Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MILES
The scene inside was almost one out of a comedy.
Miles sat on a chair, a mug of hot tea between his hands because Emmett had shoved it at him like he was an old English granny, and both Emmett and Cosimo sat across from him on the sofa, a cushion apart from each other.
He wondered if they were afraid to touch in front of him now.
The silence carried on long enough, he contemplated excusing himself before Emmett finally cleared his throat.
“So…”
“I’m not being abused,” Cosimo blurted, as though he had been waiting for someone else to break the silence.
Emmett gave him a look and Cosimo flushed.“What he means to say is?—”
“I’m not being abused,” Cosimo repeated, “but I get what it looks like.Emmett and I have an…arrangement.”
Miles leaned forward and set the mug on the table, almost feeling the physical weight of both men’s gazes.
Emmett ran his finger around his mouth in thought.
Miles had been doing his best not to think about what their dynamic was, but he wasn’t a stranger to the concept.
Apart from the Daddy porn he liked to watch, he also enjoyed watching other people get tied up.
Sensory deprivation did it for him too. Some of the stuff he preferred observing rather than imagining it being done to him, and now that he knew this was all consensual, he couldn’t help but picture Cosimo and Emmett.
Cosimo obviously liked humiliation, and while the thought of being called names made Miles want to throw up, the idea of watching Emmett humiliate someone else, well…
He blinked and shoved the thought from his head. This was no time to get inappropriately hard. After all, they were probably trying to figure out a way to ask him to leave without being super direct about it.
“Cosimo and I are both very busy most of the time,” Emmett said slowly.“My job is hard, but his job is draining.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Cosimo cut in, his voice a little rough, “I love it, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but sometimes I just need to get out of my head completely.
I need to give up total power.I’m a pediatric cardiovascular surgeon, and a lot of the time, I’m the only thing that stands between these tiny, helpless infants living and dying.
It can be too much for me some days. The responsibility, the ego, the devastation… ” He trailed off and shrugged.
“I get it,” Miles said very quietly.He did—in an abstract sort of way.
Emmett opened his mouth, then snapped it shut.Then he took a breath.“Sweetness, how much are you comfortable knowing about us?”
It took Miles a second to realize that Emmett was calling him sweetness. His ears burned with pleasure. “How much are you comfortable telling me?”
Emmett gave him a flat look.“I’d draw you a diagram of his dick if it helped you understand that no one here is being hurt.But one of the rules we have never, and will never, break on purpose is consent.We already fucked up once tonight.We’re not doing it again.”
Miles felt a charge in the room.The question was simple, but it felt like there were layers to it.It felt like he was standing on the edge of a precipice, and the answer he gave could and would change his world.
He took a fortifying breath.He looked at both men.Their expressions were passive, but both of them held something in their eyes he couldn’t read.
“Everything,” he finally said. He felt bold, and his answer felt dangerous. He didn’t actually need details. He understood. He believed both men. And yet, selfishly, he wanted to know their deep, dark secrets. “Tell me everything.”
Emmett stiffened, and Cosimo relaxed.It was an odd juxtaposition.
“Several years ago—way before we had a child—Mo was struggling,” Emmett began.
“He asked me for a break in the marriage, andI was crushed. For a while, I thought maybe I could just let him go, but I realized I didn’t want to live without him.
He needed something from me, and I was going to figure out what.
”Emmett’s voice was trembling, and Miles felt that like a punch to the gut.
The fact that he thought this man had ever hurt his husband was absurd.
“He was staying at a hotel, and I convinced the front desk to give me a key to his room?—”
“Something I still think we should have sued them over,” Cosimo grumbled.
Emmett rolled his eyes as he went on.“I walked into his room, and he was watching porn I’d never seen before.
A man who looked a lot like him was on his knees being verbally degraded.
It horrified me at first, but then I saw the look on Mo’s face and something just sort of…
clicked into place.It took us a long time to figure out what he needed—and what would work for us, and what was actually realistic since you know porn isn’t.
