54
Zander
Unravelling by Water
ICE, WET, COLD, FREEZING .
I shot to my feet, spluttering and coughing.
Water went everywhere, quickly switching from clear to black.
No.
Fuck.
It soaked into my mask, making it hard to breathe. It ran under the collar of my t-shirt and dripped off the ends of my hair. In the reflection of the windows, I watched in horror as the blue-black box dye quickly rinsed back to North-condemning red.
Spinning around, I faced Sailor as she placed the bowl back on the counter with a smirk.
Black droplets continued to drip off my eyelashes and down my face, but I couldn’t think, couldn’t focus. I fixated on a single letter. One tiny uncommonly used letter and my heart threatened to burst in all directions.
“What did you just call me?”
Her smirk dropped.
She stalked into me.
I backpedalled until I crashed against the table. Without a word, she reached up and ran her fingers through my dripping hair.
Her hand came away black.
“Why?” I breathed. “Why are you doing this?”
Biting her bottom lip, she reached up with her black-streaked hand and gathered the material by my chin.
Her eyebrows rose.
I almost passed out.
She tugged gently.
And…I nodded.
I gave in.
I gave up.
How could I not?
She’d spilled her secrets.
She’d told me so many things that set my soul on fire and hope ablaze like stardust.
Ever so slowly, agonisingly slowly, she pulled my mask down. It slithered along my nose, clung to my cheekbones, then cascaded over my lips in a rush.
She let go the moment it gathered into a soggy mess around my neck.
I couldn’t catch a proper breath as I stood before her, all my lies exposed.
My knees threatened to buckle…the despair that’d haunted me for weeks at the thought of losing her slowly morphed into something else. Something sharp and stinging and so full of yearning I could barely talk. “Why?” I asked again.
A simple word that hid so many within it.
Why did she expose me?
Why did she tell me those things?
Why did she forgive me?
Why did she love me?
Christ, she loves me.
I staggered against the table, slapping my palm over the cutlery and stabbing myself with the fork. Hissing between my teeth, I—
“I called you Z,” she whispered. “And I did it because…I heard you last week. I was looking for Peng. I rang your doorbell and ran into your back garden searching for him. It was an honest mistake—this one I’m not lying about—I honestly didn’t mean to watch you that night. But…true to my history of being unable to tear myself away whenever you’re in a window, I stayed. And I saw. And I heard. Everything.”
“ Everything ?” I groaned.
Stepping into me, she planted her palm over my painfully chugging heart. “I heard why you did what you did. Why you disguised yourself. Why you put your own sleep and health on the line. Why you put me first, like you always do, and why…why you’ve made it impossible for me to let you walk out that door because…you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Zander. I’ve loved you since I was a silly little girl with pigtails, crushing on the boy who called her Lori, but only recently did I fall into lust with the very masked protector who touched me because I begged him to. The kind-hearted villain who went against his morals and his unflappable rules of right and wrong. I did it because…by freeing me, I think you freed yourself, and you’re afraid that you can’t be the guy you used to be if you embrace this new version of yourself. But…” Her fingernails dug into my chest. “I’m telling you, Z…you can. You can still care while being erotically cruel to me. You can still protect me while punishing me. And you can have exactly what you need because I want to give you everything, just like you give me everything.”
Tears welled and spilled down her cheeks. “You’ve looked after me my entire life and…I want to look after you now. I want you to come home to a home-cooked meal, so I know you’re getting enough food after you work so hard. I want you to help me renovate because your house looks way better than mine, and it’s time to step into the future. I want a relationship with you…the good, the bad, the safe, the sinful…I just…I just want you. All of you.”
For a second, only white noise filled my ears. A hissing, annoying snow that drowned out my thoughts.
Sailor rolled her eyes in the direction of the living room. “Bloody Nana turned the TV on again.” Swaying backward, she laughed softly. “I’ll just go turn it off and—”
I snatched her wrist.
I jerked her into me.
I reached another limit.
The last one.
The one that would always be the finish line and the starting line, the before and after.
Snatching a fistful of her hair, I yanked her head back and kissed her.
Hard.
Painfully, deliciously hard.
She exploded.
She opened wide and let me plunge into her mouth.
She fought me back, fire with fire.
Kissing, nipping, slipping, sliding.
She squirmed as I grabbed her jaw and deepened the kiss with brutal lust.
Spinning around, I picked her up and tossed her onto the table, never stopping our connection. Our tongues fought. Our breaths caught. My hands roamed all over her body, the slipperiness of her black dress sending me straight to fucking hell.
Cupping her breasts with punishing fingers, I let loose all those needs inside me. The need to maul her and corrupt her. The desire to break her for having the power to break me.
Her back arched, pushing more of her flesh into my hold.
Her legs spread, cradling me as I stepped into her and ground myself against her.
Water continued to drip off my hair, splashing her with midnight droplets.
Her hips rocked, seeking me as I grunted with the need to be inside her.
