Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
HARPER
So what if my card was declined, it doesn’t mean I intentionally made you pay for dinner! It’s crazy that it keeps happening though…
—Nicholous, who never paid for a date.
T hat night I was still single-mindedly focusing on Ezra’s words.
He didn’t mean the liver. I don’t know why that’s what I fixated on the rest of the night.
During my sleep I started dreaming about the stupid Liver King show and then thinking about eating raw meat.
The essential organ was not in fact his liver, he meant his heart, dare I hope?
Dare I even think that was the case? I was too stressed out for this, my brain told me he was kissing me and touching me because he had no choice.
But part of me wondered if there was something more?
He made it seem like it was so easy. Like he could be the type of guy you could have fun with, but that wasn’t Ezra.
He wasn’t the type to just kiss someone.
Or maybe he was an I had just been wrong this entire time?
I’d been so freaked out over crossing that line with him that maybe I was the only one who pretended it existed, maybe he’d always flirted with it and I just had no clue.
Maybe this was him rebelling against our friendship having his cake and eating it too.
The more I thought about it the more confused I got and the last thing I needed was confusion. It was time for the next date, with the guy who wasn’t Vex. Maybe that was a good thing?
I hopped out of bed and went into the kitchen to find my coffee already poured—because Ezra when he wasn’t playing Vex, kissing me, showing me just how impressive he was and or being annoying—was the sweetest when it came to my coffee.
I checked the note. “At work, because normal people work and my spreadsheets miss me, gotta keep my harem happy, hope you understand. I’ll be home after your date, try not to kill him, and if you do use our code word so I’m not implicated when I help you bury the body, cool? ”
I burst out laughing. Our code word was Banana but said the only way it should be said which is with a complete and total minion accent.
It worked. For us. God why was it so hard to find someone normal like Ezra, not that he was normal.
It was the first day that I felt sad and I wasn’t sure if it was the pressure of it all or because my grumpy best friend wasn’t there to greet me with his neon glasses and words of woe.
I shook it off, drank my coffee, and got ready, putting on sweats while I researched the best classroom theme I could find, multitasking at it’s finest. Hours later I had a few cute stools purchased via Amazon, a fun pillow, my colors picked out, teal and black, but nothing as far as a real like, strong theme. Something inspiring.
I sent a quick text to Ezra.
Me
Help. Not date or kissing or dick related, shocking I know, and I hope you’re hydrating now that you’re amongst all the other women, Microsoft word hits hard sometimes and you know how AI gets cranky when you talk shit about it in front of the printer. I need my classroom theme.
He typed back right away.
Ezra
Excel was no joke this morning, my AI greeted me with compliments which I took as real because they made me feel good—god I think I might already be in love with her, or maybe it’s because she lets me call her Stella and I can scream it in the office without feeling off.
Anyways, why don’t you do Perseverance? It’s something you have experience in right now, and can talk about.
While they aren’t rocket scientists, it’s good for kids to learn at an early age that life sucks and will let you down and try to kill you dead, so learn how to swim or you might sink and get eaten by sharks or something even more terrifying like giant squid.
Me
You were doing so good for a minute there too.
Ezra
Ocean life talk triggered me. I blame myself. And SeaQuest.
Me
Yet you still watch the show like it wasn’t canceled eons ago only to be replaced in your heart by StarGate.
Ezra
Are you trying to turn me on?
Me
Is it working?
Ezra
I will neither confirm nor deny but did you know that male dolphins form alliances with other male dolphins in order to win the female dolphin’s heart? It’s like they created Hunger Games but for mating.
Me
And on that note…and what happens when one dolphin betrays the other?
Ezra
I’m assuming death.
Me
Soooooo perseverance?
Ezra
Absolutely, oh and I know we’re out of coconut milk but the Co-Op only had that one brand where you have to shake the chunks out and I figured the last thing we need is your rage in the morning on top of your already chipper attitude, so I’ll stop off later and grab it at the store on the other end of town. Anything else you need grocery wise?
I smiled down at my phone.
Me
You trying to turn me on now with grocery list talk?
Ezra
Eggs, beef…wait for it…cabbage.
I giggled out loud then nearly dropped my phone. Wait. Were we flirting ? My entire body flushed hot then cold. No. Nope. I couldn’t, we shouldn’t. Nope. It wasn’t real. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t. Some days it felt like he was the only one who got me.
Ezra
The stunned silence says more than you’ll ever know, seriously though, text me, and you’ll be fine. I’m rooting for you even though you hate the color pink.
Me
The color pink is just red pretending like it isn’t full of rage, smokescreens if you will. And thank you!
Shakily, I put down my phone and shoved all thoughts of Ezra away.
It wouldn’t help me—not for tonight’s date, and not for my own heart.
He’d already weaseled his way in years ago, and it wouldn’t be hard for me to fall into his arms. My body didn’t need encouragement; my heart was already waving pompoms. But my brain?
My brain said false. Because in what world would Ezra ever truly love me?
Which is why I needed to at least give this a chance. Maybe a normal guy. A safe guy. Maybe even a guy who could finally convince me Ezra wasn’t the only option.