Chapter 6 - How It Usually Goes #3
Tanisira sighs deeply, then, “Just before I moved to Telluria, some friends took me out and a woman asked if she could buy me a drink. I told her that I was leaving so she could decide whether or not she wanted to waste her night on me, and I guess she did. We meet up now and then.”
“Arro Deviá!” Devyaan sighs. Oh, my God! “Why is that kind of romantic?”
“It’s not.”
“Of course you just get women deciding to take a chance on you.” This from a grinning Beau. “I mean, look at this whole thing you’ve got going on.”
Whilst Tanisira deflects the jokes, I do look at her.
She appears just as alert as she did earlier, even with a little alcohol and a lot of hearty food in her system.
But there is a slight curve to the severity of her straight spine, and she has smiled more in the past hour than she has in the past two days.
It’s hard to ignore how attractive she is, especially because I’ve always liked a masc and Tanisira practically oozes that energy.
That curl—that ridiculous curl—is back at it again, having escaped the confines of her hair product.
But it’s her eyes that have warmed up tonight, the amber melted, the green like sun-dappled moss.
Her face has softened enough to become approachable.
She both holds herself apart from the crew and, at the same time, sits comfortably with them.
I suppose that’s what a captain should do.
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had any desire to manage others.
I like being able to do what I please too much, and I have enough responsibility at home.
But it makes me wonder if I’m the only one on this ship who gets to see Tanisira open up.
That feels like something sharp and untouchable, so I leave the thought alone.
The ache in my ribs has begun to filter back in through the haze of seasoned meat and wine. I stretch, biting back a hideous yawn before rising to my feet.
“Shukran, Devyaan. èsta ladha.”
He does a double-take. “Suryā-Vānī parlas?” You speak Surya-Vaani?
“Haa.”
The smile that spreads across his face is so beautiful. He looks genuinely delighted. “Isk parlas bhalo. Kalo ban, Marlowe.” You speak it well. Good night.
“Thank you for letting me crash your meal and keeping me company. It’s been so nice,” I say to the crew. I then head towards Vee, who has been asleep for a while, face down in a console that is, thankfully, drool-resistant.
“Please, let me.”
Tanisira stands and scoops him into her arms like he weighs nothing. I stare at the two of them for a moment, remembering how she’d taken me by the hips earlier. She doesn’t even look that strong, and it’s ridiculous. Hot, but ridiculous. My brain kicks into gear, and I flap my hands at her.
“No, no, he’s way too heavy to pick up these days. Trust me, I know.”
Throwing your back out will etch the memory into your head like acid.
“I’ve got him,” she says, sounding way too not-out-of-breath for my liking.
Somewhere under all the bruises on my body, my ego weeps.
Vee wriggles in her arms, burying his face into her shoulder, and my heart just melts.
I follow them through the ship, my limp more pronounced as the fatigue seeps in faster and faster.
We walk in companionable silence, interspersed with Vee’s snuffles and the sounds of the ship itself.
I feel so content, which is unbelievable considering the state I was in earlier.
When we arrive at Vee’s cabin—and Tanisira’s still not out of breath—I swipe open the door for her.
Leaning against it, I watch her carefully lower him onto the bed, tug his shoes off, and pull the duvet over him.
It makes me feel things, and I’m not sure what to do with that.
It is, after all, the very base level of human decency to be kind to children—not at all an attractive quality, but rather a necessary one.
And yet.
I muse over that whilst Tanisira walks me the few feet to my door.
She seems lost in her own thoughts, and I suddenly want to know what she’s thinking.
I turn on my heel and lean back against the bulkhead, forcing her to come to a hard stop.
She’s inches away from me, and blinks in surprise.
She seems to tense instinctively, and all the muscles in her forearms become defined.
I clear my throat and tilt my head back, tearing my gaze away from them. “Why are you being so nice to us?” I ask.
That worrisome little crease splits Tanisira’s brow. “How am I expected to treat you?”
My shrug pulls a little too hard on my ribs, but I fight the grimace.
Concern for me might derail the topic, and this is a question that I really want the answer to.
She has no reason to be this accommodating, especially because all she has to do—at the most elementary level—is make sure that Vee gets to Suryavana.
As mentioned earlier, she could choose to view him as little more than cargo.
This is her career; why is she so happy to fuck over Dominik?
I obviously don’t come off as nonchalant as I think I do, because she follows up quickly. “You think I have an ulterior motive.”
“It has crossed my mind.”
“What can I do to convince you?”
She’s so damn earnest, I can barely stand it. I look away so I can collect myself. I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone less ironic. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
Tanisira nods hesitantly. “I’m not proud of my past. I want to be a good person. I’m trying to be a good person.”
I couldn’t have been more surprised. Granted, I don’t know her, but what could be so terrible?
She worried about people getting hurt during manoeuvres that likely saved all our lives.
Still, I appreciate that she was honest with me when she didn’t have to be.
In fact, she’s been honest with me from the very beginning.
“Tanisira.” I smile gently. “I think you’re already a good person.”
