3
“No?”
“Rowan, you have to skate.”
At least, Rowan reflected ruefully, if he wasn’t going to be Kaira’s caregiver anymore, it didn’t matter so much that he was so terrible at saying no.
For the most part, the Orcas were a laid-back group. No one so much as batted an eye when Jordy introduced Rowan as his “friend who saved him and Kaira from tears by bringing her to Vancouver.” Everyone encouraged Rowan to eat and drink whatever he liked and offered to help him tie his skates or hide from the ice, whichever he preferred.
More interesting for Jordy’s teammates—and Rowan couldn’t blame them—was Kaira. Rowan had gleaned through his limited interactions with hockey players that they tended to be baby-crazy if they liked kids at all.
Kaira took their attention as her due, which made the guy Rowan thought was the Orcas’ goalie crack she must be Jordy’s polar opposite.
Rowan had to look away and rub his chest when someone else chimed in that she clearly took after her other dad. Fortunately no one but Rowan seemed to have heard.
Soon enough Kaira ordered them into their skates. Jordy, of course, could stay on the ice all day and never tire of it, but Rowan eyed the slick surface with deep distrust.
“I won’t let you fall,” Jordy promised. “You’ll be fine.”
They were alone by the gate, if only for a moment, since Kaira had sprinted out onto the ice, momentarily forgetting her adults in her joy.
Rowan shot him a look of deep betrayal. “I’m going to be terrible at this.”
Jordy didn’t laugh or mock, even though Rowan knew his pout had to rival one of Kaira’s from the past six weeks. He took Rowan’s hand and solemnly vowed, “I won’t let go first.”
If only he meant that the way Rowan wanted him to. Rowan took a shuddering breath and nodded. “Okay.”
“Now get on the ice before Kaira comes back and pushes you.”
Rowan barked a laugh and stepped forward.
Immediately his feet tried to go out from under him. Obviously they tried to go out from under him; that was what feet did on the ice. He fumbled to try to catch his balance, except the fumbling only made it worse. “Oh fuck —”
Jordy never let go of his hand. With his other, he grabbed Rowan’s elbow, firm but gentle, until suddenly Rowan was standing up straight. “Easy.”
“Easy?” Rowan repeated incredulously. Except now he was looking right into Jordy’s kind, soft brown eyes while Jordy smiled at him, and he could only look away if he wanted to fall on his face. Or his ass.
Skating might have been a mistake.
“If Kaira can do it, you can too.”
That didn’t seem fair—Kaira had obviously been skating since she could walk. Right now she was looping around the ice backward, somehow managing to avoid running into any of the other kids.
“Something tells me learning as a child is not the same thing.”
“Come on,” Jordy coaxed. “It’s easier when you’re moving.” And then he was gliding backward without even seeming to move his feet, tugging Rowan along with him.
“Are you barking ?” Rowan asked, but—okay, it wasn’t so bad. Movement was definitely preferable. Especially forward movement, as opposed to downward.
“When you’re starting out, you’re going to be strongest on your inside edges,” Jordy said, towing Rowan along like he weighed nothing. Rowan made the mistake of looking down for a moment and got utterly distracted by the way Jordy’s thighs strained the seams of his jeans. Those had to have some kind of elastic in them. Ordinary material could not contain that.
They went over a small imperfection in the ice, and Rowan stumbled. Jordy caught him before he could even start to panic.
Rowan looked up again, clearing his throat. “Inside edges?”
“Your skates. They’ve got two sharp edges each, inside and outside. You’ll feel more stable if you’re bending your ankles inward like, uh—what’s the opposite of bow-legged?”
“Are you telling me to close my legs ?” Rowan asked incredulously before he could help himself, and Jordy threw back his head and laughed.
“Come on. Move your feet. Just push out to the side. There, see? You can do it.”
