28. Emerson
Emerson
Was I ready?
I knew what Thaddeus was asking. I saw it in the way he looked at me.
Last night after our scary talk about his job, I’d fallen asleep with my head on his shoulder, my arm resting on his stomach, and his hand on my hip.
It was comfortable.
It felt like old times.
It was terrifying.
This morning I’d woken up in the same position I’d fallen asleep. Thad had commenced a make-out session that left my toes curling, an ache growing, and then left me frustrated when he announced it was time to get up.
That was not comfortable.
It wasn’t like old times.
It was still terrifying but in a different way. I wanted him to take things further but he refused, even after I asked straight out. He’d told me he wanted to wait until my head was sorted and we were on firm ground. His plan was sound—however, the space between my legs begged to differ .
The thing about Thaddeus was not only was he the sexiest man I’d ever laid eyes on, but he was good in bed. He was good with his hands, better with his mouth, and there was no way to ever forget how magnificent he was with his dick.
I wanted to have sex with him and whatever that said about me, I didn’t care. I’d spent ten years without the feel of him and I didn’t want to wait another day.
But he was resolute and rolled us out of bed, put me in the shower, kissed me some more, his soapy hands roamed, then that was it. Full stop. He wouldn’t allow me to wash him below the waist. It was frustrating as hell.
We’d eaten breakfast, Declan had cooked. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood, then Thad told me he had shit to do and he’d be a few hours. I took that as my cue to exit and I’d been right. The team started talking about Jefferson’s property in Manicore and I wandered upstairs.
I was surprised when Tatiana followed me. She was a member of the team and I figured she’d be in on whatever conversation the guys were having. When we made it upstairs, she invited me in her and Brooks’ room for a chat and explained she’d be staying back with me while the men went hunting .
I’d thought it was a weird thing to say, but the more I’d thought about it the more I understood. They were going hunting, not for a wild boar or a game animal, but for the human variety of animal.
It had taken under ten minutes for us to form a fast friendship. Yesterday, I’d been right, she was funny and open. But it wasn’t until she opened up to me about how she’d met Brooks and the team, I could add brave and awesome to that list.
I’d fought back tears as she told me she’d been taken prisoner during one of her missions and had been severely tortured. That was before she’d met Brooks, and the scars she bore from that time had held her back from wanting to open herself up again.
Tatiana had also told me that Brooks had refused to give up on her and pushed her to her limits until she finally snapped.
I loved that he was the kind of man he was—that he could love Tatiana so deeply she’d found the acceptance she needed.
Not from him, but she finally accepted herself.
She was both beautiful on the outside and the inside.
After she shared, I shared. I’d spilled my guts.
From the first time I’d met Thaddeus, how good we’d been together, to me leaving, my resentment toward Autumn, why I got my tattoo, what I’d been doing for eight years, how I’d done it, and everything in-between. She knew everything.
When I was done, she stared at me for a moment before a tear slid down her cheek and she told me to grab onto Thad with both hands and never let go.
I hadn’t taken her for one to romanticize a situation, but she’d proclaimed that was the saddest story she’d ever heard and she was so happy we’d found each other again.
She was right, it was sad. But I hadn’t been convinced I should hold on with both hands. I was thinking more along the lines of one hand—using the other to keep Thaddeus at a distance, so when my heart broke there’d be something left of me.
But then, I’d thought about what had happened to her. What she’d gone through before she’d met Brooks and how she’d almost died trying to save the man she loved. I knew she was right.
It was all or nothing. Thaddeus deserved that.
He’d asked one thing from me. No stipulations. No games. No resentment. No going back in time.
All he wanted was for me to believe .
Simple.
One word.
Yet the hardest thing I’d do in my life.
“Let’s grab your stuff.” Thad’s voice startled me, and snapped me back into the present.
Thaddeus moved down the hallway, stopped in front of his bedroom door, opened it, then continued to hold it for me to enter. Incidentally he’d moved my stuff into his room.
Once I was inside, he let the door shut behind him and asked, “Did you have a good time with Tatiana?”
“Yeah, I really like her.”
“I’m not surprised, she’s good people.”
