Chapter Seven
When we get back, I climb out and reach into the back, grabbing the file I nabbed and covering it with my jacket over my arm.
“I’ve got this, Calliope,” Shepard says as he walks around the back of the cruiser to me.
I shrug. “Suit yourself.”
I head up to the house just as the door opens and Riggs steps out.
“How did it go?”
“We got what we needed. How are Hannah and Dawn?”
“They’re okay. Dawn is napping, and the girls are watching a movie in the den. David is with them while he does whatever he does from his laptop.”
“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower.”
I take a step to pass him, but he stops me, his eyes zeroing in on my neck and the mark on my throat left by Shepard.
“It’s okay. I was bound to fuck this up anyway. I get it if you can’t stand to look at me now. I—”
He yanks me closer and kisses me hard. “Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t going anywhere?”
I take a shallow, shaky breath and reach up to cup his face. “I…” I don’t actually know what to say.
He places a kiss on my temple. “Go shower. We’re fine. You can tell me all about it later. Let me get rid of him first.”
I chuckle and head inside, glad to be away from Shepard, even though this is far from finished between us.
I head straight upstairs, then to my workshop to stick the files in the safe.
Once I have them locked up, I brace my hands on my desk and take a deep breath as the day’s events catch up to me.
I can’t believe I fucked Shepard like that, especially out in the open.
If anyone saw us, all I’ll hear is how I corrupted the sheriff with my witchy fucking ways.
Riggs figured it out the second he saw the mark on my neck.
I might not have seen it, but I can feel it throbbing.
For a while there, it seemed they might both be open to exploring something—not with each other but with me.
Yes, it might not be the norm, but it felt right.
I let that spill over into today. But now, with a clear head, I’m worried I crossed an invisible mark in the sand.
I sure as shit should have spoken to Riggs first. Though, in my defense, none of that had been planned.
Still doesn’t make it right. The fact that he barely blinked…
I can’t pretend that I’d have given him the same grace if the tables were turned.
And that makes me feel wholly unworthy of Riggs.
He deserves someone who will treat him with a fuck of a lot more respect than I just showed him.
“Fuck.”
Instead of heading for a shower, I head back down, making my way to the front door while keeping out of sight, trying to find the right words. It isn’t until I reach the door, which is still open, that their raised voices filter up to me.
“You had no fucking right.”
“Don’t make it sound like I forced her. She was the one who pushed. She wanted this. You’re just gonna have to deal with that,” Shepard snarls back.
“You know what else I have to deal with? Her pain, her heartache. I’m picking up the pieces of a heart I didn’t break. You did. And yet you run away like a little bitch with your tail between your legs. Where were you when she needed you?”
“I don’t owe you an explanation. I owe her one, but not you. You’re just fucking jealous that she chose to fuck me, but you have to be unconscious for her to fuck you.”
I suck in a sharp breath, ready to rip Shepard’s face off.
But Riggs’s words freeze me where I stand. “You think I’m actually asleep? Some cop you are.” Riggs laughs.
“What?”
“It makes her feel more confident and in control, and who am I to argue with that? The first time, I was genuinely asleep. When I woke up, I could smell her on me. It didn’t take much to figure out what happened.
I waited to see if she would say anything, and when she didn’t, I faked being asleep to see what would happen. ”
“You tricked her?”
“I told her to lock me out, and I never pushed harder than she was willing. If she had even attempted to fight me off, I’d have backed off. But she wanted me.”
“That doesn’t make it any less fucked-up.”
“Doesn’t make it any more fucked-up than you watching me make her cum either. Or fucking her mouth while you both thought I was sleeping. Don’t bother trying to take the moral high ground now, motherfucker.”
A whimper slips free. As hurt as I am that he lied, he’s also correct.
We both fucked up, but I can’t play the victim here.
Not when I was complicit. I just don’t know how to process it all.
I’ve never questioned Riggs’s intentions before.
He’s always been my cornerstone, and now I’m not sure where I stand.
I don’t know if they heard me or if Shepard spots me, frozen in shock, but his eyes widen when they land on mine, making Riggs whirl around to look at me.
“Opie.” He moves toward me, but I back up, feeling unsure of him, of me, of everything.
Instead of trying to figure it out, I turn and run, but Riggs is fast. He’s on me before I make it to the bottom of the stairs, his arms banding around me.
“Please don’t run away from me. Hit me, scream at me, but don’t leave me.
” His voice is thick with emotion, unlocking something inside me as all my insecurities rush to clash with his.
“What do I even say? I have no right to be angry, not after what I did.”
“You get to feel whatever you want. I fucked up, I know I did. But once I started, I couldn’t stop.
I didn’t want to risk you changing your mind about me.
I’m so fucking scared of losing you that I went right ahead and did something that might just push you away anyway.
