Chapter Thirty-Two #2
The thought stopped me dead in my tracks, and Tegan nearly crashed into my back.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, giving my sleeve a little tug.
I swallowed hard and shook my head, feeling the guilt churn my stomach. “Nothing,” I forced out. “Everything’s fine.”
Tegan put her hand on her chest and puffed out a heavy breath. “I was worried there was a bear or something.”
While there were a lot of black bears in this part of the Northeast, I’d only ever seen three the entire time I’d lived here.
“I think Briar Glenn is a little too busy these days for that,” I said with a smile. That and the fact that a massive wolven prowled the woods every full moon. I’m sure one whiff of Atlas’s scent was enough to scare away any predators.
“As much as I appreciate the growth, I miss the times when it was quieter. I think that’s why I wanted to come out here so bad. Even if it’s just for a night.”
“I would have asked you to go camping sooner if I knew you wanted to go that bad.”
“How were you supposed to know if I didn’t tell you…?” She trailed off like it bothered her that we didn’t talk that much, just as much as it bothered me. “I’m really happy we could do this. When you and Dad would go on your camping trips, I always hoped he’d take me with you.”
“You went camping with us every summer.”
“Yeah, but you and Dad went every month.”
I let out a dry laugh. “Tegs, our monthly camping trip was nothing like when we went as a family. I would have much rather stayed home with you and Mom.”
“Why?” she asked quietly. She knew things between my dad and me were different from how he was with her, but did I really want to tarnish the image of him she had in her head?
Maybe I had to in order to explain some of the resentment I felt toward her, the reason why the old man’s passing made me breathe a giant sigh of relief.
“Dad would just drink the entire time and remind me what a mistake I was,” I said, coming right out with it.
Hurt flashed over her face. Genuine hurt. And fuck, did it make me feel bad. But it was the truth.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. I hated that she was apologizing when none of this was her fault.
I forced a smile, hoping it might make her feel better. “It’s okay.”
She shook her head. “It isn’t, though. If I would have known what you and Mom went through—”
I cut her off. “No. You had your relationship with Dad, and we had ours. It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad about it.”
“Easier said than done,” she grumbled under her breath.
I nudged her shoulder. “I’m sorry that things between us got so twisted up. I just think I didn’t know how to carry on with our relationship once Dad died.” It felt good getting that off my chest.
“You mean you weren’t being an overprotective prick on purpose?”
“I mean, maybe.” I chuckled. “I just love you and I want the best for you. I didn’t think it would happen so soon. That’s all.”
“When I first told Mom that Atlas and I were mates, I asked her if she thought it was too soon. She told me that when the goddess brings two people together, she’s never wrong. Sometimes life throws you a mate when you’re least expecting it.”
“Yeah, I guess it does.”
The trees parted, revealing the bathrooms and weathered storehouse at the end of the trail.
“We made it,” I said, leading Tegan to the little cubby that held all the firewood.
“Do we just take it?” Tegan asked.
I shook my head, laughing at my baby sister. “No. We leave money in the box. We don’t want the Parks Department coming for us.”
She stared at me, her expression flat. “You’re the Parks Department.”
“I am, and I’m going to let it slide just this once,” I said, wagging my finger.
Technically, I’d been letting it slide since childhood. Not once had I ever paid for firewood.
I grabbed a bundle from the pile and led Tegan around the building to the bathroom. Thankfully, it was an actual bathroom. With toilets that flushed and running water.
While she did her thing, I leaned against a tree and thought about how good it felt to get that off my chest. And when the time came to tell her about me and Cyrus, that was going to feel good, too, regardless of what her reaction was.
“All set?” I asked when she rounded the corner.
“Yep.”
We started the walk back to the campsite, and after a few moments of silence, Tegan said, “You know, Atlas said the same thing about Dad.”
“He did?” It caught me a little off guard because it meant that she and Atlas talked about our relationship.
She nodded.
“Well, he’s a smart guy.” I shifted my weight and rubbed my hand over the back of my head. “I, uh, I’m really glad we could work things out, Tegs. I don’t know if I said that the last time we talked.”
“You did, but I’m glad we could work it out, too.”
Fuck. The triathlon was next weekend, but here we were, having this heartfelt, in-depth conversation. Maybe this was the right moment to tell her about me and Cyrus?
My heart rate ramped up and my throat felt tight.
“Teg, there’s something I want to tell you…”
“What is it?” she asked, staring at me expectantly.
