1. Chapter One - Teagan
Chapter One - Teagan
The arm of the headless body I’m dragging drops to the dirty ground with a clatter.
“Oops.”
Propping the mannequin’s torso against the wall, I hop back a step to retrieve her limb, wincing at the distinctive crack when I force the joint back into her shoulder.
“Good as new, Erica. Kind of.”
Once Erica’s back to her normal headless self, I examine the wall I’m turning into a canvas. It’s a long, wide patchwork of stone, like all the other walls in this guttered shopping centre, and while it used to be a brilliant white, it’s now a washed-out grey.
“Landscape.” I nod once, certain. “It just makes sense, right?”
Crouching, I rummage through my salvaged pile of mannequin parts.
“At uni, my professor told us art is about putting a piece of yourself into the world, and allowing people to take something away from it.” I pull out five heads with matted hair and arrange them around Erica. “Now, anyone who pops by can get ‘ahead’.”
I snort at my stupid joke.
“What do you think about…” I tilt my head from side to side. “An apocalyptic nightmare with zombies hobbling around? Or…”
My grin grows.
“A volcano smoking a joint.”
Excited, I snatch up my industrial black face mask and spin it around my finger like a tiny propeller. My feet move to a beat that’s all heart, no rhythm. I spin too fast and knock over my spray paints. They clink together, and a crazy bright blue topples, creating circles in the dirt as it whirls.
Inspiration hits, and I jolt to a stop. “Erica, are you thinking what I am?”
Nearly buzzing out of my skin, I clumsily shove my mask on.
“Outer space! And the heads can be comets,” I snicker, the sound muffled, and snatch up my white to get a base ready. “It’ll be amazing. I bet you anything.”
I shake up my paint.
The ball rattles against metal.
And I drift into a place of wild imagination, where I can soar, and all I need is the hiss of colour being freed and something resembling a canvas.
It takes hours to create my universe of jewel tones, toxic hues, and blinding pigments. There are no neat edges. It’s torn and sucked into the swirling middle of an orange-rimmed black hole.
Planets rip, moons collide, and gases burst outward like the wings tattooed across my chest, the feathers peaking out from under my vest top.
My arms ache from stretching, my fingers from pressing down on the nozzle. I’m sweating and covered in paint and dust.
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
Exhilarated, my thoughts running a mile a minute, I scramble to pick up more colours: silver, bronze, and gold for stars. Pink for—
I snap back, dropping my cans and clutching my arm to my chest as if I’d touched an open flame. Panting, I stare at the pink with too-wide eyes, bracing for the worst. But nothing happens, because…
I huff out a long, tired sigh.
“It’s just a colour, Erica… just light waves, y’know?” I whisper. Breathe in deep, exhale slow. “Red, green, and blue all mixed.”
With a curse, I shoot my leg back, aiming a kick at the stupid red, green, and blue light waves. “Just a damn colour,” I spit. But I hesitate before my foot meets the paint. Held back by the needle of panic that makes me weak.
I never hesitated before jumping off a cliff, or swimming with sharks without a cage, but for a fraction of a second, I teeter. No longer covered in my paint that helps me soar, but a clinging, sickly shame that keeps me grounded.
“Fuck…” I squeeze my eyes shut, keep squeezing until it hurts. “Fuck this shit. Being sad is fucking boring.”
I swing my foot down, sending the pink skidding into a pile of rubbish.
“I need…” I swallow, clenching my fists, and run my thumbs over my knuckles, smearing wet paint. Wishing I could cover my whole body in its protective layer. “The heads. I need the heads.”
Thrusting my hand into my backpack, I grab industrial-grade glue, the chemical stench harsh enough to burn my eyebrows off, and pour the tacky substance all over the mannequin heads.
I stick them to my painting, the sadness fading to the background as I draw on neon-yellow X’s and O’s for faces, then when I’m done I take a step back.
I pause. Time and space pausing along with me.