The admiration in his tone couldn’t be missed and I liked that he thought highly of her. It reinforced that my opinion of her was correct. She was a good person and had proved her worth to the team.
I moved to the corner of the room where the luggage sat on the floor and looked at it.
In the not-so-distant past, the contents of the suitcases had been important to me.
The clothes, shoes, and jewelry would fund my next mission.
I’d lived with the singular purpose of finding Autumn with the cherry on top of my endeavors as saving women who’d been taken against their will.
But that was over. Now I was left with a bunch of really bad reminders. Ones I didn’t want.
“What are you thinking about?” Thad asked.
With my eyes glued to the expensive suitcase I knew was filled with even more expensive clothes, I answered, “That’s a lot of baggage.”
“It’ll fit—”
“No. I don’t want it to fit. I want to unload it. I don’t want to carry it from place to place.” I turned to face Thad fully and gathered all the courage I could find. “Do you really think we can make this work? That we can be a ‘we’ again? That you’ll be able to forgive me and trust me again?”
“Yes.” His answer was firm. Resolute. There was no hesitation.
“Then I have to let go of all of this.” I pointed to the bags.
“The woman I am with you isn’t in there.
Your Emerson isn’t fancy clothes and outrageously expensive shoes.
The woman I want to be, who I was before, wouldn’t be caught dead in any of that crap.
I can’t have all of that strapped to my back and believe we can be a ‘we’ again.
I want to believe, I want us to have a shot, I want to be me.
The woman I was when I was with you—the real me.
So, no, I don’t want it to fit because it can’t. ”
“Then dump it, agápi mou. You don’t need it where you’re going.”
“Where am I going, Thad?”
“On an epic, wild, scary, fulfilling journey. One that I promise will be filled with so much beauty you won’t remember the ten years we spent apart.
A life filled with love and babies and you teaching in a classroom, good friends, and adventures.
A life where you’ll be safe to be you. So leave it, throw it all in the trash, take it outside and burn it, whatever you need to do to unload it I’m on board with. ”
“I want that life, Thaddeus.”
“That’s good, agápi mou, because I wasn’t giving you the option not to have it.”
A devilish smile hit his mouth and I’d forgotten how sexy he could be when he was being bossy. Which was lucky for him, because he was bossy a lot, and the only reason why he’d gotten away with it was because he looked damn hot while doing it.
“Now come here and give me a kiss,” he demanded, further proving he was not only sexy and hot while being bossy but he could catch my body on fire with a simple demand.
I thought about denying him and making him walk to me, but that would only delay what I wanted, so I moved across the room to him, planted my palms on his hard chest, and rolled to my toes. At nearly six-foot-four he still had to lean down to capture my kiss.
His mouth opened and our tongues glided. Heaven. He hoisted me up, my legs wrapped around his waist, something he used to do frequently due to our height difference, and he deepened the already deep kiss. Our heads slanted and he took me on one of his journeys.
Seriously hot.
Hotter than hot—scorching.
My body was on board with the kiss and my hips started to move, trying to find friction through my jeans. Just as I was finding what I needed, he broke the kiss.
“Emmy,” he warned.
“Thaddeus,” I whined.
“Not yet, baby.”
“Thad!”
“Patience. We have a plane to catch.”
“We can be quick.”
“No, agápi mou, the first time I take you again will not be in a rush. I want to take my time and confirm I remember every inch of you. As much as it pains me, I will not be taking you in a quick fuck against a wall the first time we’re together again.”
“Ugh.”
“It will be worth it.” He chuckled.
“I know it will, that’s the problem.”
His chuckle turned into a laugh and I was captivated by the sound.
God, I’d missed him .
Missed his laugh. His smile. His arms wrapped around me making me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world.
“Hop down, grab anything you need for the suitcases, and let’s burn the rest of that shit before we leave.”
“Burn it?”
“Yeah, baby, we’ll take it out back, catch it on fire, and watch it go up in smoke.”
I liked that.
“But the stuff in there costs a mint. Maybe we should leave it and let the locals have it.”