It turned out Rowan could do it, if not particularly well. Jordy skated him around the ice three times—Jordy moving backward while Rowan went forward, never letting go of his hand—before he pronounced Rowan ready to try it one-handed.
“You’re a little late for tryouts,” Ryan commented as he went by, tugging an entire chain of children with Kaira at the rear. “But maybe next year.”
Rowan didn’t waste any energy flipping him off. He did watch in fascination as Ryan sped up, the kiddie train behind him along for the ride, and then stopped and used their momentum to fling them across the ice. “Oh my God, he’s a maniac.”
At the end of the chain, Kaira was laughing gleefully, even as the grip she had on the next child broke and she rocketed off toward the boards.
“Crack the whip,” Jordy explained. “It’s fun.”
“I’m not doing it,” Rowan said firmly.
He might not be brave enough to look over—he needed to keep his eyes on his feet—but he could hear Jordy’s smile. “Maybe next time.”
Two laps later, Kaira wanted a turn with her dad, so Rowan gratefully begged off and wobbled off the ice. Even after such a short time, the insides of his thighs ached. No wonder Jordy had legs like he did.
And no wonder he ate like he did too—Rowan had worked up an appetite. He pried himself out of his skates and slipped back into his regular shoes, which suddenly felt too big and too cold the way his hands felt too empty without Jordy’s in them. To compensate, he grabbed a mug of hot chocolate and a donut from one of the tables and made small talk with a few of the other nonskaters, one of whom was an expectant mom.
Everyone accepted his presence without question, which meant they definitely all thought he and Jordy were dating, but that was fine. It was better than them wondering what Rowan was doing there.
Finally his bladder demanded his attention and he begged off to find a restroom.
But when he pushed open the door, he forgot about his need to relieve himself and found himself standing stock-still without quite knowing why.
“—stay out of it,” came a familiar voice. “It’s none of our business.”
“Okay, but Jordy’s my friend,” and that was Ryan. “And he’s been heartbroken, and not just because of his kid, you know? But did you see how Rowan was looking at him? There’s no way that’s unrequited—”
“You’re so cute when you try to save other people from your own mistakes.”
“Excuse you, I’m always cute.”
At this point Rowan realized he was standing in the door eavesdropping and about to get caught. It startled him into action, and he accidentally opened the door the rest of the way until it banged into the wall.
Smooth.
Ryan Wright looked up at him from his place by the sink, where he was drying his hands on a paper towel. “Woah there, killer. What did the door ever do to you?”
Beside him, Nico rolled his eyes fondly and shoved Ryan toward the door. “Come on. Don’t you have kids your own size to pick on?”
They exited the restroom, leaving Rowan alone with a full bladder and an even fuller brain.
There’s no way that’s unrequited.
Okay, first things first. He focused on the task at hand. Then he wandered back out and found a spot where he could watch Kaira chase Jordy around the ice.
There’s no way that’s unrequited.
Ryan had been talking about Jordy’s feelings for Rowan, but that couldn’t be right. Jordy had said being with Rowan made him realize he wanted a partner. Why would he have phrased it that way if he meant he wanted Rowan to be his partner ?
Well, that was a stupid question. It wasn’t like either one of them had a stellar communication track record.
On the ice, Jordy scooped Kaira into his arms and plonked her onto his shoulders, apparently unconcerned about her tiny skates cutting into him. Or about dropping her. Of course he wouldn’t drop her; he could skate her around safely with his eyes closed. Both of them were beaming.
Rowan’s heart thumped.
That man—that generous, kind, dedicated, flawed, gorgeous man—loved him. That man loved him back .
And he thought Rowan didn’t.
But that wasn’t true. Rowan did love Jordy. Rowan had basically already given Jordy his heart on a plate. He’d all but asked, Would you prefer that with soup or salad? Only somehow Jordy didn’t know.
That wasn’t fair. Jordy deserved to know how Rowan felt, even if it didn’t change anything. Even if Rowan was going to go back to Toronto in a week and live in his beautiful untouched apartment and work his perfect job, Jordy deserved to know it wasn’t because Rowan didn’t love him.
