That Kiss: A Small Town Romance (The Slade Brothers Second Generation)
1. Decker
“I’m sorry Decker, I can’t—” Camilla shakes her head, her hands covering her mouth as tears fill her eyes. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t marry you.”
“Uh . . .” I blink several times, completely taken aback. It’s not that I’m cocky; I just truly thought she and I were on the same page. “Okay,” I say before putting my hand on my knee and standing back up. I’m still holding the ring, unsure of what to do or say next.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry.” She stands up, walking over to the edge of the deck. Her back is toward me, but I can see her shoulders shaking as she buries her face in her hands. “This isn’t how I?—”
“Hey,” I reach out toward her, my hand finding hers and pulling her into my arms. We stand there for several minutes, her face buried in my chest. “What’s going on?” I pull her back to look into her now-red, swollen eyes. “I have to admit that this is not at all how I thought you would respond to that question, but now I’m worried. Is there something going on I’m not aware of? Did I do something?”
She shakes her head, patting her eyes dry. “You did nothing wrong—you’re perfect, actually. It’s me. After our conversation the other night about you possibly moving back to Colorado in the future, I realized this is all moving too fast for me.”
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, baby,” I say, stepping toward her. “We can slow things down. I know we’ve only been dating for six months, but I just thought—” I laugh to myself. “Well, I’m not sure what I thought, but clearly, it wasn’t the right thing.” She tries to smile but there’s more she’s not saying; it’s written all over her face. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
She nods, wringing her hands together. “It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do.” She grabs my hand as if that will somehow soften the blow. “But my entire family is here in Texas, and you know how close I am with them, and I just . . .” Her chin begins to quiver again so she blurts it out: “I can’t imagine living almost a thousand miles away from them.”
“Okaaay,” I say slowly, trying to follow her.
“I can’t commit to you knowing you might move back home. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
“I see.” I nod, trying to hide my disappointment, but I’m sure it’s evident in my tone. “So not taking it slower, but ending it altogether then?”
She stands there with eyes full of tears. “I came over tonight to tell you how I was feeling about it all. I had no idea,” she says, trying to hold back tears, “I swear.”
“It’s fine. I know you didn’t, baby, but why throw this away on a maybe? It’s up to me when it comes to wanting to stay in Texas or move back to Colorado, so it’s not up to fate.”
“Because you’re not truly happy here, Deck. We both know that.”
I stare back at her, wanting to tell her that’s not true, but I won’t do her the disservice of lying. When I moved down here a year ago to manage my family’s secondary ranch location, I was elated. I wanted a fresh start—a new landscape where a certain someone wasn’t forever ending up in my line of vision. Maybe it was to prove myself to my dad, or maybe it was because I felt like I was being a hero to my twin brother, Ranger, letting him stay in Colorado to chase after the woman of his dreams. Whatever the reason, it’s slowly fading.
“I want to be happy here, Cam. That’s why I proposed.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t be your happiness, Decker. You’ll end up resenting me if you stay here and miss out on your siblings’ new babies being born back home, and the exciting business ventures Slade Brewing is rolling out. I want us to work, but I can’t ask you to stay.”
I give her the weakest smile I can muster. “On that note, I guess I should probably walk you out then?”
We walk in silence back through the house so she can grab her things before making our way toward her car. When we get to it, I reach for the door and open it. She pauses, reaching for my hand, but I move it away.
“Decker, wait—” She chews her bottom lip like she’s unsure.
“It’s okay, Cami. No need to force something that isn’t meant to be. I won’t ask you to go against your heart.” I slide my hands into my jeans, turning halfway back toward my house.
“So that’s it?”
I shrug. “Guess I’ve never really been too good at goodbyes.” This time, I don’t turn back around. The echo of the gravel crunching beneath my feet sounds so loud against the quiet June evening. Just as I reach for the front door, I hear her engine start, the flicker of her headlights bouncing off the house as she shifts the car into reverse and drives off.
Maybe I should have hugged her one more time. Maybe I should have told her I’d stay. But I let my pride get the best of me. I close the door behind me, locking it then heading straight to the kitchen to grab a beer.
The cold ale tastes like instant relief going down my throat. I close my eyes, taking another long pull, letting the bitterness linger. I’m about to close the fridge when I see the still-unopened bottle of chilled champagne on the shelf. I push it aside, grabbing a second beer and walking back out to the deck.
The Adirondack chair scratches across the floor as I kick it to the side, taking a seat on the outdoor sofa next to the fire pit. I finish my first beer and quickly move on to the second. “Should have grabbed the case,” I mutter as I lean back against the cushions.
After finishing my second beer, I fish the ring out of my pocket again and stare at it, the fire dancing across the edges of the diamond. I have the sudden urge to hurl it out into the darkness, but instead, I put it back into my pocket and hang my head in my hands.
I feel like a failure. I thought coming down here was the second chance I needed—that being away from home, I’d get over the hit-it-and-quit-it lifestyle, find someone, and actually settle down. But here I am with a broken heart, wanting to crawl back home with my tail between my legs, to tell my dad he was right: I wasn’t ready to be down here on my own.
“How the fuck did I get it all so wrong?”
I pull my phone from my pocket, my thumb hovering over Ranger’s name. I know he’d tell me exactly what I need to hear so I don’t make any rash decisions. But I don’t call him. He has a new baby now, so he doesn’t need to worry about me and my mantrum.
Instead, I do what I’ve been doing every night for the last few months. I swipe over to my pictures app and scroll through the hundreds of photos I’ve been sent from my family since I moved down here. A video of my oldest niece, Cecilia, learning to roller skate makes me laugh. Her little hands dart out in front of her every few seconds while my brother Tyler encourages her from behind the camera.
