36. Chiara
36
CHIARA
I curl up into a tight ball on the cold bathroom floor, my body shaking with sobs. The taste of bile lingers in my mouth from throwing up, but I can’t bring myself to move.
How could I have been so stupid ? I’ve ruined everything , and I hate myself for it. Papa is dying, and now he has to deal with this stress because of me. His words echo in my mind, reminding me of how many times he’s told us that his dearest wish is to see all his daughters married before he dies. Now, because of me, that wish won’t come true.
I’ve disappointed him, and that hurts more than I can express into words.
A fresh wave of nausea hits me as I think about my future. Dante has disappeared, and I’m pregnant. Who would want me now? I’m used up, damaged goods in the eyes of our world. No respectable man would marry a woman carrying another man’s child.
The weight of my actions crushes me. I’ve not only ruined my own life but potentially put my entire family at risk. The alliance with the Avilovs is shattered, and who knows what kind of retaliation we might face.
A terrifying thought creeps into my mind. What if Papa decides to take more drastic measures about this illegitimate child? The thought sends a chill down my spine, and I instinctively wrap my arms around my stomach.
I’ve never felt more alone or more hopeless. The future I had dreamed of with Dante seems like a distant fantasy now. Instead, I’m faced with a reality I’m not sure I can bear.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to no one in particular. “I’m so, so sorry.”
But apologies won’t fix this. Nothing can fix this. As I lie there on the bathroom floor, I wonder how I’ll ever find the strength to face what comes next. How can I possibly make this right?
The answers elude me, lost in a sea of regret and fear. All I know is that I’ve never hated myself more than I do in this moment.
The memory of Papa’s face when he discovered my pregnancy haunts me. The shock, the anger, the disappointment—it’s all seared into my mind. I’ll go to my grave remembering that look, the way his eyes hardened as he realized the father wasn’t Pyotr.
His words echo in my head, each one cutting deeper than the last. Disloyal . Disappointment . How could he say those things to me? Papa has always known exactly how to hurt me the most, and disappointing him has always been my biggest fear. Now, that fear has become a reality, and it’s even worse than I imagined.
The way he looked at me… it was like I was an enemy, a stranger. Not his daughter. It’s unfathomable, and yet it happened. The memory makes me curl tighter into myself, as if I could somehow disappear.
But beneath the pain and guilt, I feel a flicker of anger. If only Papa weren’t so insistent on my marrying someone of our status. If only he had given me a damn choice in my own life. Maybe none of this would have happened if he had just listened to me, if he had seen me as a person and not just a pawn in his grand plans.
The anger surprises me, but it also gives me a small measure of strength. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I should have been more careful. But I’m not the only one at fault here.
Still, the anger does little to ease the overwhelming sense of loss and fear. What will happen to me now? What will happen to my baby? And where is Dante? Why hasn’t he come for me?
As another wave of nausea hits me, I close my eyes, wishing I could wake up and find this has all been a terrible nightmare. But I know when I open them again, nothing will have changed. This is my reality now, and somehow, I have to find a way to face it.
I’m startled by a light tapping noise. Sitting up, I pause, straining my ears. The tapping grows louder, and suddenly I realize—it’s pebbles being thrown at my window. My heart leaps into my throat. Only one person has ever done that…
“Dante?” I whisper hopefully, rushing to the window and throwing it open.
My heart sinks when I see not Dante, but my sisters, Bianca, Sofia, and Mia, standing below.
Bianca hisses up at me, “Throw down a rope so we can climb up!”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused.
“Don’t be an idiot, Chiara,” Sofia snaps. “We know you’ve let your baby’s father into your room using a rope made of bedsheets. I used to do the same thing with Dominico.”
Mia’s eyes widen in shock at this revelation, but Sofia remains unruffled.
“I don’t have one,” I say, shaking my head. Dante and I never had sex in my room—it was too dangerous.
Bianca sighs loudly and turns to Sofia. “I told you she didn’t have one.”
Sofia rolls her eyes before she produces a rope made of knotted bedsheets.
“Hold it tight and for the love of God, don’t let go,” Sofia instructs as she tosses one end up to me.
I catch it, watching in amazement as Bianca and Sofia start to climb up with practiced ease. Mia follows hesitantly, clearly scared but determined.
As they near the top, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. Relief at not being alone anymore, fear of what this visit might mean, and a lingering disappointment that it wasn’t Dante after all.
I help pull each of my sisters through the window, one by one. Once they’re all inside, we stand there for a moment, looking at each other in silence. There’s so much to say, so much to explain, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Finally, Sofia breaks the silence. “Alright, sorellina ,” she says, her voice soft but firm. “It’s time you told us everything.”
I take a deep breath, my heart pounding. “What’s going on downstairs?” I ask, stalling for time.
Bianca sighs. “Rork and Dom are holed up in Papa’s office. Mama’s taken to her bed in hysterics.” She rolls her eyes at the last part.
“Don’t change the subject,” Sofia says firmly, her cool blue eyes locked on mine. “We want to know everything, Chiara. No more lies.”
I look at my sisters’ serious faces and realize it’s finally time to stop running. It’s time to tell the truth.
“Okay,” I say softly. “But you have to swear to keep this secret.”
They all nod solemnly, and I begin to spill everything. “I’ve been in a secret relationship with Dante Tenebre for the past year,” I confess.
Sofia and Bianca don’t look particularly surprised, but Mia’s eyes widen in shock.