Rowan resolved to tell him that night, when Kaira went to bed. They could talk, maybe cry a little. Polish off a bottle of wine, if Jordy didn’t have a game tomorrow. They could lay everything on the table.
And then maybe they could start to get over it.
ROWAN HAD to wait until Kaira was asleep before they could talk, but at least bedtime was early thanks to the jet lag and the busy day. Jordy was barely gone ten minutes before he returned from her room.
“Didn’t even make it through the second book.” He had a look of such fond amusement on his face that Rowan felt overcome by his beauty and overtaken by affection. God, he loved this man so much.
Rowan blamed his big feelings for what happened next.
“Are you in love with me?”
Jordy froze in the middle of tidying throw pillows—they always ended up everywhere after Kaira had been through—and stared at Rowan, caught. “Uh.”
“Shit. Sorry.” Rowan hadn’t meant to start the conversation like this.
Jordy looked even more baffled. “You’re… sorry?”
“Yes, for just… blurting that out. I meant to be more, you know, delicate. Smooth.”
“Oh.” Still clutching the pillow, Jordy sat on the couch. “Since… since you’re asking, I’m guessing that you didn’t already know that.”
Rowan stared. “How would I know that when you never said?”
Jordy frowned at his pillow. “I guess I figured it was pretty obvious and that’s why you kept running away from me every time I tried to talk about it.”
Well, that was totally not fair. Rowan opened his mouth to argue, then paused and thought about it. He could see how his desperate escapes from emotional conversations might have seemed like a rejection of the feelings behind them. “Oh. That, uh, wasn’t what was happening. That was me running away for fear of hearing the opposite.”
“What part of begging you to move across the country…?” Jordy legitimately looked lost, so Rowan threw him a bone.
“You mean right after you told me how worried you were about finding a nanny?”
Jordy’s eyes widened. Apparently he didn’t remember that part. Rowan wanted to kiss his dumb face.
“Look, I know this doesn’t actually change anything about our whole situation, but—” Rowan took a deep breath. “—you deserve to know that I wasn’t saying no because I didn’t want it, or you, or Kaira.” Jordy stared at him, something that looked a lot like hope shining in his eyes. Hope Rowan was going to have to crush. “Even if it doesn’t solve anything or fix it or make Vancouver and Toronto one city, you should know I do love you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Jordy, of course I do.”
“Oh.” He licked his lips. “But you still don’t want to stay with me.” He wasn’t asking.
“It’s not about wanting.” Sometimes romances didn’t have happy endings. Sometimes you were Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner and you had to break up because your lives weren’t compatible. Sometimes love wasn’t enough.
Jordy looked back down at his pillow. “Okay.” Then his jaw firmed up and he looked Rowan in the eye. “But you’re here until the New Year.”
“Yes….”
“And if we’re in the same city and we want to be together, then… why not just be together until then?”
Because it would break Rowan’s heart. Because he might never recover. Because getting back on the plane would be ten times harder. Because… because….
“A holiday romance?” he joked.
“Exactly.” Though his lips twitched, Jordy’s eyes were too intense to be anything but achingly sincere.
Fuck it. Rowan’s heart was going to be broken and bleeding come New Year’s anyway. What was another knife or two jabbed into it?
The answer must’ve shown on his face, because Jordy dove across the couch into Rowan’s opening arms, his throw pillow aptly tossed to the floor, and brought their mouths together. Rowan pressed into it, parted his lips and twined his arms around Jordy’s neck. He’d missed Jordy so much—his touch, his closeness. Rowan’s whole body lit up from the knowledge of Jordy alone.
Jordy devoured Rowan’s mouth like he was starving, his hands hard, hot brands where he pressed Rowan into the couch cushions. Rowan hadn’t exactly forgotten how demanding and possessive Jordy got, but maybe he’d repressed it, too afraid to look at the memories when he thought it didn’t mean anything.
