Chapter 11
Iuse both hands to rub my temples. My head feels like it’s about to explode. I have so much information swirling around in there that I can’t manage to keep it all straight. “You expect me to fight in a deadly battle between training schools?”
“I’m preparing you in the event it comes to that. I’m not permitted to compete myself or aid the contestants, so you have to be able to defend yourself.”
“Don’t I have a choice? That’s a stupid question,” I mutter, answering myself before he can.
“The school decides who participates.” Ziv crosses his arms over his chest, and my eyes travel the long length of his form. Too bad I didn’t bite his neck. That thought hits me like a runaway carriage, and I have to avert my eyes or chance him seeing the thought on my face.
“Can’t you just tell them I’m not strong enough or something?”
“No. If I’d found you before Syrinx did, maybe, but she will argue that her claim on you came before mine.” His lips are curled up in a sneer the entire time he speaks, making it clear he doesn’t like the answer any more than I do. Ziv strikes me as the kind of person who doesn’t like anyone else calling the shots.
“Doesn’t she want to win, or am I just the sacrifice?” I toss my hands up in the air, ignoring the comment about his claim over me, but I have a feeling I’m not going to keep it up for long.
“Of course she wants to win. Ivy has won every contest for the past forty years. This will be her first year as headmistress during the games. She has a lot to live up to, which is why she is willing to sacrifice you to ensure she holds onto the institute’s honor.”
“Then her best bet is to pick someone else. I’m no warrior.” Or anyone’s mate, right?
“She’ll have an entire team of warriors, little flower, but you are her secret weapon. Magic can’t affect you. She’s betting that will give you a distinct advantage on the field.”
“Not being affected by magic won’t help me much if I can’t survive simple combat.”
“Which is why I’m going to train you.” He drops his chin by an inch or two, and it alters the planes of his face. Ziv always looks intimidating, but like this, he looks downright menacing. I’m not sure I’ll survive his training, but then again, I don’t really have a choice either.
Maybe I’ll get the chance to bite him again.As soon as the errant thought filters through my mind, I drop my head while planting my hands on my hips in a show of frustration. This won’t go well if all I can think about is tasting his blood again.
“You think teaching me to use a bow is going to save me?” It’s a flippant question.
“It will help, but I also have a secret weapon.”
I bring my shaking hands up to cover my face. Apparently, my mind has slipped into the swamp or that of an adolescent male. The only secret weapon that comes to mind is literally attached to Ziv. Chancing a look in his direction, I split my fingers and peek at him through my hands. “I think your blood is affecting me.”
“I don’t doubt it,” he agrees.
“When will it stop?”
“Stop what, exactly?” He lifts one silver eyebrow in question.
I flush harder, thinking about how I’m going to answer that inquiry. Thank goodness he can’t see my face. “Making me feel…weird?” Like I want to feel your lips on me again, and I want to know what your skin tastes like.
“You’ll need to be more specific.” He’s not exactly scowling yet, but he’s not far from it either.
Damn it, I’m an adult. I can do this. “Attraction,” I blurt out, dropping my hands to reveal my glowing face.
Ziv’s chin kicks up a millimeter or two, but I’m so focused on him, I notice the smallest shift, like even his eyelids have lowered. “Are you saying you didn’t find me attractive before you bit me?”
What is that tone? Is he teasing me? “Uh…” I’m not sure how to answer. Of course I found him attractive, he’s brutally beautiful, but I felt like I could control myself before this, and now I have to think about not rubbing up against him like a cat in heat. “It wasn’t quite so distracting before,” I admit.
“You’ve been disrupting my life from the moment I laid eyes on you. I would say turnabout is fair play.” The way his eyes are squinted leads me to believe he’s not all that happy about it. “I’m sure it will wear off…eventually.” He shrugs as if he doesn’t care either way, but he doesn’t have to deal with damp underclothes or feelings so foreign, you can scarcely understand them yourself.
“Why were you kissing me then?” I counter, embarrassed that he is proving himself stronger than me in every way.
