Chapter 16 #2
“Yeah, but am I fucking crazy, Joanne?” She shrugs, so I continue. “I have a kid, a job that takes up a huge chunk of my life, and she’s my daughter’s teacher.”
“Not truly,” she counters. “But you do know that there are adults every day who have relationships that also have demanding jobs and children, Rhonan. You’re not unique in that case.”
“Yeah, I know, but…”
“It sounds to me that you’re just trying to come up with excuses so you don’t get hurt.”
The woman might as well have catapulted a brick at my chest with the way her words slam into me—because she’s fucking right.
I don’t want to get hurt again, but my desire for Vienna is too strong to ignore.
“What would your mom have told you to do?”
Her question slices through my chest like a knife. My mother—God rest her soul—knew me better than anyone. The first time I had a girlfriend and that relationship ended, she’s the one that helped me through it.
Just thinking about it right now brings the scene back to me—sitting next to her on my bed, fighting off tears because I didn’t want to cry in front of my mom, her gentle voice reassuring me that great love is worth the hurt and lessons your first relationships will teach you.
I just never imagined life would teach me the lesson of losing people I love too.
Clearing the emotion from my throat, I reply, “She would have told me never to give up on love.”
Joanne’s soft smile is accompanied by unshed tears in her eyes. “Your mother was a wise woman.”
Staring down at my clasped hands, I nod. “She was.”
“So, all I’m trying to get you to realize is that you have a chance here to have something real again, Rhonan. But don’t lead that woman on if you’re not ready for the possibility. Vienna deserves better than that.”
I know she does—and that’s what scares me the most—because I don’t know if I’m ready to give her what she deserves.
***
“Hell yeah! Twenty-one, bitches!” Elliot tosses his hands in the air as if he’s on a rollercoaster, celebrating his hand.
Henley chuckles as he lifts his beer to his lips. “Someone’s in a good mood tonight.”
Elliot smirks. “Well, someone needs to be because Rhonan is being grumpy enough for all four of us.”
All eyes land on me as I scowl in Elliot’s direction. “I’m fine.”
“You sound like your sister,” Fletcher chimes in. “And I’ve been with her long enough now that I know when she says she’s fine, means anything but that.” He lifts his water to his lips. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.”
Henley glances at Fletcher. “He probably should. It would help.”
Elliot huffs out a laugh. “This coming from the guy who once was the most closed off of any of us.”
Henley taps the table in front of him. “Key word being was. I’ve seen the light now, gentlemen.”
“No, you’ve seen the power of the vagina,” Elliot fires back. “And the only reason I can say that is because I was once hypnotized by one too. It clouds your judgment and makes you think life is all rainbows and sunshine.”
“Really? And how’s operation get-your-dick-to-work-again going for you?”
Elliot’s smug smirk falls from his lips. “My dick works just fine. In fact, I made an appointment for next week to get my piercing.”
Fletcher pauses while bringing his water to his lips. “I’m sorry. Did you just say piercing? As in, you’re getting your dick pierced?”
Elliot glances over at me. “Yup, and Rhonan said he’d go with me.”
I find my voice finally. “Uh, I never said that.”
“Is getting your dick pierced the equivalent of having a mid-life crisis after a relationship ends?” Henley asks. “I just want to prepare myself if this is something I need to look out for, not that I would ever let Elodie go, but just to be safe.”
Elliot glares at him. “Fuck you.”
But Henley’s not done. “More importantly, is your dick even big enough to get pierced? I mean, it has to have something to grab onto, right?”
“Funny. I heard your dick is the size of a Tic Tac,” Elliot says to him.
Henley taps his chin in thought. “Huh. That must be why your mom’s breath smells so good then.”
Elliot lobs a stack of chips across the table at Henley as he stifles his laughter. “Don’t fucking talk about my mom.”
Fletcher stands and shoves his hand between the two of them. “All right, you two. Knock it off before someone gets their feelings hurt.”
I run a hand through my hair. “Jesus Christ. I thought we were here to play blackjack.”
“We’re also here trying to have some fun, but apparently you didn’t get that memo,” Henley says to me.
“I’m fine,” I grate out again while this ever-present frustration I’ve been battling the past few days is still simmering just beneath the surface.
It’s been two days since I snuck over to Vienna’s house and defiled her in her shower. But after my talk with Joanne, I knew I needed to create some distance between us while I figure my shit out.
Fletcher called yesterday saying that Laney and the girls were having a girls’ night tonight, so the boys and I decided to get together and play some blackjack at the same time. Henley’s parents are babysitting his daughter, and Ellis is at home with Joanne.
