Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
TORI
“ W ould you mind going and sitting with Elliot?” Alex asks when we arrive. “I’ll tell Cat she can head home for the evening… and go and see if any nurses are available.”
“Sure,” I say, walking to where Elliot and Cat sit. “Cat, I think Alex wants to talk with you.”
“Hey, Tori,” Elliot says, gently holding his injured arm.
“Hey, little man. What happened?”
He rolls his eyes, seeming older than ten for a moment, as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. “I don’t even know. My bike is usually pretty solid. It’s a good bike. I got it for my birthday. Uncle Alex helped me choose it. But the front wheel got all wobbly out of nowhere, and then it buckled, and I went flying over the handlebars. Tori, it’s like, it didn’t even hurt before I got home. How weird is that?”
I look across the hospital’s waiting room at Alex, looking dashing in his suit. “Sometimes things take a while to sink in,” I mutter.
“Like you and Uncle Alex, you mean, huh? I’m not stupid.”
I laugh, ruffling his hair. He giggles, and it feels so normal. Alex looks over at us, a smile instantly reshaping his features. My body is still aching from what we did on the beach. My mind and heart alight by what we said, too.
“How would you feel about that?” I ask carefully.
“He smiles a lot more when you’re around,” Elliot says. “I think you and him are neat.”
“Neat,” I mutter.
I know he means neat, as in cool . But I can’t help but think of the other meaning. Orderly, logical, something that makes sense. I’m not so sure we qualify as that.
Soon, Alex joins us, leaning down and hugging Elliot. “What happened, little man?”
Elliot explains about the bike.
“Hmm,” Alex says. “That’s odd. I went over everything on the bike just last week.”
“The wheel was really loose,” Elliot says.
“Where did you keep the bike last night?”
“On the beach,” Elliot says with a guilty shrug. “Why, Uncle Alex?”
“It’s… nothing.”
Alex looks at me over the top of Elliot’s head, suspicion in his eyes. Is he thinking that the Kents had something to do with this?
“We shouldn’t have to wait too long,” Alex says.
“Aren’t you the boss, Uncle Alex?” Elliot says.
“So what? I should cut the line, push to the front, even if somebody else needs to be seen more urgently than we do?”
“No, Uncle Alex,” Elliot replies.
“Good answer, kid. Just because we have money and status doesn’t mean we get to treat other people as lesser.”
“I know,” Elliot says with a sigh.
“How’s the pain?” Alex asks.
Elliot sits up straighter. “I can handle it.”
“You’re being very brave,” I tell him.
Elliot beams at me. “Thanks.”
“Oh, aren’t you just the sweetest family.”
We look up at the woman’s voice. She’s elderly, but stylish, her hair colored to perfection, wearing cream chinos and a sweater vest to match.
“I’m sorry,” she goes on. “I couldn’t help but overhear. Your little family reminds me of mine. They’ve all flown the coop now, of course.”
“We’re not—” I begin, but Elliot cuts in.
“Thank you, miss. They’re the best Mom and Dad ever.” Elliot looks up at me with a grin, his expression one of pure playfulness.
“That’s very nice of you to say, son,” Alex says.
Oh, so that’s how it is. It’s two against one.
“Nice?” The elderly woman beams. “That’s an understatement, young man. Being called the best by your child… there are no words to describe what an honor that is. It goes far beyond nice .”
“You’re right,” I say. “I take pride in being a mother, but I don’t think I’m the best.”
The elderly woman smiles, looking at me and then Alex. Maybe she’s wondering how old I was when I ‘gave birth’ to Elliot. If she thinks I’m in my late twenties and that Elliot is slightly younger than he is, then the timelines match.
“I won’t ask you the trick question, though,” she says, looking at Elliot, a wicked grin on her face.
“What’s the trick question?”
“Elliot…” I stroke my hand through his hair, shocked by how natural it feels. When he looks at me with bright eyes, I almost regret it.
What if I let him care about me and see me as a maternal figure, only for mine and Alex’s… what, relationship … to end? What then? It’s a risk I shouldn’t let myself take, yet the easy banter is difficult to resist.
“Do you really want to be tricked?” The woman asks.
“I don’t think you can trick me,” Elliot says, holding his chin up high as he looks at the elderly woman. “Mom and Dad taught me better than that.”
Alex winks at me over the top of Elliot’s head. I can’t stop myself from grinning. Sitting in a waiting room has never been so much fun.
“The trick question is… who do you like more, hmm, Mommy or Daddy? That’s a question no child can ever answer.” She taps her nose. “Even if they have an answer.”
Elliot shakes his head. “I love them both the same.”
My heart picks up speed, and my belly swirls. I’ve always wondered what being part of a normal family would be like, just never from this particular angle.
“Of course you love them the same,” the woman says. “But I’m not talking about that. That’s the trick to it, see?”
“You asked who I liked more,” Elliot says, nodding. “I get it. But it’s hard to pick between Mom and Dad. Dad is really cool because he works hard and buys me LEGOs, but sometimes he’s too busy with work. But I know that’s only because he wants the best life for us. Mom is cool in her own way because she’s really good at poems and helps me with my homework.”
My heart freaking feels like it’s going to burst. I know I need to get myself under control, but this is an unreal level of emotion.