His silvery eyes widen. I don’t know him well enough to recognize if it’s my question that shocked him or just bringing up the fact that it happened. “You can hardly blame me. My mate just bit me. It’s a wonder I was able to show the restraint I did.” I clearly offended him, but then his words sink in.
“Your mate… She said something about that too.” I use my thumb to point behind me, indicating where the headmistress was.
“Yes, my mate,” he grits out through clenched teeth.
I gesture to myself, not accepting he could be talking about me, but I can’t find another explanation either. “Not me.”
“Yes, you,” he snaps back, growing even more agitated.
“I can’t be your mate,” I argue, but even as I say it, I know it’s not true.
“And why is that, little flower?” His question is soft, but his stare is anything but, especially when he begins to circle me like the prey I am.
“I’m nothing.” I keep him in my sight as long as I can without moving anything but my head and neck. When he gets behind me, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end, but I still don’t move. I don’t need eyes in the back of my head to feel his slow approach. Every cell in my body is attuned to his nearness.
Ziv stops when he’s so close, I can feel him breathing on the back of my neck. Fear grips me, but it isn’t anything like the dread I’ve known my entire life. This is something altogether different. I’m not worried about myself or what will happen to me. I’m terrified for him. How could someone like him be cursed with someone like me? No wonder he’s been so hot and cold. He must have recognized what this was far before I did. I’m having a hard time imagining it’s possible even now.
“You, little flower, are mine, but even if you weren’t, you could never be nothing.” I feel the whiskers on his jaw pull at the strands of hair in my braid as he leans even closer. My eyes shut, and the muscles along my back relax until I feel his chest pressed against me. I know if I leaned back into him, he would hold me up, maybe even welcome it. I test the theory and slump into his chest. He releases a sound that could be a hum, but that’s too sweet of a word to describe it. It sounds much more like a contented rumble than anything else.
I turn my face and inhale. Gods, he smells so good, like sugared almonds and tart cherries, and my mouth actually waters. The urge to bite him is still there, only now I want to nuzzle my nose in the nape of his neck or under his jaw before I sink my teeth into his throat.
I open my eyes, alarmed by my own thoughts, but seeing the sand in the arena doesn’t help dissolve the thoughts like I hoped. “I still want to bite you,” I confess, unsure I’ll be able to stop myself if given the chance, and I feel like he should be warned.
“Is that all you want?” His lips touch the back of my ear, and my knees get all wobbly.
I shake my head, hoping he isn’t going to make me voice the other things running through my mind.
I’m painfully aware of his fingers blazing across my hip until his palm is low on my belly. When he jerks me back, I let out a soft gasp that ends on a moan once I’m flush against him. My heart rate spikes, and my entire body feels like it’s covered in static electricity. “I don’t think I’m immune to your power,” I admit around a dry throat.
“I’m not using any power on you, Briar. That’s just your body’s reaction to me.”
“Oh…” I’m not sure if that’s a relief or not. “Is it like that for you too?” I sound hesitant.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me what you’re feeling?” His hand slides just a little lower, and he applies more pressure with the tips of his fingers, tilting my hips back. A wave of heat settles between my thighs, making me clench in anticipation.
I bite the inside of my lip. There’s no way I can put all of what I’m feeling into words. Firstly, I wouldn’t know how, and secondly, I’d probably pass out from embarrassment. How do I admit that for the first time in my life, I think I’m actually aroused?
“Tingly,” I say.
He guffaws against the back of my head, stirring my hair and making my belly flop with edgy anticipation. It’s only when my nipples prickle that I remind myself he’s laughing at me, but even then, I don’t get mad.
“I wouldn’t describe it as tingly, but I think I know what you mean. Maybe you should show me where you feel it.” Ziv presses his lips to the back of my ear again.
“Pretty much everywhere, but especially where you’re touching me.”
He makes a deep sound in his chest that rumbles through my back. His hand slides even lower and cups between my legs. A riot of feelings erupts in my head, totally at war with what is happening to my body. Fear and revulsion, two very familiar emotions when I think about sex, drown out the heady feelings of desire.
My breathing picks up, but for an entirely different reason now. Shame, swift and dark, threatens to pull me under and take me to a dark place. I hear my father’s harsh words in my head, telling me how it’s my fault he wanted to touch me and my fault for tempting him.
