Chapter 1
CHAPTER 1
DUSTY
PRESENT
F rom the corner of the room, I watched as Country flirted with his new woman of the week, Rochelle. To me, it sounded like she was related to a roach. I hated her even before I met her. Pathetic, right? It wasn’t like I was in love with Country. We’d slept together a couple of times, one before and then after his breakup with a different girl. Isla. Both of us had been a little tipsy each time.
So why can’t you get him off your mind?
Shut up, stupid brain.
I didn’t know why my eyes sought him out whenever I entered the compound. Or why my belly clenched when I caught other club ladies flirting with him, or why my heart turned into a wildly buzzing vibrator whenever he smiled or winked at me.
All right, I did know, but I wasn’t going to let my little crush stick.
Not when I could save myself from hurt, since I knew, and I definitely knew, he was a player. He liked younger women, which I was, right along with a heap of other club girls.
I could have pussy punched myself for joining as a club girl when I didn’t even need to. I didn’t have bad parents. I didn’t have someone to hide from or someone after me, as far as I knew. So why did I join? Because I wanted something different and exciting in my life, and when I’d first applied to become one of the club women in the Diamond MC—where I wouldn’t sleep with anyone outside of the club—they promised I wouldn’t have to have sex with every member. I could pick. That was two years ago, when I was a lot more nervous and shy, and the only member I had slept with was Country.
Why did I only pick him? Why did I feel that sleeping with someone else would be the wrong move? Especially when Country didn’t care. He’d been with a few others.
Shaking my head, I took a sip of my vodka and cranberry and turned away from Country. I loved being in the compound. The atmosphere made me feel lighter on the inside. There were always people around to talk to, so I never felt lonely like when I went home to my parents’ house.
Lonely had been my middle name for as long as I could remember. My parents loved me and always treated me well enough, but they were busy people. They explained they needed to work long hours because they wanted a future where they could retire without having financial worries. I understood. I did.
Rolling my eyes, I pushed them from my mind; it wasn’t the time to think about how lonely I’d allowed myself to get. I had friends, but I didn’t have anyone I ran to with my problems. It was my own fault for not opening up to people. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother.
Taking another sip of my drink, I looked to the bar and smiled. Kylo, or as his brothers called him, Gun, was leaning against the bar and walking two fingers up his husband’s chest, Saint, with a flirty smile. I’d been surprised, like a lot of us in the club, when they’d gotten together, but anyone now could see the love they had for each other. My gaze snagged on another married couple. Wreck, who had always come across as a beefy asshole, was staring down at his husband, Lucas, while Lucas talked to State and Courtney, waving his hand wildly as he spoke. Wreck had shocked everyone more than Gun and Saint had. A few members weren’t happy to have gay men in the club, but Country had put a stop to the complaints and said if anyone did have an issue, they could leave.
That was another reason why I’d stayed with the Diamond MC. I liked how Country ran things. He was fair but also stood up for things he strongly believed in—one was supporting his brothers and who they loved, no matter the gender.
“You seem to be thinkin’ a lot tonight.” Tech stepped up beside me with a smile. He took a drag from his beer, and I watched his throat move over the motion. Could I imagine sleeping with Tech? He was very good-looking.
Realizing he was waiting for an answer, I blushed and nodded. “Yeah, my mind’s not my friend tonight.” There were only a few members I felt comfortable and could be myself with. Tech was one of them, along with Country, though he did fluster me since I’d seen him naked. There were also Gun and Quake.
“Need a hand to get your mind off things?” Tech’s smile grew flirty as he leaned his arm against the wall, facing me. Another great thing about the club was that when a woman said no, the men listened. Well, most did. There were only a few who tried to be persistent, but when their brothers yelled to knock it off, they did. They respected women, and I honestly felt safe in the compound.
The question I was fluffing around with was wondering if I could get my mind off Country by sleeping with Tech. With a quick glance across the room, where I saw Country kissing the roach on the cheek, I sipped my drink as my stomach clenched and looked up at Tech.
I cocked a brow. “What did you have in mind?”
His gaze ran over me slowly. “I could think of a few things.”
He’d always been the biggest flirt with me, and I did enjoy his attention. I locked my eyes on his lips. Yeah, I could imagine kissing them.
“Would these things happen to be in private?”
“Definitely.”
A shiver swept over me when he glided a couple of fingers over my cheek, and he gently brushed his thumb against my bottom lip.
Before his hand dropped, I sneaked my tongue out and licked over his thumb. His eyes darkened as he straightened.
“Dusty.” My name was clipped off with desire.
“Just to confirm, nothing will change between us?” That was what I wanted most, because until I got over my… whatever it was with Country, I wanted to make sure Tech and I would stay friends.
“Baby, I ain’t lookin’ for anythin’ long-term. Are you cool with that?”
“Cool as a cucumber.” Okay, that sounded cheesy, but it had Tech chuckling, at least.
He nodded toward the hall where the bedrooms lay. “You wanna take a walk with me?”
I did. Didn’t I?
I did because I loved sex, and I could use a little loving. Maybe even more experience would be good than having only two lovers. One had been my high school sweetheart, the other Country, and Lord knew I needed to move on from him, especially since he hadn’t been looking for anything serious those two times I’d slept with him. I worked that out quickly when I’d woken in the morning and he’d pretty much said, “Thanks for a good night, Dust,” and that was it.
Cocking my head to the side, I replied, “Depends.” Reaching out my hand, I waited for him to take it.
When he did, Tech smirked and ran his thumb over the back of my hand. “On what?”
A shadow covered half of Tech’s face, and we both looked to see Country standing there.
“Prez, what’s up?”