When I reach the point in the photos where I normally stop reminiscing, I decide to keep going, dragging my thumb down my phone screen so it scrolls back a few years. When the screen stops moving, my thumb lands perfectly over one I haven’t seen in ages—one I completely forgot I took.
I press the photo to enlarge it, my chest immediately growing tight when her face takes up half the screen, my face next to hers, both of our eyes blurry from drinking, her arm casually draped around my shoulder as I extend my arm to take the selfie.
Her, the real reason I ran away to Texas and wanted a fresh start.
Her, the woman who has tormented my brain for the last few years.
Her, Juniper Riley, far too young and far too naive for a man like me to be getting any ideas.
I continue staring at the photo and now remember the night like it was yesterday. It was her 21st birthday, and she insisted on me buying her the first shot of the night. It ended up being the first shot of many. Most of us Slades were there that night, along with several of her friends, but I think it was the first time I realized that the little crush Juney Riley had on me growing up had grown into full-blown desire. I clocked it in her eyes the second time I caught her staring at me from across the room. In fact, Ranger and Tyler both teased me about it that night. But it didn’t stop there—in fact, it felt like her crush only grew stronger, as did the teasing from my family.
The real issue was that it wasn’t one-sided. The last year I lived in Colorado, she was a senior in college, 22 years old, and it seemed like her mission was to end up in my bed. I knew I could only resist for so long, and that it would only be a matter of time before I caved and did something we’d both regret.
Juniper Riley isn’t just too young for me, she’s just starting out her life. She’s young and should be out with her girlfriends partying, not talking to a 31-year-old man who runs away from his problems instead of dealing with them. Not to mention, her father and my father are best friends. I know damn well that Mr. Riley knows that all of the rumors about me being a fucking playboy asshole through my teens and most of my twenties are true. I close the photo app quickly, a pang of guilt shooting through me like I’m betraying Camilla.
I thought running down here would solve all of that, but it didn’t. Then, I met Camilla. She was sweet and quiet and it felt like she accepted every part of me. I promised myself I wouldn’t hold back with her, so I let myself fall for her and I felt truly loved by her. My heart aches as my thoughts turn into past tense.
Loved.
I let it sink in, a tear falling from my eye and rolling down my cheek. It feels like a semi is parked on my chest and a dam of tears is seconds away from breaking if I let myself wallow. So I stand up, heading inside and up to my room to do the one thing I can think of that will actually give me some time to think through things. I pack a suitcase and set my phone alarm for 4 a.m.
Driving from Texas to Colorado to visit my family is exactly what I need right now.
“What in thehell are you doing here?” Ranger’s smile spreads from ear to ear as he walks down his front steps in only his socks, his arms already outstretched to pull me into a big bear hug. “Did you and Dahlia plan this?” he asks, referring to his wife.
“Nope, actually just decided on a whim last night that I needed to come back home and see everyone.”
He pulls back, an eyebrow cocked. “What’s going on?”
I shake my head just as the front door opens wider and Dahlia steps out with their daughter on her hip. “We’ll talk later, but for now, I’m dying to see my little niece.” I step around Ranger, walking up the stairs to give Dahlia a hug and kiss before snatching Amethyst from her mother’s arms.
“Look at these cheeks!” I pretend to nibble her cheeks, sending her into a fit of giggles. “She looks just like you, Dolly.” I hold her up next to her mom. “It’s crazy.”
“Thank God for that!” Ranger laughs as he ushers us inside his house.
“Mom and Dad know you’re in town?”
“Nope, came here first.” Amethyst tugs on my beard.
“No, sweetie,” her mom says, removing her hand then turning to me. “How long are you staying? You’re staying with us, right?”
“Yeah, would love to. I’ll even be your built-in babysitter for the weekend. I’ll head back out Monday morning. Can’t leave Ethan alone too long; the cowboys love playing jokes on that man.” Ranger and I laugh. Our younger cousin, Ethan, is bright and extremely driven, but gullible too, and the cowboys and ranch hands have caught on.
“You guys sit and chat. Let me take her and give her a bottle before she starts getting cranky,” Dahlia says as she takes Amethyst and heads toward the kitchen.
“Since you’re staying through the weekend, are you going to the Riley celebration on Saturday?”
“Riley celebration?” My stomach drops.
Did Juniper get married? Engaged?
“Yeah, it’s Ron and Mary’s 40th wedding anniversary. The party’s going to be at Mom and Dad’s house.”
My shoulders sag in relief, but only for a second. “Uh, I had no idea it was happening, but yeah, of course I’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it.”
“I had actually forgotten about it too, honestly, but I ran into Juniper this morning grabbing coffee over at the?—”
“Juney’s in town?” I try to hide the hitch in my voice, but there’s no use: my face grows red and my chest burns. I didn’t expect to have this kind of visceral reaction to seeing her, let alone just knowing she’s back in town.
“Yeah,” Ranger’s lips spread into a wide grin, “of course she’s back in town for it. Don’t worry, though. Rumor has it she’s dating someone back in Boulder, so it looks like she’s finally over that crush.” He laughs, standing up to walk toward the kitchen. “I’ll grab us some beers.”
Relief washes over me, but it’s quickly replaced by something else—jealousy maybe? I shake my head. No, this isn’t jealousy. It can’t be. It’s guilt again. Guilt for even thinking of another woman when 24 hours ago I was ready to put a ring on Camilla’s finger.