6. “Your Best American Girl”
SIX
“YOUR BEST AMERICAN GIRL”
(MITSKI)
E veryone was shuffling toward the door, and therefore, I was panicking.
In that panic, I jumped up, dashed to block their exit, my arms held out and everything.
“We can’t go down there,” I blurted.
“What?” Luna asked as they all stopped short. “Why?”
Dang it!
I had to cop to it.
This, with no choice, I did.
“Because Javi is down there, and I think he’s mad because he thought we were having dinner tonight, and me vamoosing before he could pick me up from work, some could think means I stood him up.”
There was a moment of silence before Jinx asked incredulously, “You stood Mountain up?”
I would understand her incredulity if last night hadn’t happened.
“Well…” I trailed off because in my mind, that was a no, in Javi’s mind, I was thinking it was a yes, even if it wasn’t a date date.
Or, could you stand someone up if it wasn’t actually a date date?
“Love you, babe,” Jessie stated, giving me a look I’d never seen on Jessie when it was aimed at me. She was openly disappointed. “But that isn’t cool.”
My heart sinking, I started to say something, but I didn’t get a word out before Raye added, “We’re adults and we use our words, Harlow. It’s never okay to leave someone hanging, especially someone who means something to you and your whole posse.”
Ouch.
It felt like I’d been slapped.
I mean, I wasn’t five, for goodness sakes.
Luna was watching me closely, and I could see the empathy in her eyes.
It was then her situation with Knox was confirmed.
She liked him, he liked her, but he was Cap’s best bud, and she was Raye’s.
Knox had helped Cap install all the organization goodies I’d designed so Cap and Raye could scrunch all their stuff into her one-bedroom apartment when they moved in together.
She’d joined in to be an Angel when Raye was out solving crimes before any of us had, because those two were sisters from different sisters.
Luna wanted to go there with Knox, but she couldn’t.
And she couldn’t because of just this.
Even if not much time had passed where our posse was our posse, we were tight. There were already unbreakable connections.
But not everyone could meet a hot guy they were attracted to, and within a couple weeks, know he was “the 1,” then have that actually pan out because he truly was “the 1.”
The rest of us had to worry. Worry if stuff wasn’t going to work out, and all the rest of the people we cared about were dragged into our mess, maybe needing to take sides, screwing up a good thing.
“Give her some space,” Luna ordered.
“Yeah, maybe the woman has a reason,” Shanti put in.
“For standing someone up?” Jessie asked. “That someone being Javi, who we all know is the shit and is totally into her? I mean, we should have known it’d start to get ugly the longer it lasted. So now, for God’s sake,”—she turned to me—“seriously, Harlow, these games have to end.”
There it was.
My bestest bestie had been getting everyone to lay off about Javi, but now, since she thought I’d done Javi wrong, she was laying into me.
“Javi is great,” I said in a small voice, and everyone focused on me.
I knew I wasn’t hiding the hurt when Raye’s eyes rounded, and Jessie, who clearly got out of her snit and clicked into my vibe, actually recoiled.
“But he said some things last night that were not at all nice,” I went on, watching all their faces morph into shock, another indication why this was so hard.
Because, except to me, Javi was that guy . That awesome, cool, with-it, solid, nice guy.
I kept at it.
“It’s not your business. It’s between Javi and me.
But I didn’t agree to go to dinner with him.
I can’t stand up someone who I didn’t agree to actually see.
Though, bottom line, you know me, and even if you don’t agree with whatever course of action I take, I’m a grown woman, and you should respect it, not get in my face about it.
” I shifted my attention to Raye. “And definitely don’t treat me like I’m a child. ”
“Lolo,” Raye whispered, looking ashamed.
But I was done, because what just happened hurt…bad. What happened with Javi last night hurt badly too.
And I couldn’t take any more.
Therefore, I turned, yanked open the door and raced out (so…yeah, I could flounce, fume, bounce, and additionally, I was prone to throwing a drama).
Javi was, indeed, standing in the parking lot, or more aptly, leaning against the side of the bed of his truck, arms crossed on his mile-wide chest, frowning impatiently up at the walkway.
He came out of the lean the instant he saw me racing down to the stairs.
“Harlow! Wait!” Jessie called, and I knew she was racing after me.
An aside: for three years, Mom was angry with me because I didn’t try out for the track team. I was a good runner. Fast with great form. My gym teacher was the track coach, and he practically begged my parents to get me to try out.
The thing was, I wasn’t a jock. I had no interest in it. My view of running was the same as Val Kilmer’s in Real Genius , I’d do it…only when chased (and to add my bit, only when graded on it).