Country crossed his arms over his wide chest. A chest I had seen naked. A chest I knew looked amazing. Still, Tech’s could be just as good, and I had to give him a chance since the other man in front of me wasn’t interested. Over his shoulder, I saw the roach stalking over. My upper lip rose, but I quickly took a sip of my drink.
“Need you to do somethin’ for me.”
Tech’s eyes widened a little as he dropped my hand. “Now?”
“Babe, I slip off to the restroom for a second and you’re gone. What are you doing over here?” the roach asked as she wound her arms around his waist.
Jealousy uncurled inside me and bared its fangs. I stomped on the emotion, having no right to be anything with Country.
“Just dealin’ with business, Chelle. Go grab us a drink, yeah?”
After she planted a claiming kiss to his cheek and glared at me, which was unnecessary, she swayed her hips over to the bar.
Straightening, I smiled at Tech when he looked my way. “I’ll leave you both to it. When you’re not busy, come find me.” I poked him in the side and walked away. If I looked at Country, I worried he and Tech would see something I didn’t want to show.
At the bar, as far away from the roach as possible, I placed my empty glass down and waited for the new prospect’s attention.
“Dusty, settle something for me.” Gun and Saint stepped up beside me. Over their shoulders, I caught another glare from the roach. What was her problem? I hadn’t flirted with Country in front of her, and I tried to keep my gazes non-stalkerish. Did he tell her we’d slept together? If he did, he must have mentioned how long ago the last time was.
Six months, two days, and fourteen hours.
That’s what I got for having a good memory.
Ignoring her, I smiled at the two men in front of me. “What do you need settled?”
“Prospect,” Saint suddenly called. “Get Dusty the usual, yeah?”
“On it.”
Gun clapped, and my gaze switched back to him after a grateful smile to Saint. “Right, tell Saint that you think it’s better to give head than receive it.”
It was lucky I wasn’t drinking anything. I still gaped like a fish, not expecting that type of question.
“Wouldn’t it be better to ask Wreck and Lucas or West and Adrik, since you all have to”—I leaned in to whisper—“suck dick, and it’s different for me because I have a vagina, and I don’t have a partner?”
Gun shook his head. “Doesn’t matter about you having a pussy—”
“Poor girl,” Saint muttered.
Gun and I stared at him. “You think I’m a poor girl for having a vagina?”
“Babe” was all he said, an amused glint in his eyes.
“I think I’m offended on her behalf.” Gun smacked Saint in the stomach. “She’s fine the way she is, even with her having a pussy.”
We were starting to gain some looks, since Gun spoke loudly. My face burned, and I quickly took a gulp of my drink that the prospect placed on the bar.
“Can we stop talking about my vagina?” I urged frantically.
Gun winked. “Will do, as long as you answer the question. Do you prefer to give or receive?”
“You seriously want me to answer it?”
“Yes.”
“But why?” It may have sounded a little whiny.
“Saint’s a greedy bastard who likes to receive over give, but I’ll forgive the douche if we get more people to agree with his side.”
“And if I don’t, then you’ll be shitty at Saint for a while?”
Gun nodded. “Yes.”
Grinning evilly, I clicked my fingers and pointed at Gun. “I’d rather give.”
Saint snorted. “She’s only sayin’ it because she wants you pissed at me for sayin’ what I did about her and her pussy.”
“Oh my God, stop talking about my pu—vagina,” I bit out in a low tone. “But seriously, I’m telling the truth.” I did prefer to give a nice head job than receive one in return, as I always got shy when a guy was between my legs. I didn’t understand why men enjoyed doing that to women when it was like an open wound down there.
Country sure liked it.
I didn’t need that reminder.
I set my drink back on the bar and ran a hand through my light brown hair while Saint and Gun argued some more. Picking at a couple of strands, I pulled it up to look at it. My hair wasn’t anything special, a boring color, really. I glanced over at the roach, who had her arm curled around Country’s waist while he spoke with another member. I hated to admit it, but she had amazing long blonde hair that seemed full of life and not dull like mine.
Oh hell no. I wasn’t comparing myself to her.
No way.
“Dusty, hey.” Courtney stepped up with a smile and her one-year-old on her hip.
“Hi, Court. How are things?” She was State’s woman, and they were set to get married in a couple of months. To me, they were the perfect couple. Courtney had been a godsend with the club girls. Since she became an old lady, the bitchiness was cut down, a schedule was made for cleaning and cooking, and she was so nice it hurt my teeth sometimes.
“Court, I have a question for you,” Gun said.
“Abort. Run, Court, run.” I gently shoved at her side, but she only laughed.
“What question?”
“Do you prefer to give or receive head?”
“Receive,” she said instantly. “State does this thing with his tongue that—”
Saint covered her mouth. “Dear God, woman, we don’t need to hear anythin’ about State and his tongue. Especially not in front of young ears.” He dropped his hand and turned to Gun. “Still, I appreciate your honesty.” Saint crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at his husband.
Gun shot him the middle finger. “I’m gonna ask some more first.” He quickly walked off and called out to Country. I didn’t want to hear Country’s answer, so I excused myself. When I didn’t see Tech anywhere, I went up to the rooms supplied to the club girls and entered my own. I didn’t have the energy to drive home to an empty house, knowing my parents would be either away on a trip for work or in their offices. I liked staying at the compound because there was always noise in the background.
I hoped Tech would finish whatever Country had him doing soon, and when he did, he’d come to my room. I had to move on. I had to let go of this infatuation and how it had controlled me for far too long.
The first step to get over him would be to sleep with another brother. If that didn’t work, maybe, just maybe, it was time for me to move on from the compound. I worried I was sticking around here for all the wrong reasons. Like this place was the only way to fix my loneliness. Could it be possible I was going about things the wrong way? Was I supposed to be out in the world finding friends and dating someone who had nothing to do with the club?
Maybe.