Chapter 22
Kai
Two weeks passed, and I enjoyed spending time with the band, watching them create, and capturing it all. I continued to observe Jonah closely, overtly aware of the fact that my feelings for him were shifting. Something about the way he touched me on the beach, or the way he spoke to me in general. I couldn’t quite pin it. But I did a lot of thinking and spent much more time sprawled on the floor of the shower, daring my fingers to trail between my legs.
They never did. But I almost wanted them to. For the first time in years, I almost wanted them to.
Perhaps it was just a silly phase. It could’ve had to do with timing, my healing, or the fact that someone was giving me real attention for the first time in a while. I didn’t really know.
One thing I was definitely sure of was that he did not reciprocate. We were far too close for even me to feel comfortable with the thoughts that sometimes plagued me. I couldn’t imagine what kind of damage they would’ve done to his gloomy brain.
Honestly, I thought he might’ve had a crush on me back in high school, but that’s how kids are. They fall into infatuations. They romanticize. They catch one glimpse of a person and decide they’ve found the one. But as an adult, Jonah didn’t have an interest in anyone. I was surprised when he dated Caroline. I thought he might’ve hit a late puberty or something and suddenly became interested in romance, though he quickly proved me wrong. Jonah wasn’t into that stuff, and my sudden curiosity about sex was the furthest thing from a good enough reason to ruin our friendship.
I sat criss-crossed on a spinning chair in the studio, taking a clip I was particularly fond of. Jonah was sprawled on an identical seat in front of the mix desk with a guitar in his lap. His black hair draped around his face as he leaned back, his black sweatshirt swallowing him up. For my best friend of twelve years, he was looking far too handsome. He strummed chords that sounded particularly horrifying as the guitar was completely out of tune, keeping a straight face as he asked me which sounded best for a new track. Each time I giggled, the shaky phone camera caught a glimpse of his smile before he returned once again to the very serious work at hand.
“Kai, I really can’t keep writing this song if you don’t help me,” he said, his lips twitching up at the end of his sentence to show me a peek of his white teeth.
“I’m sorry, Jojo, but my musical sense is no match for your expertise.”
“I am pretty good, aren’t I?” he teased, rocking from left to right on the chair with a swift coolness.
He was, and that hint of cockiness that lived inside of him was the very thing that allowed such a closed-off man to be such a wonderful lead singer, despite all his doubts. When he had space to sing his songs and truly let himself go, like in a performance or when he was alone, he was absolutely breathtaking. It was just when he felt closed in by other people that he started to recede, which was frequent, unfortunately.
“Your fans seem to think so.” I peered out from behind the phone and kept recording to catch his reaction. “Have you ever checked the messages on the band account? The singer has such nice hands. Look at those fingers on that guitar, my god. The tattoos! That hair!”
The most beautiful, genuine smile stretched across his face as he looked off to the side, stopping his hands over the out-of-tune instrument. It was kind of cute to see him receive praise, considering he’d received none while we were growing up. From his parents, sure, but from girls? If anything, he got picked on, the poor thing.
“Funny. What they like is the perfect lighting and the carefully crafted image. You, my beautiful girl, are the only person who’s liked me since day one.”
“Like you?” I was almost offended. “I love you, you famous piece of shit. All these girls are making me jealous.” They actually were. Just a little bit.
Jonah’s smile widened even more, and the video tumbled as he wrapped his hand around the phone and pulled it away from me playfully. “Give me that.”
He held the device up in front of himself to record me before lifting his sneaker off the floor and placing it on the armrest of my chair, kicking with a deep force that spun me in my seat. I held on tight as I whirled around, my brain rolling in my skull. Finally, I planted my feet and lifted a hand to my hairline, regaining my bearings. “You know, Jo, if you keep teasing, everyone in this room will think you have a soul.”
“Totally worth it,” he crooned, dropping the phone to his thigh.
Suddenly, a voice sounded to my left, breaking our playtime as it often did. “Kai, sweet girl.” Both Jonah and I turned. Justin’s slicked, brown hair came into view, and my gaze snagged on his giant smile meant to charm. “Let’s talk business.”
His outstretched arm beckoned me to stand. I glanced at Jonah as a way of excusing myself, immediately noticing the tightness that overcame his features. He’d been keeping a closer eye on Justin lately. It wasn’t hard to tell that the guy made Jonah uncomfortable, a sentiment which I shared. I wasn’t sure if our friends saw it too. The girls definitely thought he was weird, but they didn’t seem to pay as much attention to it as Jonah and I did. Maybe the two of us were just being anxious.
