Chapter 1
Rhonan
Two and a Half Months Earlier
Bad Dreams and a Threat of Penis Mutilation
“She’s gone, Rhonan.”
Three simple words alter my brain chemistry as I sit in the hospital chair, desperately trying to blink myself back to reality. I heard what Laney said, but it still doesn’t seem real. None of this does.
This wasn’t how this day was supposed to go at all.
“I’m sorry,” my sister continues as tears fall down her cheeks. “But I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“Who’s gone?” I need clarification because there are two people in that room I care about now, and even though losing either of them is going to kill me, I need to know which grief to brace for.
“Sarah,” Laney says on a shaky breath. “She—she didn’t make it.”
My lungs fight to pull in air as my body launches itself from the bed. I scan my room next, focusing on my surroundings because it usually helps me snap out of the dream faster.
“Jesus,” I mutter as I drag my hand down my face and swing my legs over the side of my bed, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.
It’s been months since I’ve had that dream—the one where I’m back in the hospital the day that my daughter was born. The same day my wife died giving birth to her. But just like every other time the dream reappears, I take it as a sign to be prepared.
Something is going to happen today, so I need to be on high alert.
“Daddy!”
Ellis barrels into my room, slamming the door into the wall before launching herself into my arms.
I kiss the top of her head as I breathe her in, cherishing the feel of her locked in my embrace, especially after where my mind just took me. “Hey, sweetie.”
“You didn’t come kiss me goodnight like you said you would.” She leans back with a pout on her lips that she’s damn near perfected at the tender age of five.
“Yes, I did. You just don’t remember because you were sleeping.”
One of her eyebrows arches. “Are you sure?”
“Positive, Ellis. Besides, you know I wouldn’t lie to you.” Not about the important things, at least.
“You promise?” Holding out her pinky to me, she waits as I hook mine around hers.
“Pinky promise.” I shake our intertwined hands up and down and then release her. “Now, it’s time to get ready for school.”
“Are you taking me this morning?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Jumping up and down, she bounces out of my arms and out of my room screaming, “Yay!”
And just like that, my world is back to normal.
I rake a hand through my thick hair and stand from the bed, walking over to my dresser while studying my appearance in the mirror. Scratching through my chest hair, I move my hand down to the scar on my arm that looks angrier and darker than normal today.
Seems my body is trying to remind me of multiple injuries from my past all at once.
“Did I hear that right? You’re taking Ellis to school today?” Joanne, my live-in nanny, rests her hip on the door jamb and crosses her arms over her chest as I open my dresser and pull out a clean shirt.
“Yeah. I’m supposed to hit the gym with Elliot this morning anyway, so I might as well.”
Joanne nods. “Okay, just wanted to make sure. That girl is great at telling stories these days, you know?”
A soft chuckle shakes my chest. “Oh, I’m completely aware.”
“How was your shift?”
“Uneventful, thank God. Just a few traffic tickets for people speeding on the highway leading in and out of town. The usual.”
“Glad to hear it. The moment you come home from a shift and tell me there was some actual crime committed here in Blossom Peak is the day I might just have to move back to Charlotte.”
“Oh, where crime is non-existent?” I ask sarcastically. Joanne rolls her eyes before tucking her shoulder-length gray hair behind her ears. “Besides, those threats don’t mean much anymore. I know you’d miss Ellis and me too much.”
She snickers before pushing herself off of the door jamb. “There you go getting that big head of yours again.”
“Love you too, Joanne.”All I see is her back as she waves me off and retreats to the main part of the house, but I know there’s a smile on her face as she does. When you live with someone for five years, you get to know them pretty well.
I like to joke that Joanne was my angel sent to earth after I lost Sarah, but I honestly believe it.
I was a new dad, a widower, and a sheriff who had to report back to work at some point, with shifts that varied between nights and days.
I needed help, and that’s when my father and his friends—Henry, Anthony, and Brian—started asking around town for someone who could help me.
Luckily, when Henry’s sister-in-law, Joanne Collins, heard my story, she instantly volunteered for the job. It was supposed to be temporary, but she stayed. She’s part of our family now, and I couldn’t raise my daughter or hold my life together without her.
Still, I know she’ll leave me eventually.
Most women in my life do.
After a few more moments of self-contemplation, I dress in my gym clothes, mix up a protein shake, and grab my keys.
The drive to Blossom Peak Elementary is short and filled with Ellis’s chatter from the back seat.