A flicker of persecution told me to stop.
Not to be this manic.
But then she clawed at my back, and I snapped.
Burrowing my face in her neck, I bit her. I sank my teeth into the spot where Milton’s fingers once bruised her gorgeous skin and marked her unapologetically with my own autograph.
She clung to me as I kissed my way back to her mouth, unbuckling and unzipping as I went.
Our lips found each other again.
She bit my bottom lip, drawing the tang of blood.
I snarled and bit her back, rocking my hips between her legs, letting her feel just how badly I needed her.
Squeezing her breast, I ran my thumb over her pert nipple. “Tell me now if fucking you on this table is going to be a problem.”
Her head tipped back with a throaty groan. “God, no problem. No problem at all.”
Grabbing her dress, I bunched it around her hips.
My gaze locked on the bareness between her legs. “Goddammit, you’re not wearing any underwear.”
She smirked. “I had planned on torturing you a little more than this. I wanted payback, but…screw it.” Grabbing my undone jeans, she jerked me forward and stuck her hand into my boxer-briefs.
I snarled as she found me. I shuddered as she jerked me.
In a few savage pumps, she almost made me come.
Fisting her wrist, I wrenched her hold off me and shoved my pants down.
My erection bounced free. She licked her lips. Her gaze met mine as she whispered, “Can you…can you do me a favour?”
“Anything,” I breathed. “Always.”
“Can you take the contacts out?”
A lopsided, stupid smile spread my lips. “Miss the green?”
“I want to sleep with Zander tonight. Not X.”
Fuck, how had this happened?
I thought I’d been the one sneaking into her life, but she’d been the true thief. She’d successfully stolen every shred of my soul.
With shaking hands, I reached up and pinched the film over my pupil. I sucked at this in front of a mirror, let alone broken with lust. I struggled and winced and poked myself, making my eye water.
She wrinkled her nose. “Jeez, I didn’t realise they were so hard to take out.”
“They’re not. I just suck at it.”
She swooned into me. “And you still put them in for me? Be still my beating heart.”
I finally managed to grab the slippery sucker. Removing the left contact with triumph, I squished it between my fingers and flicked it onto the floor.
Peng immediately went to investigate.
With a grimace, I reached for my other eye, but Sailor grabbed my arm and stopped me. “Don’t. I don’t want you to injure yourself.”
I looked up.
We made eye contact.
She gasped. “Oh wow…that…yeah, that does things to me.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
Peering closer, she broke out in goosebumps. “One green, one brown. It’s like…it’s like I’m sleeping with both versions of you at once.”
There were many things I could say to that.
I could laugh it off or tease her, but the only thing I could do was finish what I started.
Grabbing her cheeks, I bent over her and kissed her. “Tell me to stop,” I begged into her mouth. “Tell me this is a dream, and I’m about to wake up.”
“Why? Because you don’t think you can have me?”
“Because I’m petrified this isn’t real.” She’d already spilled her secrets. Now mine torrented off my tongue. “Actually, the truth is…I’m afraid I haven’t worked hard enough for long enough to deserve you. I’m afraid that if I show you who I truly am, you’ll think I’m a fraud. I’m afraid that if I choose happiness over my career, my patients will suffer because I’m selfish for wanting my own life. I’m afraid that if I learn to rely on you, I won’t survive when you decide to leave me. I’m afraid of death taking the people I love the most. I’m afraid of not being good enough to heal them. I’m afraid that if I stop trying to be the best I can be and invite the worst parts of myself, I’ll lose everything.”
She went to speak, but I planted my hand over her mouth.
“I think…” I said softly. “I think that’s what I’m most afraid of. I have this hunger inside me that only gets worse the more I’m around you. The more I fall in love with you, Sailor, the more I want to keep you, and I know in myself that it could lead to a spiralling obsession. I-I don’t know how to take from you and give to you. It’s one or the other for me. And I need…I need—” I swallowed hard. “I need you so fucking much that I’m flat-out terrified of hurting you. Of you hating me. Of you leaving me. Of you knowing exactly who I am when I’ve been hiding, even from myself.”
Silence blanketed us, sticking to all my confessions.
My pulse skyrocketed when she didn’t say anything.
Finally, she pulled away my hand and whispered, “Zander?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.” Her lips found mine.
She kissed me.
I surrendered.
Slinking my fingers into her hair, I held her steady, accepting her kiss before deepening it. The chaos in my chest slowly tamed, and by the time we pulled away, I felt a little more sane. “Sorry…I—”
She pinched my arm. Hard.
“Ow, what the hell?”
“Did you wake?”
I scowled. “No.”
“Well then, this is real. This isn’t a dream. And everything you just said is ridiculous. I’m not going anywhere, you aren’t selfish, and I can’t tell you to stop.” Her breathy tone made my gut clench. “I literally can’t because I want you as much as you want me, and if you don’t give in soon, I’m—”
“I won’t be gentle, Sailor. Not tonight.”