Justin brought me out to the hallway for privacy, so I assumed he was going to talk about money or something else that would’ve been rude to discuss in front of the others. The door of the studio shut behind us, and he walked me down the corridor, closer to the window at the end of it.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?”
He always called me stupid names like that, as if he was twenty years older than me or something. He wasn’t. The guy was, like, twenty-eight.
“Good.” I nodded, keeping my smile in place.
He bobbed his head happily. “You like working with the boys?”
I’m not a little kid who needs to be checked up on.“Yes, I do.”
“Good.” His hand fell to my shoulder. I made no visible reaction, though my insides solidified to steel. “I know they love having you. We all do. I think you could really do a lot with this knack you’ve got for creation and management.”
“Yeah, well, it’s my job,” I said with a false chuckle, hoping the laugh would cover up the fact that I thought his observation was stupid. He was speaking as if I weren’t already making a living off the business I’d created with nothing more than an Instagram account.
“It is. You should stick with me. We can get you more clients, more bands to work with.”
“Oh, I’m not really looking for anything but thank you. I already have my own account to run. I just like doing this with the guys.” I pointed my thumb back toward the door of the studio to punctuate my statement, but Justin caught my hand in his palm.
I stared at the way his touch wrapped my knuckles, and I didn’t like it. Suddenly, I could feel my heart knocking at the inside of my chest, screaming at me as if to ask what the hell was going on out here. I’d been working on my strength, convincing myself I’d be ready if anyone ever tried to lay a hand on me again, but being in the situation was far different than imagining it.
No. I’m jumping to conclusions. Justin is just weird.
“You like doing this with the guys?” he asked, staring at my hand in his as he untwisted my fingers with his own. “Or you like doing this with Jonah? What’s up with you two anyway?”
“We’re best friends.” It wasn’t until after I’d spoken that I realized my voice had quieted down into a pathetic whisper.
Justin lowered my hand, still holding it between his pointer and thumb. His eyebrows jumped. “Not together?”
Lie, Kai. It’ll make him back up. Tell him you’re together.
No. Guys like this don’t back up for anything. Don’t bring Jonah into this. Don’t cause problems for him and the team.
“No.”
“You’re beautiful, Kai. You could go far in this city.” Justin stepped closer and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, sending a sinister sensation down the back of my neck.
He’s only getting closer because you haven’t said anything. Speak up. Now.
“Thank you, Justin.” I smiled and held my hands up between us to create distance. “I appreciate the chat, but I’m not interested in anything you’re offering. I’m enjoying things as is.”
Good job, Kai.
“Oh, but they could be so much better.” He placed two strong hands on either of my shoulders.
It was at that moment that I saw something in his eyes, a beast-like glimmer of undomesticated likeness. I’d seen it before in Javi and some of the others who worked at the bar back in Spain. They took powders and potions to stay awake all night, or so they said. Whether that reasoning was true or not, the side effects were torment, and I believed Justin was riding a similar wave.
Fuck. I am so fucking nervous right now.
“No, thank you.” I kept grinning, for some fucking reason, anxiously tightening my hands up toward my face. My attempt to shift to the side was met with his reactionary movement to follow me.
“This is LA, Kai. You’d be silly to pass up this type of opportunity. It’s all about who you know here.” His voice became more threatening with each second, and I couldn’t decide if I should stand up for myself, like I always said I would if I were caught in another situation like this, or keep being polite to ease him off.
Let’s be real though, politeness doesn’t ease off predators.
I ripped myself from him and started to walk away when his fingers wrapped my bicep and pulled me back. My free hand shot to push the middle of his chest, but he snapped back like a boomerang, taking each of my forearms in a stronghold. His eyes widened. “You like to play games, don’t you?”
“Do the boys know you’re high?” I asked sharply, my teeth grinding beneath my cheeks. A cooler and stronger version of me would’ve spat right in his face.
He sucked in a quick breath. “The boys know I get my job done, and you’d do well to understand the same.”
The feeling of his hands on my forearms tickled me in a way I couldn’t stand, my entire body cringing into a defenseless pile of rigid bones. His grip was tight. Too tight. He buried his face in my neck, and my jaw instinctively caved into my shoulder to attempt to squeeze him out. But his tongue touched skin, and a piece of me that had been dead in a corner for years opened its eyes.
My shoulder relaxed. He was already doing it, so why fight it? I stared at the opposite wall as he ate away at me, covering my sensitive neck in gross, wet tickles. It was so incredibly icky and slimy. I couldn’t stand it. But struggling just makes it worse, I’d learned. There was no way I could get out of this, and certainly not without causing a scene.