One of Jordy’s hands slid into the small of Rowan’s back and pulled them closer. Then his fingers slipped under his waistband. Rowan was very much on board with that, but also—
“We should—ngh!—get off, off the couch—fuck!”
Jordy hummed around the mouthful of Rowan’s neck he was sucking and nibbling.
“Bedroom,” Rowan gasped as he arched up into the touch.
Apparently Jordy liked the sound of that, because suddenly Rowan was airborne and Jordy was striding down the hallway.
Rowan groaned into Jordy’s mouth. “Manhandling still hot,” he groaned out, then tasted the sound of Jordy’s laughter.
“Good to know.”
In the bedroom, Jordy placed Rowan on his feet so they could scramble out of their clothes, which took forever because they couldn’t stop touching each other. Then they dove onto the bed together.
Jordy shoved the duvet to the side, and then they were tangled up together on the bed, touching each other everywhere, pressing as close as possible but still not close enough.
“Lube,” Rowan gasped with a beg, and Jordy scrambled in the nightstand. “Fuuuck,” he moaned as Jordy pressed a finger into him. He’d missed this, missed Jordy. He pulled him back in for another kiss, trying to show Jordy how much he wanted this—not just the sex but the closeness.
When Jordy was three fingers in and Rowan was ready, he gasped out, “Enough. Condom,” and Jordy froze.
“Fuck.”
“What?”
Three fingers deep in Rowan’s ass, Jordy blushed and asked awkwardly, “I don’t suppose you have any?”
“Why would I take condoms on a flight when traveling with a kid to see a man I was determined not to sleep with?” Honestly.
“Well, why would I have condoms when living alone and brokenhearted?” Jordy bitched back.
Oh.
Bugger.
“So we don’t have any….”
“No.” Jordy kissed his hip. “Guess a change in plans is in order.” He twisted his fingers and Rowan went cross-eyed.
Maybe it was the pleasure coursing through him, or maybe it was the desperate, caution-to-the-wind attitude of the moment, but suddenly Rowan wanted to make only one change to their itinerary.
He took Jordy’s face in his hands and looked him in the eye. “I haven’t been with anyone since before I met you. If… if it’s the same for you and you’ve been tested recently….”
“Rowan.”
“I really want you inside me right now.”
Jordy lurched forward, kissing Rowan hot and messy. Then he slid his fingers out, and then—
It was probably Rowan’s imagination that it felt drastically different, but he was sure that the press of Jordy’s cock was hotter and wetter, skin to skin. Rowan gasped and squirmed and swallowed Jordy’s stunned groans.
Then Jordy was all the way inside him, bare, as close as they could get. Their limbs tangled together, their chests pressed tight, and Jordy pulled back from their kisses to lean their foreheads together. “I love you.”
Rowan sobbed.
He had known, but Jordy hadn’t actually said it yet.
Apparently Jordy realized the same thing, because he leaned forward and kissed Rowan sweetly and then slowly dragged his cock out and pressed back in. As their hips reconnected, he said in the hot, wet space between them, “I love you.”
Rowan dug his heels into the backs of Jordy’s thighs and pulled him in deeper, sharper, harder. He could hear it now, the truth Jordy’d hidden from him when he was nailing Rowan against the wall in his bedroom. He could feel it. The best thing he’d ever heard, the best thing he’d ever felt. “Jordy,” he gasped into Jordy’s mouth. “I love—I love you, oh God —”
Jordy made a hot, sweet sound and straightened his back so he could look into Rowan’s eyes. Rowan would’ve complained—he wanted Jordy’s mouth back—but then Jordy got both hands on Rowan’s hips and started pulling him down onto Jordy’s cock with every thrust, and he kept looking at Rowan while he did it, like Rowan was the best thing he’d ever seen, the only thing he ever wanted to look at, like Rowan was his .
