Chapter 21
“C an I join you?” Dad walks into my room and sits on the edge of my bed. It’s been a few hours since Caleb dropped me back off, and I’m trying real hard to stay positive despite everything that he said.
“Sure.” I remain lying down, staring up at my ceiling, and Dad surprises me when he lays down beside me and does exactly the same.
“You remember when I used to have to lie beside you until you fell asleep?” he asks, and I catch the smile he’s wearing from the corner of my eye.
“Yeah, I remember.” I smile fondly when I think back to how simple everything was back then.
“You had that night light that spun patterns around the ceiling,” he laughs to himself.
“That’s the one.” I keep my answers brief because I’m too deflated for conversation, even if I am grateful for the distraction.
“Leia.” I feel the weight of Dad’s shoulders as he sighs. “I know you don’t want to go through with this marriage. I don’t know what's changed your mind, but I do understand that I’m asking a lot of you.”
“Then tell me why you're asking me.” I turn to face him and notice that the guilt in his eyes is making them look heavy.
“All I’ve ever wanted was what’s best for you and your sister. The second I held you in my arms I knew the life I wanted to give you. And I worked and worked until I got us here.”
“Money isn’t everything,” I remind him.
“No, sweetheart, it’s not. But it’s important. I want you to have everything you deserve, I want to watch you go have kids of your own and give them everything they deserve too. And I want to make this town the right place for you to raise them in.”
“That all sounds perfect, Dad, but I don’t love Caleb Mason. I never will.”
Dad takes my hand in his and places it on his chest.
“I’m gonna be straight with you because you deserve that at least.”
The curiosity in my stomach fizzles as I get closer to the truth.
“Getting here, becoming who I am, wasn’t easy. It took help, and there have been times when I’ve had to do things I didn’t want to do.”
“Illegal things?” I ask, starting to wonder what the cost of this power has been.
“Some,” he nods with a shameful look on his face. “What I’m asking you to do for me is selfish, but I wouldn’t be asking you to do it if it wasn’t essential.” His eyes are brimming with unshed tears and it puts a lump in my throat. No one wants to see their daddy cry.
“Dad, I get that you're scared of something, but maybe we could get the Carsons to help. No one in town mess—”
“Baby, this is bigger than this town. The Carsons can’t help. I just need you to know that I love you, and if there was any way for this to be different I’d be doing everything I could to make it that way.”
The weight of guilt presses heavier into my chest when I nod my head back at him. I love my dad. Despite being busy he’s always found time for me, all my happy memories are with him. But love has a limit and what he’s asking me to do goes too far beyond it.
I can’t marry Caleb, I know that now. But I will do everything I can to get my dad out of whatever shit he’s in.
“Have you got time to lay here a little longer?” I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I’ll make time, Bunnykins.” He kisses my forehead before we both stare back at the ceiling.
* * *
When I wake up a few hours later Dad’s not there anymore, and I stretch out before I check my phone. Aside from a few messages about the wedding from Mom, there’s a photo message that Wade sent me of himself wearing a pink, cowboy hat. It’s rimmed with white fluff and glitter and it makes me laugh.
He’s smiling in the photo, which is good because it seems like a long time since the Wade, who used to be my best friend, smiled.
Before, I wondered if it was because he quit the rodeo to help out his brothers.
Wade used to live and breathe for his job, he was good at it too, undefeated champion for three years.
Now I’m wondering if a little of that unhappiness had something to do with me.
Maybe he had feelings for me before our night at the motel, maybe seeing me and Caleb together hurt him.
I hate the thought of being the one who took that smile off his face.
I head downstairs to see who’s around, and when I hear Mom’s voice sounding a little too high-pitched, I stay on the top step and look over the banister.
“It’s because you’re too soft on her, George.” She scolds my father.
“She’s not happy, Veronica, you can see it. Our little girl is drowning, and it's all my fault.” He places his head in his hands and looks torn.
“Yes, George, this is all your fault, and I will remind you that Leia is not a little fucking girl. She’s a woman now.”
“And I’ll remind you of why I’m in this position. Yeah, I made a deal with the devil, but only because you drove me to it. You wanted this life, you always needed more, and I wanted to make you happy.” I have to cover my mouth when I watch Mom slap my dad hard across his face.
“Don’t you dare blame me for this, you were power-hungry when I met you. It’s why my father thought you’d be a good fit. He’d turn in his grave if he saw you now.” She turns on her heels and storms out the front door.