Chapter 14
Rhonan
My Worst Fear & One Hell of an Apology
Walking into my house after a long shift sends a wave of relief through me. It’s been a long few days at the station, and I’m more than eager for some rest before I have to go back tomorrow.
Brody is on vacation this week, and Daniel’s wife is going into labor, which means I’m working more than I’m used to. Truth be told, the distraction from real life has been nice, but that means I haven’t had much time with Ellis, and I miss my daughter fiercely.
“Ellis? Joanne?” I call out as I step through the front door and shut it behind me, but all I’m met with is silence. Assessing the empty house, I hang my keys on the hook by the door and peer outside to the deck, where I find Joanne pacing around the backyard.
“Joanne?”
She spins to look up at me from the grass below as I make my way toward her. “Oh God, Rhonan.” The desperation in her voice makes my heart rate climb instantly.
I rush down the stairs to her. “What’s wrong?”
Tears cloud her eyes and her bottom lip is trembling. “I—I can’t find Ellis.”
“What do you mean you can’t find Ellis?”
“She was out here playing, and I had to use the bathroom, so I went inside. When I came back out, she was gone. I’m so sorry.”
I pull her into my chest, rubbing her back affectionately. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure she’s not far.”
“I don’t know, Rhonan. I called out for her as loud as I could, but I haven’t heard her or seen her. The gate is still locked, and I…”
“Did you call law enforcement?”
“I was about to, but…”
“Okay, just wait while I check the front yard. You go inside the house and search all the rooms.”
“What if she passed out? Or what if—”
I don’t let her finish that thought because at this moment, I’m living through one of my worst nightmares as a parent. Gripping her shoulders, I say, “We’ll find her, Joanne.”
As soon as the words leave my lips, I race back up the stairs on the deck and run through the house, hearing Joanne yelling Ellis’s name behind me. The screen door slams against the outside of the house as I barrel through the front door in search of my kid—my everything.
Fuck. This can’t be happening.
Cupping my hands around my mouth, I project my voice as loud as I can.
“Ellis! Ellis!” But I get nothing in response.
Twisting my head back and forth, I look up and down our street.
There’s no sign of cars or her bike. The garage is closed, so the likelihood that she took off on her bike is low.
Joanne would have heard her open the garage, and she knows damn well she’s not allowed to ride without an adult watching her.
“Ellis!” I jog up the road to the bend, thinking maybe she took off after the ice cream truck.
“Rhonan!” Joanne calls out to me from my house as I run back toward her.
“Anything?”
“She’s not in the house. I even checked her normal hiding places, but…”
“Shit.”
Sobs wrack her body. “I’m so sorry, Rhonan.”
“Stop it. We have to be missing something. There has to be…” The sound of music playing from Vienna’s house stops me mid-sentence. “Vienna.”
My feet carry me as fast as I can go to my neighbor’s house, not even bothering to knock on her door as I burst inside.
“Jesus Christ!” Vienna shrieks as I barrel through her door, finding her standing in her kitchen, music blaring from a speaker—and my daughter standing right next to her.
“Daddy!” Ellis jumps down from a stool and races over to me.
“Ellis Seraphina Hart! What the hell are you doing over here?”
The music cuts out, making the sound of my voice echo throughout the house.
“Rhonan,” Vienna starts, but I glare up at her and cut her off.
“No! You don’t get to talk right now.” Her head rears back, but I turn back to my daughter. “Ellis, you had me and Joanne scared to death! You can’t just take off without telling us!”
“Rhonan…” Vienna attempts to interrupt me again, but I point a finger at her this time.
“No! Don’t talk! You have no idea what was going through my mind just now!”
“Daddy, stop yelling,” Ellis says, tears forming in her eyes.
“You just left our yard,” I say, my voice cracking despite myself. “And didn’t bother telling anyone. You know better than that, Ellis!”
“Rhonan.” Joanne’s voice comes from behind me, breathless with relief.
Ellis runs into Joanne’s arms.
Joanne drops to her knees, catching Ellis like she might vanish again. “Oh, thank God. We were so scared.” She presses her face into Ellis’s hair.
“I’m sorry,” Ellis whispers, crying now in earnest.
Joanne pulls back just long enough to cup her face, tears streaming. “You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”
My chest feels too tight to breathe.
“Take her home,” I bark.
Joanne looks up at me with a warning in her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything as she rises, keeping Ellis tucked tight against her side.
I watch them leave and then turn back to Vienna. “You had no right!” My tone is harsh and laced with disdain because I need someone to blame for the fear that is racing through me right now.
