8. Emerson
Emerson
Thad’s teammate, the one he’d been with in Mexico, was eyeing me up and down like I was the biggest lying piece of shit he’d ever seen. He thought he’d caught me in a lie and was calling me on it. Part of me didn’t blame him.
All of us were playing a game. Them, as a team, against me. They didn’t trust me and I sure as shit didn’t trust them. It was actually funny—I needed them and they needed me for information, yet neither of us wanted to give the other what they wanted.
Once again, we were at a crossroads.
An impasse.
And we’d remain deadlocked if one of us didn’t budge.
Then I made a decision. I’d give a little if they did.
“If I told you how I knew what Jefferson was doing, will you tell me why you killed him?”
“Tatiana already told you why. The man was a shitbird,” Max said, if I was remembering his name correctly.
“Yes, we all know what Jefferson was. But I want to know, why tonight? Who ordered him dead?”
“Why do you care who wanted him dead? And why not tonight? He’d already been left breathin’ for far too long. Someone should’ve taken him out ten or fifteen years ago.”
I was fast losing my temper with Max’s doubletalk. And his sarcastic tone was pissing me off, too.
“I wanna know who, so I know how much danger I’m in.
I wanna know why tonight so I can understand how eight months of me having to lie next to that piece of shit was all for naught.
Eight months wasted. Eight goddamn months I had to breathe his air.
So, you want me to tell you how I knew he was inspecting his stable tonight, you have to give me something in return.
And all I want to know is how everything I’d worked so hard for all crumbled in the matter of the time it took for your bullet to leave your barrel and slam into his face. ”
Max was still eyeballing me, Thad was giving me a serious stink-eye, and Tatiana looked sympathetic. The rest of the men just looked annoyed. Like I was a gnat they wished they could shoo away and be done with me.
“You shouldn’t be in anymore danger than you were already in,” Max gave in and responded.
“There is no answer as to why tonight. Garcia was our secondary target. We want the man he was meeting with tonight. Though, I have to tell you, none of us are upset the asshole’s dead.
The contrary actually. Anytime we get to eliminate a man like Garcia, it’s a good day.
So, while he may’ve been your man, you may love him, and you may even be the kind of woman who can overlook his business dealings as long as he keeps buying you off, none of us give a fuck.
So, if you’re waiting for our condolences—you’ll be waiting a long time. As in, never.”
“Condolences?” I angrily spat out the word.
“Listen, asshole, I don’t want or need anyone’s sympathy.
But since you answered my question, I’ll answer yours.
” I didn’t address the love part mainly because I didn’t owe these people an explanation.
“When I was first with Jefferson, I used to follow him when he left to deal with business . He always took Carlos with him, leaving one of his two-bit lackeys to watch after me. I could easily slip out of the hotel and tail him when we were in the city. But here in Venezuela, it’s too hard.
The first time we were here and I followed him, I almost got caught. So, this time, I didn’t bother.”
“But you knew he was going to check out the girls?” Tatiana asked.
“Well, yeah. That was the point of us being here. That and he was fighting two of the new dogs he’d recently acquired.”
“You said you spent eight months with him. Why?” That question came from the man I figured was the leader of the group.
“What’s your name again?”
“Declan.”
“Right, Declan, that’s none of your business. The Q and A portion of the evening is over. I have a stable of girls to find and you all have to find the man Jefferson was meeting with or whatever it is you all have to do.”
I wasn’t sure what time it was but it had to be nearing one in the morning, which meant I was running out of time. The sun would be rising in less than five hours and I’d lose the cover of darkness. It was time to leave.
“Tatiana, thank you for the clothes. I wish I had some way to pay you for them, but I don’t have my purse.”
“I already told you, Emerson, you’re not leaving.”
I forced my gaze from Tatiana and focused on Thaddeus.
God, why did he still have to be so hot?
Or I should I say hotter. In the last decade he’d gotten bigger, broader, meaner.
Though maybe the meaner part was only directed toward me.
Perhaps he was still the same good guy I’d known back in the day.
Maybe he hadn’t changed at all and it was only me who’d turned into a criminal.
I didn’t know. I didn’t have time to figure it out. And I didn’t have the right to find out. He thought I’d screwed him over and it was best if he continued to think that.
We were nothing to each other.
My truth, was just that—mine.
He’d never understand why I’d done the things I’d done. And I was okay with that. I had to be. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness—not that he’d ever offer it.
