Chapter Five
Mae
“You can’t have what you can’t have,” I muttered to myself, adjusting the strap of my camisole.
The sunshine poured through my kitchen window, and I stared at the microwave clock that read ten o’clock. It was Tuesday morning, and Stephanie was already at the coffee shop. She had the opening shift today and Thursday.
I tried to work around my employees’ school schedules, and it worked great so far. Steph was nineteen and took the ferry on Mondays and Wednesdays to the University District in Seattle for her classes. Meanwhile, Jessie had his classes on Tuesday and Thursday. There were occasional days like yesterday when I ran the place myself, but knowing I had backup was nice. Of course, my siblings would help out if I were really in a crunch, but so far, there hadn’t been a need.
My mind drifted back to dinner with Tyler last night. The conversation flowed so well and the time flew by. All the awkwardness I worried about didn’t exist. There were so many laughs. But there was also this heaviness whenever the reason for him being here came up. My brother and Tyler tried to laugh it away or sweep it under the rug, but I could see the hurt in Tyler’s eyes.
I knew so little about his experience growing up, and being a kid when I knew him, I just assumed all families were like my own.
Happy.
But it was evident that there was a lot of dysfunction for him growing up, which had carried over to now. His parents still treated him as if he were less than, from what I could tell.
A shiver ran through me as I thought about how hard it must be for him to be here.
My mom knocked at the front door while simultaneously opening it and hollering in her sing-song voice. She’d mentioned she was going to stop by this morning.
“I’m in the kitchen,” I called, taking a sip of coffee.
Ironically, I never got tired of the stuff.
“I heard the news.” My mom clapped her hands, and her eyes quickly found mine as soon as she entered the kitchen.
I shook my head. “What news?”
“Tyler is back.”
I laughed, knowing exactly where my mom was headed, so I knew I needed to steer her in a different direction. “He’s back for a few days. He hopes to leave Friday night or Saturday morning, depending on his dad’s last appointment.”
My mom walked over and helped herself to a cup of coffee. “We’ll see.”
“Mom, there’s no we’ll see. I can assure you that he’s itching to leave this place.”
Her eyes met mine over the rim of her coffee cup as she drank. “How so?”
I sucked on my bottom lip for a split second and let out a breath. “I don’t think it’s really pleasant for him to be around his parents.”
“Probably not.” My mom nodded in agreement and set her cup down. “I heard he’s not staying at the house, and I don’t blame him if what I hear is true.”
I scowled, wondering why she”d never mentioned anything over the years. “What do you hear?”
She shrugged. “His father accused Tyler and his brother of neglecting them.”
“What? The guys have been sending them money for years.” I shook my head in frustration.
“And let’s not forget that both of the parents had great jobs through the decades. They both have pensions, and they get social security,” my mom added.
My eyes narrowed. “How do you know these things?”
“I have my sources.” She shook her head and laughed. “Anyway, my point is that they should be set financially, but the money goes out as quickly as it comes in. It’s heartbreaking that Tyler and his brother keep sending money.”
“Brad mentioned gambling?”
She nodded. “Decades of it.”
I leaned against the counter. “Why didn’t you ever mention anything to me?”
“No point, really. Tyler left.” She eyed me cautiously. “But he’s back now. Maybe…”
“Mom, we’re talking for a matter of days.”
“A lot can happen in days.”
“You’re a hopeless romantic.”
Her gaze flew to my ears, and I chuckled, realizing I’d been toying with my earrings. “I guess I am, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting the best in life and love for my daughters and son.”
A thoughtful look crossed my mom’s expression. “They’ve faced some challenges in life, mostly of their own making, from what I can tell. I’m not saying that in a judging manner… just based on what Tyler had told your dad and me when he was younger.”
“He talked to you about it?” I asked, surprised.
She nodded slowly. “Yeah, he did. Tyler was a good kid, a good son. Judging by things now, he still is. But it was never enough for his parents.”
My stomach clenched at the thought of Tyler and his brother hurting, and all the times he’d spent at our house, and I never even had a clue.
“So, what are your plans for the day?” my mom asked, sitting at the tiny table in my kitchen near the back door to the patio.
I’d found this little fishing cottage about five years ago and fell in love with the bones of it and the location. Most people might have called it a shack, but I preferred to think of it as a tiny home by the time I’d finished it.
Truthfully, it had never been intended to be inhabitable, but after many permits and renovations, I’d finally been allowed to move in. The positive of that experience was that I got familiar with the achingly long permit process for building my coffee shop here on the island.
But what I loved most about this little home was that it was perched on a tiny peninsula, propped on a cliff area overlooking the water, and I even had a trail down to the beach. It’s why fishermen had built it so many decades before.
Now, it had everything I needed. The kitchen was tiny but organized and overlooked the water. The bright yellow walls always cheered me up, and the room opened into a sitting area where I had a cute couch, rocker, and television.
