Chapter 14 Angie
ANGIE
Brandon joins me in the car after putting his golf clubs in the trunk. I look at my reflection in the visor mirror—my cheeks are red from the sun, I have a light sheen of sweat covering me, and I can’t stop the smile that’s been a fixture on my face for the last few hours.
“What’s got you smiling?” Brandon asks as he starts up the car.
I lean onto the center console, putting myself closer to him. The sun has burned his neck, even with the copious amount of sunscreen I applied to him. But he’s never looked better.
“You. Thank you for today.”
He leans forward and places a kiss on my slightly burnt nose. “You’re welcome. Do you need to get home right away?”
I shake my head. “What did you have in mind?”
“Dinner? I bought stuff for a massive salad.”
“Okay.”
Brandon leans forward and places another soft kiss on the tip of my nose, then puts the car in drive. I leave my arm on the center console with my hand dangling, and look down when he places his hand in mine, interlocking our fingers together.
I really like him. Brandon, that is. He’s begun to brighten my life in a way that just going to work and playing the piano hasn’t.
I don’t want to believe I’m attaching myself to him just because he’s the first one to show me a lick of attention beyond co-workers.
And maybe this is something I should bring up in my therapy sessions.
But for now, I’m going to enjoy this, because I haven’t enjoyed anything in a very long time.
“Does it need more salt?” Brandon asks as the small spoon hovers in front of my mouth.
When he said he had things to make a massive salad with, I didn’t know he meant the dressing as well.
“Nope. It’s salted enough,” I assure him. And it is. “Who taught you how to make this?”
“My mom.”
The mood between us takes a left, and after the day we had where we were just allowed to enjoy each other freely, this is the last thing I want.
We don’t talk about our families that much.
We can’t without reopening wounds that have slowly begun to not ooze as much.
But we have to. If Brandon and I see this lasting beyond the summer, we’ll have to broach the topic of our parents.
“Did she teach you to cook?” I ask hesitantly.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hands falter in their movements of chopping up the chicken before resuming. I wonder if he’s just as shocked that I brought her up as I am.
“She did,” he says slowly and begins chopping again.
“She taught me some basics when I was around thirteen.
And around that time, well, Malcolm was three, Mom was eight months pregnant with Evan, and Dad was working double shifts to help raise a family of almost six.
I guess I decided to make my parents' lives easier by taking care of me and James. And eventually Malcolm.”
I toss the rinsed and chopped lettuce into a large mixing bowl. “Gosh, it’s still so crazy to think that he and I are the same age. And that you have two younger brothers. Did you like growing up with brothers?”
“Yeah,” he says slowly, “although I think my mom was secretly upset that she never had a daughter.”
My brain thankfully catches up with my mouth, and I manage to avoid asking about Emily.
I know she was engaged to James. From what I remember, Liam said they were meant to be together after their first meeting.
But she and I were never that familiar with one another.
Sure, we’d see each other at the Hayes’s family cookout every now and then, but she’s as much of a stranger as Brandon was to me.
“I asked my parents once why it was just Liam and I,” I begin without prompt and I feel the edges of darkness begin to surround me.
“They always said they just wanted two perfect kids. Well, jokes on them because they have one dead and one diagnosed with clinical depression. Maybe they should’ve had three and gotten that one perfect child they dreamed about. ”
“Hey,” Brandon scolds and sets his hand on my arm.
I sigh, turning my head toward him to let him know I’m acknowledging him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s good that you’re getting this out.”
“Is it?” I rhetorically ask. “Because I can’t help but think I’d have my parents around if I had siblings. And I can’t help but think about the unknown if my brother didn’t crash his truck into the back of an eighteen-wheeler.”
“Angie…”
“No. Brandon, we’re going to have to talk about the elephant that will always be in the room when it comes to us. You and I are doing a fantastic job skirting around the reason why we’re together. But for once, we need to get this out in the open,” I tell him as my eyes fill with tears.
He turns me to face him and places his hands on my shoulder. Begrudgingly, my eyes travel up from his chest to his hazel eyes.
“Okay. Your brother made a life-altering decision that changed the dynamic of three families. My family will always have a gaping hole in it. Your family—well, it seems like your parents would rather run from the past and leave you to deal with the future by yourself than face what’s right in front of them.
And Emily…I don’t know if she’s healed her heart because she wrote us off.
” Brandon gently wipes away the fallen tears from under my eyes.
“Some days are going to be hard. In fact, every day is going to be hard when it comes to us being together. You know that and I know that. But these hard days? I want to get through the hard days with you despite our pain being rooted in the same spot. And if talking about our brothers is going to cause each of us to clam up, then this will never work. I don’t want that. I want this to work. You and me.”
I nod, blinking as more tears fill my eyes. “I never told you how sorry I am. You lost a brother.”