It took me even longer to be comfortable with saying the things to him that he needed to hear. ”
Miles could never and would never understand why someone needed to be told they were pathetic.It had happened to him too often in his life growing up.But maybe that was the point.He wanted to be loved.Doted on.Cherished.
Maybe that’s why Cosimo needed something else. If all he got was praise, and if that praise weighed heavily on his shoulders with the responsibility of having to save lives day in and day out, Miles could easily see why he needed something else.
To be taken down to, well, nothing.
“I needed to hear that I was scum, that I was nothing, while also knowing Emmett doesn’t actually feel that way,” Cosimo said, his voice a very soft rumble.
“I needed to have all responsibility taken out of my hands.I needed to be told that I’m a disappointment because being a disappointment to him doesn’t mean that I’ve failed at anything.
”He took a long pause.“It’s difficult to explain. ”
Miles quickly shook his head.“No.I get it.I, um…”He hesitated.“I have a thing.”
Emmett’s gaze zeroed in on him.“Okay. If you want to tell us, we’re ready to listen.”
Miles glanced away and bit his lip, but the moment felt safe—he felt safe.
“I grew up unloved.And I don’t say that for pity.
I was taken away from my parents when I was about two.
I lived with my grandparents until I was three, but my grandfather died, and my grandma was put into a care facility.
There was no one left to take me.The foster system sucks for disabled kids—especially traumatized ones who act out. ”
Emmett made a quiet noise of sympathy.
“I bounced around, had a few families, but they always gave me back.I have a couple of friends who I’m still in contact with who were in there with me.
So I’m not entirely alone, but I feel like it a lot of days.
And sometimes I watch, um, porn,” he struggled to get the word out, “where someone like me is being taken care of. Like…by a Daddy. I like that. I fantasize about being praised and doted on and spoiled. So…I get it. Kind of.”
Cosimo went even more relaxed, and Emmett looked like he was about to jump out of his own skin.Cosimo reached over and put a hand on his husband’s thigh.“Thank you for sharing that with us.”
Miles shrugged.“Fair’s fair, right?”
Emmett’s gaze darkened as he focused back in on Miles.“You never owe anyone pieces of yourself.Not like that.We can share our entire life story and that doesn’t mean you owe us something even as small as your middle name.”
Miles smiled in spite of himself.“It’s Edward.”
Emmett sat back, then burst into soft laughter.“Miles Edward.It sounds very…Victorian.”
“The point of this is,” Cosimo cut in, like he was afraid for this all to go too off topic, “we need to know you understand what this is. I need you to believe that Emmett would never hurt me in ways that I don’t want to be hurt.”
“I understand it,” Miles said quickly, and meant it.“I’m sorry I overreacted.”
“You didn’t,” Emmett said very quickly.“Sweetheart, in the middle of a storm in the house of two strangers who took you in when you had nowhere to go, you tried to save a man you thought was being abused.After you were emotionally mistreated by the woman you loved who was also their daughter.”
Miles closed his eyes in a slow blink.“That’s not on you.
And if we’re being honest, I didn’t love her.
I didn’t even like her very much.I just thought it was better to settle than to be alone.
And seeing you two like this, it’s giving me hope that I can find someone who will take care of me the way I need. ”
The couple exchanged a look, then Emmett said, “It’s getting late, and we’re all exhausted. Why don’t we show you to the guest room?”
Miles quickly shook his head.“No, listen. I know I disrupted your scene, but I don’t want to impose further.In fact, I’m going to ask a friend of mine if I can crash at his place so you two can get back to your lives.”He stood, but Emmett was at his side before he could take a step away.
“Mo and I do this sort of thing once a year for seven days.For that week, it's normally a twenty-four seven sort of deal.He uses his vacation time for it,” Emmett said quietly.“After the lunch with Selene, we both made the conscious and consensual choice to reschedule because we want you to be safe here.Tonight, we slipped.It won’t happen again.”
