and it clearly had because I had to miss work to heal up.
Sebastian’s willingness to let me stay in his home was more than generous, but I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.
I’d been a burden my whole life to someone, whether it was my foster family or anyone that just felt sorry for me.
Once Sebastian left for work the next morning, I went upstairs to pack up my bag. I was mostly healed up, but my ribs kicked back in protest, letting me know I wasn’t quite there yet. They were still tender, like after a pulled muscle, but I knew I’d be fine.
Once I got all my things packed up, I took one final look at the room I’d been staying in for the past couple of weeks.
Sleeping in a real bed, eating real food, and having real company was nice.
It was calming to not need to look over my shoulder at every turn, but that wasn’t my life.
It was Sebastian’s, and I’d overstayed my welcome.
I didn’t know where I would go, but I knew I’d figure it out, like always.
What I did know was the men’s shelter was not an option.
Not after getting jumped there. Luckily, in the two weeks since I’d been down, I had gotten paid from work.
Sebastian brought my check home to me, and I stuck it in my wallet until I could get to a bank to cash it.
That was a whole ordeal too. He was confused why I was being issued a paper check, but he didn’t push it because it really was my business.
Unsure if there was another shelter in town, I locked the front door behind me and started walking to the nearest bus station. My GPS showed a four-block walk, which under normal circumstances wasn’t bad, but toss in sore ribs, and those blocks felt like miles.
At least the weather was nice. It was a beautiful sixty-degree morning and getting warmer as the sun rose higher.
I could feel the weather inching toward fall, mother nature’s best time of year, as far as I was concerned.
The mornings showcased dew on cars, wet grass, and a slight chill just before mid-morning hit and the warmth arrived.
I had hoped that by the time fall arrived, I would be in a better place. My own place.
As soon as I arrived at the bus stop, I sat down on the bench and did a quick internet search for local shelters. Of course, Day by Day showed up and I was not going back there. I needed to figure it out before nightfall and thankfully it was very early in the day.
I didn’t have anyone in my life, aside from the people at work.
It just wasn’t how my world was made up.
Of course, I made friends over the years, but none that I would call lifers.
Some people are in your life for a season and then it’s time to move on.
I never really wanted to let anyone get close enough because then I’d have to explain my situation all over again, and feeling sorry for me was the last thing I wanted anyone to feel toward me or my situation.
I had let Sebastian in though, and I was already starting to miss him.
I brushed the thought aside when I saw the bus pull up.
Midtown is where all the shopping centers are.
Even though I didn’t have much, I wanted to spend the day in a bookstore and relax.
After picking a seat near the back of the bus, I leaned my head against the window and let the rumble of the bus ride relax me.
It had been a whirlwind couple of weeks, and I’d needed some time alone to think.
*
Having spent the day at the bookstore gave me new life.
It was something I hadn’t done for myself in a long time, and it was nice to sit there in the café, have a coffee, and thumb through a few books and magazines.
I had spent all day there when I realized I needed to head to the bus stop if I was going to make it back to the terminal in time to sleep.
Sleeping at the bus terminal again wasn’t ideal, but there weren’t any shelters with open beds.
The bus terminal would have to do for the night, and I figured I could find some other place the next morning.
At the terminal, I found a good spot to hunker down for the night.
Just as I was settling in, my phone rang.
When I looked at the screen it read, Bailey Stoll.
Bailey was one of my best friends before things got weird between us when she left the system.
I hesitated for a few rings but finally answered. “Hello.”
“Jack… is that you? It’s Bailey.” Only Bailey called me Jack.
She was an incredible friend for such a long time.
We were in foster care together and lived in a few of the same places.
Eventually, she found an incredible family, and I didn’t.
She landed on a good path, and it kept going for her.
Mine ended when I aged out and somewhere in there, she forgot about me.
She was supposed to be my best friend, and she just stopped calling.
I tried to call her a few times, but she was always busy.
And now it’s been six years and she’s calling.
“Um, yeah, this is Jackson.”
“Jackson, right. I guess I don’t deserve to call you Jack anymore.
That’s fair.” I didn’t give a response, just sighed into the phone as I made my way to an empty corner with a row of empty chairs.
I set my things down and took a seat, feeling the weight of my life on my shoulders again.
“Jackson, I…I was just calling to see how you’re doing. ”
“How I am? It’s been six years, Bailey.”
“I know, Jackson. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I fell off and didn’t call you back. I just… I was in a different life, and I got caught up in it all, ya know?”
“What can I do for you, Bailey?” I asked in a monotone voice. I imagined she needed something. Why else would she be calling me after six years?
“Nothing…I… Jack, I miss you. Can I miss you? I was in Bagelsaurus the other day.” She laughed.
“Do you remember that place? Do you ever go? Remember the bagels that were dinosaur shaped and how we would have dinosaur bagel fights at the table?” She laughed again and I couldn’t help smiling, and remembering, no matter how much it hurt.
I asked her, “How the hell did they get them shaped like that?”
Her laugh faded and so did my smile. “I’m sorry, Jack.”
“I know.”
“I wanted to call and tell you I’m here now.
When you’re ready to forgive me, if you choose to forgive me, when you need someone.
I’m here if you need me and I’m sorry it took me so long.
” I smiled again, hearing her voice and hearing her say those two little words, even though the cut was still healing, I was actually really grateful for her call.
“Thanks, Bailey. Keep my number, ok?”
I could hear her cheer up, “Okay! Bagelsaurus soon, all right?”
Soon. “Yeah, okay. Bye, Bailes.”
“Bye, Jack.”
My friendship with Bailey haunted me. When you have almost no one, you kind of cling to that person that’s steady. I think Bailey and I relied on each other for stability until she didn’t need to rely on me anymore. But I still needed her, needed someone, and she was the only one who truly knew me.
When the call ended, I shoved my phone into my jeans pocket, pulled out a hoodie and tossed it over my head.
It was getting chilly, and the terminal hadn’t switched from air to heat yet.
It was going to be a long night. Whenever I stayed in the terminal, my naps were minutes long because I was always afraid that I’d wake up to someone in my face.
The bus terminal was huge. When you walk in the front sliding doors, you're first greeted with seats and then the ticketing windows.
Bathrooms and more seats to the left of the windows and then a bunch of seating to the right.
I opted for a corner to the back of the terminal that had seating up against a huge pillar.
It made me feel a little tucked away and protected.
Anyway, it was warmer in the back because the doors constantly sliding open near the front brought in the cold air, where it mostly stayed.
My bag made a nice pillow, so I tucked it under my head, laid down and tried to get comfortable across several seats. I pulled my hoodie over my head, shoved my hands in the front pockets to keep warm, and prayed for an easy night.