She inhales oh so softly, her whole body going still. “That’s the first time you’ve said my name.”
I can’t believe she’s been keeping track. I blink, struck by the rasp of her voice. Something in her tone makes me feel bold, even though my body is falling apart. I want to push a little. “Oh?” I tease, looking up at her through my eyelashes.
The space between us thick with electricity, I’m tempted to close the gap and see how she reacts.
Tanisira clears her throat and glances down the passageway, but it’s just us out here.
I can’t help but notice she’s perfect in profile too.
I watch her tug at her sleeves before her focus comes back to me.
“I hope my crew wasn’t too vulgar tonight. I don’t know what Tellurians do and don’t talk about in front of children. I just assumed, following your lead, that it was fine. Was I right?”
God. She’s looking down at me with eyes that have warmed to butterscotch, eyes that are so much more expressive compared to the first time we met.
And her face... that faint blush is back, and it’s just stunning, the way it blooms across the bones of her cheeks.
I can’t stop myself from reaching up and ghosting the pads of my fingers over them in wonder.
Hot. Her skin is hot, almost feverish.
Tanisira’s entire body tenses, down to her jaw. I feel it against my fingers. Pulling away, I force myself to step back. “I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t be,” she says, her voice low and warm. On a cold night, a girl could snuggle up in that voice.
I exhale slowly and decide to answer her. “You were right.”
All I get is a slight nod, but I don’t worry about that because she still hasn’t looked away.
Out here in the airy passageway, the scent of lavender and vanilla on her skin is so much stronger, so much more compelling.
The bite of red wine. Something else, something darker.
Her pulse beats fast at the side of her neck, and I wonder—suddenly, bizarrely—if she applies fragrance there like I do.
I want to dip my nose into the crease of her neck, drag it up to her nape and inhale deeply. Maybe she shudders—
“It’s nice that you have someone waiting for you in Suryavana,” I blurt out.
Heavy handed perhaps, but it put a stop to my daydreaming. Tanisira tilts her head, wets her bottom lip with the tip of her tongue. I watch the action with a hypnotic kind of focus, the flash of pink against copper.
“What about you?” she says.
I have to try twice to get my words out. “What about me?”
“Who’s waiting for you?”
Are we closer? Did I move closer to her? Her breath coasts across my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. She smells so unbearably good.
“Marlowe.”
My name rolls off Tanisira’s tongue like madushira, a Suryavan honey with a kick; just a hint of spice, but it lingers long after you’ve had a mouthful. It’s stupid expensive and hard to get hold of. I feel suspended in her regard, pinned in place by all that honey.
“Who’s waiting for you?” she repeats. Maybe I’m crazy, but it almost sounds like a plea.
“No one,” I breathe. And it’s been no one for such a long time that I’d forgotten what it felt like to have this desperate kind of want racing beneath my skin, scorching my veins.
Something tears through Tanisira’s expression. She hesitates. I watch as her hand comes up to cup my face, the pad of her thumb swiping across my jaw. The heat of her palm sends a shiver rolling down my spine, and it takes all my energy not to close my eyes and melt into her touch.
It’s been so long.
“Sundara,” she murmurs. Beautiful. I’d find that hard to swallow considering the bruises that still colour my face, but her tone is downright reverent, and it flays me open.
It scares me how much I want to experience her mouthing that word against my skin, feel her bottom lip scrape over me.
I bet she kisses like she does everything else: with single-focused determination, expertise and care.
Tanisira steps into my personal space, closes any remaining distance between us. “May I kiss you?”
In her want, the words are coated in her accent. I want to taste them.
“What about your mystery woman?”
I could kick myself for even asking. She’d already said that it isn’t serious, had been adamant that they only see each other out of convenience. Except I already have an ex dogging my life, I don’t want another one.
Tanisira shakes her head. “Samiran doesn’t factor into this. It’s just us here, and you didn’t answer my question, Marlowe.”
Fuck it.
She’s perfect; her face, her competency, her demeanour.
It’s been a hard two days and I’m practically putty in her hands.
I want her to kiss me. I nod and watch those amber eyes heat.
Right now, Tanisira’s looking at me like something she wants to possess.
I’ve never been attracted to that, but when her hands slide up over my hips and around my waist, the weight of her against me like the most delicious surprise, an embarrassing sound slips from my throat.
Desire curls low in my stomach. I have to balance myself with a hand on her chest, and I can feel her heart beating against my palm with urgency.
It can’t be me doing this to her, can it?
Tanisira lowers her head, and the warmth of her breath ghosts over my lips. I can’t tear my gaze away, and my heart does a slow flip in my chest.
“Sorry to interrupt, Captain Sekmith, but there’s something you will want to know.”
I yelp and leap back, barely avoiding the further embarrassment of smacking my head into the metal bulkhead. Tanisira manages to snatch me back in time. She looks at me, but I can tell she isn’t seeing me, making the switch to professional within seconds. I’d be impressed if I weren’t so shaken.
“An ISA cruiser approaches.”
The Interplanetary Space Authority.