Like, with the chasing part, kinda…now.
Thus, I got to Javi fast and panted, “Let’s just go.”
He was looking between me and Jessie, asking, “Are you okay?”
I pressed a hand into his chest and begged, “Please, can we just go?”
Javi stopped looking between me and my girls, stared hard at me, then his face got kinda scary.
Jessie was there, I could feel her. I could also hear the others running up to us, including the clattering of Jinx’s platform heels, and in another scenario, I would have liked to have witnessed Jinx running in those shoes. I bet she was good at it.
Now, I was stuck between two evils, at this juncture Javi being the lesser one, and I just wanted to get out of there.
Suddenly, Javi was not messing around. He scorched Jess with a scowl, included the rest of them in it, all while he dragged me to the driver’s side door. He had it open, and I was up and in because he picked me up and shoved me in before I could let out a squeak.
I scrambled across the cab to sit in the passenger seat as I heard Javi growl, “I don’t know what the fuck is happening, but right now, all you bitches are gonna back off.”
He’d barely got that out before he hauled his big body in, slammed the door and started up his truck.
I resolutely didn’t look at my gang as he backed out, headed toward the exit and then we were away.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Don’t make me talk about it or I might cry,” I answered while valiantly trying not to cry.
“I don’t give a shit if you cry. I give a shit if you’re okay,” he returned.
Really…
Why?
Why couldn’t this awesome guy like me?
I made one of those gross sobbing hiccup noises.
“Baby,” he whispered.
Really!
Why couldn’t this awesome guy like me?
I looked out the side window and tried to pull myself together.
“Lil’ mama, talk to me,” he urged gently.
He wanted to talk?
Okay, we’d talk!
I twisted toward him. “I didn’t tell them you were mean to me last night. And before you say anything, I get it. You don’t like me. Does that hurt?”
“Harlow—”
I spoke over him. “Yes, it hurts. Because you’re a good guy. But not everyone likes everybody, and eventually, I’ll get used to it. We’re both adults. We could figure it out. Even if we share friends, we’d figure it out.”
“Har—”
“And okay, so I was chicken and wiggled out of our dinner by leaving early to buy porn.”
He sounded like he was strangling when he asked, “Porn?”
“For Mr. Stupidhead, the receptionist at the hotel. We bribe him with porn.”
I watched him grin at the windshield as he muttered, “Gotcha.”
“But I also brought some of Willow’s cupcakes, and he really liked him, so I think we can wean him off porn and get him onto baked goods.”
“I wouldn’t hold a lot of hope for that, lil’ mama,” he advised.
Whatever.
“Anyway, it’s debatable I stood you up,” I continued. “Seeing as I didn’t agree to go to dinner in the first place.”
He hesitated a beat before he replied, “No comment.”
Again.
Whatever.
“But you showed up while we were talking to Jinx, and I had to admit to them that I kinda, but not really, depending on how you look at it, stood you up. And Jessie and Raye got mad at me because they look at it the way I don’t.”
“They got mad at you?”
At his frightening tone, I clicked out of my hurt and fully into the cab.
Oh boy.
“Not that you want me,” I started cautiously, “but say you did, this is why we can’t go there. Because we’re dragging everyone along with us. So if things didn’t work out, people would pick sides and someone would get left out.”
“They got mad at you?” he repeated.
Oh dear.
“Javi—”
He was hitting buttons on his steering wheel as he declared, “What’s up with us is none of their fucking business.”
Man, I wish there could be an us.
I couldn’t focus on that.
The car started ringing and the dash said he was calling Jessie.
“Javi!” I cried.
“Dude, let me talk to Harlow,” Jessie demanded as an answer to the call.
“You aren’t fuckin’ talkin’ to her,” Javi stated irately, even if she was since she was on his dash line, and I could hear and speak to her. “And you aren’t in our shit, woman. Stay out of our shit. Or better yet, back your girl, no matter what.”
“That’s what I want to talk to her about,” Jessie said.
I opened my mouth, but Javi was speaking again.
“You did your damage. Your penance is you gotta stew on it. I got Harlow. You’re giving her some space.”
And with that, he hung up on Jess.
“Now you’re getting in on mine and Jessie’s stuff,” I accused.
“Were you about to cry two minutes ago?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Then no. Fuck no . Someone makes you cry, they answer to me.”
Um…
What was going on?
That was something a friend said.
That was something a boyfriend said.
No, no, no.
That train had left the station and was long gone.
I let that go and focused on our conversation.