I’d painted the walls a beautiful cloud white and left some of the original beams exposed in the ceiling. From that, there was a short hallway we constructed that led to the bedroom and the bathroom that I’d turned into a pastel mecca.
I’d chosen old pine planks for flooring I’d found while working at my family’s antique store. and they tied everything together. It was perfect for me, especially since I didn’t see anyone else exactly fitting into my world anytime soon.
“I have some geraniums and other flowers to plant out back, and then I’ll probably grab an ice cream for lunch and head to the coffee shop,” I told her. “Why? Did you need help with something?”
My mom circled her long index finger on the table and brought her gaze to mine. “I was hoping you could come to dinner tonight with your dad and me.” She bit her lip. “Your siblings will be there too.”
I straightened and stared at my mom. “Is everything okay?”
She smiled and nodded, letting out a deep breath. “Everything is fine. We want to chat with our kids while they’re all in one place. That’s not easy nowadays.”
“Mom, you know I don’t do well with secrets. Just spit it out. What’s going on? Is it you? Is it Dad?”
She took a sip of coffee, and her gaze fell to the table. “Don’t worry. It’s all good news.”
“You’re retiring? Adopting a puppy?” I prompted with raised brows, but I could see it in the way her lips pressed together into a tight line. She wasn’t going to say a word. “Okay, fine. When and where?”
“The new Italian place. Bella Vita. Have you been?”
“No, but I’ve wanted to go.”
“We’ve got reservations for the patio at seven.”
I smiled, wishing my mom wouldn’t be such a diplomat. I hated being in the dark. “I’ll be there.”
“Good.” She pushed an envelope toward me and smiled. “Bring this with you, and don’t open it until we tell you to at dinner.”
“Why not just wait until dinner to hand it out?”
She smiled coyly. “I like to see who of my grown children still listens to me.”
I chuckled as she stood and finished off her coffee.
“Those earrings still look great on you, Mae,” she said softly.
I kept them in nearly twenty-four-seven since my ears had been pierced when I was twelve. The little mayflowers were so delicate that the earrings went with everything. Keeping them in was easier than taking them out and losing them, which I’d done with nearly every other pair of earrings I’d owned.
My mom hugged me and stepped back. “Okay, then. See you for dinner. We’re doing family style, so be prepared to eat a lot.”
“Not a problem. I can always be counted on to pull my weight.” I chuckled and walked my mom to the door, closing it after her before spinning around and grabbing my gardening gloves, which I kept in a trunk by the front door, and my red straw hat to keep the sun out of my eyes.
I wanted to pretend my mom’s request to attend an impromptu family dinner didn’t concern me, but it did. We often all grabbed dinner together here and there, but it wasn’t usually something this… formal.
And they were getting older, but they seemed just fine.
Securing my hat and pulling on my gloves, I grabbed my tiny hand shovel and walked out the back door where red, hot pink, and pale pink geraniums waited to be planted, along with some purple petunias I’d picked up at the hardware store.
The morning air hadn’t heated up to the usual springtime warmth as I grabbed two trays of plants, walking them around the side of the house, where I set them down next to some colorful planters I’d painted bright blue last summer.
A slight breeze ruffled the leaves as I used my tiny shovel to make holes for all the flowers. This was the fun part of gardening, when the soil was already prepped, the weeding done, and all I had to do was make things colorful.
As my shovel scraped the soil, I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head of worry about tonight’s dinner, leading me to think about Tyler and last night’s dinner.
There was something so easy about being around him, but that was probably because I’d known him since I was a kid. I tapped my shovel onto the soil and nodded.
Exactly.
“Totally it.” It was only because I’d known him for years—not that he was extremely sexy and easy to be around. I crawled on my knees and stretched toward another planter, thinking back to his gorgeous eyes.
Granted, I hadn’t seen him in over a decade… okay, nearly two decades if I were being honest with my age. Somehow, it had snuck up on me, but anyway, I was in my late thirties, and I didn’t need to be worried about whether Tyler and I clicked.
It didn’t matter.
He didn’t live here, and I certainly wasn’t about to give up all my dreams to follow him around like a puppy dog.
Not that he invited me to, but I mean… this!
This was my problem. I got into my own brain and played all these imaginary scenarios in my head. I itched a gnat away from my nose and let out a sigh.
“Hey, Mayflower.”
And now I’d started hearing voices. Great!
I anchored a hot pink geranium into the planter and tapped the soil around the stems when I heard it again.
That sexy, gruff voice, which I liked to call my imaginary friend, just came out of nowhere and gave me all the feels merely by thinking of him.
It was like the ghost of a man I’d never had and couldn’t get over had manifested himself deep in my cells.
This was why I couldn’t move on. I let his crooked smiles and intense eyes knot me up inside. I chuckled to myself, thinking I’d made those feelings up from when I was a teenager. But I hadn’t.
Last night made it abundantly clear that I was still all wrapped up in a man I couldn’t have.
“Mayflower, you okay?”
