Chapter 33
Ben’s heart crumpled as he watched Molly dash off into the house. He’d royally fucked that up.
‘I’d call it wedding night jitters, but apparently it’s all a gimmick,’ Rachel remarked sourly, which didn’t help lift his mood
‘Don’t,’ he retorted tightly, his temper right on the edge.
She must have heard the warning in his voice because her chin, set at fight mode angle, relaxed a fraction. ‘The thing is, you might hate this show and all it stands for, you might hate marriage and all that stands for, but Molly doesn’t.’
‘I know.’
‘Marriage to people like Molly, to people who go on this show and who watch it’ – she stared pointedly at him – ‘and those who work on it, it’s like the holy grail of love. The place we all want to end up when we meet the person of our dreams. Our soulmate. The one we can’t live without.’ She stared him right in the eye. ‘You once believed in it too, or you wouldn’t have got married.’
‘I got married because Helena wanted it, not because I believed in it,’ he protested.
Rachel’s expression hardened. ‘So you were prepared to compromise for Helena, but you’re not prepared to do the same for Molly?’
‘That’s not… Hell, do you know what you’re asking me?’ Anger coiled in his gut. ‘Helena depended on me and I let her down. I married her, sure, but I still wasn’t enough for her. Still wasn’t able to give her what she needed.’ He jammed a hand through his hair. ‘You think I’m not acutely aware that the same would happen with Molly? That I am, actually, not nearly good enough for her, either?’ His voice cracked. ‘You think I’m not totally and utterly aware of how I could break her, like I broke Helena?’
‘No.’ Rachel’s arms appeared around his waist, her hug tight. ‘You take that back right now. You didn’t break Helena. You tried to fix her, but you couldn’t because she was the only one who could fix herself. Molly doesn’t want to marry you because she needs you to fix her, or even to take care of her. She’s only needs you to love her.’ She let out a small sigh. ‘But fine, we’ve had this argument about marriage before and I know you’re not going to change. So you need to make tomorrow about ensuring she’s not humiliated. If she’s not going to come away from it married, at least make sure she knows how much you love her. That way, when you cock up – because let’s face it, that is going to happen – but at least when it does, she’ll know it’s just a blip. She’ll still believe, absolutely, that you won’t leave her, won’t break up with her like you did last time.’
Won’t abandon her. Ben added the words quietly to himself. Christ, Molly deserved to be worshipped, put on a pedestal. At the very least, to know she was the centre of someone’s universe.
He straightened his shoulders, nodded at his sister. ‘Use the opportunity tomorrow to make sure she knows she’s it for me. Got it.’
Rachel smiled. ‘Good. And now you can help me choose the perfect place for you to do this while you give her a chance to cool down.’
‘Okay. Thanks.’ He bent to kiss the top of his sister’s head, like he’d done many times before. ‘And sorry for mouthing off like I did. I might not like the show, but I know a lot of people do.’
‘And do you know why that is?’
He gave her a wry smile. ‘There are a lot more fans of marriage than I realise?’
‘No. Irrespective of your views on marriage, the show deals with probably the most important decision we ever have to make in life. Is this person I’m dating The One?’
He didn’t need the ache in his heart to know the answer to the question.
The bigger question was whether, by not marrying Molly tomorrow, he was going to lose her.
* * *
It didn’t take Ben long to decide on the perfect place for his and Molly’s … ceremony, he decided. A ceremony where he could publicly let her know how he felt.
Yes, that made sense to him now.
He also gave Rachel a list of things he wanted for the outdoor venue, and a final request to collect an item from his house.
Then he headed inside to find Molly.
He tried the kitchen first, because it was the main hangout, but there was no cute redhead in sight. Just Marcus and Maya, chatting easily as they made themselves what looked to be a pitcher of something alcoholic.
‘Hey, Ben.’ Marcus looked up from where he was slicing cucumbers. ‘You want to join us for a glass of Pimm’s?’
