Chapter 13
T he house is quiet when I head down the stairs.
Mom tried waking me up a few hours ago to go shopping with her and Karina, but I wasn’t feeling up to it.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around all that’s happened.
But one thing I can’t avoid it’s the fact I need to speak with my dad.
I need to know what I’m facing. He knows as well as I do what the Carsons are capable of, and if he can tell me what's scaring him maybe he can trust Wade to help him.
I step into his office and when he looks up from the papers he’s signing and smiles at me, I suddenly feel like I’m letting him down.
“Morning, sweetheart. Unlike you to miss a shopping trip.” He raises his eyebrows at me as I take a seat in the chair opposite his.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I hate that the nerves in my stomach are making me feel sick. I’ve always been a daddy's girl. We’ve never had secrets between us.
“Talk away, baby. Are you getting nervous about the wedding?”
“Don’t do that.” I shake my head at him, suddenly feeling the pressure of all he’s expecting from me. Before all this happened with Wade, it didn’t feel like too much of a burden, but now, things are different.
“Do what?” He laughs at me, looking perplexed.
“Pretend that all this is normal, act like this wedding is my choice.” I stare back at him across his desk.
“We spoke about this.” When he lets out an impatient sigh it frustrates me enough for all those nerves to vanish.
“No, you spoke. You told me I had to marry Caleb, but you never gave me a reason why.”
“You think this is just for me?” He laughs again, and it makes me want to take the framed photo of our family posing in the garden and launch it at his head. “Sweetheart, Caleb Mason is a good match. A man wants to know his daughter’s being taken care of, and—”
“What do they have on you?” I cut him short on all the bullshit, determined to get to the truth.
“I told you, this isn’t just about that. Don’t come in here and try and make me out to be selfish.”
“And what if I don’t want to marry Caleb, what if I want to pick my own future?” I test him, and when he throws his pen at his desk and sits back in his chair, crossing his hands, he turns our conversation into something that feels like a business negotiation.
“Everyone gets the jitters, darling.” He eventually speaks up, belittling everything I’ve just said.
“Dad, I deserve answers, this isn’t just me doing you a favor. You're asking me to give up my chance of ever finding real love.”
“Come on, Leia, you're a clever girl. You don’t look at the world through a stain-glassed window like your sister does. Love doesn’t get you to where you want to be.
It sure as hell didn’t get me here. When I was a boy, my family had nothing, I grew up in thrift shop clothes, my dad grafted his fingers to the bone to put food on the table, and I vowed I’d pull myself out of that life.
” His jaw tenses. “All my folks had was love, and we all suffered for it.”
“Maybe that's all they needed,” I point out.
“Yeah, and some people need more.” He looks at me sadly.
“Just tell me what old man Mason has on you?” I beg him, hoping that it’s something fixable.
“And how do you know this is something Ronnie Mason has on me ?” He narrows his eyes curiously.
“Because you may not love Mom all that much, but I know that you love me, and I don’t think for a minute that you would make me do something like this unless you had to.
” I feel the tears building in my eyes as he gets up from his desk and instead of comforting me like I expect him to, he opens his office door.
“Then why are we having this conversation, Leia?” He holds it open for me, and I just about manage to hold those tears in as I get up and walk toward him.
“I hope whatever it is, it’s worth it.” I ignore the guilt in his eyes as I step out into the hall, grab my keys and head out.
All I wanna do is drive to the Carson Ranch and see Wade again, but I can’t, I have to get answers. So, I drive to the veterinarians where my future husband works, and skid my car to a halt outside. I strut through the door with purpose and walk straight up to the receptionist's desk.
“Caleb here?” I ask, trying not to appear as erratic as I feel inside.
“He’s with a patient, are you okay?” she checks, looking me over as if I’ve just sprouted a dick from my forehead.
“I’m fine, I just need to speak with Caleb.” Right on cue, the door to my left opens, and my fiancé sees Mrs Dufferman and her Shih Tzu out of his treatment room with that smarmy grin on his face.
“Leia, what a lovely surprise.” He turns his attention to me, giving everyone in the waiting area a convincing performance when he reaches over to kiss my cheek.