Rowan became one raw, exposed, sensitive nerve, like his soul had a sunburn. He was on the edge before he realized it. It took just one stroke of his hand, one moment with Jordy watching him, red-faced and sheened in sweat and looking like Rowan had just solved the answer to all life’s riddles, and then he was coming, pinned under Jordy’s gaze and Jordy’s hands and Jordy’s cock.
Jordy kept fucking him until Rowan was delirious, overstimulated but loving it, and then suddenly he bent into another kiss and everything seemed a lot wetter and Rowan was trembling into Jordy’s mouth.
Then, “Okay, ow, ow, charley horse,” he admitted, and Jordy made a noise of empathy, pulled out of him, and helped Rowan stretch his hamstring.
Unfortunately, this had a predictable effect on the integrity of the bedsheets.
They stayed tangled up in each other for several long minutes anyway, trading slow, sweet kisses as they caught their breath. Jordy touched Rowan’s face, and Rowan leaned into it, leaned into him. He might only get to have this for a few days, but—
“Hey,” Jordy said.
Rowan took a shaky breath.
“Stay here.” Off Rowan’s blink—surely they couldn’t be having this conversation again already—he amended, “In the present, I mean. Not…. Let’s just enjoy now.”
Rowan swallowed. “Right.” He could do that. “I’m glad you meant the present and not, you know. This bed. Because I don’t know if you know this, but there is one hell of a wet spot. Also, related, you might have to carry me to the bathroom unless you want to wash your floors.”
Jordy poked him in the side, right where Rowan was ticklish. Then his eyes took on a playful light and he started to inch his way downward. He scored his teeth over the jut of Rowan’s hip. “Okay,” he said, “but let’s live in the moment a little more first.”
JORDY HAD thought it would be difficult, having Rowan like he wanted, for real, knowing it was going to end. But somehow he put the inevitability of the New Year out of his mind and made good on his promise to live in the moment.
The second full day of Rowan’s visit, Jordy had a game, the last one before the Christmas break. With the jet lag, Rowan and Kaira woke up at the same time he did, and they all ate breakfast together before Jordy went off to do his morning workout. The game was a matinee, so the team wouldn’t have a morning skate.
He thought Kaira might be extra clingy, with Jordy leaving her for the first time since their reunion, but she just kissed him on the cheek and hugged him around the waist like she always did— almost like she always did; her arms reached a lot higher all of a sudden—and then wandered back over to Rowan and asked him seriously what they were going to have for lunch.
Jet lag did a real number on the stomach. Jordy knew all about that.
He returned home an hour and change later to find Rowan and Kaira, pink-cheeked and giggling, making a popcorn garland. God only knew where they got the materials; Rowan must have brought them. Well, of course he had.
“Daddy!” Kaira got up so suddenly she almost upset the bowl, but Rowan caught it before it could tip.
Jordy swung her into a hug and then set her down with a kiss to the top of her head. “Hi, peanut. Are you and Rowan having a good time?”
“We’re making decorations!” She narrowed her eyes and tried to peer behind him. “Daddy, what’s in that bag?”
“What bag?” Jordy asked innocently, switching hands and moving it to the front.
“Daddy!”
“Oh, this bag?” He lifted the bag from the team store.
Rowan met his eyes and mouthed spoiled . Jordy ignored him.
“Welllll,” Jordy hedged. “Christmas is coming, but there’s a game this afternoon, and I thought you and Rowan might want to come. But what would you wear?”
Kaira made a face. “I don’t have an Orcas jersey yet.”
“Right,” Jordy said seriously. “You don’t have an Orcas jersey yet. So I thought… maybe you could open this present a little bit early?”
“I could. I could do that.” Kaira looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes. “Daddy, I’ve been so good this year—”
You literally ran away from your nanny , Jordy thought, but he managed not to laugh. That was his fault anyway.
“—haven’t I been good, Rowan?”