‘Maybe later. I was looking for Molly.’
Marcus glanced at Maya, and something unspoken passed between them. ‘I think she’s playing pool.’
He felt a ripple of unease. ‘Okay, thanks.’
After another silent communication between them, Maya cleared her throat. ‘You should know she was upset when we saw her.’
‘I know. That’s why I need to find her.’
‘You should probably also know that Duncan did find her. And that’s who she’s playing pool with. Against James and Ella.’ Maya’s eyes lifted to his. ‘And this is the second pitcher of Pimm’s we’ve made. They polished off the first one.’
The unease of earlier turned into full-blown fear. Muttering his thanks, he marched off to the pool room. Had he done the unthinkable, and pushed Molly back into Duncan’s arms?
His first thought when he burst into the pool room, was thank God. Molly wasn’t sitting on Duncan’s lap, or taking part in any of the terrifying scenarios that had played through his head.
She was bent over the table, cue in hand, all her focus on the balls in front of her.
‘Ah, Ben.’ James waved him over. ‘Come and join us. Have you seen your girl in action on the pool table? She’s been hustling us.’
‘I remember she was good.’ He walked over slowly, aware of Duncan’s eyes following him. ‘Beat me a few times.’
The ball Molly had been eyeing up, sailed into the top left pocket. She looked up and grinned at Duncan, which made Ben’s hands curl into fists. ‘Good shot,’ he said, loudly enough that she could hear, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt.
She jolted, clearly unaware he was there. ‘Oh … umm … thanks. Did you and Rachel agree on somewhere for our … err … the…?’
‘Ceremony,’ he filled in. ‘We did, yes.’ She nodded, teeth sunk into her lower lip, and he hated the tension he could feel even from this distance. She was relaxed with James, with Duncan, but not with him? ‘Can we talk?’
‘She’s got a game to finish first.’ Duncan uncoiled himself from the chair he’d been sitting in, like a minder, protecting his client. A boyfriend protecting his girl.
Ben’s fists tightened so much his nails dug into the skin.
‘I do.’ Molly nodded carefully, like she was worried her head was going to roll off her neck. ‘I’m showing them how to play pool.’
‘So I hear.’
She gave him a cautious smile before bending down to line up her next shot. After helping himself to what was left of the Pimm’s, he leant against the wall to watch. It hurt to see her with Duncan, but maybe he needed the reminder of how easy it would be to lose her, if he didn’t buck up his ideas.
‘Did you hear, we’re on stag and hen dos tonight.’ James’s voice cut through his morose thoughts.
‘We’re not in our couples?’
‘Nope. Apparently we’re not allowed to see our prospective brides now until the wedding. Some stupid Victorian superstitious shit if you ask me. Then again,’ he glanced around, saw Ella was standing by the pool table with Duncan and Molly, and whispered. ‘I need to get away from Ella. This wedding crap is driving me nuts. I really think she’s going to say I do, even though I told her I won’t be.’
Ben winced sympathetically. ‘Maybe you need to be clearer, just to be sure.’
‘Yeah, won’t harm. Last thing I want is for her to be humiliated like that. What about you, mate? You had the wedding discussion with Molly?’
‘Yes,’ Ben replied distractedly, his eyes on her as she laughed at something Duncan said.
James proceeded to rattle on about the joy of having a stag do without having to get married, but all Ben could think was how much he’d miss Molly tonight. And how important it was he made things right between them before tomorrow.
Finally, finally, Duncan sunk the black and the game was over. Ben thought his jaw would break as he watched Duncan give Molly a celebratory hug, but he forced himself not to react. It was one thing her knowing how important she was to him. Another being overly possessive.
Still, he wasted no time slotting his arm around her waist at the first opportunity. He was about to lead her out of the room when Rachel popped her head inside.
‘Can you all come to the sitting room, please. We want to tell you what’s happening tonight and the schedule for tomorrow.’