“Well, aren’t you two just adorable?” Mrs Dufferman gushes. “I posted my RSVP back last week, I’m having the venison.” She lifts her shoulders and smiles excitedly.
“Great.” I give her a sharp fake one back before turning my attention to Caleb. “I need to talk to you, now.” I look at him seriously, and he must get the hint because he quickly takes me by the elbow and guides me inside the room.
Everything is so white and clinical, and when he rests his ass against the examination table and looks at me expectantly, I have the overwhelming urge to scream at him.
“If this is about last night. I get it, you’re under a lot of pressure with the wedding and—”
“Do you know why it’s so important for us to get married?” I ask him the question that I can’t believe seemed so irrelevant before.
“Leia.” He looks down at his well-polished shoes to avoid eye contact with me.
“I’m fed up with everyone giving me that look. I’m fed up with being expected just to go along with this shit. I deserve to know what this is about.”
“I don’t recall it ever bothering you before. What's changed?” He looks up at me, knitting his brows together curiously.
“Well, maybe I woke up today and decided I didn’t want to turn into my mother.” I stand firm, crossing my arms and waiting for his answer.
“Darling.” Caleb steps closer to me. “Now’s not the time to be getting cold feet.” His voice sounds so soothing that I gasp in shock when his hand reaches behind me and grabs at my hair. Then, yanking my head to one side, he presses his mouth to my ear.
“I will not have you fuck this up,” he warns.
“There's a good reason for you being kept in the dark. It’s for your own safety.” His breath on my skin feels like acid burning, but I hold still and refuse to show him any more fear.
“Now, I got every intention of making this marriage as easy as I can for you. Don’t make that challenging.
” He releases me, and I stumble backward, staring at him blankly and wondering what the fuck my father’s got mixed up with.
Caleb tugs at the sleeves of his white coat to neaten himself up and runs a hand through his hair to slide it back in place. “Be ready for eight, we’re having dinner with the Sheltons tonight.” He finds a calm as he gets back behind his desk.
“I have plans.” I swallow down the sick feeling in my throat as I watch him take his seat.
“Then change them, sweetheart.” He smiles at me as if nothing happened and before I lose my temper and trash the place, I turn and head out the door.
* * *
I can’t believe I’m going along with this.
But here I am, watching Caleb swish wine around in his glass like some kinda expert, talking with Brad about football, while Jenny Shelton flicks through her wedding album and comments on every single picture.
I’m bored as shit, and every time a thought about Wade comes into my head, a sneaky, little smirk pulls on my face.
I feel my phone vibrate in my purse and I take it out, opening my messages to see a photo of my sister, and her friend, Wren, holding up their shot glass to the camera.
Looks to me like they’re over at the lake house where the River Boys hold their parties, and it makes me wish I was with them.
“I guess it won’t be long until you two start trying.” Jenny sounds full of enthusiasm.
“Oh, we want to get started straight away.” Caleb stops his conversation with Brad so he can answer her question himself. I watch him get up from the table and move to stand behind me, and I have to hide the squirm from my face when he places his hand on my shoulder affectionately.
“I figure, why wait? We want a whole bunch of kids, don’t we, darling?” He squeezes me a little tighter, reminding me to fake a smile.
“Well, Brad and I figured we’d have a few years of just us time before we commit ourselves to those sleepless nights.” Jen lifts up her wine glass at me when I don’t respond.
“Brad was telling me about the volunteer work Jen’s been doing, sounds like something you’d be interested in, sweetheart.” Caleb leans down so his lips touch my cheek and it turns the fake smile on my face even more sour.
“Oh, we’d love to have you on board, we meet once a week to…” Her voice fades off as the feeling of being squashed in a vice takes over. My skin’s getting hot, and my chest is becoming too heavy to lift.
“Are you okay?” Jen asks, placing her hand on my arm and reminding me to breathe.
“Yeah, just a little flushed is all.”
“You never know, nature may have already done its magic. I hear Garrett Carson’s wife was already in the family way when they got married.