“I just—” Fuck, this was harder than I thought. And this really seemed like the sort of thing I should have consulted with Cy about, especially since we were going to have to sit at a campsite with Atlas and Tegan all night long.
What if she blew up on me and that was that?
No, this wasn’t the right time.
“I’m just”—I paused, trying to find something, anything else to say—“so happy for you and Atlas. I really like him.”
There was a self-assured smirk on her face. “I knew you’d come around. And I’m glad you like his friends, too. You and Cyrus seem like you’ve gotten close since you started training.”
“Oh, do we?” I tried to sound surprised, like I didn’t sneak around with Cyrus every chance I got.
“Yeah. It makes me happy because you’ve never really had many friends.”
Well, she wasn’t wrong. I hung around with some people when I was in school, but I was never really part of a group. I was always the fringe friend. The one who was an afterthought, who was begrudgingly allowed to tag along when no one else was available.
My attitude played a big part in that. The attitude I’d developed from living with my father. It was just another way he’d damaged me.
“Well, shit, Tegs. Way to make me feel like a loser.”
“You’re not a loser at all. I just always thought you liked being alone and that you wanted to focus on sports rather than being social. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah.”
“Listen, I know you’re my big brother, but you don’t have to keep things from me just for my sake. I want you to feel comfortable sharing with me.”
My heart leapt into my throat.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Did she know? Was she trying to get me to tell her about Cyrus?
When I didn’t say anything, she threaded her arm through mine, leaned her head against me, and gave me a little squeeze. “Dad might not be here for you to work things out with him, but I’m happy to listen.”
I puffed out a tight breath. She meant my childhood trauma, not my relationship with Cyrus. “Thank you,” I said, squeezing her back.
When we returned to camp, Atlas and Cyrus were parked in their chairs right where we’d left them.
“Got the firewood,” I said, hoisting up the bundle.
“Good, because we were simply freezing here without it,” Cyrus said flatly.
I had to fight the urge to give him my signature Fuck you. He knew what that meant, but it might have sounded a little harsh to Atlas and Tegan.
I ignored him, pulled out my pocketknife, and cut the logs free. I needed something to focus on.
Atlas watched me for a second, then got up from his chair. “Come on, baby.” He held his massive hand out to my sister. “Why don’t you show me those kindling-collecting skills I’ve heard so much about?”
She snorted. Gods, she was just like our mother. “Prepare to be impressed,” she said, and they wandered off into the woods.
“How was that?” Cyrus asked as I stacked the logs in the firepit.
“Oh, you’re interested because you set me up?”
“Tegan was very excited and nostalgic about this trip. We just wanted to give the two of you some space to talk.”
“And we did.” I went back to stacking, hoping my response got under his skin.
“Well?” he asked. Mission accomplished.
“We talked about my relationship with our dad. I don’t think she realized quite how bad things were, but I’m glad I got it off my chest. It feels like another step in healing things, ya know?”
“That’s great.”
“And then, while we were having that heartfelt discussion, I thought it might be a good time to tell her about me and you.”
“Oh?” he said, his bumpy eyebrows drawing back.
I nodded. “But it didn’t feel right to do it without your consent. And I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be there or not.”
His expression softened. “Darling, consider this my consent. You tell her when you think the time is right. In my presence or not.”
He was always so fucking good to me. So patient and sweet and kind, even when I didn’t deserve it. Even when he was depressed and going through his own shit, he still put me first.
“I appreciate you,” I whispered. I wanted to say more, to tell him exactly how I felt. I wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him and bury my head in the crook of his neck and list every single thing that made him wonderful over and over again until he believed it.
Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision. Fuck, I had cried more in these last few months with Cyrus than I had in the past twenty years.
“Reece…” I could hear the concern in his voice, the confliction. He wanted to comfort me, but he couldn’t.
“I’m fine,” I said, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. I needed to get it together before Atlas and Tegan got back. “These damn fall allergies.”
He didn’t say anything else. He just let me sit with my emotions and stack and restack the firewood as many times as I needed to.
A few minutes later, Tegan and Atlas returned. Atlas’s arms were full of tiny sticks and twigs, and my sister had a triumphant smile on her face.
“Ta-da,” she said as Atlas set the pile down by the firepit.
“Whoa,” I said. “Looks like all those years of practice paid off.”
“It’s okay to be jealous of my skills,” she said.
“Do you know how to start a fire?” I asked Atlas.
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“Well”—I pulled one of my homemade fire starters and a lighter out of my pocket—“you’re going to learn today.”