Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
MAYA
I t was during the following weeks after John’s funeral that things started to change. Mum and Dad had sat me down a while ago and mentioned speaking to someone who specialised in traumatic experiences. At first, I hated the idea. It made me feel like my parents didn’t want to deal with me. But in the end, I knew outside care could help to get me through the ordeal. I needed all the support I could get to learn to live with all that had happened without it overwhelming me.
When they also suggested to talk to Nary or Josie, I shot the idea down. I loved and trusted them, but I wanted someone outside our circle.
During the first appointment with Devlin Grey, I regretted my decision because it started as awkward as hell. He was an older man, at least in his late thirties or early forties. While he had kind eyes and a nice smile, the words were locked inside me. I didn’t know if it was because he was a complete stranger or if I just didn’t want to let what had happened and what I was feeling out.
“… so I killed it.”
His words brought me out of my mind. “Sorry, what?” Tension locked my limbs.
“The spider my daughter was scared of.”
My body unlocked, and I rested back into the chair. “Um, I wasn’t really listening,” I admitted.
His lips pulled up into a compassionate smile. “I know. I figured something I rambled on about would bring you back into the room.” He lifted his leg and rested his calf on his other knee. “I’m wondering why the word ‘kill’ was what did it.”
Tears brimmed as I looked to the side and out the window. I licked my dry lips before I opened my mouth to spill everything that went on that night.
“Can you fix me?” I asked after blowing my nose and wiping at my face.
“Maya, there’s nothing to fix.”
“But… I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop hurting and wondering what I could have done better. I need my mind to stop… to get back to normal.”
“What you were put through was traumatic, Maya. There is no easy way to deal. Something like this will play on your mind for a long time. It’s how we learn to cope with those moments that matter. What you need to know, Maya, is that you did everything you could have.”
He stopped when I started shaking my head. “I didn’t.”
“You did. You’re being hard on yourself because you lost someone you care for. John’s death isn’t on your shoulders. You were fighting for your own life.”
My gaze went back out the window.
“Maya, look at me.”
Slowly, I did.
“John’s death is not your fault.”
Sniffing, I ran my sweaty palms down my thighs. “It feels like it is.”
“It’s not. There was nothing else you could have done.”
I didn’t want to believe him.
“Does John’s wife or family blame you?”
“No.”
“Does your family blame you?”
“No.”
“It’s not going to happen today, but one day, you will trust we’re all telling you the truth.”
One day, maybe I would. Devlin, which was what he preferred to be called, had made an appointment for me once a week at least for the first month. I’d been to three appointments and on the third, he’d asked about Texas because apparently, I kept bringing him up. I clamped up, not knowing what to say since I was confused about that annoying, yet sweet, man.
Texas was also something in my life that had changed.
He popped in all the time to hang out with us for no reason at all. What he was still doing in Ballarat, I didn’t know. He was supposed to already have his tattoo shop set up and then left for Caroline Springs where he would run his other shop. He was supposed to be an hour away.
My gaze shifted to the man on my mind as he told my brother, “Drake, don’t let little fuckers like that get to you.” This was the sixth visit since the day I cried in his arms.
Not that I was counting how many times he called in.
I wasn’t.
Drake sighed. “Yeah, but he just annoys the hell out of me.”
“There’s gonna be many people in your life who annoy you. Just learn to let shit go. Unless he says somethin’ seriously bad, then you make sure you’re not the one to throw the first punch, but have the last.”
Drake beamed at Texas. Needless to say, my brother looked up to Texas like he did our older brother.
Rolling my eyes, I leaned back with the bowl of popcorn from the coffee table. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage Drake to hit people.”
Texas smirked. “Hey, if he’s not the one who starts it, he can’t get into too much trouble.” He turned to Drake again. “Talon is givin’ you lessons on how to hit properly, right?”
“Shit yeah. Started me two years ago.”
Texas grunted and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl I’d put between us. “Good.” He shoved the food into his mouth and chomped.
