Chapter 25
Rhonan
Wedding Confessions
“Your little sister is getting married today.” My father is straightening the chairs in rows on one side of the aisle in the courtyard of Hart Winery, while I’m working on the other side.
All of the chairs are facing a white trellis that is covered in white and mauve roses where Fletcher and my sister will tie the knot later this afternoon.
“Yes, I know, Dad.”
“All I’ve ever wanted is for the two of you to find a love like your mother and I had.”
When I glance over at him, I can see unshed tears building in his eyes. “She’s here today, you know that, right?”
He taps the center of his chest. “Trust me, I know, Rhonan. I feel her every day.”
“She would be so freaking happy.”
My father laughs. “Yeah, she would. She’d also be coming up behind me right now and correcting every chair that I just moved.”
“You’re not wrong about that.”
“Just wait. Before you know it, you’ll be giving Ellis away and then you’ll understand why I’m so emotional today.”
His words hit me square in the chest. “I’d prefer not to think about that right now, Dad.”
“Avoiding it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen.” He stands up tall again and surveys the rows. “All right, these look good.”
“You know that you pay people who could have done that for us, right?”
He turns to face me. “I know, but it’s what your mom would have done. Plus, it’s keeping me busy. Everything is running smoothly so far, but I don’t want your sister to worry.”
I push a hand through my hair as I glance back at the main building of the winery where my sister, Ellis, and the rest of the girls are all getting ready in private. “I don’t think she’d even care if something did go wrong, Dad.”
He pats me on the shoulder. “Yeah, you’re right. She and Fletcher have figured out what truly matters, and it sure as hell isn’t a fancy party.”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah, a wedding does not make a marriage, right?” As I say the words, something occurs to me.
Fuck. That’s how Vienna must have felt with her husband.
It makes my fucking chest ache for her—because even though I only had Sarah in my life for a few short years, our marriage was the complete opposite of what Vienna has experienced.
Sarah was my best friend, she was the person I wanted to tell everything to, the person I never imagined my life without.
That’s why it hurt so fucking much when I lost her—because never in a million years did I think that could be a possibility.
And now I’m realizing that Vienna is that person for me, and I’m fucking reeling from how good it feels.
“Dad?”
“Yeah, son?”
“Do you mind if I run something by you real quick?”
He studies me curiously. “Of course. Is this a conversation we can have here, or would you rather go to my office?”
“Office would probably be best.”
I follow him inside, and once we’re in his office, he pours us each a glass of Pappy Van Winkle.
Fletcher made sure there was a bottle here for us today, even though he won’t sample any of my favorite bourbon himself.
The man doesn’t drink after what he experienced with his father, and I can’t say that I blame him for that choice.
“What’s on your mind, son?” My father asks as he lifts his glass to his lips and takes a sip of the caramel liquid.
I stare into my bourbon like it might hold some wisdom I need to hear. “You remember when you told me a few months ago that I would know when it was time to move on?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I think I’m ready.”
His brow lifts. “You think, or you know?”
I blow out a breath. “Vienna is…”
My father chuckles. “Son, I’m not blind. I’ve seen the way you look at that woman.”
“I’m fucking crazy about her,” I admit. “But…”
“What’s holding you back?”
“Elliot made a comment about how he felt like he knew Tori and then he ended up completely blindsided by her. I guess I just don’t want that to happen to me too. And then naturally, I’m afraid I’ll let myself dive in headfirst with her and end up devastated again.”
My father stares off to the side of the room in contemplation. “It’s a gift to exist, Rhonan, but there is no way to exist without experiencing some kind of suffering. Did you ever stop and think that the suffering was so you could appreciate the good?”
“No.”
“Losing your mom is one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt. I didn’t know if I could move forward, but each day got easier, and then you know what helped me really commit to moving on?”
“What?”
“It was the night you told me you were marrying Sarah. Something about that news made my entire life flash before my eyes, and I knew I didn’t want to miss a second of watching you and your sister live your lives.