“This may sound selfish, and you’re right—there are people who could use what’s in those suitcases—but I want that shit set ablaze. I want that for you and I need it for myself.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
It was wasteful and selfish on both our parts, but I couldn’t deny it. I loved the idea of watching my past go up in flames.
“You straight?” Declan asked Tatiana.
We were in Manicore, in a small, mostly dirty hotel room.
We were also thirty miles to the south of Jefferson’s property.
This was by design, the team was leaving Tatiana and me behind and they wanted us firstly to be away from what Thaddeus called ‘the action.’ But most importantly, they wanted us near the airport we’d flown into.
If you could call the airstrip an airport.
I had serious doubts we were making it back to the ground safely when the pilot had circled the area and I saw where we were landing.
Thaddeus assured me the pilot was more than capable.
I didn’t know how he’d known that and I didn’t ask.
I just closed my eyes, held his hand, and prayed he was right .
He was.
We landed with a bounce, and taxied to a stop. There was an old SUV that again I had serious doubts about, but she’d started right up and Declan drove us, albeit cramped, to the hotel.
Now the guys were getting ready to leave.
The team had walked Tatiana—and me by extension because I was within earshot—through the main plan and backup plans no less than five times.
Thad, Declan, Kyle, Max, and Brooks were dressed head-to-toe in what I understood to be their uniform—black cargos, black tee, tactical vest with a bunch of stuff strapped to the front, a holster at the hip and the thigh.
I’d seen Thad secure a knife at his calf and assumed the rest had done the same.
None of them had slung their rifles over their shoulders or donned the black mask, but both items were on the bed waiting for the men to claim them.
“I’m straight, Dec. For the fifth time,” she replied.
“You don’t wait, Doll. Two hours. Period. Not a second longer. If we’re not back, you and Emerson bounce. We’ll catch you at the rendezvous point. There are no friendlies in the area, be ready.”
“Brooks, I got it,” she told her husband.
“All you need is the go-bag and your packs, leave everything else. There’s extra magazines and ammo for you—”
“Not my first rodeo, cowboy. We’ll be fine,” Tatiana reminded him.
“Right,” Brooks mumbled unhappily.
“Great, that’s settled. Let’s roll,” Declan announced, and my nerves hit an all-time high.
Shit. He was leaving. This was real.
The guys grabbed their masks and rifles off the bed. Declan, Max, and Kyle headed for the door, Brooks went to Tatiana, and Thaddeus made his way to me .
“Be safe,” I whispered, staring at his chest.
His hand went to my chin and he tilted my head back, forcing me to meet his gaze.
Damn. This was harder than I thought.
“Always. Se agapó.”
“You, too,” I returned.
Thaddeus gave me a smile, one that was meant to be reassuring, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He bent forward, brushed his lips against mine, and mumbled, “Be back soon. Please follow Tatiana’s lead if something happens.”
“I will.”
With another chaste kiss, he pulled back and was gone.
Damn.
When the door closed behind the guys, Tatiana turned to me.
“What was all that smoke in the courtyard?” she asked.
“We burned all my stuff.”
“No shit? Everything? The clothes, heels…everything?”
“Yep. I didn’t want to carry the weight of my past and Thaddeus wanted it to burn. So that’s what we did.”
A wide smile formed, and hers did reach her eyes. They sparkled and tiny creases deepened at the sides.
“I love that,” she breathed.
“I do, too.”
“I give it two weeks.”
Her statement knocked the wind out of my sails, and the already nervous feeling in my stomach turned sour.
“What?”
“Fifty bucks says it won’t be more than two weeks until he hauls your ass to the nearest chapel and makes you Mrs. Emerson Bench.”
“You’re crazy.”
The sour turned a little sweet, but mostly I was just feeling queasy at the thought. Not because that wasn’t what I wanted—but because I was afraid to hope.
“We’ll see.” She laughed. “I know I’m right. It took Brooks less than that. And by the way, I only take cash so be ready. No checks or debit cards are taken.”
If Tatiana was right, I’d gladly cash in some of my stocks to give her the fifty dollars. After all, that was all I had left. Everything else was in a pile of ash.
And it felt fucking wonderful.