18. “That’s the Way Love Goes” #3
“Listen to it,” he ordered.
I went again to my phone.
But I looked back at Javi when he finished, “On speaker.”
I wasn’t sure that was a good idea.
“Javi, this is our special time,” I reminded him.
“Every minute with you is my special time,” he stated, making me blink and making my heart swell so huge, I thought my chest would burst open Alien -style (not that I’d seen Alien , I didn’t do scary movies or scary anything (except vigilantism), but I’d heard about that chest bursting thing).
“But she’s gonna have to be dealt with, and when there’s shit to be dealt with that’s probably going to be shit, it’s better to deal with it sooner rather than later. ”
I hated that was wise.
But it was.
I activated the phone, went to voicemail, and played the most recent one that had been left an hour and a half ago, which meant well before eight o’clock.
On a Sunday.
My mother’s voice filled the room and just hearing it, something I’d never noticed because it happened so much, something I for sure noticed right then, this being, deep down inside, I felt something deflate.
“I’m sure you’re incredibly busy with all the important business you have to see to in your career as a server…”
Not a good start, I knew, because her words hurt me, and worse, Javi released an infuriated growl that was more than a tad bit terrifying.
“…so I’ve managed to make a booking at Le Amé next Saturday at seven thirty to celebrate your brother’s birthday.
They’re aware it’s a special occasion and their pastry chef will be crafting a special dessert for Easton.
If you could free up your hectic schedule, it’d be lovely if you could join your family for this celebration.
It’d also be lovely if you would deign to contact your mother to confirm your attendance.
” She ended this with a stiff, “Have a good day, Harlow.”
I barely swiped out of the voicemail screen when Javi was talking.
Or, more aptly, laying down the law.
“Two choices. First, you call her back and tell her to change that reservation to five people because you’re bringing your man to dinner. Or second, you call her back and tell her she can go fuck herself until she can communicate with her adult child and do it with some fuckin’ respect.”
Mm-hmm.
That infuriated growl meant Javi was infuriated .
“Javi—”
He caught my chin in a firm grip. It didn’t hurt, but it definitely got my full attention.
And when I saw the look in his eyes, even if he had my full attention, I found more attention to give him.
“Those are your two choices, baby. You get me?” he asked quietly and very, very dangerously.
Time to notch Raye and Jessie’s How to Deal with An Alpha tutorial higher up on my schedule.
For the now, I knew my safest bet was to say, “I get you.”
He let my chin go but dipped his to my phone.
“Now?” I asked, and the word came out two octaves higher than my normal voice.
He took a sip of his coffee, his gaze never leaving mine, and after he swallowed, he said low, “Now.”
Oh man.
Again, I went with what I suspected was my safest bet.
I bent to my phone.
And Javi grunted, “Speaker.”
Oh man!
This was invasive, totally.
But he’d asked me if I was ready last night, and we both knew he wasn’t asking if I was ready to take our relationship to the next level, that being a physical one. He couldn’t miss I was ready for that.
He asked if I was ready because we both knew, when we took our relationship to that level, that was it.
Sure, life was life, and anything could happen.
But I had not missed he’d introduced me to the real me last night.
Nor had I missed that I could be the real me because being with Javi made me free to be that me.
Nor had I missed the tone of his voice the night before when he’d said, “I want you so fucking much.”
For him, this wasn’t about living the dream of having the pretty cheerleader bounce on your dick.
For him, this was about living the dream he’d never allowed himself to dream. Full stop.
And for me, it was about doing the same, except I’d never known there was something as wonderful as Javier Montoya to find.
He did not carry me up the stairs like a groom carried his bride because it was most expedient.
He was making a point.
And not only did I not miss his point, I loved and adored the point he made.
Shoot.
I made the call, put it on speaker, and my mom picked up probably on the very last ring before it would have gone to voicemail. And it was not probably that she did this deliberately. I was well-acquainted with this weapon in her arsenal.
“Harlow,” she answered coldly.
I felt the chill. I again felt that usual shriveling up happening deep inside. I felt the familiar feeling of becoming smaller.
Mostly, I realized how much I hated to feel so damned small.
