Chapter 18
Molly was waiting outside the small lounge for their scheduled talk to the camera about the fete. She assumed Ben knew he was supposed to be here, but they’d not spoken since his snide remarks about Duncan on the coach.
‘Hey.’ She jolted when she saw Duncan striding towards her. He glanced quickly behind him, checking they were out of the camera angle, before bending to give her a quick kiss. ‘How are you doing, babe?’
She reeled back in surprise. It had been over two months since he’d kissed her, and she didn’t know what to make of it. ‘Good, thanks. I’m waiting for Ben to do our “chat”.’ She mimed quotation marks.
Duncan laughed. ‘Bet he doesn’t do much of the talking. Hey, I meant to say, cool idea with the jackets. Didn’t realise you were so creative.’
We went out for a year and you didn’t find that out? Her mind reeled back to Ben’s comments on the coach.
‘Moll.’ Duncan slid a hand under her chin, lifting her eyes to his. ‘Are you okay, babe? Is that dickhead looking after you? I noticed the pair of you tucking into fast food. You’ve got to promise to take care of yourself, yes?’
She waited for the reaction to his touch, yet her skin didn’t prickle, her heart remained resolutely calm and absent of flutters. Even his words sounded more controlling than caring. Were Ben’s digs starting to muddle her brain? ‘What happens with me is no longer your concern.’
‘Of course it fucking is.’ Duncan’s fingers curled around her jaw, and though it didn’t hurt, it didn’t feel right, either. It felt possessive. ‘You’re mine, babe.’
‘Does Jasmine know that?’ She answered tartly, taking a big step away from him.
He scowled and shoved his hands on his hips. ‘I like Jasmine, she’s fun to be with, but she’s not you.’ His expression softened. ‘Come on, if we both agree to swop we could spend the next two weeks together.’ He winked. ‘We could end up as man and wife.’
‘You’d do that? Marry me?’ It was what she’d come on the show to achieve, so where were those frigging butterflies?
‘You know I would. I mean, ideally I’d want to get the business going first, be sure I can support you properly. Call me old-fashioned but I figure it’s my job to bring home the money, and my wife’s job to raise our family. But if we’re together next week, and planning our wedding? Why wouldn’t we speed things up and take advantage of the free honeymoon?’ He cupped her face again, blue eyes staring into hers. ‘All I’m saying is, come and see me before you make your choice.’
‘Everything okay, Molly?’
An arm slid around her waist, a hand settling just above the hip, and the butterflies in her stomach immediately decided to take flight. This touch felt not just right, but wanted. When she looked up at Ben, his eyes were a stormy swirl, his jaw snapped tight as he stared back at Duncan.
Her mind screamed that it was all sorts of wrong to lean against Ben, the man she’d tried to hate for so long, in front of the man who’d just said he wanted to marry her, yet despite that, her body swayed towards him. ‘Everything is fine. Duncan was just saying how great he thought our stall was.’
Ben’s arm tightened around her, drawing her closer to his side as he directed his next words at Duncan. ‘You needed to touch her to do that?’
Duncan glared stonily back at him.
Molly wondered how she’d have felt if she’d come across Chloe, who was so obviously a huge Ben fan, with her hand cupping his face?
Her stomach knotted, and she had her answer.
‘Well, this is a cosy gathering.’ Natalie’s voice boomed across to them as she marched up the hallway, Rachel and the camera crew following. ‘Let’s get this on camera.’
‘Duncan was just leaving,’ Ben said bluntly.
Duncan gave Natalie a genial smile. ‘Happy to stay and have a chat with you all first though.’
‘We’re not having a chat.’ Ben’s voice had gone from flat to flat with a distinct edge.
Duncan laughed and turned to Molly. ‘No fucking surprise there, eh?’
‘Meaning?’ Ben interrupted sharply.
Duncan flicked a glance at Ben before turning his attention back to her. ‘What was it you used to say about Ben, babe?’ He scratched his head, like he was trying to think, and Molly had a sinking feeling she knew exactly what he was going to say. ‘I remember, you said dating him was like a giant guessing game where you thought you’d been getting the answers right, then bam, two months later you found you’d got them all wrong. “He wants to see me again, he likes me, right?”’ He mimicked. ‘“He can’t get enough of me in bed, he wants me, right?”’ Embarrassment curled through her as Duncan repeated what she’d told him in the early days of their dating. ‘I remember you being really shocked when I told you how I was falling in love with you,’ he continued, talking to her but knowing exactly how much he was angering Ben. ‘You said it was like a breath of fresh air to know where you stood.’