Miles swallowed heavily. He wasn’t ready to accept that. He wasn’t ready to let them sacrifice for him. He knew they’d fight if he tried to leave now—even to try and go back to the pool house. But there was a compromise. A decent one, if they were willing.
“What if…”He stopped, panicked because what if he was wrong about this?
“What is it?” Cosimo urged.
Miles closed his eyes and searched for the courage he rarely had.“What if I stay here, but you two…don’t put it on pause. Now that I know, I won't interfere. And I can be totally deaf, especially when I sleep, so I won’t hear anything at night.”
The silence in the room was almost more profound than the one he experienced when he took off his processors.It pressed on all sides of him, consuming him.Telling him that maybe he’d fucked up.
Emmett eventually cleared his throat.“Cosimo and I need to discuss that.We’ve never…not with someone else around.”
Miles wasn’t surprised to hear that.“I won’t be offended if you choose not to.And I’m also happy to leave because I understand how important this is to you.”
“I won’t break without it,” Cosimo told him.“It’s not like before.We’ve learned how to communicate better.We’re not at risk of splitting up because you’re here. Quite the opposite. So please know we want you to be in the house with us.”
Quite the opposite? What did that mean? But he was too tired to dissect cryptic words. His brain was a hot mess, and he really did need some sleep.
Miles nodded, then glanced out the window hoping to see the rain had slowed, but it looked even worse than before.He took a deep breath, then said, “I’ll stay in the guest room.”
Both men looked relieved.
“Let me walk you to the bed,” Emmett told him. When Miles opened his mouth to protest, Emmett held up a hand. “I need this, okay? This shook me up, and I think I need just another moment to be sure that you and I are okay.”
“We’re okay,” Miles promised, but he didn’t argue when Emmett put a hand to the small of his back and began to walk him toward the room.
Miles made a show of taking off his processors while Emmett was still in the room so he’d understand that he and Cosimo would have total privacy to talk about everything.Emmett raised his hands like he wanted to sign, then shook his head and held his arms out.
Unused to being hugged, it took Miles far too long to realize what he was asking for.
Emmett was patient though, and Miles eventually cracked, letting the taller man pull him in.
He was strong, and warm, and he smelled so fucking good.
He kept Miles wrapped up in a tight embrace until Miles began to sway, then he pulled back and pointed to the bed, a stern look on his face.
A warmth rushed through Miles, hot and a little tingly like tiny sparks were firing off in his veins.
The feeling only got worse when he climbed beneath the covers, and Emmett gave him a look like he was proud of him.
He leaned over and pulled the duvet high on Miles’s chest, then brushed his hair back.
“We’re really okay, right?” Emmett asked.
Miles read his lips, then nodded and leaned into the touch.
“Yeah. Absolutely. And I’m really, really sorry for ever thinking you could do…
that. To him,” he added. “Today was one of the best days of my life. Being with you was…” He stopped himself.
He couldn’t confess this now, to a hurt, married man.
Emmett stared down at him for a long beat, then palmed his cheek. “You’re…special, Miles. I’m sorry…seen it enough…you. Tomorrow, let’s…a clean slate…okay?”
“Yeah,” Miles whispered. He missed a good chunk of what Emmett was saying, but with context, he was able to put it together and he felt better.
Leaning down, Emmett pressed a long, lingering kiss to his forehead. His lips were so warm, so perfect. Fuck. Miles was in so much trouble.
“Sleep well, sweetheart,” Emmett said when he pulled back.
The comfort was so nice, Miles wanted to cry.He licked his lips, then felt for his voice.“You too.”
Emmet nodded, then brushed his hair back one more time before turning and walking out.
Miles didn’t sleep much that night, but then again, he didn’t expect to.He kept his back to the door, eyes on the massive window as he watched the gale ravage the shoreline.He wasn’t sure he’d have the little pool house to wake up to come morning, but he was warm and comfortable.
And maybe—just maybe—he could carve himself a little space here and have something he never thought possible.