My spray can slips free from my slack fingers as I drag off my mask to just… become an observer. Allow this moment to sink deep and out and above. Like the universe—filled with the biggest, craziest shit and also a nothingness so vast it’s dizzying.
“Art makes you feel, Erica,” I whisper, amazed that I’m human and real enough to create this. Not in a wanky way.
Or… well, maybe a bit wanky. I am an artist, after all.
Slipping my cracked phone from my pocket, I snap a picture and send it to my brother Thomas.
A moment later, he sends back a picture of a fish tank with a singular goldfish staring at the miniature statue of an old-school diver.
I smile. “Cute.” Then slip my phone back into my pocket.
I wish I could stay here forever and lose myself. Become something other than me—but I’ve got places to get to.
I’m quick to shove on the bomber jacket I discarded when I arrived and sweep up my supplies into my backpack, slinging it over both shoulders and waving to Erica as I head towards the exit.
“See you, it was fun hanging out. Thanks for listening.”
My green skateboard covered in sloppily drawn skulls and rats playing guitars is the last thing I scoop up.
I shove it under my armpit as I stroll past more of my art: a sunflower field with two mannequins having a picnic, while an explosive cloud rushes towards the happy couple.
A wall stuffed with colourful cartoon characters, jammed together with bulging eyes and fighting for space.
The last is a jet-black void, shimmering with a pearl purple to add depth, circled with reaching plastic hands, and the smallest dot of pink at its centre. I never stare at that one for too long.
I leave my studio to pass boarded-up shops and their long-forgotten marketing posters offering clearance sales and 50% off everything, and push open the rusted double doors towards the loading bay.
Whatever it once looked like is gone; now the echoing space is a chaos of thick weeds and pungent plants fed by a burst water pipe, all clawing their green tendrils through holes and cracks in the concrete.
I know every step by heart as I trudge towards the bay gates, and easily avoid any roots waiting to trip me up.
Once I’m at the metal gates, I pull away a rotted plank of wood, revealing a small hole choked by vines.
Dropping to my knees, after a bit of painful twisting, I manage to crawl through and into the open air.
The night sky shows off more stars here than in the other parts of my light-polluted city.
Jumping up, I make sure to cover my secret way in, and instead of getting on my board, I order a taxi, using my big brother Kai’s card to pay.
And in a short amount of time, I’m sliding into a pine-scented back seat and heading not deeper into the city, but further away from it to pay Kai an unexpected visit.
Ever since his best mate Golden vanished, then came back into Kai’s life a few weeks ago, my brother’s been acting weird.
Then suddenly, Kai’s got a hulking boyfriend he’s never mentioned. I know he’s keeping things from me, Kai’s a terrible liar. He gets all flustered and eye-rolly when he’s keeping something back.
I’m not sure if he’s in trouble, or if it’s drugs or something else, but for once in my life, I’m glad that Kai can track my location on his phone, because I can track him in return.
I stare out the window, content to be quiet, listening to the hum of the car as we leave the city behind, while trying to think of a way to get my brother to be honest, even if I’m not being honest with him.
***
I thank the driver and hop out to come face to face with a squat mansion in the middle of nowhere on a road dotted with potholes.
The mansion has five pointed spires that punch into the sky and is surrounded by lush evergreen trees that obscure most of the building, as does the wrought-iron gate.
A little buzz of excitement shoots through my veins at the idea of scaling the gate, but as I approach, it swings open with a wheezing squeak.
“I guess that’s easier,” I mumble, just as a black car reverses and knocks me on my ass.
THUMP!
I drop onto the gravel ground, grunting as pain vibrates from my tailbone up to my spine.
“Teagan!” Someone shouts, but I’m more concerned about my skateboard.
“Balls…” I grumble, seeing it cracked in two. “That’s a pain.”
“Fucking hell, are you okay?” Kai shouts, his blonde braids whipping around his light brown face as he runs towards me.
I pull myself up, shrug. It didn’t hurt that much. But Kai’s patting me down, his jade green eyes wide with concern, like I’m about to drop dead any second. I don’t bother pushing him away, it’d only make him worse. He’ll tire himself out eventually.