Now, I’m sort of wishing I would have just stayed at home to stew on my dilemma in silence once Ellis went to sleep.
“Cut the bullshit, Rhonan,” Fletcher says. “It’s us. You can talk to us. Remember, we fucking promised not to hold stuff in anymore.”
“And if we’re making bets, I bet I know what’s got you all twisted up anyway,” Henley adds.
Elliot casts a look in my direction but doesn’t say anything.
Pushing a hand through my hair, I lean back in my chair and fold my arms across my chest. “Fine. I sort of…slept with Vienna.”
The corner of Fletcher’s mouth lifts, but he keeps his pleased smile in check. “Sort of?”
“Yeah. Do we need to review with you how sex works?” Henley adds.
I flip him off. “You know what? I think I liked you better before you fell in love with your nanny.”
Henley laughs. “Aw, come on. I wasn’t that bad.”
Elliot scoffs. “Dude, you and I were in competition for the grumpiest of the group. Pretty sure even your sister referred to you as a gorilla.”
Henley narrows his eyes at Elliot. “Did you just mention my sister without insulting her? Are you feeling okay?”
Fletcher clears his throat. “All right, let’s cut the shit.
Everyone, lock in. Rhonan needs us and it’s time to be serious.
” Henley and Elliot sigh but toss their chips and cards on the table before regaining their composure.
“Thank you. Now, Rhonan, what’s going through your head, man? Let us help you.”
I dart my eyes around to my three best friends, hating how it’s now my turn to speak, to lean on them, especially for something like this.
When my mom died, they were there for me. When I lost Sarah, they were there too.
But this?
It’s not like I’ve lost someone again. This is just me stewing on my fear. I’m not sure how they’re supposed to help me through that.
“I slept with Vienna…twice.”
Henley nods, but I can see the hint of a proud smile on his lips. “Okay…”
“And now I don’t know what to do about it.”
“How exactly did you two end up in bed together?” Fletcher asks.
I blow out a breath and recall the incident that led to me going over to her house to apologize, which led to me sneaking over another night because I couldn’t fucking stay away from her any longer.
Henley smirks. “Well, that’s one way to apologize. Works pretty well, if I do say so myself. But let’s be honest. That’s not the reason why you two ended up naked together.”
Elliot raises his brows. “Yeah, sorry to break it to you, Rhonan, but I told you that day at her house that even I saw the chemistry between you two. There’s no denying it.”
“Yeah, well it’s been two days and nothing else has happened.”
“And why is that?” Henley asks.
“Because Joanne caught me sneaking back over to my house the other night and basically told me that I need to figure out what I want. Otherwise, I’m just leading her on.”
Fletcher nods. “She’s not wrong.”
“I just don’t know what to fucking do.”
Henley shakes his head. “Yes, you do. You’re just being a chicken shit about it.”
I glare at him. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
He holds his hands up in the air. “How many times did you guys tell me to stop fighting what I was feeling for Elodie? And how many times do I have to tell you that you were right?”
Fletcher huffs out a laugh. “About a million.”
Henley points a finger to his chest. “Exactly. And it took me way too fucking long to do something about it, but I’m so fucking grateful because now I have a woman in my life that I can’t live without.
I never knew life could be this good. My entire world flipped upside down in a matter of months with Remy and Elodie in it, but in the best fucking way.
I’m telling you, I figured out that the key to being happy is to choose to be happy, and it was worth the bullshit I had to confront.
” He leans closer to me. “Don’t waste fucking time like I did, Rhonan. Ask the woman on a date.”
“Fuck.” I bury my head in my hands. “Do you realize that the last date I went on was with Sarah?”
Fletcher clears his throat. “She would want you to move on, Rhonan. To find someone else to be happy with.”
I lift my head and meet his eyes. “And I feel like I’m too fucking broken to ever feel that way again.” The second those words leave my lips, I see the realization of what I just said in all three of my best friends’ eyes.
“You think you’re fucking broken?” Fletcher asks with a pinch in his brow.
Clenching my jaw tightly, I divert my gaze to the other side of the room, avoiding their eyes because the way that they’re looking at me makes me feel like I’m under a goddamn microscope.
“Broken? You think that you’re broken? Hell, I feel like “I’m Still Standing” by Elton John should be your fucking theme song,” Henley says, pulling my attention back to him. “I sure as hell know that I wouldn’t be standing without you.”
“What the fuck do you mean?”