Probably why they had to rush the whole thing through a courthouse, huh?
” She giggles. “I heard a rumor that she’s gonna be your bridesmaid?
” Jen chuckles as if the idea is unthinkable.
“She is actually, and for your information…”
“There’s no chance of babies yet, Jen.” Caleb makes a desperate attempt to cut me off from the rant I’m about to make. “We’ve been keeping things traditional. If you know what I mean.” His fingers dig a little deeper into my shoulder as he gloats about our private life.
“You mean you’re waiting ‘til the wedding night?” Brad laughs like a teenage boy. “Who even does that any more?”
“It never hurts to set an example.” Caleb holds his head up high, “Mayor Walker has firm, moral beliefs. He does a lot for the church and we wanted to honor that by doing things properly,” he explains while Jen flutters her lashes like she’s listening to a fucking fairytale.
A memory of Wade growling against my skin as he pushed his cock inside me takes up all the space in my head, and the wine glass drops from my hand.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” I stand up fast and watch the deep, red claret drip from the table onto the floor.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get it cleaned right up.” Jen races into the kitchen.
“You know what, I think maybe we should go, my head’s really starting to hurt.” I look at Caleb hopefully.
“Of course.” He takes my arm while Brad rushes to get my jacket.
When we’re alone in the car with the Sheltons politely waving at us from the doorstep, Caleb waits for them to head back inside before he lets the smile fade from his mouth.
“You could seem a bit more excited about the wedding. You barely made an effort,” he tells me rigidly.
“You don’t make the effort with my friends.” I shrug my shoulders. Now we're alone, I don’t have to pretend anymore. Caleb set that new rule back at the practice earlier today.
“That’s because your friends are Carsons and River Boys.” He shakes his head and laughs. “They aren’t gonna get you places.”
“I don’t expect my friends to get me places, I expect to have fun with them.”
“And you wonder why your daddy needs you to marry me?” He sniggers.
“You’re gonna have to get better at being fake, you couldn’t have made it more obvious tonight that you didn’t want to be there.
” He scolds me like a child, and despite the fact I want to argue back, I remain silent as he drives me home.
I shiver when we drive along Blackdrop Point, the way I always do.
I may not have known Bree, as well as Karina did, but I still felt her loss.
She was a bright and vibrant girl, who always had a smile on her face.
No one could have predicted that she was going to do what she did.
And every time I pass here, I can’t help thinking what the last thought in her head was before she made the leap.
“What's gotten into you? Another funny turn?” Caleb asks me sarcastically.
“No, I just always think about Bree Carson when I go past here. In fact, usually, I avoid this route altogether,” I admit, thinking about the way Wade changed after he lost her.
He never lost his sense of humor, but he did seem to cling to me a little tighter.
It’s when he made the shift from being my funny best friend, to becoming my protector.
“That girl was unpredictable.” He sighs, shifting in his seat like he suddenly feels that shiver too.
“I didn’t realize you knew her so well?” I frown at him curiously, not only was she a lot younger than him, but she was the sister of his family's greatest rivals. I see no reason for him to have known her at all.
“I didn’t know her well,” he shoots back defensively.
“Then why did you—”
“Because she’s a fuckin’ Carson, Leia, and all Carsons are un-pre-fuckin-dictable!” he snaps sharply as his hands grip the wheel. “Jesus, what's come over you lately? You're being real hard work.” Caleb shakes his head in frustration and presses his foot on the gas.
“Maybe I just ain’t ready to accept that this is gonna be my life.
” I look at the man I’m gonna marry in five weeks and realize I feel nothing but hate for him.
It was so much easier before when I felt nothing.
When I was prepared to try and find some good qualities about him that I could build something on.
Now, he just seems like the barrier, between me and happiness.
“That’s real sad, Leia. You're gonna have to get yourself over it pretty fucking quick or it’s gonna be a long lifetime for you.
” Caleb doesn’t sound sad for me at all as he focuses back on the road and cruises his Porsche around the windy lanes.
I look out the window into the darkness and finally feel those tears, I’ve been holding in all day, slide down my cheek.