Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
COSIMO
A week had passed. One single week with this new dynamic, and it was clear that Miles was settling in.
Cosimo still had no real idea what to do with him.
He watched quietly as his husband kept him close, gave him rules, gently encouraged him to follow them, and praised the absolute shit out of him when he did.
That sort of thing would have set Cosimo’s teeth on edge.
In fact, it often did whenever Emmett would praise him for things that felt mundane.
He didn’t do it often anymore, but in the beginning, Emmett believed that the reason Cosimo was so prickly when it came to being complimented was a lack of that growing up.
Then he’d met Cosimo’s family and realized he was wrong. It simply was who he was.
Emmett shrank into himself a bit after that, and Cosimo hated that he couldn’t just suck it up and give Emmett what he needed.
Now, however, he was blooming. Coming to life in ways that Cosimo had only seen every now and again during the course of their marriage.
He was thrilled…but he was also hurt. And maybe a little terrified, because for all that Emmett said he liked giving Cosimo what he needed, there was every chance he was just lying to make Cosimo happy.
What if, now that he had Miles, he would realize that was all he needed?
The thought made him feel sick, and he started spending more time at work, then wandering into bookshops and grocery stores after just to avoid going home to see his husband cuddling and fawning over their new addition.
But that wasn’t going to last. He wasn’t subtle, and at the weekend, Emmett was clearly done with Cosimo’s games.
“I’m going out of town.”
Cosimo blinked at him. Miles still wouldn’t sleep with them in the bed, so they had their moments alone in the mornings. He’d been enjoying the quiet peace between them as the sun crept higher over the horizon when his husband dropped that bomb.
“Alright. It’ll be weird to have the house to myself after so long.”
Emmett snorted. “No, my love. You won’t have the house to yourself.”
Cosimo stiffened. “Is Selene coming by? Did you two try and work something out?”
Rolling onto his side, Emmett stared at him. “No. But Miles will be here, and he’s going to need some attention.”
Feeling his throat go tight and thick, he shook his head. “Oh. That’s probably not a good idea right now.”
Emmett sighed and pushed up. “I fucking knew it.”
He was angry. Shit .
Cosimo debated about playing ignorant as he watched his husband get up and snatch his robe from the back of the chair, but he didn’t want the weekend to start off like this.
Also, this was partially his fault. Instead of dealing with his insecurity and jealousy, he’d buried his head in the sand like he always did.
If Emmett ever left him, this would be the reason why.
“Wait.”
Emmett, who was reaching for the door handle, froze. He didn’t look back at Cosimo. “What?”
“I fucked up. I know I did. And I’m sorry.”
After what felt like forever, Emmett dropped his hand and turned. His face was a mask of pain and regret. He shuffled a few steps back toward the bed, then let out a long, heavy breath. “I don’t want to do this if it’s not going to make things better.”
Cosimo sat up, resting his elbows on his thighs as he looked at the love of his life. “Things have been better for you, though. You’ve been so fucking happy, amore. Happier than I have seen you in so long.”
Emmett looked like he wanted to cry. He folded his arms over his chest and stared down at his feet. “It’s unfair to compare my happiness now to what we had.”
“But it’s also not a lie, and it’s a big, monstrous horse pill for me to swallow.
I love the idea of loving someone else. What we have has always felt…
bigger than most people.” And that was not a lie.
It wasn’t just the dynamics. It was more than that.
It was knowing that their house wasn’t meant to be for two.
Emmett made it to the bed, collapsing down beside Cosimo before hanging his head. His breath came in a shaking rush. “I can’t do this without you. And if it’s too much?—”
Cosimo caught his chin and brought his gaze up. “It isn’t. I swear. I’ll fix it while you’re gone. Just…promise you’re not leaving because of me.”
Emmett laughed, the sound a little heavy, but the smile reached his eyes. “Magnus needs a little help, so I’m going to spend the weekend with him. I’ll be back Monday on a red eye.”
“I love you,” Cosimo said, a little vulnerable, a little helpless.
Emmett pulled him in by the back of his neck and laid a rough kiss on his mouth. “I love you.”
“Does Miles know you’re leaving?”
“No. But I’m going to talk to him now. Plan something nice,” Emmett said, pushing to his feet. He looked down at his husband. “You don’t have to be tender with him, but try to be softer. He needs that.”
Cosimo nodded. Normally, that would have crept up his spine and settled heavy and uncomfortable against the back of his neck, but not right now.