The front door opened, shining light into the darkened room. “Why are all the blinds down?” Ruby asked.
“Movie marathon. Texas hasn’t seen any of the Scream movies.”
“Cool.” Ruby moved to the side and Dillon, Ruby’s boyfriend, stepped in. “We’re just going to hang in my room for a while.”
“Okay. Hey, Dillon,” I said.
“Hi,” he replied with a small wave before Ruby took his hand and led him down the hall.
My smile turned into a wider one when I noticed Drake and Texas watching them disappear.
“Shouldn’t someone keep an eye on them?” Texas asked.
“They’ll be fine,” I told him.
They still stared down the hall.
“Your ’rents ain’t home, so maybe they should come out here and watch a movie with us?” Texas suggested.
“Nah, Ruby’s probably got Dillon on the bed—” Laughter bubbled out of me when Texas and Drake stood up. “Jesus, relax you two. Ruby knows to keep her door open, and Dillon’s a nice guy.”
Drake snorted. “Even nice guys have dirty thoughts.”
“Both of you sit down so we can start this movie.” I lifted my legs and crossed them under me. Thankfully, my back had healed so the pain wasn’t a constant reminder. I picked up the bowl and placed it on my lap. I managed a handful before the bowl was stolen from me by Texas.
“You gotta share, woman.” He sat back down with the bowl between us again and ate some more.
“I’m just going to check something in my room,” Drake said.
“Drake, sit down.”
He grumbled under his breath but did sit back down. He grabbed the remote and pressed Play. I took the bowl and held it out to Drake. He shook his head and showed me a bag of lolly snakes. He loved anything gummy.
For some reason, as I thought of gummies, it reminded me of Samuel and the phone call I made to him the day after he’d popped in. I was going to do the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing in person, but I hadn’t been ready to go out in public and pretend everything was all right. Samuel had taken it well. Besides, he’d already decided we weren’t suited, which was for the best, because I certainly didn’t even want to think about dating or a relationship with him, or anyone for that matter.
As we watched the movie, I couldn’t help but take a side glance at Texas every now and then. If Cody had been living with us, I would understand why Texas kept coming around, even though he was supposed to live in Melbourne. They were friends who used to hang out every chance they got. Over the years, I’d lost count of the times Dad would get a pickup call from Cody, asking him to go collect him, Texas, and Ruin after they’d gone out on the town. Now with Cody living in his own place, it didn’t make sense why Texas would stop by all the time, and in a way, I kind of didn’t want to think about it because….
My pulse started to race, but I refused to let my mind take me where it wanted to go. His visits meant nothing for us. Heck, maybe he wanted to become my friend because Cody was so busy, and Texas had decided to stick around Ballarat for a while to watch over his new business. Whatever his reason was for dropping in, it did help distract me and give me a moment of peace in my mind.
A sudden jump scare on the television had Texas nearly knocking over the popcorn bowl.
Drake started laughing. “Are you actually scared?”
“What? No way, arsehole.”
“It’s okay if you are, Texas,” I said with a grin.
He glared at me. “Just watch the show, Maya.”
We fell silent and watched more. I probably wasn’t supposed to admit it, but I did like his company. Even if he was here as a friend.
“Hey, Texas,” Drake started.
“Yeah? Ah fuck, he’s right there,” he yelled at the movie.
Drake chuckled. “I heard Dad say you’re now livin’ in Ballarat.”
I froze, a handful of popcorn halfway to my mouth.
“You heard right.”
Drake grinned. “That’s wicked, man. You gonna run your tattoo shop?”
“That’s the plan. Why, you lookin’ for some ink?” Texas smirked.
I spluttered over the shock to quickly say, “Not yet.”
Texas and Drake snickered, their attention going back to the show, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Texas actually living in Ballarat. Like, permanently. Why would he want to change? He had another shop in Melbourne. Wouldn’t he stay where his family was? When did he decide this? Why did he decide it? Was it because he couldn’t find a manager in Ballarat? That could be it. I wondered what Dodge and Low thought of his choice.