And then I felt Javi’s attention scorching into me.
My gaze lifted to him.
He was still in his trousers, no shirt, bare feet, disheveled hair, eyes burning gilded fire on my behalf, mug of coffee held in his strong hand, one of his long, attractive fingers hooked through the handle.
And I was in his tee, in his bed, no panties, my shampoo and conditioner in his shower, the moisturizer I’d just used sitting by the sink that had become mine in his bathroom.
I’d won this beautiful man. He was so into me, as beautiful as he was, he hadn’t slept with another woman since he met me months and months ago.
Since he’d met me .
I had friends who were the best friends a girl could have.
I had a job that was zero stress. It didn’t allow me to jet off to Aspen for a weekend of skiing, and I had to save for things I wanted if they cost too much.
But I didn’t bring my work home with me.
It might get physically exhausting, but it was never mentally so.
And that was my choice.
Because I was an adult.
Sure, one day I might want to consider starting my own company where I organized people’s space, because I liked doing that and I was good at it.
Or I might be a server until I died, and who cared?
My life.
My choice.
And I was her daughter.
Truth, even if I, too, became a surgeon, or a researcher who found the cure to cancer, it wouldn’t matter.
Easton was her end all, be all. She treated him better than her own husband.
I was never going to win with her no matter what, and I knew that to the point I’d often wondered, in my darkest times, in the deepest entries I scribbled in my journal, why she’d even birthed me.
“I won’t be at Easton’s dinner,” I said, watching Javi’s face shift to surprise, before it lit with pride.
Yes.
This was hard.
But it was good.
(I thought.)
“Excuse me?” Mom asked.
I turned away from Javi to focus on Mom. “I won’t be joining you and Dad and Easton at Le Amé on Saturday.”
“Can I ask why not?”
“Because you don’t actually want me there.”
At that, I heard Javi set his coffee aside before he claimed me, pulling me in his arms.
That felt better.
“Why on earth would you think we don’t want you there?” Mom demanded.
“I don’t know, Mom, because you treat me like shit?” I asked, deciding cursing in this instance was okay, because it was apropos.
“Please, Harlow,” Mom said dismissively.
“You don’t approve of my job, and I know, because you mention it all the time .
You’re disappointed in me because I’m not working to get on the property ladder, and I know you are, because you mention it all the time .
I could spend the next three hours listing all the times you made it very clear I was an extreme disappointment to you, and six more hours listing all the times you made it very clear Easton was your favorite. ”
She cut in to scoff, “Hardly.”
“Shall we compare Easton’s and my birthday gifts last year?” I asked.
“Your father and I are not going to reward you for making irresponsible decisions in your life, not even on your birthday.”
And there it was.
How she couldn’t see it was beyond me.
“Do you hear yourself?” I asked.
“When you have a child and you want the absolute best for that child, and you work hard to give them every opportunity you can, opportunities the vast majority of other children are not offered, so they can be the absolute best they can be, and they decide to do the very least they can with what you offered, then you may speak to me this way, Harlow Nicole,” she snapped.
“Do I seem unhappy to you?” I retorted.
She said nothing.
“I don’t. Because I’m not,” I stated. “What’s most important in life?
That you can brag to your friends that I graduated from Stanford, or you can rest in the knowledge I’m healthy, I’m happy, I have good friends, a job I love, an apartment I dig,”—I looked straight at Javi—“and I landed the man of my dreams?”
His chin jammed back in his neck, and he grunted.
“You’re seeing someone?” Mom asked.
No longer able to withstand staring into the light shining from his eyes, I looked away from Javi and said to Mom, “No, I’ve met the one.
And he’s protective of me. So this conversation is partly about the fact I can’t put myself in the position of you harming me emotionally, because he won’t abide it.
Mostly, it’s just high time you knew how much you hurt me every time you behave like such a bitch to me. ”
“I don’t need this from my own daughter,” she bit out.
“Join the club, because for thirty years, I didn’t need my mother to act like I was at best, a nuisance, at worst, an utter failure, when in truth, I’m neither. I’m just me . And I prefer to spend my time with people who not only don’t treat me like that but think I’m pretty awesome.”
