21. Thad
Thad
I was forgoing much-needed sleep and instead sitting with Max downstairs on one of the couches that formed the seating area of the warehouse.
Everyone else had hit the sack, leaving the two of us to enjoy the rest of our whiskey, which we were doing in silence, and I was more than okay with that.
My brain was on information overload and I’d do pretty much anything to be able to shut down and not think for a week—which was pretty laughable considering in the not-so-distant past I’d been bitching about being stateside so long and feeling antsy.
Shit was never easy but this was beyond compare.
With the new intel Leon Brown’s real name was really Harry Landry and he was in the human trafficking business, things had gotten extreme.
Tatiana was not pleased to learn that while she thought she’d worked for a rogue CIA agent, which had already placed her firmly in a gray area, she’d really been working for a man who dealt in weapons and women.
The Company, the name Landry used for his covert operation, was a front to eliminate his competition and used the contraband they seized to turn around and sell, adding to his already enormous wealth.
“You think Emerson will stay put after we get her to the safe house?” Max broke the silence.
“I’d like to think she’s scared enough she would, but knowing her, she’s gonna bolt.”
And that was fucking with my head. Big time. Before I’d known the fuckwad Paul had put a bounty on Emerson, the thought of her going out on her own to track her sister made me see red. Now that I knew what Paul had in store for Emerson, I was murderous.
“We could keep her with us until we take out Paul. He shouldn’t be that hard to find. My guess is, if he’s dumpin’ the dogs he’s making his rounds to the places Garcia kept them. We take him out, send Emerson back to the U.S. and find Landry.”
His plan had merit—it actually made a lot of sense—and Emerson would know where some of Garcia’s kennels were. But that still wouldn’t stop her from going back out once Paul was eliminated.
“Or, you could make shit right with her, claim her ass, then make her see the error of her logic trying to find Autumn on her own.”
What the fuck?
“Come again?”
“You heard me.”
Jesus. Not Max, too.
“I thought for sure you of all people would understand why that’s never gonna happen.”
“Why? Because I’m a distrusting prick who doesn’t believe most of the shit that comes out of people’s mouths? Most especially women? ”
“Uh, yeah, because of that. Wasn’t it you who only a few months ago drew a gun on Tatiana and was more than ready to pull the trigger?”
“Sure the fuck was. And I did that because I thought she’d fucked us over, and if you remember, it was my head that almost got blown off.
I’m fully aware I’m a dick. And I also know why I am the way I am.
But I’d also like to think I’m a pretty smart man and have the capability of understanding people.
And from where I stand, as hard as it is to swallow, she did you a solid. ”
“You cannot be serious with that shit? A solid? She packed her shit and ghosted me. I was days away from asking her to share my life with me,” I reminded him and drained the rest of the whiskey in my glass.
Goddamn, if there was ever a time I wished I could get blotto and drink my troubles away, it was now.
“Serious as a heart attack, friend. And if you’d remove your head from your rectum, you’d see you owe her your thanks.
We’ve been over this. You would’ve gone all commando and would’ve been fucked, kicked off the team, probably out of the Navy, and maybe even charged with murder had you caught up with the men who’d taken Autumn.
Worst case, you’d be doing a stint in prison, best case you’d be workin’ alongside your brother in the family’s grocery store wishin’ you were doing time in Leavenworth, hatin’ every minute of every day.
But, hey, you’d still have the girl, right? ”
“Fuck off,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, I know, it sucks when I’m right. Sucks even more you’re holding onto pride. And there’s something I know about you, Thad, you let your ego get in your way.”
“What the fuck?” I growled.
“Not in the field. You have your shit wired tight there. And not with the team—you don’t ever put yourself in front of us, or think you’re better. But when it comes to your personal life—ego and pride. And, brother, it’s gonna be your downfall if you don’t check that shit.”
I didn’t have the first clue what the hell Max was talking about. However, before I could get in his face about it, a loud screech came from upstairs and I was on my feet and sprinting up the steps.