Next thing I know, Kai’s big-ass boyfriend is standing right in front of me, and I have to suppress my glower.
“I don’t smell any bleeding,” Vidar says more to Kai than me, his voice deep and commanding.
“How would you even do that?” I grumble, but before Vidar has a chance to say anything, Kai speaks—or screeches, more like.
“We should get him to the hospital!”
Dusting my jeans, I roll my eyes. “Big bro, I’m fine. It was barely a tap.”
Vidar rubs Kai’s back while my brother loses all his chill, and I eye Vidar suspiciously.
I just don’t get it. Sure, Kai’s a tattoo artist and Vidar has a lot of tattoos, but my bro doesn’t date domineering guys like this.
Vidar is a man-shaped mountain, walking around as if he owns the place, and he isn’t even that hot.
“Sen, you fucking idiot, you could’ve killed him!” Kai shouts over his shoulder, flapping his arms like a pissed-off chicken.
The car door opens, a man climbs out, and I prepare myself for more apologies I don’t need.
I suck in a breath.
That…doesn’t happen.
Instead, my world narrows to a single point. It should be suffocating, but all I feel is a vast, dizzying freedom, and when his dark, mysterious eyes hone in on me, stripping me bare, I think he feels the same.
He’s tall and sleek, hair so black it’s a sweep of deepest blue.
His skin is fawn-tanned all over, and his dark clothes cling to his straight shoulders and narrow waist like a sheathed weapon.
There’s no mistaking that this man, even as he looks at me with a shocked expression, is the deadliest thing I’ve ever encountered.
And I’ve always loved things other people are terrified of.
“Have we… have we met before?” I ask, heart pounding and palms slick.
I know the answer is ‘no’. He’d be impossible to forget. One look and his face is now etched into my mind. But there’s something about him that whispers to me. Something I can’t quite reach, or smell, or touch, or fucking taste, but it’s something and that something is mine.
His breath hitches, and he’s looking at me like I’m a puzzle and a wonder.
“I know you,” I whisper. Sen, Kai said his name was Sen.
I smile. Something’s about to happen. I know it. I can feel it. Something big and scary and amazing.
Sen says something that I don’t catch, but before I can ask him to repeat himself, Kai bolts over and grabs his arm to whisper harsh, quiet words. And Vidar moves closer to me, like he wants to protect me, but that’s the last thing I want.
“Sen, right?” I ask, needing his full attention. “I’m sure we’ve met before.”
I don’t know where or when, but I know him—like I know air and water, the taste of food and the wildness of creativity. He’s all of that and more, so much more.
Sen shakes himself like he’s coming out of a stupor and stumbles back.
“Sorry, kid.” His voice hits with the force of a tornado, and all I want to do is chase it down and make it mine. “You aren’t my type.”
Too late, I realise he’s falling into his car, and his words and their meaning finally catch up with my brain as he makes three quick turns before racing through the gates in a wave of dust.
My heart sinks, my lungs follow. This isn’t…how it’s supposed to go. Right?
Which doesn’t make sense.
But it does?
It’s weird and fun and maybe stupid, but I want him.
Is this a crush? Love at first sight? I feel like I’ve been shooting back sweet as fuck rum all night, and I’m in a mood to make bad decisions.
We know each other—I can sense it. I’m about to drop my board and go after him. Damn if it’s broken, I’ll run if I have to, but Kai’s grabbing hold of my arms in a death grip, and it’s the cup of black coffee I needed, because…Sen just left.
He left me, and it hurts. It hurts until I’m breathless and my stomach rolls. But that only makes me want him more.
I hold back a smile, even as I want to cry. This is…so weird. I love weird.
“Let’s go inside,” Kai insists, tugging me closer. “C’mon.”
I know Sen, and he left me…it shouldn’t matter. It does.
Confused, I let Kai lead me into the mansion, glancing over my shoulder, expecting to see Sen even as the door closes.