‘And where was Molly standing when you ditched her to come on here so you could get more followers?’ Ben retorted.
‘That’s enough.’ She hated that her voice trembled, but anger and mortification were hard emotions to control. ‘You’re both talking as if I’m not here.’ Stupid tears stung her eyes and she swatted them away. ‘How dare you repeat private conversations?’ she snapped at Duncan, before turning to Ben. ‘And congratulations on telling everyone why Duncan tossed me aside, too.’
Humiliation burned through her as she pushed past them and headed for the stairs. She was dimly aware of Ben calling her name, but she ignored him. She had no interest in responding to a guy who’d just made her feel insignificant. Like a pawn in his one-upmanship battle with Duncan.
With tears blinding her eyes she ran up the stairs and flew down the corridor towards her room.
* * *
Every molecule in Ben’s system cried out for him to run after Molly, but two things stopped him. Number one, he’d get the door slammed in his face right now. And number two, he had some damage control to sort out. Ignoring Duncan, he turned to his sister.
‘Can we talk?’ He waved towards the cameras. ‘And without them.’
His desperation must have showed because she didn’t argue. Instead she nodded and opened the door to the small lounge. ‘Wait for me in there.’
Anger vied with self-disgust as he marched into the room. Christ, he was livid with himself. Not only had he allowed Duncan to wind him up, which was embarrassing enough, but he’d gone on to hurt and humiliate Molly, which was unforgivable.
‘Ben?’
He whirled round to face Rachel. ‘Did any of that get filmed?’
‘Yes.’ She put up a hand. ‘And before you say anything, this is a reality TV show. Drama is what makes good television.’
‘Even when it hurts someone?’ Emotions were running too high for him to sit down, so he started to pace. ‘And by that we’re not talking about one of the confident I want to be a TV star contestants we all know make up most of the people here. We’re talking about filming a woman who feels acutely vulnerable,’ he added hoarsely, his voice nearly breaking as he pictured her face with tears rolling down her cheeks. ‘A woman who’s just been humiliated by two men she was once in love with.’ His voice broke and he stabbed a hand through his hair, gutted he was one of them.
Rachel’s expression softened and sympathy flooded her eyes. ‘I think she was more upset with Duncan than with you.’
‘And that’s supposed to make me feel better?’ He snapped. Her eyes widened, and as her gaze raked over his face, he felt suddenly naked, stripped of his guard.
‘I was right, wasn’t I?’ she said softly. ‘You are falling for her.’
Heaving out a sigh, he slumped onto the sofa and buried his face in his hands. ‘I don’t know.’ He’d avoided admitting it to himself so far, but this desire to shove Duncan against a wall every time he saw him? To warn the man not to get within a million miles of Molly? Ben was kidding himself if he thought that was a normal reaction for him. ‘I care for her,’ he said finally. ‘I don’t want her hurt again.’ And wasn’t that the real kicker? He, the man who’d hurt her most, now suddenly thought he could protect her from being hurt?
Rachel’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. ‘I’ll get them to delete the footage,’ Rachel said quietly, ‘if you promise you’ll come and chat to us as we’d planned.’
‘I will, but I can’t speak for Molly.’
Rachel dug him in the ribs. ‘Then I suggest you go and talk to her.’
He imagined her reaction when she saw him and his stomach churned. ‘You’ll get a better response than me.’
‘Maybe.’ Rachel rose to her feet. ‘But this is a good test of whether you can man up and tell her how you feel. Which I presume, from your reaction to Duncan, is a lot more than the I care for her fob off you’ve just given me.’
He flinched. ‘That’s … harsh.’
‘Is it?’ She put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I know you’re still wracked with guilt over what happened with Helena, but you will never move on from it if you don’t force yourself to let someone else in. And by that I mean not just let them into your heart, but into your mind, what you’re thinking. This tall, dark and broody thing you’ve got going on works for a lot of women, but not for someone who believes she got you totally wrong.’