Damn it. As the others trailed out, he gave his sister a pleading look and she mouthed, ‘You’ve got three minutes.’
He suspected three hours wasn’t long enough for the apology he needed to make, but before he could even get the opening words straight in his head, Molly was talking.
‘You don’t need to look so worried, Ben. I’m sorry about earlier. I got a bit over-emotional and let all the talk of flowers and cake go to my head like you said I would. But I’m over it now and everything is absolutely fine. Hunky dory, in fact.’ As he tried to keep up with the constant stream of words, he wondered quite how much of the Pimm’s she’d drunk. ‘We aren’t getting married, but that doesn’t mean we’re splitting up. That’s it, isn’t it? We’re just rolling along, seeing where this takes us. Tomorrow is about us saying goodbye to the show, but not necessarily goodbye to each other, even though we’re both going to be saying no to each other at the altar.’ She gave him a tipsy smile. ‘No more blindsiding Molly. She knows exactly where she stands. On her own two feet.’ A little giggle burst out of her, that sounded like a hiccup. ‘Yep, I’ve finally worked it out and I realise I don’t need anybody to marry me, because you know what? I’m absolutely fine by myself.’
Why did what she was saying sound so cold, so not what he wanted, when it was exactly the message he’d intended to convey? ‘This is okay with you, then?’ He searched her eyes and found her gaze slightly unfocussed and unwilling to lock on to his.
‘Of course. It’s … sensible. And very grown up.’
He couldn’t work out if she was happy, or sad, or just drunk.
‘Molly.’ He placed his hands on her face and gently tilted her head so her eyes were forced to meet his. ‘Tomorrow will be a special day for us.’
‘Yes, maybe.’ A frown appeared between her eyes. ‘You don’t even want me to meet your parents, Ben.’
He reared back, stunned. ‘You think that’s because of you? Christ, Molly. I don’t get on with my parents. Haven’t really spoken to them since I buggered off to uni at eighteen.’ The three minutes were slipping away, and he was no further forward. ‘Look, when I was ten, I caught my mum having sex with the neighbour. I blurted it out at the dinner table that evening, and both my parents were horrified. Not in what I was saying, because apparently that was common knowledge, but that I was saying it at all. I was told what they did in private wasn’t any of my business and to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself in the future.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘Probably didn’t help my whole unable to communicate with other human beings, issue. And the fact that Dad was the laughing stock of the neighbourhood, that he lost his dignity, his self-respect, all because he couldn’t easily untangle himself from his marriage, probably didn’t help my whole anti-marriage stance.’ He waited for her eyes to meet his. ‘But it’s the only reason I don’t want them here tomorrow. Rachel keeps in contact with them. I don’t.’
‘Oh.’ Her expression held both sympathy and a glint of understanding. ‘Looks like I’m not the only one slightly screwed up by a genetic parent.’
‘You’re not.’ He angled his head. ‘So you don’t have to worry about my parents. Do I need to worry about Duncan?’
She blinked and glanced away. ‘It’s you I won’t be marrying tomorrow.’
His heart stuttered. She was just restating what they’d agreed, but it sounded awful the way she said it. Like she was turning him down. Turning down a life they could have together.
Before he could press her more on what she meant though, they were interrupted by a knock on the door and his sister’s voice. ‘Three minutes was up two minutes ago.’
Swearing under his breath, he bent to kiss Molly. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow then?’
She nodded. ‘Better go, or you’ll have no family members at our “ceremony”.’
The flat tone in which she said it made him wonder if it was the right word, after all. ‘I thought calling it that was less liable to result in a kick in the nuts than sham wedding.’
‘You’re right,’ Rachel’s voice interrupted from the other side of the door. ‘But if you don’t get your arse in the sitting room right now, your balls will still be in danger.’
Molly sniggered and gave him a little push. ‘Better do as you’re told.’
He took a second to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Another to drop a final kiss on her mouth. Then took her hand as they walked to the sitting room, Rachel snapping at their heels.