“I think you’re right,” she sniffed. “It’s best you don’t come to Easton’s dinner.”
That hurt too. It hurt a lot, but I powered through it.
“Agreed, Mom. Have a great Sunday.”
“Harlow—”
I disconnected. Then I silenced my phone.
After that, I reached out and put it on its charger.
That accomplished, I turned to Javi and ordered, “Take your pants off.”
“ Mi pequena , come here,” he said gently, trying to gather me closer.
“Javi, take your trousers off,” I commanded.
He studied me for long moments before, slowly, he got out of bed, and at the side of it, he took off his trousers.
I moved quickly, getting to my knees on the floor in front of him.
“Baby,” he whispered.
He was soft.
I took him in my hand, and then I took him in my mouth, and he got hard real fast.
“ Babe ,” he grunted, sifting his fingers in my hair.
I worked him with both hand and mouth (and tongue, and carefully, teeth), my eyes tipped up, his chin tucked in his throat, and our gazes locked.
It took some doing. My jaw hurt, but by damn, I went at him with everything in my arsenal until his head jerked back, the veins in his neck stood out, and he shot into my throat.
I did not swallow.
Until Javi.
For Javi, I swallowed.
He couldn’t have recovered before I had his hands under my arms, I was going up, then I was down, on top of Javi, our legs entwined, his arms tight round me, and he gritted, “You got that out of your system?”
“Yes.”
“Get the rest out,” he ordered.
“Honey.”
He slid a hand up my spine into my hair and then he tucked my face in his throat.
With no other choice, I got the rest out, crying softly into his skin.
I did this for a while.
Javi let it happen without trying to silence me, but all the while soothing me.
I mean, wasn’t he the best ?
When it started petering out, he stroked my hair and whispered, “We got plans for brunch and a blanket to buy. You up for that?”
I nodded against his throat.
“That had to suck, Lolita, but it was the right thing to do.”
I hiccoughed a little sob, because it did suck, it totally sucked, but I did this nodding again.
His arm around me gave a squeeze. “Proud a’ you.”
That meant everything.
I burrowed into him.
He gave it time before he said, “Also important to note, you get so deep in your feelings, you can’t figure out what to do with them, my dick is always available for you to suck off.”
That forced a shocked giggle out of me, but even so, I slapped his chest and snapped a weak, “Javi.”
His tone was warm and eased as he murmured, “Just so you know.”
I tipped my head back to look at him. “You can stop talking now.”
He smiled at me. “Not sure which is better. The pretty cheerleader bouncing on my cock, or on her knees, jacking it and sucking it like I’m gonna grade her on that shit. I’m gonna need you to do both again so I can decide. Though, just to say, you earned yourself an A plus with extra credit.”
The snap was a lot stronger when I said, “Javi!”
“I’ll decide later. Now, I need to recover. You give great head just normal, but when you’re deep in your feelings, babe, fuck. Rocked my fuckin’ world. Think you drained me so dry, I’ll need at least an hour to be ready for you again.”
Ugh!
Men!
I pushed off him, but of course, landed on my back with him on me.
“Shower first,” he stated. “Then food. Then the blanket.”
“Whatever,” I said to his ear.
“Harlow,” he called.
I looked at him.
He spoke.
“You said it, which is good, because if I witnessed that in person, I would have said it, and it would have gone really fuckin’ bad.”
“Stop being protective and awesome when you’ve just been a complete and total man ,” I warned.
“Not sure I can be anything but a complete and total man ,” he replied, his eyes dancing. “Also not sure you want me to be.”
This was true.
Ugh!
“I need to spend money,” I declared.
The last word was not fully out of my mouth before we were out of bed and on our way to the bathroom.
Honestly?
I was not at one with all I’d just said to my mother.
Then again, I never would be. The time would never be right.
I had no idea what would come of this. If we’d struggle forward as a family, but for me, I’d have built the boundaries I needed so I wouldn’t be forced “deep into my feelings” by her casual cruelty. Or if I’d just lost a parent, or two, or my whole family.
I just knew I’d done what I’d done. I couldn’t change it. It had to be said. It was long past time. It was said.
And it was time to pick the perfect throw blanket for Javi.