You said dating him was like a giant guessing game. Shame shot through Ben as he replayed Duncan’s words. He’d been so besotted with Molly, he’d not once thought how his actions could have been interpreted. All he’d known was he wanted to see her, had to see her because she’d fast become the only thing that got him out of bed.
‘What if I can’t do it?’ The question ripped out of him, leaving him feeling raw, exposed. ‘What if I persuade Molly to give us another try and I let her down again? What if I’m just not cut out for a relationship with anyone?’
Rachel bent to hug him. ‘How will you know,’ she whispered into his ear, ‘if you don’t try?’
With his sister’s words ringing in his ears, along with the name of the room Molly was in, Ben straightened his shoulders and set off to find her. He’d been here nearly two weeks, and was only now finding out her bedroom was along the corridor from his?
How the hell was he supposed to sleep at night, knowing that?
Heart in his mouth, he knocked on the door. ‘Molly, it’s me. Ben,’ he added, in case she had lots of guys knocking on her door. And wow, that was a thought he didn’t need right now.
He was hit with a wall of silence. Was she asleep? Just not interested in talking to him? He was gearing up to knock again, when the door slowly opened.
And his heart stuttered.
Beautiful, was his first thought, but he quickly followed it up with achingly sad as he noticed the red rims surrounding her glistening green eyes.
‘I know, we still need to do our chat with Natalie.’ She blinked and looked away. ‘I was about to come and find you.’
‘Well, yes, but that’s not why I’m here. Not the only reason,’ he corrected. ‘Not the main reason,’ he qualified, then swore. This was his best attempt at communicating? ‘I came to see if you were okay. And to apologise. I shouldn’t have said that about Duncan ditching you, it was crass. I was so intent on getting back at him, I didn’t consider what I was saying. How it would hurt you.’
She nodded. ‘It’s okay.’
‘No, damn it, it’s not okay.’ Frustrated with himself, he slapped a hand against the door frame. ‘None of this is okay,’ he added roughly, very aware of how close he was standing to her. And of the wall-mounted camera down the hallway. ‘It’s not okay that I upset you,’ he told her more quietly, shifting so the camera only had a view of his back. ‘Not okay that you thought dating me was one giant fucking guessing game.’ His gaze dropped to her mouth, and his groin tightened in anticipation. ‘It’s not okay that all I want to do is follow you into your room and kiss the living daylights out of you,’ he added, voice so gravelly he imagined he could make a ruddy path with it.
She swallowed, drawing his attention to her neck, and the parts he wanted to kiss after he’d finished with her mouth. ‘You do?’
His heart pounded against his ribs as he reached to touch her lips with his fingertip. ‘Would you let me? Despite what a git I’ve just been to you, would you let me kiss you?’
Her chest rose and fell. ‘It’s not fair to ask me that.’
‘I don’t feel fair, right now.’ He felt churned up inside, aching, wanting.
Of its own volition, his body edged closer, his head dropping until his mouth was inches away from hers. Her breath hitched, but she didn’t push him away. In fact she licked her lips, causing a sharp spike of arousal.
Fair. The word finally cut through his lust. Was it really fair of him to take advantage of this chemistry he knew they had?
With a groan of disappointment, he pulled back. ‘Sorry.’
She nodded and glanced away. ‘It’s better if you don’t flirt with me. You know I can’t resist you when you do.’
‘What if I try and earn that kiss?’ He took a risk and ran his thumb across her cheek. ‘Will you let me earn it?’
Her expression was wary, cautious. ‘I’ll let you try.’
‘Good enough. And more than I deserve.’ Feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he nodded down the corridor. ‘Are you up for this interview now or shall I tell my sister to piss off?’
A little laugh escaped her. ‘You can’t do that. Being filmed, talking to the cameras, is all part of the deal.’
‘Yeah, so she keeps telling me.’ Molly closed the door behind her and they started to walk together towards the stairs. ‘She also tells me I need to start talking to you,’ he added. ‘Telling you what I’m thinking.’
A small smile hovered over her lips. ‘Yes?’
He nodded. ‘So you should know that you didn’t guess it wrong when we were together. I did like you, one hell of a lot, and I did want you.’ He made sure to catch her eyes. ‘I still do.’