“Today is Mrs. Allen’s last day,” Ellis informs me for the fourteenth time since we left the house, our hands clasped together as I walk her toward the front gate of the school.
“I know, sweetie.”
“I’m going to miss her. What if our new teacher isn’t as nice as she is?”
“I’m sure she will be.”
“But what if she’s not?” Her voice wobbles and her grip tightens on my hand.
I pull Ellis to the side and crouch down until we’re eye level, smoothing her hair away from her face. “Listen, I know you love Mrs. Allen. She’s an amazing teacher, but she’s going to have a baby, and her baby is gonna need her to be home with it.”
“Him, Daddy. He’s not an it.”
I fight the urge to laugh. “Noted. But as I was saying, I’m sure they’ve found someone just as amazing as Mrs. Allen to spend the last few months of the school year with your class.
Besides, next week is spring break. We’re going to have so much fun that when you come back to school, you’re going to be so excited to meet your new teacher. ”
“She’d better be nice. If she isn’t, then I can’t be nice back.”
“Oh, really?”
Ellis nods confidently. “Yeah, it’s the Golden Rule, Daddy. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”
Shaking my head, I stand upright and lead Ellis down the sidewalk again. “You know what, Ellis? I think I have.” As soon as we arrive at the gate, I bend down to kiss my daughter’s cheek and squeeze her tightly. “Have a good day, baby.”
“I’m not a baby, Daddy. I’m five.”
“You’ll always be my baby girl.”
“Not if you have another baby.” Her eyes light up. “You should have another baby, Daddy! Like Mrs. Allen.”
“That’s…uh…”
Luckily, the bell rings before I can come up with a response.
Literally saved by the bell.
“Have a good day, sweetie.”
“Bye, Daddy!” Ellis waves at me as she skips through the gate and runs to catch up with a few of her friends.
I blow out the breath I’d been holding.
I swear, nothing can prepare you for parenthood.
There’s no guide or instruction manual that tells you how to talk to them about tough topics.
And of course my daughter has to be extra inquisitive.
I fear for what the rest of her childhood is going to be like, especially when I can’t dodge the tough questions any longer.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and as I pull it out, I see Elliot’s name flash across the screen.
“What’s up?”
“You still coming?” His voice carries over the noise of weights being racked on bars. He must already be at the gym.
“Yeah, just dropped off Ellis. Be there in five.”
“Good. And when you get here, I need to ask you for a favor.”
“I don’t know. The last time I did a favor for you, you took me ring shopping for your ex-fiancée.”
“Well, it’s not to buy a fucking ring, that’s for damn sure,” he grates out. “Just hurry up.”
“Calm down, Emperor Eeyore.” I laugh to myself as I use one of the many names that Dilynne, Henley’s younger sister, has given Elliot since his fiancé left him at the altar.
“If you want to insult me, I prefer Grumpzilla. And also…fuck you.”
I bark out a laugh as I shove my phone in my pocket and head back to my truck, already bracing myself for whatever Elliot’s about to drag me into.
***
“I’m sorry. You want to go where for what?” I lower the weights to my sides, gripping them in my hands between sets as I attempt to comprehend what just came out of Elliot’s mouth.
“You heard me.” He completes his last rep of chest flies and drops the weights to the ground, planting his hands on his hips.
“You fucking hate The Charming Bull.”
“Yeah, well, I figured maybe going someplace I normally wouldn’t might help me get back on the horse…or, bull, in this case.” His pleased smirk makes me roll my eyes.
I bring the weights back to my shoulders and press them above my head, talking through my next set slightly breathless. “Look, I understand your logic, but why do I need to go with you?”
He just blinks at me for a beat. “Am I supposed to ask Fletcher? Or Henley? Everyone else is engaged or playing house. That leaves you and me, Rhonan. I need a wingman.”
“You know I hated that shit when we were younger, and even more so now.”
He clears his throat. “Remind me, how long has it been since you’ve gotten laid?”
“That’s none of your damn business,” I grate out as I push the weights above my head for my final rep.
“You already know how long it’s been for me.”
“You got left at the altar, Elliot. Nobody expects you to bounce back overnight.”
“And your wife died. I think yours trumps mine, Rhonan.”
The mention of Sarah brings me right back to the dream from this morning. I shake off the melancholy wave that threatens to overtake me and drop the weights to the ground.
“This isn’t a fucking contest.”