“I told you…I don’t want gentle. I want you to be you .”
An overwhelming surge of possession pounded through me. With quaking hands, I pushed her back just enough and guided myself to her wet entrance.
We both looked down. She and I. Millimetres from joining.
And I couldn’t do it unless she was mine.
For eternity.
I didn’t just love this woman.
I loved everything about her. Her house, her bravery, her cat, her grandparents…our shared past. I always had. Always would. And if I didn’t get a ring on her finger, I would always feel as if I was moments away from losing her. I’d always fear that this was a crazy wonderful dream, and one day, I would wake up and be all alone.
Notching myself inside her, I looked up and held her stare.
She moaned again. “You can’t look at me with those multicoloured eyes and not fuck me, Z.”
I suffered a full-body shiver at her new nickname for me.
I choked on two words.
This wasn’t the time or place.
This was new. This was fresh. This was fate.
“Marry me,” I whispered.
“ What ?” Her eyes flared wide, time screeched to a halt, the TV kept hissing, and Peng meowed somewhere on the floor.
I tensed to take the question back. To pretend I hadn’t ruined the mood, but then the TV hissed louder, and I stopped being afraid anymore. I stopped putting myself last. I fought for what I wanted, regardless of the consequences.
Cupping her cheeks, I breathed, “Marry me, Sailor Melody Rose. Exact your revenge on me every day of my life. Let me keep you, okay? Say you’re mine and—”
“But this is crazy,” she moaned, her eyes glazed with desire. “We’re not even dating.”
“We’ve been engaged since I was six and you were born. How long do you think we need to date when we’ve been betrothed for almost two decades?”
She laughed and slung her arms over my shoulders. “So you’re doing this to honour our meddling matchmaking ghosts?”
“No.” Tucking her hair behind her ears, I couldn’t tear my eyes from her kiss-glistening mouth. “I’m doing this because you told me to. You want me to fight for myself for once? Well then…” I smirked. “What I want is you, and if you don’t let me have you—if you don’t agree to be mine, then—”
“Z…” Grazing her mouth over mine, she made me wait in purgatory. Then she kissed me, feeding me one word in response. “Okay.”
I yanked away, my heart on fire. “Okay?”
She blushed. “Okay, I’ll…marry you.”
Her lips parted wide as I pushed forward.
We both groaned as I slid inside her, slowly, possessively, claiming her in every way possible. “You can’t take it back.” I shuddered as her hot, wet body welcomed mine, imprisoning me as hers. “To think I’ve wasted years when I could’ve been inside you.” I groaned as I thrust the final inch. “I should’ve been braver. I should’ve marched next door and claimed you the moment you were legal.”
She clung to my shoulders. “God, why didn’t you? I’ve been missing out.”
“Good question.” I kissed her softly. “Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe we both weren’t.”
“Are you ready now?”
My rumbling snarl had her shivering again. “Spread your legs and I’ll show you just how ready I am.”
She obeyed, relinquishing every part of herself to me.
Burrowing my face into the crook of her neck, I withdrew and drove inside her again, making the table rock. “You’re destroying me, Lori. You always have.” I rode her again, harder and harder until the kitchen filled with sounds of skin slapping and furniture creaking.
She cried out as I thrust faster, cradling her in my arms to keep her safe, all while ravaging her.
“ More ,” she moaned. “Let go. Be free…with me.”
I snarled and did exactly as she commanded.
I stopped worrying and started living. I grabbed her nape and dragged her into me, kissing her hard and deep.
We rode each other violently, chaotically. We were wet and messy and slightly unhinged.
And I’d never been so turned on.
Never been this free or this happy.
I couldn’t catch my breath as I found her clit and rubbed.
Her back arched the second I found the right spot. Her legs snapped around mine, forcing me to switch from deep long pumps into savage little pulses. “Oh God! Yes , right there.”
I captured her lips in another kiss. I plunged my tongue into her mouth in sync with plunging between her legs.
It’d taken a mask to accept that I wasn’t okay with being the boy next door anymore. I wanted to slay her nightmares, carry her through her hardships, and fight off every motherfucker who ever laid an unconsented hand on her.
And I wanted to do it as her husband.
Her nails punctured my ass, riding with me as I rode her.
Every rut and grind of my hips, she matched me.
“Z!” Her pussy locked around my cock, her legs spasmed around my hips, and the delicious heat of her orgasm milked me in clenching waves.
I lost everything that made me human.
I only lived to make her happy.
To be hers.
My answering orgasm tangled full of agony and exquisite intensity.
My heartbeat thundered as aching need pushed me over the edge.
We clawed and snarled and rocked and fucked, and every shackle of loneliness fell away as my soul ceased to be mine and became hers instead.
A lifetime of being promised each other.
A childhood of fighting such a stupid decree.
Followed by the unarguable knowledge that our ghosts were right, we were destined, and now we were finally exactly where we belonged.
Together.