Chapter 1 #2
He’d been trying to write for the last two hours, but he hadn’t gotten more than fifty words down before he gave up.
He was going to get told off for being late with his most recent chapter submissions, but he was struggling to give a shit these days.
Half of him wanted to quit and find a job somewhere—something with a steady paycheck and some sort of financial security.
He felt like he’d been fed a lie when he was a kid and the caregivers at the group home would feed them all bullshit that all they had to do was work hard and believe in themselves.
He learned very quickly that not everyone could follow their dreams and be successful.
No one had warned him that trying it would lead him to living with a girlfriend who seemed to hate his guts ninety percent of the time, hoping and praying he’d get lucky after he graduated and managed to find a job that paid the bills.
He had been warned that teaching wasn’t the most lucrative career and reaching a big, important job—like teaching at the Boston Theological Institute or at Duke—wouldn’t happen until he was old and grey, published five times over, and doing voice-overs for History Channel documentaries.
And he wasn’t sure he would look good with grey hair, and he didn’t think he had a face for TV.
He was half asleep when something near him buzzed and he scrambled up, realizing it was his phone. The silence around him was pressing, comforting, and he settled into it as he looked at the screen and saw Selene requesting a FaceTime.
He answered and watched her face before the captions began to scroll across the screen. “What are you doing? Are you asleep right now?”
“Obviously I’m not sleeping right now.”
“ Were .” He saw her lips and chin stress the word. “Were you asleep. Your ears off?”
He’d always hated when she called his CIs ears.
He had ears on his head, even if they didn’t work without tech.
But he didn’t bother arguing about it. He held up a finger, then fumbled around in his bag for the case.
He didn’t look at the screen until he got his hearing back online.
He wasn’t in the mood to watch her impatience.
He had a feeling it was going to be one of those days and God, he was so tired of those days.
His head swam a little as his right ear fluttered into sound. His left stayed stubbornly silent and he realized the battery was dead. It was fine. One was enough. Sitting back, he picked up the phone again and saw the screen had gone black. She’d hung up and sent a text.
Selene: I’m going out with friends for the weekend. I’ll be back Wednesday.
He wondered what life would feel like if his weekends went from Thursday to Wednesday.
But that would never be him. He never wanted that to be him.
Even if he’d chosen an absurdly rich man to settle down with, he wouldn’t want that life.
He would never feel secure or safe if he couldn’t take care of himself.
It had been the one thing he promised himself when he left foster care: he would never again have to rely on someone for food or shelter.
And now look at him.
But it was temporary, he told himself. It wasn’t forever. Even if he and Selene lived together for the rest of their lives, he was determined to be able to support himself without her help. No matter what.
Flopping back to the cushions, he scrolled through his contacts and stared at Oliver’s name. He couldn’t call him, even if he knew for sure Oliver would pick up. His best friend was on his honeymoon, and he would be damned if he interrupted that.
He scrolled back up and settled on Juno’s name. After years of mostly silence, Oliver’s wedding had rekindled the flame that had been their unbreakable friendship. They settled in together like nothing had ever changed—like they’d never been apart.
They hadn’t talked much since Miles had made his great escape thanks to Selene, but there had been texts, and memes, and Instagram reels that allowed Miles to feel connected to the people Juno and Oliver had become.
He missed them. He’d always missed them, of course, but now he felt it like a sort of burning in his chest. Without really thinking, he hit Juno’s contact, and then the little camera.
The FaceTime music pinged, and just when he thought the call was going to end, his friend’s face appeared in the screen.
“You’re calling me,” Juno said with a grin. Behind him, Miles could see his bakery. God, he needed to visit.
“Yeah. You’re at work now,” Miles said. “Is this a bad time?”
Juno rolled his eyes. “Pfft, no. There is no one here. It’s fucking pathetic. What are you doing? Are you home? Uhg, is your girlfriend there? I don’t want her to yell at me again.”
Miles bristled, but he knew Juno wasn’t trying to be cruel.
In all honesty, Selene hadn’t earned any grace from anyone at the wedding.
She’d been combative, rude, and unapologetic about it.
In all honesty, he wasn’t feeling defensive about her.
He was embarrassed that this was what his life had come to.
“Sorry,” Juno said after a beat. “I don’t mean to be a dick.”
Miles snorted. “Yeah, you do. You hate her.”
“Fair. I do. But I don’t want to make you feel bad about that.”
Miles stretched his arm above his head, then sat back up and curled one leg in toward his chest. “However I feel is my own fault. But don’t worry, she’s not here. She’s out for the weekend.”
Juno raised a brow. “It’s Thursday.”
“Yep. And her weekend started yesterday. And goes until next Wednesday.”
“So…a week. God, what’s that life even like?” Juno wondered. He leaned forward across his counter and let the phone sag forward. For a second, Miles caught a glimpse of his completely empty shop before his face was back in the screen.
“I wouldn’t know. She doesn’t invite me along to her…whatever she’s up to.”
Juno’s eyes narrowed. “Is she cheating on you?”
The question hit him like a punch in the gut. He’d never found any evidence. Her socials were nothing more than her and her friends shopping, drinking, clubbing—whatever wealthy people did with free time and endless money. But he couldn’t say no, either.
They didn’t have sex a lot, and when they did, it always felt like she was phoning it in. She’d never really seemed into him the way other couples were. He had no idea why she wanted him. He was pretty sure that was a mystery that would never be solved.
“Do you know who she’s sleeping with?” Juno asked. “Want me to kill them? Or her?”
Miles shook his head and tried to hide a smile. “No, it’s…I don’t think she is. Or, if she is, she’s hiding it really well. She’s just never home.”
Juno lifted a brow at him.
“I know, I know. I’m not being na?ve on purpose, okay? I don’t…” Miles groaned and rubbed a hand down his face. “What does it make me that I’m struggling to give a shit what she does? Right now, I just regret all of this.”
“Getting serious with her?”
“Being foolish enough to give up my housing and my car. Believing her when she said it would be easier and better for us as a couple.” It had been a weak argument, but Miles was burned out from school, and honestly, a little desperate for someone who wanted to be with him.
He’d learned that lesson a little too quickly though, and he wouldn’t make the same choice again.
Not ever.
For any reason.
He just didn’t know why those felt like famous last words.
“Anyway, I just needed to see a friendly face. I won’t keep you.”
“No, it’s fine, I—” Juno’s gaze suddenly looked up and his face transformed. He was smiling brighter than Miles had ever seen, and his cheeks turned pink. “No, it’s good to see you too! I’ll only be a second. Wait right there.”
The person in the background wasn’t speaking loud enough for the captions to register or for Miles to hear, but he could make out a very low rumbling voice. And whatever they were saying, Juno was smiling even wider, blushing even harder.
Oh my God. He was into this person.
Juno looked down suddenly. “Shit. Sorry. Look, I?—”
“I’m gonna let you go, okay?” Miles said with a wink.
Juno bit his lower lip and nodded.
“Call me later if you get the chance?”
“You know I will, babes. I love you so much. Talk soon.”
The screen went dead and Miles pressed both hands over his face before pulling his processor off again and settling back into the comforting, easy silence of the totally empty house.