“Right to what?”
“My daughter...she’s…” Grinding my teeth together, I take a few steps toward her and move my face closer to hers. “Since you don’t have children, you can’t even imagine what I’m feeling right now and probably never will.”
She winces, like my words physically hurt her. “Well, I—"
Shaking my head, I stare down at the ground while trying to get my heart rate under control.
But when I look back up at the woman that I have been fantasizing about for over a month, I now know why I can’t give in to what I feel.
“You have no idea what it’s like to have a child, to fear losing someone you love after actually experiencing it. ”
Vienna’s eyes narrow at me as she swallows roughly, crossing her arms over her chest. But her reply surprises me, even though it shouldn’t. “You know what? You can leave now, Rhonan.”
We stay like that, staring at each other while my chest feels like it’s splitting in two. Finally, when I can’t take the disdain she’s returning with her eyes, I break the eye contact and push back through her door, stomping over to my house.
“Fuck!”
I barrel through the front door of my house, finding Joanne holding Ellis on the couch, my daughter still crying.
And that’s when the rage fueled by fear begins to dissipate. My shoulders fall, my feet carry me over to her, and the adrenaline evaporates, replaced by shame. “Ellis…”
Her bottom lip trembles and snot leaks from her nose as she stares up at me. “I’m—I’m sorry, Daddy.”
Dropping to my knees in front of her and Joanne, I take my daughter into my arms, attempting not to crush her as I hold her to my chest. “God, Ellis. You—you scared the shit out of me, sweetie.”
“I’m sorry…”
“You can’t run away like that.”
“I—”
“Rhonan,” Joanne says, pulling my attention to her.
Rocking back and forth, I press my lips to my daughter’s forehead while waiting for Joanne to speak.
“I guess Vienna and Ellis were talking over the fence and Ellis wanted to play with Roscoe. Vienna told her to ask if it was okay, but she didn’t see me outside, so she lied and said it was fine.
” She tilts her head at me. “This wasn’t Vienna’s fault… ”
“I just wanted to see Roscoe, Daddy,” Ellis says on a shaky breath.
I push her hair from her face, cradling her cheek in my hand. Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my life. “You know better. You know that we don’t lie.”
“I know.” She nods, looking away from me. “You scared me. You yelled…”
My shoulders drop again as I fall back to the ground on my ass. “I’m sorry I yelled. I was just so freaking scared, sweetie.”
Her little arms wrap around my neck. “It’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes.”
As if her words were the realization I needed, my mind instantly veers toward Vienna and what a fucking asshole I just was to her.
Shit.
“Yeah, they do.”
Ellis leans back and puts both of her hands on the side of my face. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, Ellis.” She kisses my cheek and then buries her head in my neck as I sit there, closing my eyes and breathing her in.
The fear begins to subside, and as soon as I feel ready, I release my daughter and Joanne takes her to the bathroom to clean up her face.
I hang my arms over my knees as my head falls forward, trying to take in a breath. But the pain is still there. It never truly leaves. It’s a hurt that is a part of me that gets inflamed in instances like this, scars on the inside that no one else knows are there unless I tell them.
But now I’ve projected my fear onto yet another person.
The shitty part is—Vienna didn’t even deserve it.
And now I don’t know if an apology will be enough to undo the hurt I’ve caused her too.
***
I stifle yet another yawn as I walk through the front door of my house, my head down even though I’m fighting like hell to keep my eyes open.
I slept like shit last night, replaying my words as I yelled at Vienna, remembering how fucking terrified I was when I couldn’t find my daughter and how out of line I was to blame her. Work was rough to get through today, but luckily, I now have a few days to recover.
Sighing, I hang my keys on the hook by the door, but the laughter coming from the kitchen stops me in my tracks.
What the…
“More sprinkles!” Ellis exclaims, clapping her hands together.
“I like your thinking, Ellis.”
Awareness creeps up my spine because the last person I anticipated being in my house right now is the woman I screamed at only twenty-four hours ago.
When I round the corner and find Ellis, Joanne, and Vienna in the kitchen, the countertop covered in cupcakes, confusion rushes through me.
“Daddy!” Ellis jumps down from her stool and slams into my legs, wrapping her arms around me.
“Hey, sweetie. How was your day?”
“Good! Ms. Lewis asked if I’d like to help her make cupcakes for her friend’s birthday, and I said yes!”
The desire to lift my eyes to the woman I can sense staring at me is frighteningly strong, but I refrain.