I hit the top floor and heard another scream, this time accompanied by a shrill, stop her . Declan, Brooks, and Kyle were all out of their rooms and in the hall. I felt Max come up behind me as I opened Emerson’s door.
She was twisting and turning on top of the bedsheets, wildly kicking her feet.
Fuck.
Before I could think better of it, I was at her bedside. Both hands went to her shoulders and I tried to shake her awake.
“Emerson.”
“Please,” she wailed and her legs thrashed.
“Emmy, baby, wake up,” I snapped and shook her harder.
Her green eyes popped open but they were glossy with sleep and still in the throes of her nightmare.
“Emerson! Wake. Up.” I jarred her one more time and she blinked.
“Why didn’t someone save her?” she said the moment she was free of her dream.
Yeah, we weren’t doing this in front of an audience and we were not doing it in a tiny twin-sized bed. I scooped her up, and once I had her in my arms, I turned to leave. Brooks and Declan backed out of my way and Max was already at my bedroom door by the time I made it there.
He opened the door, flipped on the light, and gently closed it behind us once I cleared the threshold. Without a thought of personal anguish or what the contact was going to do to me, I put a knee on the bed and heaved us both on.
Once I had us both situated and Emerson was tucked close to my side, I finally asked, “You awake now?”
“Yeah.”
“You wanna talk about your nightmare?”
Her hand resting on my chest fisted my shirt and she answered, “Not much to talk about. We were back in that house and Declan’s throat had just been cut.”
“And you saw Autumn,” I finished for her.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
“You wanna talk about that?”
“She looked… she looked…”
“I know, agápi mou. ”
“She looked worse than that when we found her. She didn’t speak for almost a year. She was just locked in her own head.”
Jesus Christ.
“And when she did finally talk, the most vile things would come out of her mouth, and I wished she would go back to being silent. Isn’t that fucked up?”
“The situation was fucked, but you feeling the way you did wasn’t.”
“She blamed everyone for what happened to her. Which I understood as her lashing out. She needed to purge it all from her soul, but she was so hateful to our parents.”
“Why don’t you want contact with them?”
Her body went stiff and she started to pull away.
“No, you don’t, agápi mou. No more hiding.”
“It doesn’t matter. None of it does, not anymore.”
“It does to me,” I admitted.
“It shouldn’t. Seriously, Thaddeus, the past isn’t something we should talk about.”
I waited for the burn of hearing her say my name to pass before I spoke again, and when I did, I decided a few things. I liked the feel of having Emerson back in my arms and Declan had been right.
I had my shot and if I didn’t take it, I’d regret letting her go.
“We very much should talk about the past. About us. About what happened to Autumn. About your parents.”
“Talking about it doesn’t change anything.”
“Just trust me, talking about it will help. It won’t change the past but it can—”
“Trust you? You want me to trust you even though you haven’t trusted me a single second since you picked me up out of the dirt? And you’ve made sure I know just how little you think of me,” she reminded me.
Shit, maybe talking wasn’t the best thing to do right now.
She quickly sat up and stared down at me. “You just want to beat a dead horse. It doesn’t matter how many times I say I’m sorry, you just want to keep pickin’ at the scab. I know I fucked up. I know what I did. Goddamn it, Thaddeus, can you just for one minute look at it from my point of view?”
“I’m not pickin’ the scab to make it bleed, Emmy, I’m pickin’ it so it can fucking heal. I understand why you left. Fuck!” My hands went to my hair and the pain of my yanking it barely registered. “I hate that you protected me!”
I froze as soon as the words came out. Ego and pride will be your downfall.
Goddamn it.
There it was.
My ego.
My pride.
Emerson had been the one to protect me and my sensitive ego couldn’t forgive her. And goddamn if Max wasn’t right, my alpha-pride was standing in the way of admitting she’d been right—I would’ve lost everything I’d worked hard to achieve if she’d told me about her sister.
Emerson Pierce may’ve crushed my heart but I’d spent the next eight years living my dream.
Pride and fucking ego .
Mother-effing-hell.