Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
As her work colleagues filed into the conference room the next day, Emmy peered down at the unanswered text from Charlie.
She clicked off her phone, dropped it into her bag, and smoothed down her sleek black dress.
She’d chosen the dress this morning hoping it would give her the appearance of confidence.
It was the most glamorous thing she owned, apart from the Garnet & Petticoat dress Charlie had gotten her.
She’d over-rehearsed for the meeting, poring over all her notes late into the night.
Emmy didn’t want to admit that she hoped she’d wow Vivienne so much that the woman would offer to have her back with a step up.
She hadn’t just pulled the information she needed for the Media Landscape and Opportunities briefing off the shared drive, but spent all night researching.
And she’d memorized every line of what she planned to say.
If she was going to go out this way, she’d go out with a bang.
She was also hoping to impress people at work so much that they wouldn’t be able to help themselves when her name was brought up in conversation.
They’d all say, Did you see Emmy’s presentation? Why didn’t Vivienne ever let her run the meetings?
Emmy tapped her computer. The screen behind her shone with her first slide.
The room quieted down.
“As you know, the purpose of today’s Media Landscape and Opportunities briefing is to update you all on the latest trends in media and to explore potential PR opportunities.”
She’d only gotten the first sentence out before Vivienne came in and sat at the back of the room.
She never sat in on these meetings. Was she that worried Emmy would mess up?
Emmy’s nerves were high, so she attempted to channel her mom’s effortless presence.
But since this was all an act, her delivery felt robotic.
She clicked her next slide. “In terms of our four main client types, I’ve listed new contacts to target.” With each tap on the mouse, one of the four client sections illuminated, all her research populating the screen.
People began opening their laptops and typing furiously, their eyes darting from their screens to hers. Someone raised their hand.
“Yes?” she asked.
“Are these on the shared drive?”
“Yes. I’ve listed them all by topic,” Emmy replied. She had their attention. People were watching her, taking notes, interested. A tiny bit of self-assurance slithered through her. “Speaking of topics, let’s go over the trending areas that can be leveraged for our clients.”
She continued with the meeting, and with every next step, she felt better about what she was doing, more assertive. When Vivienne left before the end of the meeting, Emmy knew she’d done a good job. That ought to show her boss what she’d lost.
That evening, over a bowl of noodles, she texted Charlie back and asked if he had time for a phone call. She needed to hear a friendly voice. Her phone rang right away.
“Hi,” Charlie said when she answered.
A flutter swam through her. “Hey. Sorry I didn’t text you back. My boss put me in charge of a pretty prominent meeting.”
“Oh wow.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t believe she actually did that.”
Emmy told him how she’d had to quit to get the assignment.
“Even though I’m leaving, I feel so much more confident just having had one chance to prove myself. I can’t imagine what it would feel like if I ever got to do something like that again.”
“What if no one ever gives you a chance?” he asked.
“What?” That question wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear. She was the pessimist of the two of them, not him, and even she’d been hopeful that things would look up.
“What if you gave yourself a chance?”
With no idea where he was going with that comment, she pushed the bowl of noodles away, no longer hungry. “I am giving myself a chance. I’ve made a list of possible job opportunities.”
“And what if they don’t pan out? What will you do?”
“I don’t know,” she said, getting frustrated. “But shouldn’t I have a positive mindset and all that? Won’t that bring about the change I want?”
“I don’t believe in all that stuff.”
“What do you believe in, then?” she asked. Maybe he could offer some epiphany that had escaped her for her whole life.
“I don’t believe our maker designed us for this. We’re given talents and interests for a reason, and yet we completely disregard them in the pursuit of ‘success’—whatever that is.”
Emmy bristled. Was Charlie implying that she wasn’t attempting to use her God-given talents? Because she was trying. She just couldn’t break into the field she was meant to be in.
There was a rustle on the other end of the line.
“Sorry,” he said. “This conversation is more about me than you.”
Her tense shoulders relaxed, surprise taking the place of defeat. Were the two of them facing the same issue with work, just in different ways?
“Funny, I thought you were the one who had it all together,” she said. “I’d lumped you into the ‘total success’ category until you made the comment that you’d rather be working outside than stuck in a cubicle.”
He exhaled down the line. “I chased money instead of happiness, and now I’m paying for it every single day.”
“It’s a slim few who make a living fishing and hiking,” she said, trying to make him feel better. “I think we also have to balance our gifts with what we’re given in this world.”
“I disagree,” he said gently. “I think that if we’re given gifts, it’s our duty to use them, and everything else will fall into place.
I just figured it out a little too late.
Now, I’m not sure how to start over. But you get to start over.
What if you were the architect of your life rather than someone else? ”
“How so?” she asked.
“What made you go into PR?”
She laughed. “My favorite professor said I was good at it, and I was already in the program, so I knew it was the perfect fit for me.”
“I didn’t mean who convinced you that you were good enough. I meant what, specifically, about the job of public relations do you enjoy the most?”
An answer should have rolled right off her tongue, but it didn’t. She didn’t really know.
“What kept you from going into some sort of design when you entered college?”
She didn’t want to say the real answer: that she didn’t think she was good enough. “I doubted I’d be any better than anyone else,” she said instead.
“Doubt is what kills us all.”
Simple yet profound. Was that the thing her mother had known that she hadn’t?