Chapter 32 #2
He half chuckled, but the laugh ran dry.
“I have a younger brother who has defied our father since his youth. He joined the Navy during the war. Afterwards, he signed on with a British shipping company as first mate. Sails the world. He has no head for words and has never shown interest in the paper. For all practical purposes, my father has disowned him.” He shifted and sighed.
“My father laid all of his future aspirations on me.”
“Heavy load.” She rolled her lips inward.
Ben shifted his gaze to the horizon. “Leaves a man with only a narrow trough in which to find his way.”
She squeezed his hands and steeled herself. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. I can’t leave you, yet I can’t commit to making a life here long term.”
“Are you asking me…” Surely, he wouldn’t ask her to leave Texas. “You wouldn’t… I couldn’t… This is my home…”
“I would never ask you to give up the ranch.”
“What, then?”
“Pray about it.” He squeezed her hands. “I’m sure I have until winter. I could probably put my father off a year, even.”
A year, but not forever. “You knew this weeks ago when you declared your desire to court me.” She drew her hands close to her body and shifted toward the yard. “You should have told me.” Before my heart threw away its shield and opened its dungeon doors to welcome your love.
“I am sorry.” He stood and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Before the Comanche attack, I believed I had no hope with you. Afterwards, I was afraid to risk dampening the spark between us. It was on my mind to tell you before I left to round up the widow’s cattle.
But it wasn’t the kind of news I wanted to give you before I hopped into the saddle and rode off for weeks or months. ”
“You could have told me yesterday too.”
“Yesterday, I was lost in the mud and mire, and you pulled me out and showed me the sunrise.”
She fiddled with her cuff. “I don’t understand why you broke your engagement to Olivia…if you had thoughts of returning to Philadelphia.”
“Cora.” He nudged her shoulder with his knuckle, but she refused to face him. Blowing out a breath, he knelt on one knee in front of her. “I don’t love her. I love you. ”
“Men don’t always marry the girl they love.”
“You’re the one I want to marry.”
A proposal. Almost. Not quite. Want was not will you.
Was there a hidden can’t in there, or would there sooner or later be a could you come with me?
She was the one who’d started the whole discussion.
If she’d waited a month or two and let him bring it up, maybe he’d be asking her a direct question.
She glanced toward the horizon. Her family had invested their lives in this land.
Her parents’ dreams would live or die with her.
“Maybe you can change your father’s mind…
or start a paper in Weatherford or Dallas.
” But what if it was his intention to head back to Pennsylvania as soon as he got her ranch up and going, to the life he wanted?
Footsteps.
She stood, and so did Ben.
Mr. Franklin ambled out the door, cup in hand. “Thank you kindly. I’ll be sitting in front of the stables enjoying the night air.”
Watching from a distance. Well, the chaperone could rest assured. She and Ben were no longer in danger of getting carried away.
Franklin’s footsteps faded into the dark.
Standing beside her at the post, Ben nudged his pinky to hers. She folded her arms, feeling as bristly as a prickly pear.
Ben swept his hair back from his forehead.
“We’ve talked enough about this tonight.
We need to both pray on it. If I have my way, Cora, you, Charlie, and I will one day be a family.
” He turned and met her gaze across the divide of rattled hopes.
“Meanwhile, I plan to ride out tomorrow morning to find Goodnight. We need to get most of the cattle we have left to market.” His voice wavered, but he lifted his chin.
“I’ll save out a bull and a few heifers.
And I’ll get back here as soon as I can because I don’t want to be away from you a day longer than I have to. ”
He was shouldering the huge loss and moving forward. Exactly what she’d encouraged him to do and what she’d vowed to support him in doing.
Ben extended his open hand toward her, waiting for hers.
Leaving again. Tomorrow. Hopefully, he’d be back in a few days. But it could be a week or two. Even longer. They didn’t need her stubbornness dividing them while they were apart. She unlocked her arms and let her hand drift to her side.
He stepped closer and moved his hand to within a finger’s length of hers, calling to every fiber of her being, as if she were a compass needle and he was due north. Forgoing his hand, she slipped into his arms, laid her head against his shoulder, and snuggled close.
Dear Lord, please make a way. If it be Your will for Ben and me to marry, for us to live here, and Ben, me, and Charlie to be a family. I’ve lost everyone else. Please, if it be Your will…
Your will. Dangerous words. What if it wasn’t the Lord’s will? But how could it not be?
Ben whispered, “We’ll find a way.”
She lifted her gaze to his. His lips found hers, melting her to the core.
It was well past midnight before they left the porch.