“Dante?” Mia breathes, her mouth open in disbelief. “But… but?—”
Sofia nudges Mia. “Let Chiara finish, Mimi.”
I continue, my words tumbling out faster now. “I love him. I love him so much. When Papa arranged my engagement to Pyotr, I was devastated. I wanted to be with Dante, but I didn’t know how to tell Papa. You know Papa would never accept a soldier as a husband for his daughter.”
I pause, taking a shaky breath before revealing the final piece that they already know. “And now… now I’m pregnant.”
Bianca, ever blunt, asks, “Is Dante the father?”
I nod, feeling a mix of fear and relief at finally admitting it out loud.
The room falls silent as my sisters process this information. I watch their faces anxiously, waiting for their reactions. Sofia’s expression is conflicted, Bianca looks thoughtful, and Mia seems overwhelmed.
“Oh, Keeks,” Mia finally whispers, reaching out to take my hand.
I squeeze her hand gratefully, tears welling up in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I admit, my voice breaking. “Dante’s disappeared, Papa’s furious, and I… I’m scared.”
Sofia steps forward, her face set with stubborn determination. “Alright,” she says. “Now that we know everything, we can figure out how to fix this.”
I look at her hopefully. “You’ll help me?”
Bianca nods, joining Sofia. “Of course we will. You’re our sister.”
As my sisters gather around me, I feel a glimmer of hope for the first time since this nightmare began. Maybe, with their help, I can find a way through this mess.
“Thank you,” I whisper, overwhelmed with gratitude. “Thank you so much.”
Sofia’s brow furrows as she asks, “What do you mean, Dante’s disappeared?”
I explain how I searched for Dante, my voice cracking with emotion. “I couldn’t find him anywhere. It’s like he vanished.”
Bianca sighs heavily, her face a mix of frustration and sympathy. “Shit. Chiara, Dante overheard Papa accusing Pyotr of getting you pregnant. He left the house shortly after that.”
The words hit me like a physical blow. My legs go weak, and I sink onto the bed, my heart shattering. “Oh, God,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. “He must think I betrayed him. How could he ever think that? He’s the only one for me. I love him so much.”
Bianca’s eyes flash with anger, her voice rising. “I told you that you needed to be honest! I fucking asked you point-blank if you were in love with Dante, and you lied to my face!”
“I was scared—” I start, but Bianca cuts me off, her words sharp and cutting.
“No, Chiara. You were being cowardly and selfish. You always shut down when there’s a hard conversation because you don’t want to deal with it.”
Her words sting, and I feel my own anger rising, hot and defensive. “Why are you ganging up on me? I know I fucked up. I don’t need to be reminded again!”
Mia steps between us, her eyes wide with concern. “Please, stop fighting! Now’s not the time for this. We need to find Dante.”
Sofia nods, her face a mask of resolve, but then turns to me, her eyes softening slightly. “I do agree with Bianca, though. This is a mess of your own making, Chiara. We're going to help you fix it, but later, we will be having a serious discussion about this.”
I swallow hard, nodding as fresh tears fall. The mix of emotions—relief at their help, shame at my actions, fear for Dante—is overwhelming.
“You’re right,” I say quietly, my voice thick with tears. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a coward. But please, can we focus on finding Dante now? I need to explain… I need him to know the truth. I can’t lose him.”
Sofia’s expression softens further, and she sits beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Of course, sorellina . We’ll find him.”
Bianca kneels in front of me, taking my hands in hers. Her earlier anger has faded, replaced by sympathy. “We’re here for you, Chiara. We will make this right.”
Mia joins us, her gentle presence a balm to my frayed nerves. “Where do you think he might have gone?”
I shrug helplessly, my mind blank. “I don’t know. I really thought he’d be at the compound, but…”
Sofia taps her chin thoughtfully, her eyes narrowing. “Where would a man go if he thought the woman he loved had betrayed him?”
Suddenly, Bianca’s blue eyes light up. “The bar!” she cries out. “That’s where he is!”
Sofia stands up, every inch Papa’s daughter as she takes charge. “We’re going to get him. Now.” She turns to Mia, her tone brooking no argument. “You’re coming with us.”
I jump to my feet, ready to follow, but to my shock, Mia whirls around. “No, Chiara! You stay here,” she orders.
“What? No!” I protest, dumbfounded. “I have to go with you. I need to be the one to tell him?—”
Bianca scoffs, cutting me off. “You’re pregnant, Chiara. You’re not climbing anything . We’ll bring Dante back here.”
I try to argue further, but Sofia fixes me with an icy look that stops me in my tracks. It’s the same look Papa uses when he won’t tolerate any more discussion.
As my sisters start climbing back down the rope, Sofia turns to me one last time. “Stay here, Chiara. We’ll handle this.”
I watch helplessly as they disappear into the night, taking the rope with them. Frustration and anxiety bubble up inside me. Like hell I’m just going to stay in my room, twiddling my thumbs while my sisters go after the man I love.
With determination, I start searching my room for anything I can use to break out. I can’t just sit here and wait. I need to find Dante myself, to explain everything, to make this right.
As I frantically look for a way out, I silently plead with whatever higher power might be listening. Please, let me get to Dante. Let me have a chance to fix this mess I’ve made. Because I can’t lose him. I won’t.
My desperation fuels my search. I won’t be left behind, not when everything I love is at stake.