I gasped, still on all fours with my rear sticking up and out, and clenched my eyes closed.
“Yeah, totally fine,” I muttered, realizing I hadn’t imagined a darn thing.
“Okay. Well, I heard you giggling and…” He cleared his throat and glanced around my yard. “There’s no one else around, so…”
My eyes sprang open, and I circled like a cat to face him. “Is laughing against the law?”
A playfulness edged behind his piercing blue eyes as he rocked back on his heels. “Nope. Not at all.” He smiled wider, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to get up off all fours or pretend that I was comfortable this way.
He took a couple of steps forward, narrowing the gap between us. The tops of his boots touched the edge of the lawn.
Tilting my head up, I squinted to get a better look at his features.
Mistake.
He was gorgeous, and my tummy tangled in knots just having him a few feet away from me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, finally raising my palms from the dirt and falling back onto my knees, sitting up.
“Honestly, I needed a breather from my parents and thought it would be nice to take a drive around the island. I saw your bicycle parked in front of this place and thought it was unusual enough that it had to be yours.”
I scowled, thinking about Olga. “What do you mean, unusual?”
“That bike is ancient. Plus, there’s a white basket with strawberries anchored to the handlebars. It’s… memorable.”
I shook my head, rubbing my gloved hand across my nose. “How did you even know that bike is mine?”
“I saw it outside the coffee shop yesterday and figured I’d try my luck. It made an impression.”
“I see,” I said, pushing away the rush of hormones washing through me. My mind tried so hard to be logical about this, but my heart screamed questions like why did he notice anything about me, or did he have a crush on me all those years ago too? I wished with everything that my mind would just be… calm.
Rational.
But it wasn’t. That wasn’t how I was built. My mind just kept churning and churning with delusional fantasies.
“It’s a beautiful day for a drive,” I said, agreeing about his choice of activities while ignoring his attention to details about me. Today was the day I was going to take control of both my heart and mind. No more silly visions about Tyler.
“I stopped by for coffee this morning, and you weren’t there.” His eyes fastened on mine, and a familiar spark shocked me to my toes.
I shook my head. “Nope. Steph has Tuesday mornings, so I can get stuff done around the house.”
He looked at the tiny cottage and smiled. “This is so you, Mayflower.”
I cocked my head curiously. “Really? Why?”
“Tiny, wild, cute, and…” His voice trailed off as he glanced at the view of the water. “Whimsical.”
I stood and took a deep breath as my hand flew to my hips. “Whimsical? Wild? Are you describing a pixie or your best friend’s sister?”
He chuckled. “Sometimes, I wonder if you’re both.”
It was true that even though I was the oldest sister, I happened to be the shortest.
“Well, if you step any closer, I might sprinkle some pixie dust on you, and who knows what could happen next?” I teased.
He took a step, and his eyes remained on mine. “I’d be willing to find out.”
“You must be bored today,” I joked, shaking my head.
His smile widened as he stood a foot away from me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say our chemistry was off the charts.
Tyler reached over and softly touched the tip of my nose and cheek.
“What are you doing?”
“You had some dirt.” His thumb fell to my chin, and the electricity was jarring as I dropped my gaze to an empty pot.
I chuckled and shook my head. “The hazards of gardening.”
“I suppose I couldn’t convince you to come for a drive with me? Check out the beach somewhere.” His gaze caught mine, and my breath hitched when I noticed the intensity in his gaze.
“I’m a mess.” I looked down at my pink camisole with dirt smudged along the hemline and my denim shorts displaying the same issue. “And I have to go in to the coffee shop later.”
Disappointment flicked through his gaze… or had it been my imagination?
He nodded and glanced toward the water. “Hey, I know you picked up dinner, by the way. Very smooth.”
I chuckled and shook my head, feigning innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You slipped the server your credit card. In hindsight, it was plain as day, but at the time, I just thought you were flirting with him.”
My foot stomped on the ground. “Flirting with him? Seriously?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. “Yeah. Kind of. It did cross my mind. Not that it matters if you did.”
“I wouldn’t flirt with Jack. He’s like my… I don’t know what he’s like, but I wasn’t flirting.”
Tyler’s brows rose. “So, you do know him apart from eating a meal at the place?”
I chuckled, not answering him.
The truth was that Jack had asked me out several times, but I just never had the guts to give it a go.
“Anyway, I know I’m not here for very long, but between the free coffee and dinner last night, I’d like to take you out to make up for it.” He shook his head. “Not to mention, I know you and your brother plan on showing up tomorrow no matter what I’ve said.”
“You’ve got your hands full with everything. It’s the least we can do,” I told him with a shrug.
He nodded quietly and let out a heavy sigh. I doubt he even knew he did it.
“Hey, you want to hang out at the beach?” I asked, sensing he had a lot more on his mind than he even touched on yesterday, which made my chest tighten.
Tyler grinned and nodded.
“Awesome. You actually don’t have to drive anywhere. It’s why I bought the place.”