Chapter 37
Ben stomped his boots on the foyer rug and handed his dripping overcoat and hat to the Edmondson butler.
This was his third visit to Olivia’s house, and the first time he’d been allowed in the door.
Just when he’d been ready to convey his message in writing, the butler had stepped out of the way and invited him in.
He hesitated at the parlor threshold. Blue-and-green images of peacocks decorated the papered walls, complementing the forest-green chairs and matching horsehair sofa.
A sofa on which he’d spent too many hours sitting with Olivia in his arms. His cheeks heated.
She had every right to be angry with him.
She’d been a very willing participant in their kissing and cuddling, and she’d hinted time and time again for a proposal, but he’d been the one to ask.
He ran his hand over his combed-back hair and stepped across the scarlet carpet to the mantel. Too many promises to too many people. He could not keep them all, nor did he want to.
Heels clicked across the marble-floored hall. He braced himself. Lord, give me wisdom. The parlor doors closed. He waited a beat, then turned.
Olivia stood there in violet silk, trimmed in black lace. A black snood loosely held her honey-blond hair. Very much a woman who would turn men’s heads, and with enough family money to keep their gaze.
She looked down her slender nose at him and lifted her chin. “I thought it appropriate to dress in half mourning.” She brushed her gloved hand against her skirt and sashayed to the piano.
Dare he ask? “Did someone pass away?”
“Not a physical death.” She seated herself on the stool. “The death of a man’s word.” She glared at him.
He should have known. “I’m here to apologize—”
“For what? For proposing without meaning it? For breaking your word? Or for your lapse in self-control and sanity when you allowed yourself to become infatuated by some Texas charwoman and broke your engagement to me?” She plinked a few notes in a minor key on the piano, the beginnings of a dirge.
Best avoid an argument, as well as he could. There was no sense in extoling Cora’s virtues to a woman who would denigrate her all the more. Better to simply lay the blame on himself and leave it there. He wiggled a finger into his too-tight cravat and sat down on the high-back chair.
She plinked a few more notes. “Cat got your tongue?”
He edged forward on the seat. “I apologize for any hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused you. For that, I’m truly sorry.”
She huffed and rolled her eyes. “The only reason I’m able to leave my house is because your dissolution of the betrothal is only known within our family circles.”
“We never announced our engagement. No one beyond our closest family members should be aware of the fact.”
“But everyone expected it.” She strummed her fingers across two octaves and stood.
“Anyone with eyes and ears knew which way our relationship was headed. All of our friends and acquaintances, our fathers’ business associates…
How else was I to keep gentleman callers at arms’ length than to hint at the deep connection between you and me? ”
He ran his hand over his hair and settled hard against the back of the chair.
How could he have ever fallen for this woman?
“Well, if they were only arm’s length away, I’m sure they’ll be easy to retrieve.
They hover around you at the piano, like moths to a flame.
You’ll have your pick. Tell them that you are the one who broke the betrothal.
Tell them I have a fault in my character. ”
“I’m sure you have many faults in your character.
” Her glare sliced like a knife. “But do you think my reputation is all I care about?” She grabbed a handkerchief.
“You…” She wadded the linen in her hand and pointed at the end of the sofa where they used to sit.
“There. There. There.” She punctuated each word with a jab of her finger.
“There is where you sat countless times, partaking of my lips and my affections, and promising me your undying devotion.”
He covered his eyes and slowly slid his hand down his face.
He’d never promised his undying devotion, but the rest was too true.
Don’t argue with her. He deserved the berating.
“Olivia, I have no excuse. It isn’t your fault.
I am not the same young man who sat in your parlor the spring of ’63.
Andersonville changed me. Wounded me in ways I still do not fully fathom. ”
She snorted and held her arms wide. “There was plenty of sofa time in the year after your return from war. Plenty of picnics and moonlight walks. If you faltered while in Texas, if that charwoman—”
“She’s a ranch owner, not a washwoman.”
“Then she doesn’t need your help, does she?”
He stood. “Olivia—”
“If she lured you into her arms some evening, tell me. I’ll give you a public lashing, and we’ll be done with it and continue our engagement. You think I never allowed anyone to sneak a kiss while you were gone?”
“I hope that’s all you let them sneak.”
