22. “Independent Women, Part 1” #2
“Please, sir, don’t do that,” a customer’s voice could be heard begging.
“I am where I am,” Tex again boomed his retort.
“Then I’m moving to Denver,” another customer said.
Told you Tex had groupies.
“Can we see the pics of Tex’s house?” Shanti requested.
Roxie whipped out her phone and we all huddled closer as she pulled up the photos.
“Well…uh…” Jessie didn’t quite comment.
I understood her inability to voice her opinion.
The place was one-story, L-shaped, blockish, had zero personality, and it looked like no one had lived there for two decades.
There was a massive front drive that was a sea of light-colored gravel.
There was practically no vegetation, unless you counted the very dead tree and a meandering cactus at one side.
And there was a concrete half wall in front that looked like someone was trying to do something architecturally interesting, but considering the overall “An Axe Murderer Lives Here” vibe, they failed.
The pool was oval, it appeared to have its original liner, and I knew that because, except for some sludge at the bottom, I could see all of it.
The interior rooms were boxy and small, though they all had floor-to-ceiling windows, which would be cool, if there was a better view out of them than just scrub and a scary pool.
Not to mention, this was Phoenix. Floor-to-ceiling windows in the summer would be killer on the AC bill if you didn’t have really good shades.
And the kitchen had mustard-colored cabinets and appliances.
On the plus side, it was clear the bones were mid-century modern, and if someone gave enough of a crap to roll up their sleeves and give it some TLC, it could be fabulous.
On the minus side, well…everything else.
“Uncle Tex kinda hasn’t exited the seventies when it comes to his home owning and décor choices,” Roxie said.
“It has a catio!” Tex bellowed.
Well, there you go. I was wondering what that big screened-in porch-like thing was off from the pool.
And one could say, since he had a bajillion of them, Tex liked cats.
“I can’t believe that hasn’t been scraped,” Luna said as Roxie put her phone away.
“It’s some famous architect’s design. People have tried to buy it and put something else there. When that happens, other people in the ’hood throw down to put a stop to it,” Roxie informed us. “They might have put a stop to it, but none of them wanted to pour the dosh into it that would fix it up.”
There were some super-famous architects who were responsible for a few fabulous, mid-mod Phoenician gems.
Therefore, I blinked in shock. “Frank Lloyd Wright?”
Roxie shook her head.
“Ralph Haver?” Jessie asked.
Roxie shook her head again.
“Al Beadle?”’ I tried.
Roxie snapped and pointed at me. “That’s the dude.”
“We’re all gonna take turns hauling our asses down here to zhuzh it up,” Annette announced.
“You are not!” Tex hollered.
“We so are, big man!” Annette hollered back. “I’m on garden duty!” She came back to us. “I can’t wait to xeriscape that mofo.”
“I’m doing the kitchen,” Roxie yelled so Tex could hear.
“Me and Indy are on crafting a great room!” Ally shouted.
“Jet has called the bathrooms,” Ally added.
“Can the Angels get in on this action?” I asked, excited about the opportunity to help Nancy settle in her new home that hopefully would eventually not have mustard-colored appliances.
I could organize all their stuff!
“We’re having a meet with Nancy tomorrow,” Indy told us. “I’m sure she’d love it if you girls came. She’s going to need all the help she can get.”
“It’s perfect as is,” Tex boomed.
“It needs some TLC!” Roxie yelled in return.
Tex lumbered in, ignored the Rock Chicks and scowled at the Angels.
“Am I the only one who’s gonna make some bread around here? Or do I have to fire half my staff so me and Otis and Lucia aren’t the only ones who are working?” he demanded.
“Aw, Uncle Tex, you’re cute when you’re trying to be a boss,” Roxie cooed.
“I am their boss,” Tex retorted.
“ Pfft . Like you’d ever fire them,” Ally returned.
Before Tex could reply, we heard, “Uh…Jessie?”
We all turned to see Lucia standing there holding a laptop.
“Your homeless friend came to the back door, knocked, and when I answered, he dropped this off,” Lucia told us.
We all went wired and Jessie asked, “Homer?”
Lucia nodded.
“Holy fuck,” Raye breathed.
That was when we all raced through the kitchen to and through the back door.
“You go that way!” Jessie yelled when we saw no one outside.
She was pointing right as she went left.
Raye and Luna followed her. As did Ally.
Roxie, Indy and Annette followed me.
“Who’s Homer?” Roxie panted as she sprinted beside me.
“He’s Jessie’s special friend she met during our last mission. He’s the one who got kidnapped,” I panted back.
“Gotcha,” Indy wheezed out.
We raced around the side, and everyone met at the front.
No Homer.
So we all turned around and raced back.
Jessie and Ally zoomed to the back alley, while the rest of us checked the parking lots of the businesses to the sides of The Surf Club.
Still no Homer.
We all returned to gather under the minimal shade of a paloverde tree.
All of us were breathing heavily (except Ally).