It’s not that I didn’t already feel that way, but the grief was so heavy for so long, it was difficult to see through it.
I was so focused on my pain that I was ignoring the joy that was still present in my life. ”
“That’s how I’ve felt.”
“Well, then now it’s time for you to move on.
Ellis deserves that. You deserve that. And so does Vienna.
” He leans forward in his chair. “You don’t have to know everything about someone to know they’re your person.
That’s kind of the point of being with someone—you have the pleasure of getting to know each other for the rest of your lives, potentially.
There were still things I was learning about your mother up until her very last day. ”
“Even though you lost Mom in the end…”
“I don’t regret our time together for a second,” he says, answering the question I was alluding to.
“I would do it all over again, even if I knew the outcome. That woman gave me love that most people never get to experience, and she gave me you and your sister.” He takes a sip of his bourbon.
“Suffering is part of life, Rhonan. Now the question is, are you going to keep moving forward with Vienna by your side and tackle the suffering together? Or are you going to continue to live under the dark cloud that’s been hovering over you for the past five years and be alone still? ”
I already know the answer to that question, but hearing this from my father today makes me feel so much more secure in my decision and feelings.
Opening myself up to someone again is the risk I have to take if I want to experience a second chance at love. I could lose Vienna too, but I don’t regret my time with Sarah even though I lost her. And she gave me Ellis.
My life changed forever when that little girl came into it.
And Vienna has changed my life too.
A heavy sigh leaves my lips. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I’m always here for you, son. And remember, therapy can help you process a lot of this too.
I haven’t pressured you about it after Sarah because I know you were busy with Ellis and finding your footing, but I think now it might be something you should consider.
Out with the old thoughts and in with the new ones, you know? ”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
My dad laughs as he lifts his glass to his lips. “Can’t hear that enough as a parent.”
“Trust me. I’m beginning to understand that feeling all too well. Ellis already thinks she knows everything.”
“I’d love to tell you that it gets better, but that would be a lie.”
“Yeah, I think I’d like to stay in the dark about that for just a little while longer.”
Little did I know just how dark things could get.
***
“Fletcher,” my sister starts to say her vows as she dabs under her eyes with a tissue. “I have loved you since I was fifteen, and I can’t believe that I get to love you for the rest of our lives.”
You can hear sniffles from the guests, and I can’t deny that I’m getting a little choked up standing across the aisle behind Fletcher, watching my little sister battle through her vows with some emotional composure.
“You say that I’m your angel, but you are mine.
You’ve watched over me and loved me for so long that there’s no possible way we don’t belong together in this life and the next.
I can’t wait to grow old with you, have babies with you, and show you what true love really is—because that’s what you’ve shown me.
I love you, Fletcher Jared Adams, and I can’t believe that I finally get to be your wife. ”
My eyes find Vienna in the audience, who is wiping away tears under her eyes as well.
Fuck, I want those things with her too.
Goddamn it, I’m so in love with her.
“Laney,” Fletcher starts, clearing his throat and pulling me back to the moment as my entire body ignites with awareness.
I have to fight the urge to rush over to Vienna and tell her everything that’s on my mind, because if I did that during my sister’s wedding, she’d never forgive me—personal epiphany or not.
“Shit, I’m sorry. You’re making me cry, angel, and I told you not to,” Fletcher explains.
Everyone lets out a laugh, but Laney sticks her tongue out at her future husband.
Once the laughter has died down, he finds his footing again.
“You know better than anyone how you saved me when I didn’t think life would ever be kind.
Your strength, your kindness, your love—it’s everything I need.
As long as I have you by my side, I know that we’re golden.
You have me—mind, body, and soul. I am yours, always have been, and always will be.
I can’t wait to watch you sign your name as Laney Adams. It’s been a long time coming, and today is the start of our forever. ”
There is not a dry eye in the vicinity, including my own.
Something about watching my baby sister and one of my best friends promise to love each other is making every piece of the puzzle that’s been taunting me for months slide right into place.