Rowan raised his hands. “I plead the Fifth.”
“The Fifth Amendment is about self -incrimination,” Jordy said dryly. “And we’re in Canada.”
“Rowan!”
Rowan sighed dramatically. “Well, she did help me make our prelunch snack today. That was very helpful. And she went to bed on time last night with no complaining.”
“See!”
As if Jordy would’ve denied her, or himself, the pleasure of having her in his new jersey for the game today. “Okay,” he capitulated and handed over the bag. He hadn’t had time to wrap it; the shop had only finished the custom order this morning. He hadn’t wanted to order it until he knew how much she’d grown.
But Kaira wasn’t the only one he’d shopped for today. He cleared his throat and passed Rowan the bag as Kaira wriggled into her new Orcas home jersey. “Didn’t want you to feel left out.”
He hadn’t had time to get Rowan’s jersey customized, or he might have been tempted—maybe Rowan’s last name with Jordy’s number, or maybe the year with Jordy’s name. But this would have to do for now.
For once, Rowan did not protest that Jordy shouldn’t have. He just smiled and ran his fingers over the stitching, then pulled it on.
They made lunch as a family, Jordy assembling cheese sandwiches, Rowan grilling them, Kaira parceling out fruit and vegetables onto each plate. And then they had a pregame nap as a family too, cuddled on Jordy’s king-size bed, because Rowan had washed the sheets.
They traveled to the arena together, since Rowan didn’t have a car or know the city, which meant Jordy got to bring them in and introduce them to the staff who would look after them. After getting Rowan’s input, Jordy had arranged for the box seats he promised back in September and for Kaira to be rinkside during warmups, since that was her favorite part of the game.
Jordy wasn’t able to bring them up to the box, but Rowan had him covered. Jordy was half-dressed for warmups when Rowan sent a video of Kaira rushing around the room, trying to take in everything at once.
Not what I was expecting when you said box , Rowan added. Then, Is that a private bar with bartender?? I feel like I should be looking for the champagne and caviar… don’t tell me if there is thanks.
Laughing, Jordy typed back, K. I won’t tell you about the oysters or truffles either .
Ryan, who was nosier than anyone’s grandma, leaned over to get a view of Jordy around his new D-partner and not-so-subtly asked what was so funny.
Because Jordy was in a very good mood, he showed him the video of Kaira. Predictably, Ryan cooed over Kaira—also more than anyone’s grandma—and peppered Jordy with questions about her attendance.
As promised, Rowan and Kaira found their way down to the ice for warmups, so Jordy and Kaira were able to do their usual routine at the glass. Rowan, because he was a dork, held his own fist up for a bump, much to Kaira’s delight.
Back in the dressing room, Jordy checked his phone one last time before the game, just to make sure they’d made it back to the box okay. Rowan sent a new picture with the caption Forget the truffles and caviar, only the finest dino nuggets for this kid. Kaira had ketchup on her nose.
Jordy heart-reacted the image, then put his phone away. Time to focus on his job.
Twenty minutes later, Jordy found the back of the net for the first time as an Orca. He yelled in triumph and his teammates surrounded him in celebration. Ryan whooped next to his ear and yelled, “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
Back at the bench, Nico, who was kind of a bitch, patted Jordy’s helmet and said, “Nice dad and/or boyfriend goal.”
Before Jordy could protest, Ryan returned to the bench and flipped Jordy the puck. “Gotta keep your first one as an Orca,” he said cheerily. “Or, you know, give it to the kid or the beau.”
Nico snickered all the way to center ice.
At the end of the game—a 4–2 win—Jordy was kept busy with his cool-down and media, but Rowan replied to Jordy’s apology text with pictures of Kaira finding plenty of entertainment in the box. Eventually he escaped and found his two favorite people snuggled on a couch looking at something on an iPad, a cute and cozy scene that was immediately ruined when Kaira caught sight of Jordy and rushed into his arms.