“I am, Thaddeus, and you have no say about it.”
“I’ll cuff your ass to the bed if I have to.”
“And I’ll slit your throat before you get the first metal bracelet around my wrist.”
I shoved one hand into the pocket of Tatiana’s cargo pants and fingered the knife I’d always carried with me. Not that I’d actually have it in me to hurt Thad, but it sure sounded good.
Instead of pissing Thad off like I’d hoped, a broad, white, glorious smile graced his handsome face.
“That’s never gonna happen.”
“Which part? You cuffing me or me killing you before you do it? Seriously, we’re wasting time. None of you want the hassle of me being around and I’d think you’d all be happy I was going after the girls.”
“You’re not getting anywhere near those girls.” Thad’s smile faded and back was the scowl. “If you think we’re letting you finish what your boyfriend started you’re even fucking crazier than I already thought you were.”
“Finish what my boyfriend started?” I whispered.
That hurt.
“Yeah, you know, buy a stable of little girls to sell off to the sick fucks of the world.”
That didn’t hurt—it killed.
“Look at me, Thaddeus. Really look at me and remember who I am. You think I’d sell those girls?”
Thad’s eyes bore into mine and all I saw was disgust. Ugly, excruciating repugnance shone bright. And with laser precision, he gutted me.
“I am looking at you, Emerson, and all I see is filth. A woman who would fuck a man like Jefferson Garcia. A woman who would stoop so low she’d be complacent in young women being taken from their families and sold to men who would abuse them.
To men who will torture them. Men who will take them against their wills until they wished they were—”
“Shut up!” I shouted.
Memories. So many memories flooded my brain. Crying. Pleading. Bruises and welts. So much damage to the body but more to the soul.
“Fuck you for thinking that. Fuck you double for saying it. I don’t care who you think I am. I know who I am. And I would never hurt those women. I’d sooner die than let harm come to them.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
“That’s because I’m good at what I do.”
“And what is it you do, Emerson?”
“I pretend. I play the part. Every goddamn day, I act. Over the years, I’ve perfected it, I’ve had to. It was either I learned to be a really good actress or I was dead.”
“Yeah, you’re a good actress all right. So good in fact, you played me well and good. Your performance then was Academy Award-worthy. Since then you say you’ve perfected your skills. So, you’ll understand why I’m not buying your, I want to save the girls routine.”
My eyes drifted close and I did something incredibly stupid.
“I didn’t play you, Thaddeus. I know you’ll never believe me, but I loved you. Everything I told you, everything I felt was real. I didn’t leave because I wanted to,” I whispered.
“Yeah, no. I fell for that shit once. And I’ll admit it, I bought it all.
But you have to know, you’ll never play me again.
I’m immune to your lies, so you’re right, I’ll never believe you.
Not about our history and most especially not about your intentions with those girls.
You can take your whispered words and bullshit about loving me and shove it up your ass. ”
I deserved that.
This one time I’d take his anger and not beg him to forgive me.
I wouldn’t embarrass myself or him by trying to convince him what we had was true and good.
Even if I knew it was. Thad Bench was the best thing that ever happened to me but I wasn’t that to him.
There’d been a time when all was right in the world and I had been.
Then everything turned to shit. And now I was nothing but a bad memory and a mistake he wished he could erase.
And I wished he could. Knowing what I knew now, I wish I could turn back the hands of time and go back to the day I’d met him.
The day he’d asked me if I was alright and picked me up after I’ll fallen on my ass trying to learn to rollerblade.
I wouldn’t take his hand and allow him to help me up.
I wouldn’t agree to let him carry me to a bench and tend to my bruised ego and scratched hands.
If I’d known then what I know now, how quickly life could turn into a nightmare, I would’ve told him to bug off. I would’ve saved him from me.
But I couldn’t have known. So I’d let him help me.
Then we’d sat and talked. Then I agreed to go to dinner with him.
Then during that dinner, I’d fallen in love.
And that love had proven to be the kind that would last a lifetime.
At least for me it was. Even if now he was being a dick and had called me filth and a liar.
That love was still so deeply rooted in my soul I knew it would always be there.
And somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew Thaddeus would understand why I left if I told him. It would take time, but he’d get it. Even if he couldn’t forgive me, he’d appreciate that I walked away to protect him.
It was the right thing to do.
The only choice.
Guilt slammed into me as I remembered why I had to make that choice.
I’d done the right thing.