Not today. Not with him. He understood Miles had been through enough, and while it wasn’t Cosimo’s first nature to take care of anything or anyone, it was different with the people he loved.
He wasn’t in love with Miles yet, but when he looked at him, he could see a future there. And he knew he would be.
The master at procrastination when he wasn’t at work, Cosimo took the longest shower of his life.
He thought about jerking off, but although his week with Emmett was over, he still rarely got himself off without his husband’s permission.
Usually, when Emmett had to go out of town, he always told Cosimo to take care of himself if he felt like it.
This time, he didn’t.
And he knew that meant something.
He dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, trimmed his beard, combed his hair, stared at himself in the mirror for so long that he started to look alien, then finally made his way to the kitchen.
Miles was there, humming to himself and bobbing his head which probably meant he was listening to music in his processors. Cosimo stomped his foot on the ground, making Miles jump and turn, looking a little frightened.
Cosimo had forgotten Miles wasn’t used to having people get his attention that way. “Sorry.”
Miles shook his head and bit his lip. “It’s fine. I was in my own little world.”
“Listening to music?” Cosimo asked.
Miles looked slightly panicked. “Oh god, did I leave some on? I didn’t hear it.”
“No.” Cosimo gestured at his ear. “Your processors’ Bluetooth.”
“Oh. No,” he said with a small laugh. “No, these don’t have that. They’re literally ancient.”
Right. Because he hadn’t been given upgrades since he was a kid. Because every-fucking-body in his life had let him down.
“Em and I will help with that.”
Miles’s eyes went wide, and he stared like he wasn’t sure he understood Cosimo correctly. “You know they’re, like, thirty grand, right? And I don’t have insurance that’ll cover even part of it.”
Sitting down at the table where Emmett had left breakfast for them, he patted the seat beside him. Miles didn’t obey him the same way he did Emmett, and Cosimo kind of adored that. It set their dynamic. It meant he was going to have to work harder, and that was his comfort zone.
“I’m going to sound like a dickhead right now, okay?”
Miles blinked. “Um. Sure?”
He pushed coffee toward Miles, then the plate of fruit before he spoke again.
“Emmett came from money, and I make a lot of it. Like…a lot. More than I need. We have investments and half the time we live off the interest. I started out my life in poverty, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t have to live that way again. ”
“So you want to risk putting yourself in debt for something I don’t need?” Miles challenged.
Cosimo almost choked on his swallow of coffee.
“Again, about to sound like an ass, but the last vacation we funded for Selene cost twice what new processors do. And I didn’t think twice.
I just wired money into her account.” He leaned toward Miles and captured his gaze.
“The fact that you think you don’t need it is also a problem. You like having them, right?”
Miles’s gaze shot down to his plate and he shrugged.
“I…yeah. I mean, yes. I do. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to be part of the Deaf community, but everyone I love is outside of it. And…and I like hearing. I like listening to sounds. It’s nice to feel it too, but…
I don’t know. I like having both. I like being both. ”
Cosimo felt his lips threatening to twitch upward. “So then you do need them, because you can’t keep dealing with broken pieces of shit that give you migraines.”
Miles swallowed heavily. Cosimo watched as it bobbed against the front of his throat. He fought the urge to reach out and touch him there. “I don’t know how to say yes.”
“It’s easy. Yes. It’s a pretty short word, and for a scholar, I feel like it’s one you should have mastered by now.”
“Fuck you,” Miles said, then slapped his hand over his mouth. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Cosimo stared, then threw his head back and burst into laughter. “Do that more. I am begging.” Miles shook his head rapidly, but Cosimo just reached out and gently drew his hand down. “I mean it,” he murmured softly. “Do that more. I like it. I need you to feel safe here to say what you want.”
“I don’t actually want…well,” he fumbled over his words. “I do want that. I mean. Um.”
Cosimo watched him flail for a moment, letting himself smile.
“I don’t want to insult you,” the younger man said, finally finding his words.
Cosimo leaned in even closer and stroked his fingertips over the inside of Miles’s wrist. “Good. I’m not insulted. And I want to hear you say yes. I’ll give you til the end of the day before I call your Daddy and tell him he has to make you say yes to me.”
Miles sucked in a sharp breath.
Cosimo went in for the kill. “And for what it’s worth, my answer is also yes. I want to fuck you too.”