Suddenly, I wish Cleo and Lily were here so that I could somehow pause time to talk to them about this and declutter some of the confusion in my head.
“Oh, what a delightful answer,” the elderly woman says. She looks up when a nurse approaches. “Hello again, Cynthia. Is it my time?”
“Yes, Gloria. Shall we?”
Once she’s gone, Elliot laughs. “That was fun, kind of like being an actor.”
I smile, but there’s fear bubbling in me, too. That almost felt too natural.
“Are you okay, Tori?” Elliot asks.
I force the smile to remain on my face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. You’re the one with the busted arm.”
I fold my arms, sinking into my seat. My phone buzzes a moment later.
Alex: Is something wrong, my vivacious Valentine?
Tori: No.
Alex looks at me, his eyebrow raised, then types on his phone.
Alex: You’re aware I can read you, right, beautiful? Something changed after that elderly woman left.
Tori: Maybe I’m scared. Possibly worried by how easy that felt.
Alex: The only reason you’d need to be scared is if I lied to you, angel. If I was misleading you, or a cheating asshat, or if I had plans to hurt you in any way, maybe then it’d make sense to be scared. But I’d never do that. This is the real deal.
I put my phone in my pocket, chewing my bottom lip. I’m not sure how to tell him that that’s part of what worries me. Caring is dangerous. No matter how certain I become that Alex is nothing like Mom’s exes, it’s not like I can undo years of observations and imprinting just like that.
I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, unhear what I’ve heard. I can’t make myself into a different person, one who hasn’t experienced all the bull crap romance can dish out.
My phone buzzes again.
Alex: That was just a bit of fun. I’m not going to rush you, Tori .
Tori: I know.
I tell him that, but I'm not sure I believe it, and I'm not sure he does either.
This started as a casual walk on the beach, with jokes of dick pics and keep-it-casual promises, and now I’m pretending to be his nephew’s mother as security watches over us, making sure a criminal doesn’t take his sick obsession further.
How did life get so messy so fast?
Tori: I meant what I said on the beach. When you kissed and touched me, when we’re together, it feels like fate. A past version of me is seriously annoyed with myself for saying this. I’m supposed to be able to keep my distance. But ever since we met, I feel different.
Alex: You feel like you’ve been shot with a Cupid’s arrow. I know how that sounds. I’m almost forty. Do you think I said, texted, or even thought things like this before you came along? Hell to the no, but it’s the truth.
Tori: We’re both as crazy as each other, then.
Alex: If wanting you makes me crazy, send me straight to the asylum.
I smile, looking across at him. His eyes seem to sparkle in the hospital’s bright lights, alive with meaning and emotion.
Soon, it’s time for Elliot to be seen. I’m touched when he says he wants me to join them.
Later, past midnight, Cleo, Lily, and I are on what we sometimes call a ‘slumber party’ group call. We used to have sleepovers all the time when we were kids, but less so now.
I lie in bed, my body still aching from the beach even though it’s been several hours.
“You need to tell him how you feel,” Lily says.
“And how does she feel?” Cleo demands.
“Haven’t you been listening?” Lily replies with some sass of her own.
I’ve just finished giving them the lowdown on everything: the security, the date, the hospital visit.
“She cares about him,” Lily says. “Sorry, Tori. I don’t mean to refer to you in the third person. But you obviously care about him. And I know you’ll call it superstitious or whatever, but I think you were fated to meet that night.”
“Oh, jeez,” Cleo mutters.
“You’re going to hate me, Cleo,” I say. “But when we were on the beach together earlier, I actually started to think the same thing…”
“Not you, too,” Cleo says.
“I don’t know how to explain this feeling. It’s like I’ve been shot with a freaking Cupid’s arrow.”
“Oh. My. Gawd.” Cleo makes a puking sound. “Am I going to be the only maneater left in this entire city? What is happening?”
Lily and I laugh.
“But just because I’m having these crazy thoughts and feelings,” I say, “doesn’t mean I’m going to automatically follow them, you know? I still need to be careful.”
“Careful of what?” Lily says angrily. “Careful you don’t fall in love with a man you clearly already care about? Be careful you don’t get a cute little boy to care for in the process. Don’t you want a chance at being happy?”
“A chance,” Cleo says. “That’s it right there, Lils. There’s a chance she’s happy, sure. There’s also a chance she should’ve listened to me and kept her head on straight.”
“Life or death,” Lily begins.
“Easy, Lils…” Cleo laughs.
But Lily isn’t playing. “Humor me, Tori. Life or death, if you had to bet on it, would you say that you’ve got a better chance of being happy with Alex or without him?”
I swallow. It’s a poignant question that cuts right to the heart of the issue.
“I think I’d say with him,” I murmur. “I think .”
“Well, there’s your answer… and your problem.”
“My problem?”
“You think way too much,” Lily says.
Once the call ends, I think about what she said. Perhaps she has a point. Maybe I’m in danger of overthinking my way out of my chance at real happiness.
I go to the window and look at the street and the security cars watching over Mom and me. Then I turn around and look at the wall, at the framed photo of me at the poetry slam.
I look so confident in that picture. I wish I felt that way right now.