But Annette was leaning over, one hand pressed hard to her side, and huffing, along with grumbling, “You bitches nearly killed me.”
Jessie ignored her to snap, “How can he disappear into thin air?”
No one had an answer to that. Though we all felt her pain.
Homer had disappeared not long after he was rescued from the bad guys. Since then, Jessie had been worried sick, but she forbade the Hottie Squad to look for him. She didn’t want him to feel hunted.
But Luna had a question.
“What was he doing with a laptop? And why’s he giving it to you?”
We all stared at each other incredulously as light dawned, and then we all tore back to The Surf Club.
“Oh my God!” Annette yelled, even though our latest dash was maybe fifty feet. “You’re killing me!”
“One word. Gummies!” Roxie shouted. “Four words. Give up the bong.”
“ I’m never giving up my baby! ” Annette screeched (so she wasn’t that deprived of oxygen), still at the paloverde tree.
We hustled in the back door only to see Shanti, Willow, Lucia and Tex all standing by the bench in front of the lockers, staring down at the laptop sitting there.
Willow looked to us. “That’s Trev’s.”
We all gathered around as Jessie asked, “You know Trev’s laptop?”
Willow pointed.
We looked at the laptop.
It had a sticker on it over the Apple logo that was the outline of a woman’s behind, from waist down to butt, down to upper thighs. She was wearing a thong. The top of the thong said Fuck Me .
Yup.
It was Trev’s laptop.
“How did Homer get Trev’s laptop?” Raye asked Jessie.
It was Lucia who answered.
“He said to give it to you. He said he heard word on the street you were looking for it.”
“Oh my God, that’s so crazy and also so cool!” I cried.
“Totally righteous,” Ally agreed.
“This doesn’t answer the question of how he had it,” Raye remarked.
“Gift horse looks you in the mouth, you don’t spit in his eye,” Tex boomed.
Good advice.
“Should we call the police?” Willow asked.
“Heck no,” Luna said. “Lucia, do we have any latex gloves?”
Luna looked at her like she was crazy because, yeah, she worked in a kitchen. She often wore latex gloves.
“I’ll get them,” Shanti offered, and dashed to the kitchen.
Lucia wandered after her, and there it was. That was all the excitement Lucia felt like putting up with in a day.
Shanti came back and handed the gloves to Luna.
She snapped them on then squatted by the laptop, and we all held our breath as she opened it and hit the on button.
“Nothing happened,” Annette, who, in the meantime, had returned.
“It’s probably out of juice,” Luna said while straightening.
“Anyone have a charge cord?” Ally asked.
“Not me,” Raye said.
“Not here,” Shanti said.
A bunch more nopes, and then Raye mentioned, “Even if we could turn it on, it’s not like the offending videos are gonna start playing. It’s probably password protected.”
This was true.
All the Angels’ shoulders drooped.
“If I can get it juiced up and plug that baby up to a modem, I bet Brody could work some magic,” Ally noted.
“A modem?” Willow asked.
“Aw, isn’t the next gen so cute?” Roxie joked.
“I’d have no idea where to even buy a non-wireless modem, but I bet Clarice has something we could use at her office,” Raye pointed out.
“You can buy a modem practically anywhere that sells shit with plugs,” Ally said. “But get on the line with Clarice. Let’s get this to her. I’ll get in touch with Brody. See if he can pull off a long-distance miracle.”
“Me, Willow and Raye aren’t off for a few hours,” Luna told her.
“Well, then it’s good we got a rental car,” Indy replied. “We can head out and get started.”
At that, there were smiles all around.
Avenging Angels and Rock Chicks on the move!
“Wait, before I go, I wanna know what’s got the greater probability of being blown up? This phat coffee place that sells booze? Or this Clarice lady’s digs?” Annette demanded.
“My guess, wherever the laptop is,” Shanti told her.
“Then I’m staying here,” Annette decided. She then looked to Jessie. “You were talkin’ cocktails?”
Ally, Indy and Roxie went to their car with the laptop.
Annette went to the bar.
Tex went to the coffee cubby.
The Angels had a quick confab.
“We need a computer guru,” Raye pointed out the obvious.
“Cody’s supposed to be good with computers,” Jessie said.
“He’s on the wrong team,” Luna replied.
She was so competitive.
“ Now , he is,” Raye said. “But Ally can get us Brody for this case. We gotta figure out how to butter Cody up should we need him in the future.”
“He’s a little young for my butter,” Luna noted.
She was right. Cody was in his early twenties.
“I’m never buttering anyone again,” Willow announced.
“Aw, Will, don’t say that,” Shanti murmured. Then she noticed we were all looking at her. That was when she stated, “I don’t butter white bread.”
Hmm.
“Maybe you can butter Liam’s bread and then he can get Cody to be our computer guru,” Raye suggested.
Shanti got squinty-eyed at the mention of Liam.
Hmm!
“Fuck me! Are you women gonna work ever ?” Tex boomed.
After we all giggled (well, they laughed, I giggled), we finally got to work.