Chapter 27
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
HARPER
Do you still have Hulu? And if so…can you make me a new profile because mine says ‘Still sucks his thumb in bed.’ My girlfriend noticed. Not cool, but I’m not above some free streaming, hit me up with the PW.
—Danny
I ’d been back in my classroom setting up for an hour before I had the idea.
The bathroom light was too harsh, but I didn’t care.
Did I imagine I’d be so angry that I’d be hiding on the tiny toilets in my elementary school away from Ezra and everyone and filming my own confessional for my channel?
No, no I did not, was this against the rules?
Who knew but they wanted more footage, they wanted truth, they wanted me to be creative, there I was, sitting on a toilet seat fit for a child, being creative!
I was so pissed I was shaking. My phone trembled in my hand as I hit record.
“You want the truth?” My reflection stared back at me, eyes red, mascara smudged, hair a wreck. “The dark, dirty truth behind all of this?” My hands were shaking with rage.
I dragged in a shaky breath. “It’s real. It’s real to me. Every second. Every laugh, every fight, every time I thought maybe— maybe there was something more. It was real. Just because it’s on an app doesn’t mean your heart isn’t involved.”
I bit down hard on my lip, tasting blood. My voice cracked. “But is it real to everyone else? To the guys I let go? To Aaron? To Vex? Is he a liar? Is he really perfect?”
I swallowed, shaking my head. “He told me no cameras. Just us. He looked me in the eye and swore. And I believed him, because he was my best friend. Because stupid me thought he’d never sell me out.
But guess what?” My laugh was bitter, broken.
“Turns out, I was just another scene. Another highlight reel. Or am I overreacting? Is this why we never worked out?” I left out the part where we never dated, I was scraping the bottom of the bucket, airing out my dirty laundry online while also asking complete strangers who were invested in my life for advice they couldn’t adequately give because I was a dirty little liar!
The words spilled out faster, sharper. “So here’s a mid-date confessional.
I still have another one with Aaron and of course another date with Vex before I upload my final ‘hey here’s who I’m going to pick and see where things are going with’ and all I have is confusion.
Why would Vex kiss me or Ezra whatever it’s weird calling them by both names.
And Aaron? Is he being truthful? How do you even know these days without a solid background check, blood work, and social security number, you know?
All I know is it doesn’t feel great right now.
Right now I’m not thinking about the kiss I shared with him and sighing cheerfully while walking around my gorgeous apartment, thanks grandma for the real-life trauma, seriously, I’m just stuck.
I don’t know what to believe and the heart seems to be the least reliable but my brain keeps going ‘but maybe this time we’re right’.
Well Harper, every other time you’ve been wrong!
What makes this time any different? Any of you guys deal with that or am I just talking out of my ass now?
” I shrugged. “There you have it, the ugly, gross truth about my confusion, about this little experiment. It started as something fun but I’m pretty sure these very real tears aren’t screaming ‘yay’ as they slide down my puffy face. ”
My hand shook as I hit stop. For a beat, I just stared at the frozen thumbnail—me, messy and a bit wrecked, a lot confused, tears still glistening. Then, before I could think better of it, I hit upload.
Seconds later, it was live.
The truth.
The ugly, broken, humiliating truth.
And there was no taking it back.
I sat on that stupid toilet, phone in hand as notifications went off. I silenced them and stumbled out from the little bathroom stall and ignored the mascara streaks down my face when I glanced in the mirror. I just wanted to go home.
When I finally did make it home, I stumbled into the kitchen and poured a glass of water. I needed to hydrate after all those tears, and reluctantly turned back on my notifications including a text from Ezra:
Hey, it’s me. Your favorite ex.
The one who always refilled your popcorn before you even asked.
I regret nothing except letting you win at Mario Kart that one time.
I didn’t respond, just stared at my phone.
And then heard the sound of knocking on the front door.