“I did. And I know you are,” he says with a nod. “but you lost your only brother.” Brandon expresses and pulls me into his chest when I can no longer keep the tears from overtaking. With our dinner forgotten, he lets me cry for the first time in months.
And with each tear that falls, I fall a little bit more in like with Brandon Hayes.
I fill my tray up with as many empty glasses as I can carry and head back inside, grateful for the covering as the rain that started this morning hasn’t let up.
Philly is playing an afternoon away game against Atlanta, one of our biggest rivals, so we very much expected today to be busy.
But to be close to standing room only is not something we expected, so we’re slightly understaffed and had to call in some security to keep everything safe.
It doesn’t help that I woke up sore from golf yesterday and puffy eyes from crying, but, hey, at least the rain matches my mood.
After my sour mood got the best of me, Brandon and I ate in tense silence.
We still talked like we’d been doing for the past month, but that damn elephant was making a lot of noise in his dining room while he and I both talked surface-level.
I guess I underestimated just how hard it would be to date someone—let alone the difficulty of dating the older brother of the man your brother accidentally killed.
And yes, whether it was an accident or not, Liam still killed someone.
So after we finished dinner and cleaned up, I kissed him and went home.
He didn’t stop me. And deep down, maybe I was hoping he would. Are all relationships designed like this? Where things get tough and you leave it awkward for an undisclosed amount of time? Because if that’s the case, then how do people do this?
I hop behind the bar to help out Joe and Caleb as all my tables are taken care of for the moment, so I have time, and they look like they need it.
“What are you doing back here?” Joe asks as he scoops some ice out for a cocktail.
“My tables are all caught up and I figured you two needed some help,” I say sweetly.
“If you wanna be of assistance, will you head down to the basement and see what’s low?” Caleb tries to cajole me into doing his work.
Joe smacks him on the back of the head. “Nope. That’s your job, barback. Now get to it.”
I shake my head at them and move to unload the dishwasher meant for the glasses.
Joe and I then get busy serving customers before I pull myself away to tend to my other tables.
The rest of the night flies by with a mix of yelling at the TV, slicing more lemons and limes than I thought possible, and laughing and smiling at jokes that aren’t funny.
There are a few stragglers at the bar when we get close to closing time. I’m in the kitchen prepping for tomorrow when Hannah comes up to me.
“You look tan.”
I look over at her with a small smile and get back to my side work. “Yeah. I went golfing yesterday.”
“Golfing? With that guy?”
I look at her and nod.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“No. But I’m already too far in with him to stop,” I tell her with an exhausted sigh.
Hannah has been my champion since I started working here at eighteen, but sometimes she goes above being an older sister and verges on being too motherly with me that it’s suffocating.
And I don’t know how to set boundaries with her.
“Does he make you smile?”
I nod with a smile. “More than I thought was possible.”
“Good. But just make sure you’re with him for the right reasons.”
“I am.”
Later that night, I’m in bed, catching up on the latest posts, when I get a text from Brandon. I’ve wanted to talk to him since I left last night, but I have no clue where to start.
B: Hey, you.
Me: Shouldn’t you be asleep?
B: I should.
B: I told my family that I’m seeing someone.
Me: You did?
Me: What else did you tell them?
B: I told them we’re taking it slow and that when it gets to the can’t sleep, can’t breathe type of relationship then they’ll know more.
Me: Huh.
B: What’s with the ‘Huh’?
Me: It seems you already can’t sleep.
B: It appears I can’t.
I decide to go for it, otherwise it’ll eat at me.
Me: I’m sorry.
Me: About last night. I shouldn’t have left on a bad note.
B: I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have let you leave when we were both upset.
Me: I don’t wanna be upset when it comes to you.
B: Me either.
I stare at the screen. Stare at his response for longer than I care to note and unsure of what else to say. On one hand, I’m glad we ironed that out, but on the other hand, is it that easy to move along?
It’s been easier to repress the enormity of the feelings I’ve begun to develop for Brandon, but he’s so blank-faced that I sometimes can’t get an accurate read on him. And just knowing that he’s now in the same spot that I’m in, well, that makes what we’re doing worth it.
B: How was work?
It appears we’re moving on, which I’m more than grateful for.
Me: Busy. Every game day I’m reminded how passionate fans are.
B: Oh, that’s right.
Me: I feel like I should know this after yesterday, but are you a sports fan?
B: You have to take this to the vault.
Me: Okay.
B: I pay attention to the big-name athletes. But besides golf, I don’t really pay attention to the other sports.
Me: *takes a screenshot to blast you on social media*
B: HaHa.
B: You?
Me: I’m the same as you. Although, golf did kind of grow on me. And after Liam, I saw no need to keep up with athletes.
B: I knew it.
Me: Brandon?
B: Yeah?
Me: I really like you.
B: I really like you too, angel.