My teeth snapping together brings me out of my thoughts. Sharp, silver eyes swirling with some kind of emotion stare directly into mine. “What the fuck?” he curses, panting against my lips, his mouth is so close to mine.
“Sorry!” I immediately apologize the same way I would to my father when he would get so angry at me. I don’t know what made him madder—the fact that he wanted to touch me so badly, or the fact that he didn’t ever do it. I think it was the former, which is why I always tried so hard never to be alone with him. I didn’t feel like his control would last much longer, and the slight grazes he could get away with wouldn’t be enough.
“You’re shaking.” Ziv scans me then returns his gaze to mine. His lips turn a strange shade of white when he pinches his mouth tightly. “I’m only going to ask you this once, Briar.” He brings both hands up to cradle my cheeks gently. “Was it just him?”
It takes a moment for the meaning of his question to register, making it impossible to pretend he didn’t connect the dots of my visceral reaction to him touching me intimately. I start to shake my head in denial, needing to explain, but Ziv closes his eyes slowly and drops his forehead to mine. His touch is as light as a feather, but the weight of the exchange between us is heavier than anything I’ve experienced. I was never supposed to have a mate or anyone who would care about me. My father told me that over and over, so none of this makes sense.
“Who?” he rasps with his eyes still closed, and I realize he misinterpreted my denial.
“He didn’t… It never… I’m still…intact.” My face flames, and I wonder if he can feel the heat in his palms. It’s such a stupid thing to think about.
Ziv’s hands slide higher, pushing his fingertips into my hair, and he tightens his hold. “Don’t lie to me, little flower. You were terrified,” he chastises softly, and I hate that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m not lying,” I insist. “He wanted… He was messed up. I don’t want to talk about him.” Or me.
I have never in my life felt more rage than I do in this moment. The air around us is poised with power. One wrong thought from me, and this entire school will come down, crushing everyone in or around the structure, yet Briar stands in front of me completely oblivious to the danger surrounding her. In one of my thoughts, I realize she is vulnerable to some magic. If the stone above us collapsed, she would certainly be crushed, but that is just a consideration for the future. Right now, most of my focus is on this moment and the fear she felt when I touched her between her legs. Prior to that instance, she was soft against me, and her arousal was evident, not only in the way her small curves were cradled against me, but in her heady scent. There was no doubt I would find her wet and ready for me if I were to dip my fingers inside her.
It was as if a switch was flipped the second I felt her heat against my palm. Her scent soured with the acidic odor of dread, and her body locked up, every muscle going rigid and stiff. I panicked when she didn’t come around right away when I called her name, which is how I ended up shaking her.
As the life returned to her eyes, so did the cloying aroma of shame. My mind already pieced together what could have happened to her, and the images are enough to make me want to slaughter a village, maybe more. I will begin with her father, but I need to know if he was complicit or complacent and allowed it to happen. Either way, he’s as good as dead when I’ve decided he’s suffered enough, which might take an eternity.
“He didn’t… It never… I’m still…intact,” Briar stutters with wide, pleading eyes.
“Don’t lie to me, little flower. You were terrified.” Images of her, scared and alone, manifest in my thoughts, and the ground trembles. I use my will to create a forcefield of sorts around us, protecting her if I lose what little control I have left, but then I quickly realize it would be foolish to rely on magic to protect her. For all I know, she could absorb it, rendering the protection useless.
I ground myself by pulling her closer, and the fact that she doesn’t resist aids in tempering my rage.
“I’m not lying. He wanted… He was messed up. I don’t want to talk about him,” she tells me with a pleading stare. It’s not hard to hear the things she didn’t say—he wanted to touch her and hurt her, but something stopped him from taking it that far.
The relief I feel as the truth of her words sinks in is probably one of the reasons I could only ever be a fallen god. I’m far too selfish and hungry for retribution to ever be merciful.
I lay my lips on her temple, imagining her faceless father’s death a million different ways, yet none are brutal enough. When the demon comes to her this night, I will seek out the man who raised her and begin to dole out my flower’s vengeance.