” He buries his face in my hair, and we stand there for a minute, him holding on so tightly that it almost hurts as I try to figure out how I feel.
When I slump in his hold, he eases his grip on me, allowing me to turn so I can look up at him.
I don’t hide my tears of confusion, and he doesn’t hide how much seeing them hurts him.
“Oh, baby, I’m so fucking sorry. Please forgive me.”
I press my head to his collarbone and cry into his shirt, my anger and embarrassment slowly fading away.
His hand smooths up and down my back as he whispers a mantra of apologies into my ear.
The thing is, I believe him. Even though he lied, I don’t feel any malicious intent from him.
I’m pretty sure what I did was ten times worse.
I pull back and look up at him. “I’m sorry too. This is more my fault than yours. I let things go too far and then…”
“And then you were in too deep to stop. I get it.”
“I don’t like that you lied to me.”
“I won’t do it again.” Simple as that.
“I’m sorry I slept with Shepard. I never planned on that. He said something and…I reacted. It was childish and really fucking unfair to you.”
“I know how you feel about him, Opie,” he says softly.
“I don’t want to feel anything. He’ll never feel about me the way I feel for him, so what’s the fucking point?
I’ve always been the girl who loved from the sidelines.
I loved my mom, but she didn’t love me enough to stay.
I loved my dad, but he only loved himself.
I saw what it should look like in others and figured that the problem must be me.
I mean, if everyone hates me, there had to be something about me that made it true, right? ”
“No. I don’t know what happened here, or what the fuck is wrong with these people. But you’re the best person I know, and I’ve been to a lot of places and met a lot of people. Jealousy can turn even the purest heart green with envy.”
“I don’t think anyone was ever jealous of me.”
“You’re wrong.”
I tense because it isn’t Riggs who says that, but Shepard, who has followed us in. He stands a few feet away, the crate on the floor next to him as he holds his hat in his hand, running his fingers over the wide brim. He watches the pair of us with a yearning that almost takes my breath away.
“I know you’re wrong because I’m jealous as fuck.”
I startle at his words, looking up at Riggs, wondering if he heard the same or if I’m hallucinating. Riggs looks at Shepard, waiting for him to continue.
“You have no idea how compelling you are. How strong, how tenacious. You were right when you called me a coward. I was. I didn’t stay and fight for you, not because you didn’t mean enough, but because you mean too much, and it scares me out of my damn mind.
I lost everything, Poppy, and I barely survived.
What I feel for you in the short time I’ve known you has told me one thing. ”
He swallows as I grip Riggs’s arms while I hang off his words. “That I wouldn’t survive losing you. I wouldn’t even try. I’d lie down beside you and wait until it was my time to go.”
“Shepard,” I whisper.
“It feels really good to hear you say my name again,” he admits.
I look at Riggs and sigh. “I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not reacting enough. I have no point of reference. I’m not sure I’d know what a functioning relationship would look like if it punched me in the face.”
I stare at Shepard before offering him an olive branch. “Maybe we should work on being friends.”
“And him?” He nods to Riggs, who hasn’t let me go, and that’s the difference between the two.
“Riggs has always been more than my friend. He’s been my protector, my confidant, my sounding board, and my shoulder to cry on.
In his own words, he has never taken more than I was willing to give.
And he sure as fuck never asked for anything in return.
Hell, you marked me with no regard for how Riggs would feel seeing it.
But Riggs just brushed it off. And you know why? ”
I look up at the man who is looking down at me with that same look that makes my legs turn to jelly. “He wants me so badly, he’s willing to share me. He’d rather have a piece of me than nothing at all—”
“And I’m just the guy that walked away.”
“If you were just anything to me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I wouldn’t be talking about friendship with you, while my heart feels like it’s been put through a blender and your cum runs down my leg,” I snap. Riggs tenses and Shepard’s shoulders slump.
“You wanna be a better man, Shep? Then be a better man. It really is as simple as that. Until you can fight for me the way he does, friendship is all I have to offer. Now I’m going to take a shower and try to get my head in a good place before I see everyone.
I think it would be better for both of us if you were gone by the time I come back down. ”
I reach up on tiptoe and kiss the scruff on Riggs’s jaw before heading toward the stairs once more. I’m halfway up when I turn around. “Let me know when you’re free, and we’ll have you over for dinner one of these nights.”
Shepard opens his mouth before he shuts it again. He lifts his head and puts his hat back on his head. “I’m free next Thursday.”
“Then Thursday it is.”
“It’s a date.”
I give up. I head upstairs, ignoring Riggs’s chuckle. I’m not sure what he’s finding so funny. If I’m lucky, maybe Shepard will annoy him again while I’m showering, and Riggs can punch him in the face for me.