So, this was it. No matter how hard I tried to better myself, it would keep coming back to this. Sex had already been robbed from me anyway. Why try to act like that could change? Why look at Jonah as if he could somehow fix it for me? Justin’s teeth scraped me, and he moved to the other side, running his hands down my back to grab my ass. I would’ve preferred he just killed me. Maybe I should’ve spent these years ruining myself instead of getting stronger so no one would think to look twice at me.
I think you’re passive, and that’s not a secret to you.Jonah’s words rang through my head. You don’t always put up boundaries, so…things go wrong.
Was this my fault for not putting up a boundary?
No. How could you think that, Kai?
Not my fault. But it was an opportunity to not be passive. I had to do something.
Justin’s lips lifted from my neck. I didn’t know how long I’d been thinking or how long I’d let him continue groping me, but when his face launched toward my own, his mouth beckoning to take mine, the only thing I could see, hear, think, was Jonah. Not Jonah, my crush. Jonah, my best friend, who for years begged me to do something. To protect myself.
Justin’s hands had released my forearms to grab other fleshy parts of me. He probably thought I’d accepted what he was doing. Rookie mistake.
“No!” I shoved him just far enough to lift my foot to his stomach and kick him backward. My legs were strong, and he stumbled all the way to the opposite wall of the hallway.
He only smiled. He liked it. Sick fucker.
He propelled himself toward me once again, wrapping his hands around my face and squeezing hard. I hit him with the lowest blow I could think of. A kick to the crotch. Though I had a feeling such a blow to that area was nowhere near as painful as having pleasure forced from it. He howled and called me a bitch as I ran back into the studio.
Upon entering, I swallowed and smiled. I still didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I had likely just caused major issues for the entire team, but I stood up for myself, and that felt like progress. I took a deep breath and straightened out my shirt, wandering into the room as casually as I could.
Whatever Jonah saw in my eyes must have given me away entirely, because he shot up from his seat and rushed past me. I whipped around to watch him charge down the hall. It was like he already knew.
He neared Justin, their heights matching almost exactly. Justin was standing up straight, heaving as he leaned one hand on the wall, no longer clutching between his legs. His red face and erratic breathing were the only indications that something had happened.
“What did you two talk about?” Jonah asked calmly, pulling himself back from any conclusions he’d jumped to until he got a confession.
“Business,” Justin answered with a shrug. He stared right at me. He was covering this up until his next opportunity. I couldn’t let it happen again.
Jonah turned to look at me. I stood halfway through the doorway, holding the wall with two hands as if I’d need to shove myself behind it in case of an explosion.
“Is that all, Kai?”
I hesitated. Because I’m still a pathetic, passive, no-good girl with zero personality who deserves—
“No,” I said, standing up a bit taller.
“Oh.” Jonah groaned, letting his head fall to the side as his face washed over with abandon.
In an instant, he turned back to Justin and clocked him square in the nose. I screeched as Justin’s body crashed to the ground, his navy-blue vest twisting up as he writhed. He clutched his face in pain, and I found myself frozen. I felt June, Oliver, Noah, and Tiff crowd around me from behind to watch the show.
“Get her out of here,” Jonah said to no one in particular.
“Me?” I asked, taking a few frantic steps toward him. “I’m not a child, Jonah!”
He rushed up to me, inspecting me with wide eyes as he pushed my hair out of the way and tried to turn me, looking for bruises or something of the sort. “Do I need to call the police?”
“You need to get a grip, Jo!”
“Do I need to call the police?!”
“No, stop touching me!” I shoved his hands away, and he stumbled backward. God, I did not need his fucking manhandling right now, and this didn’t need to be a bigger deal than it already was. I’d done what I needed to do, and that was that. I just wanted to continue with my fucking day and for Justin to disappear.
Just as Justin began moving from his position on the floor, clutching his nose and moaning in pain, I heard Oli’s voice. “Kai, look over here.”
“What do you want, Oli?!” I turned angrily to my friends who stood in the doorway and found nothing out of the ordinary. No reason to look. A thump, crack, and thud sounded behind me, and I snapped my head back to where Justin again lay on the floor, his face bleeding from where Jonah’s sneaker had just made contact with it.
“Thanks, Oli,” Jonah muttered.
What the fuck? What the fuck? “Jonah, what the fuck am I looking at right now?” I stared at the mess of man on the floor. Did Jonah seriously just kick the guy in the fucking face? He was going to get himself into real trouble. What adult beats up another adult in broad fucking daylight?
I began arguing with Jonah as he attempted to blow past me, but he shook me off and headed straight into the studio. The girls grabbed all three of our bags and led me out despite my protests, preventing me from talking to my friend.
Before turning the corner toward the exit, I watched Oli approach Justin and lift him up by his shirt collar.