She marched across the room. Smack. Her slap stung his face.
He rubbed his cheek. “Forgive me. I should not have said that. I didn’t mean—”
“You’re horrible.” She burst into tears and sank down on the sofa. “You know I’d never do anything like that. You and me…we never….”
“I know.” He sat on the sofa edge, a full three feet from her. “You’re not that kind of girl. But neither is Cora.”
“I don’t want to hear her name.” She slammed her fists into her lap. Tears dripped from her lashes and her chin.
“You’re a fine lady, Olivia. I’m the problem.
Andersonville changed me, hardened me. I went through the motions of love and romance.
I wanted everything between us to be as it had been when we first courted.
I even proposed in hopes of making it so.
” He pressed his palms to his knees. “But my heart is not what it was, and all the acting on my part, and all of your admirable qualities, will not fix it. I didn’t fully understand this until I went to Texas. ”
“And met that woman.”
“It would be true whether or not I ever met her.”
She wiped her nose with the handkerchief and leveled her gaze on him.
“So reinstate our betrothal. Together, we’ll work on mending you.
” She slid across the distance between them and clutched at his hands, wet hankie and all.
“I will be your wife. I will heal your heart and warm your bed until the war is nothing but a distant memory.”
“Olivia…” He pulled one hand free.
Wet hazel eyes begged. He should have stuck to the chair.
His stomach knotted. “We can’t—”
“I don’t accept that.” She leaned in, thrust her hands around the back of his head, and pressed her lips to his.
He jerked his head away and broke her hold. “I’m sorry.” He jumped off the sofa.
Her glare sliced sharper than a guillotine.
“You ingrate.” She slapped his arm and leaped to her feet.
“You’ll pay for this. Your father will pay for this.
There will be ice inside Mount Vesuvius before you take charge of the newspaper.
You’ll be hawking penny copies on the street corner by the time my father is done with you. ”
He snorted. “Thank goodness my future isn’t dependent upon your father.
” But what about his father’s future? He back stepped toward the door.
No telling if she was done attacking. “I pray that when you do marry, it won’t be for the sake of the paper.
” His father was going to kill him. But he wouldn’t commit the rest of his life to a woman he could no longer tolerate.
His boots beat against the marble hallway floor as he headed for the front door.
Olivia’s voice struck him from behind. “I heard you stopped taking your medicine. Maybe that’s your problem.”
He clinched his hands and pivoted. “The problem is that I finally came to my senses.”
That evening, Ben stepped into his family’s parlor. Evelyn sat curled up in a chair reading while his mother sat at the desk going over the family accounts, a snood holding her hair at the base of her bent neck. They looked up, faces expectant.
“How did it go?” Mother asked.
Ben loosened his collar. “If anyone calls at our door from the Edmondson household for the next couple of days, tell them Father isn’t well enough for visitors. As a matter of fact, you’d best say that to anyone who calls from the paper.”
His mother clunked her pencil down. “So you didn’t make amends with her?”
Evelyn’s gaze percolated with questions.
“There will be no reconciliation.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and ambled over to the sofa.
His mother pinched the bridge of her nose and lowered her head.
“Olivia is too much of a high-society person for Benjie.” Evelyn snapped Elizabeth Gaskill’s North and South shut. “A frontier girl is much more his style.”
“I haven’t been Benjie for a couple of decades, Evie.” He scolded and nudged her feet from the second cushion.
“Neither of you has any business sense.” His mother lifted her head and pressed her palms flat against the desktop.
“The Sentinel means the world to your father. His sweat and brains built the paper, along with Edmondson’s and Thorson’s money.
And if you don’t handle matters, Benjamin, he’ll fight for control of the paper with his last breath.
And the way he’s going, that might just happen. ”
“Mother, he doesn’t need to fight for anything at the moment.” Provided Mr. Edmondson had more business sense than to cater to his daughter’s whims. “I’m working with Thorson for now. When Father is well, he can step back in and take the lead from Thorson.”
“That is only temporary, Benjamin. It’ll take months for your father to fully regain his strength. And even then…” She leaned forward, elbows on the desk, pinning him with her gaze. “He has pains in his chest and back. He doesn’t have the strength of a forty-year-old anymore.”