Did it mean he would be hanging out more often?
That could explain why he was here in the first place. Like I’d thought, Cody was busy with work and Channa. Texas could be bored…. No, wait, he had a business to run. Why wasn’t he there now?
“How is the new shop going?” I asked, shifting on the couch to see him better.
“Good. It’s pickin’ up.”
Then why was he here? It was Saturday. Wouldn’t it be a busy day?
“You must be busy, then?”
He shrugged. “Not too bad. I can take on clients when I want.”
Oh.
Did that mean he just didn’t have any that day?
“Would you employ me when I’m older?” Drake asked.
“So you can have only female clients?” I teased. Drake loved being loved by women. He definitely got attention from them, since he looked like his father, and Mum said women chased Dad all the time. Even after they saw he wore a wedding ring.
Drake’s radiant smile said it all. “Maybe.”
Texas and I laughed, then he asked, “How are you with drawin’?”
Drake shrugged. “Not bad.”
I pointed at him. “That’s a lie.” I turned to Texas. “He’s amazing, like Ruby. You should see some of his work.”
Texas nodded. “I’d like to.”
“Go grab some,” I encouraged. Drake bolted out of the room.
A few moments later, we heard Ruby yell, “Get out, Drake.”
“Quit kissin’ my sister,” Drake boomed.
“Oh shit,” I muttered and went to stand up until Texas gripped my wrist.
“Get out!” Ruby screamed.
“Yo, Drake, grab your stuff already,” Texas called, and we heard pounding footsteps.
“Thanks,” I said, leaning back into the couch.
“No problem, but I still think it’d be good to get Ruby and her fella out here.”
Snorting, I shook my head. “Why? Because they’re kissing?”
“Because I remember bein’ his age, and there was one thing on my mind.”
Rolling my eyes, I went to cross my arms over my chest but noticed Texas still held my wrist. He released it at my movement. My skin was still warm from his touch. “Like all boys, but Dillon wouldn’t disrespect Ruby in any way.”
“You trust him?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then that’s enough for me.”
When Drake ran back into the room, Texas looked away from me and at the drawings Drake placed on the coffee table. I studied Texas while they talked. What did he mean by my trusting Dillon was enough for him?
Not that it mattered. Just like how I could still feel his handprint on my wrist.
None of it mattered because I wouldn’t let it.
I wouldn’t think of his kindness as anything other than a growing friendship.
I would ignore his attractiveness, his ink-covered skin, his smirks, grins, and laughs.
I’d place him in the friendship zone because that was all it would ever be.
A scream burst out of the television, causing me to jump.
Blood.
Everywhere.
There’d been so much in the ambulance, and the sounds John had made while he… while he….
“Drake, turn off the TV.”
“Fuck,” I heard my brother say.
Blinking, I felt the wetness on my cheeks and quickly wiped at them. “Sorry,” I whispered into the now quiet room.
“Don’t apologise,” Drake ordered before he picked up his artwork and stormed out of the room.
Wincing, I glanced at Texas. The only light was the one that Drake must have turned on at some point, but I’d been lost in my head. “I didn’t mean to—”
Texas shifted closer, the popcorn bowl squished between us, and cupped the side of my face. “Like Drake said, don’t apologise, Maya. There’s gonna be many more times when you get lost in your head. Everyone knows this, and everyone knows what you went through. Let it happen, and let the people around you help you through it.”
My bottom lip trembled. “Shut up. Don’t say nice things. Not now. Not unless you want me to be a blubbering mess again,” I whispered, looking down into the bowl. My erratic heart was yelling at me to kiss him for being so nice. Thank God my brain was at least smarter and kept my body locked where it was.
Texas chuckled. “All right, baby. I’ll shut up, but know I don’t mind when you’re a blubbering mess.”
Groaning, I shook my head and gave him a feeble smile. I shifted back enough for him to drop his hand.
Friends.
Just friends.
And that was okay. I loved the friends I already had, but I could always do with one more.